Memories Grief Loss in Adoption is a real thing. My babies were adopted, officially, the beginning of this year. We’ve had them for 2 years prior…we’ve had some significant issues with one child (rages, RAD, depression, missing her biological family), but we’ve had none with my son.
He was so young when he was removed, that he no memories. Also, he was also almost COMPLETELY non-verbal when he came to us. Sadly, he didn’t even know who his biological mother was when we had our last visit with her. Well, lots of therapy later and he is really, really verbal. Now that he is, he has emotional moments of wanting to see “the brown-haired lady.” I’m not talking, boohoo, fake tears…I’m talking massive hysteria and couldn’t even form the words.
We were at church, working on the food pantry meals one night. Out of the blue, he walked up to me and said: “I want to see my real mom.” I said, “I am your real mom” and his response was “my other real mom.” Memories. I told him that that wasn’t possible and he lost it. Grief. It affected the whole evening.
We got home from church, and I tried to talk to him again, about it, and he just couldn’t handle it. Loss. I told him that he grew under the brown-haired lady’s heart. Yet, he grew in my heart. Then, I explained that she wasn’t able to care for him. In turn, she wanted us to raise him and G, so we chose adoption. Finally, I said that she wasn’t around anymore. Sadly, he asked me if she had died. I said that she hadn’t, he then responded with “well, do you have her phone number…can you call her?”
My heart is broken. I’m sure my son has had all these emotions (memories) inside all this time. Now that he can finally verbalize it, it’s all coming out full force (grief). I’m not sure what to say, how to handle it (loss). He talks of being special because he is adopted, but he doesn’t know what adopted means.
Adoption is such a beautiful thing but it is so hard. With our greatest joy (of adoption) is the greatest loss for these children in the foster care system. For those who read this blog and believe that Jesus Christ is our personal Lord and Saviour, please say a pray for all those children who are in foster care or who were adopted from foster care.