I Should Have Known
I should have known something wasn’t right
When you told me you loved me for the first time
And I didn’t say it back
I should have known something was up.
When I couldn’t stand the fact that you wrote me love letters
Or when you posted love stuff on social media
I mean, I didn’t even “like” the post
Not My Type
I should have realized much sooner
That you weren’t my type
way before I let it go as far as I did
You were not the problem; it was me
I was the one starting things trying to get you to leave first.
And I didn’t know why then, but I do now
I just wasn’t into the whole thing
I wasn’t into the wedding
Also, I wasn’t into fooling around
and I definitely wasn’t into having sex
What I Wanted
I just wanted to feel loved and wanted
You seemed to care and want me
So I tried to play along
I tried to compromise all of my feelings
To fulfill your needs
Give you what you wanted.
To support you in any and all ways that I could
Reality
But in reality, all I was doing was lying to myself
Lying to you
And lying to my family
Lying about why I felt that way
And lying about what I truly wanted
lying about my life
Hiding
All I wanted was to feel loved and accepted
that is why I didn’t end it sooner
that is why I didn’t confess that I didn’t truly have feelings
at least not romantic feelings.
I did it because I wanted to cover up what I already knew
And that I wasn’t ready, to tell the truth,
Which is I like girls
And there is nothing I can do to make people accept, so I hide
And think over the fact that I am different than the rest.
