2 Years Have Passed
Welp, 2 Years Have Passed since my beautiful Lady saw Jesus (and Jerome) face to face. Somedays, it feels like an eternity. Then, there are days that the stinging pain is fresh.
Grief is a beast.
I have never been one that has been okay with loss. Like never have I been okay in the history of ever. Never. I try to be all mature and stoic. Then, that moment when I am alone, it hits.
Overwhelming sadness and tears. When I am alone, I can let my guard down and just mourn. Boo says that I can’t cry because that would be like Superman with a broken arm. It isn’t the norm and, to him, it isn’t okay. He does not like to see me upset at all.
Frankly, none of my kids do and when I do get emotional, Big Daddy buys me something LOL. I guess that is their way of “fixing” the giant hole in my heart that she left. In a creepy way, I drive by her house. I’m sickened with how they have let the yard go. One day, there were mattresses on her front lawn.
She would have NEVER allowed that. Honestly, she would have strapped those things on my back like a pack mule and I would have hauled them out. Or, in her fashion, she’d call her ‘boyfriend’ (Big Daddy) to come and get them. In his true fashion, he would hop at her command.
Oh, she had a hold on him. I loved how she loved him. One day, she called me, in a panic. I thought something was wrong. She says get over there and I stop everything and go. That was our thing.
Walked in on a Disturbed Lady
She was standing in the kitchen when I flew in and this was the conversation that we had:
L: Look what was on my front porch and back porch!
**Holds up 2 baggies that had a letter and a mint in each baggie. I get the baggie and pull out the letter. It was an invitation to the KKK.**
Me: Josephine…what on earth! Did you hear anyone?
L: No but I don’t have a gun anymore either so what am I supposed to do? They must have seen your kids out here working in the yard. Those **insert dirty words**.
Me: What would you like me to do?
L: Take that filth home with you. Get it out of my house.
Me: Yes, Ma’am.
L: When are you bringing supper?
Me: When I get it fixed.
L: Are you eating with me?
Me: I always do!
L: Are the mints safe to eat or are they tainted with hate?
Me: I vote tainted with hate.
L: Shame, I love those mints. See you soon. Love you.
Me: I love you more.
L: That is not possible.
So, now, recounting that…I’m going to have to go and cry now. I’m alone, licked the cheese off a 1/2 a bag of Doritos, no one will see me…it’s all good.
Lady…until I see you again. We are gonna make some Poke Salad, Cornbread, and fry some fish. Plus, as a bonus, I can finally meet your Jerome.
I love your face off and I miss you every single day.