Life Update for Me
Per my uncle’s wife’s request (does that make her my aunt? Dang, I think it does. Well, that was weird.), Here is the Life Update for Me (Actually, for Kim). School started 6 mths ago for some of my kids. I posted their update a couple of blog posts ago, so I will not rehash that. Look below, and I will link that to the bottom of this post.
Life Since Leaving the Homeschool Realm
I really thought I would enjoy the peace. That I would be having all sorts of moments of sleeping in, running errands alone, making calls, cleaning, petting my dog, massages, moments of just… I can breathe again. Quickly, I realized that that was not the case.
Who is Still Home
Noah is still home. Now, he works most days of the week, but he has also started school. He goes a couple of days a week to school and then comes home and studies. So, he is still here. Gigi is still here. Thankfully, she is working 5 days a week. We have to be diligent about getting her to and from work. When she gets home, she works out, does chores, and reads.
I knew when I started homeschooling 20 years ago, that when my time was up, it would be up. It was a feeling of taking it moment by moment. We were in a good flow and things were just moving along.
Then came Hunter.
That was an addition to the table, to say the least. Honestly, that wasn’t so bad for the first year or so. We just plugged along. I would make monthly schedules out and I checked them off, as I graded them.
At 42 years old, I now had a 21 mth old. To say I was out of the swing of toddlerhood would be an understatement. We managed. I got in the groove again. He licked a lot of cool whip out of the bowl for the first couple of months.
That was a word I would use. I mean, who wouldn’t be tired of teaching 4 children, having a toddler, and then all the things that comes with adult children. Then, Hunter got sick and that just threw an entire monkey wrench in my life. I still tried to plug on and have things prepared. Victoria, Ben, and Alyssa tried to help.
I traveled so much and was gone so much that I felt I was doing the kids a disservice. Add that into the fact that I was emotionally spent and physically exhausted. I knew it was time. When I made that declaration to Big Daddy…relief spread all throughout me.
Reality is is that I’m still traveling once a month. I have to be uber diligent about epsom salt baths, symphony of cells, oils, washing clothes, and wiping everything down. Hunter cannot get sick, so I’m always on guard with that. Honestly, I can’t prevent it 100% of the time, but I have to be prepared for when it does it.
The issues that we have faced in the past, with some children, are still present now. That hasn’t changed. There are a lot of things I keep to myself because I do not want to paint a picture that presents some of my children in a negative light. It is hard. So very hard.
What Has Come To Pass
There have been some adoption-related issues that have come up and nipped me on the behind. I am prepared for some but others…well, let’s just say it was a hit I was not prepared for. Again, we deal with it but it is a stressor that I do not enjoy. Yet, it is one that I have to have peace with and deal with. And, I will. My children will be better for it, one day.
I still travel a lot. Cook every day. We are trying to eat healthier so that has been a challenge. I feel like my brain is on overload trying to switch up my tried and true recipes with healthier options.
Basketball has been fun, but it has sucked the life out of us all. He has games or practices 6 days a week. It is a joy to watch him but it also costs money and lots of time. Thankfully, it is wrapping up (just as baseball season is kicking off…Lord help).
The Things I Do
I still run errands, get the occasional massage. Reading has been on my to-do list. I’m in the stage of purging and organizing again. Dishwasher died. Sink exploded. Truck died. Garage door is dead. Narcolepsy is new. Racism is alive, well, and underhanded. I’m quite certain the administration cringes when I walk through the door. It has been a learning curve for all of us.
One thing that Big Daddy has asked that I do is work on myself. I am never high on my priority list. It is my husband and my children. If they are good, I am good. Yet, I realize I’m not sleeping again. Depression isn’t on my radar but I’ve been having some anxiety. Also, it is time that I seek help to deal with some past trauma that I’ve never dealt with.
EMDR Therapy begins next week for me. I’m leaning on Nehemiah and I’m believing that in 52 days (the amount of time it took him to suck dirt, stand up, fight, and build the wall) that I will have these things resolved.
The Lord has been preparing me for a while. My “word for the year” is healing. I want to see healing across the board for me and my family. There are children I have lost. Issues within my marriage. Also, issues with my children’s diagnosis’. Jude’s adoption is something I rarely can speak of and it has been 8 years. Hunter’s illness. So other trauma that I have to deal with. I don’t want to put a bandaid on it anymore. That sucker is being ripped off and I’m going to deal with it. Process it. Heal. Forgive. Move on.
Then, I want to get certified in doing this type of therapy for others. God is good. He has prepared a way for me too, not only keep my eyes above the ways but to stand on dry ground.
March 6th is 52 days from when I began. I hope I like myself when this is finished!