Lessons Learned from Camping

These are the Lessons Learned from Camping.  Please, heed and enjoy!

• Pee, it happens and not where it should.  It could happen on the bed or behind a utility shed.  If you can’t see people, while you are peeing, they can’t see you.
• Spandex and fat people do not mix.  Please refrain or buy a larger-sized shirt.
• Tattoos and hair are in inappropriate places on men and women :/
• If you find monkey panties on the picnic table, do not assume that they are one of your children’s.  Do not touch.
• Cotton can fall from the sky like manna…pretty cool.
• Parades can consist of 2 people.

• Kazoos are not edible.

• If you don’t pay attention, your children will go and set on the steps of strange people’s camper’s steps and make conversation.
• When the magician asks the CHILDREN if they know what a “shot glass” is and then proceeds to explain…take your children and walk away.
• When you find a beer bottle, in the woods, it is not smart to put your mouth on it and make “tooting” sounds.
• Poop, it can shoot up.  WARNING:  Keep your mouth closed! (Think of the movie RV with Robin Williams….totally happened).
• If you lose your black water tank top down the dump station, please tell someone immediately, as it will most likely cause a flood-o-poop.
• When asked if you want a $1000 fine for dumping said crap, always say no.
• When someone looks like the Fonz, don’t mention it to him cause he thinks he is hot.
• Bugs can make awesome necklaces.
• Camper toilets are a necessity.
• Not everyone gets goosebumps when they pee.
• Kids will cry.
• Scrapes will happen.
• Food will be totally consumed.
• When the little girl at the Golden Corral says “you have too many kids,” just smile and nod.
• ALWAYS accompany your, almost 9 yr old, to the buffet.  He tends to pick up a sausage and then sling it back in the warmer with his hands.
• If a random child gets hurt and you offer to cut off their leg to stop the pain, don’t be surprised if they do not return to your camper.
• Bedtimes and Showers are not mandatory.
• There is no shame in licking the cheese off the Doritos and then putting them back in the bag for your children (or husband) to eat.
• It is always polite to leave the cream filling of the oreo, for your husband.
• When your child says “be back in 10 minutes,” they really mean “I’ll be back in a few hours, gonna go.”
• Tarp Man is scary.  Always carry your pistol when he is close.
• Camping and baseball produce extra saliva in your son’s mouth.  They will spit any and everywhere.
• Camping………. is fun 🙂