Thoughts on Psalm 139
Psalm 139. I love love love this passage!
1 O Lord, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
2 You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
3 You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
4 You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.
Let me start off by saying, this is, hands down, one of my most favorite passages. When I see that He examines my heart, that grieves me. Right now, my heart is full of hurt and anger. There so much pain, sadness, and confusion.
Life has happened, lately, and it has happened hard. There have been hard truths spoken, hard realities of circumstances, just hard. I have not trusted God with it, I have stored up anger and He sees that.
My head is not a place I want to dwell and the fact that He knows my thoughts…painful. The thought in my head is not Godly. I want revenge. There are people I want to pay for the things that they have done/said to one of my children. Yet, I know that isn’t right.
The fact that He knows the words that I am going to say before I say it. I am, honestly, ashamed at my mouth and the words that have flown so freely. Oh. Life is so hard. It is so hard because I’m flesh.
5 You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!
7 I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
8 If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave,you are there.
9 If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
11 I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
12 but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.
Oh, my stars. The fact that I have to go and speak to the people that I have to speak to tomorrow, gets me all up in the flesh. Yet, He goes before me. His Light will shine on all the darkness that will shroud that building.
Lord, please clamp my mouth shut and allow me to find solace and comfort in Exodus 14:14 because I want to hurt someone for hurting my child the way that they have. Please be my words and my actions as I meet with the people who have a job to protect my child, yet they don’t. Shine Light.
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
Marinate on that. Just marinate.
17 How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
18 I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!
19 O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
Get out of my life, you murderers!
20 They blaspheme you;
your enemies misuse your name.
21 O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?
Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?
22 Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
for your enemies are my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.