Heavy Heart: May 7, 2010

Heavy Heart: May 7, 2010.  Today, as I’m looking through blogs on families who have had their “gotcha” days…my heart just aches. I’m so thankful to God for uniting these families and giving His precious children to their forever homes. I sit and think “when will I meet *my* son”?

I love him, so very much and I don’t even know him. In my mind, he is here, he is safe, he is loved beyond measure, and he was chosen. The reality, he is still in his home country. I pray for his safety, his health and for him to be loved, but it just isn’t the same as a momma’s love.

I’ve completed my home study, I’ve sent off the final piece of paper for my dossier, I’ve sent the dossier fee to my agency, but we are still lacking SO much money, and I wonder….where it will come from? Will I have enough? Will it be there, when it is needed? Lots of questions with little answers. I know that God lights my path, but he does it step by step and not miles down the road. It is faith that will carry me through, but humanly, I still wonder “when and how.”

Before, there was a level of frustration because I did and redid my dossier…now I’m done. Now I wait and wonder. What fundraiser should I do? Can’t I get another loan? Will the grants come through? I found myself turning off the blogs…it was almost too much for me to read.

I guess next reunion up is my sister’s! How very exciting to watch another family become whole.