Today (this being written on Saturday the 29th), I have overwhelming sadness. There is no particular reason why. It has been a beautiful day but it has been a long day. I have accomplished quite a bit, but still feel like I’ve done nothing. Now, in the quiet of my room…I feel that pressure of sadness. It is almost like a weighted blanket being laid across my chest.
The one year anniversary of my Lady leaving me is today.
Fear of failure.
Frustration over accidents.
Anger in regards to businesses and their lack of care for their customers.
Sadness as I think of my niece and nephew.
Hurt as I think of what my sister has to deal with on a daily basis.
Listening to a friend, mourn knowledge of what has been.
Pain thinking of the things that little eyes have seen and little ears have heard.
Uncertainty when I look at my son.
So Many Emotions
Since I’ve been off my anti-depressants, I feel things. I feel ALL the things. This is not pleasant for me. I’m certainly not familiar with these emotions and the random times they pop up.
I miss my friend. It really is that simple.
Lately, I have stepped out of myself and I’ve allowed myself to talk about these things (all the things) to my husband. Bless his heart. He is so good.
He simply doesn’t know what to do with all that encompasses me and these things that I feel. When I say I’m fixing to cry, he sits down and lets me sit on his lap and cry. It doesn’t take long and once I’m done, I’m done.
He’s a good man.
God is Bigger
For now, I will lean on the knowledge that God is bigger. He is big enough to handle all these stressors, mean people, stupid mistakes, and health issues. I have to realize that, in Him, he sees the beauty in me. He captures all my tears and he places them in a bottle.
He is good. All the time and all the time He is good.