The Reality of my Nightmare
In The Reality of my Nightmare, my guest blogger writes about her interpretation of the trials I have been walking through. She writes it as if she were me. I read it the morning of my friends funeral. She is pretty spot on in all that she said.
Writing this seems like a nightmare
I am waiting to wake up from this nightmare because of how real it feels. But when I open my eyes, it will all go away. No. This nightmare is real. I can’t believe this is happening to me. Why? Why me? What did I do wrong to cause these people to knock on my door? Who has been watching me and observing my every movement?
I am afraid
Afraid to raise my voice even the slightest bit because someone might be watching. Also, I am afraid to take my child in the other room for fear that someone might think I am going to punish them. Afraid to go out in public with my child for fear that someone will judge me the wrong way and call them again. Why me?
Raising kids is hard, especially 7 of them. They are all so different in so many ways. Yet, I would not change a single hair on their head because I love them so. I love my kids with every fiber of my being. I would gladly take any strife or burdens off their shoulders. Honestly, I would put them on my own if it helps them and their future.
My kids are special
Some have mentally challenging issues. Then, there are others who have some physical issues that need my constant attention. Being a mom is hard. Tiring even. Yet, I am glad God chose these beautiful children to be mine.
I love fiercely and I will do anything in my power to protect them from the world and its temptations. Sometimes, I help others before I think about myself and my needs. I have run myself ragged going in all different directions to help those in need as God calls me to do. Honestly, I try to open myself up to other moms in different clubs and organizations that my kids participate in. I try to help them and converse with them when they need a friend or a shoulder to cry on.
You took care of my child when he played sports on your team. He became best friends with your kids. I thought you loved him like one of your own. He stayed at your house and slept over so many nights. Everytime, he had a blast when he came home beaming from ear to ear. He would tell me all about how fun it is at your house.
Invitation then Betrayal
I invited you into my home which we manage to keep clean amongst the chaos of having multiple children and animals in the house. And yet, you betrayed my trust by calling them. Why? Why me?
You know my child is well-fed. We give him clothes and things to play with. Furthermore, we keep him involved in sports. Importantly, we teach him the love of Jesus in everything we do. We fight for him daily because he is different. And that’s okay because I love him so much.
How Would You Feel
You are a mother with kids of your own. How would you feel if someone called them. They showed up at your doorstep asking to be invited in. Then ask you probing questions about your home and relationships with your kids? And what if you found out that it was a supposed “friend” who called them on you.
How would you feel?
I should hope so.
Because that is how I felt.
The terrifying agony that my kids could be ripped away from me with no warning. Sadly, the wailing and uncontrollable sobbing that happened in my car when I got the call. My heart can’t take it anymore. I am so tired of having to justify myself to these people. Justify every action that I do and every word that comes out of my mouth.
How would you feel?
Would you demand an explanation from your “friend” and say some nasty things to them in retaliation? Would you constantly be looking over your shoulder to make sure no one was watching you if you ever had to punish your child in public? Or are you one of those parents that let their children run amuk and let them do whatever they want?
Either way, I want you to know that it is understandable if you did not know the family or if you had never been in their home and seen how the family operates. It would be understandable if you didn’t know me or my son at all.
But you did know us.
I was at every game. I talked to you all the time. And yet, you still called them. I thought I could trust you. You have betrayed my trust. But I choose to let God be in control of my situation. I choose to let God be the judge of your actions when you get to Heaven instead of judging you, which I am not called to do.
Honestly, I choose to love like Jesus with skin on and be the city on a hill for you. I choose to let God listen to my sorrowful prayers and collect my tears in a jar. Furthermore, I choose to let God pick me up and comfort me because he knows I am the mom He called me to be. I am not perfect. But God does not call us to be perfect. He calls us to be his disciples and to love our neighbor in his Word.
My house may be messy sometimes and my kids may drive me crazy most days, but in what reality is a house always tidy and the kids always clean and well-behaved? I would love to meet those people and that family.
Haven’t you ever made a mistake as a parent?
Because if you say no that is a bold faced lie. We fail daily at things but the key is to learn from those mistakes, move on, and leave the past behind us. With those failures are also successes. I have put several of my kids through a full education (and I have homeschooled them for many many years as well). Two of them have graduated from college, with honors, which is a huge accomplishment.
One of my kids is married with a baby on the way. I could not be happier for my sweet child. My smallest child is excelling at things that doctors told us would be impossible. Yet, with me by his side, he has survived those odds.
The moments of pride I feel for the children that I raised surpasses the moments of sadness that I feel when things like this happen. I choose to find the beauty in the ashes. I will stand tall and not be shaken by people’s opinions of me and my family.
So I will also choose to continue to stand by my children and attend every activity, club, and sporting event that they are in. And if you other mom’s judge me or whisper tall tales about me that are not even true, I will smile and turn the other cheek as God has called me to do. Even if it is the hardest thing I have ever done.
Cruelty of Others
People can be so cruel nowadays and they always look at the plank in someone else’s eye rather than focusing on the speck of dirt that is in their own eye. Words can definitely slice through a person and bring them down when we should be standing together as mom’s and supporting one another rather than bringing them down and jumping to conclusions by calling the organization before they have the facts straight.
No, us mom’s are not perfect. But we are doing the best we can with the circumstances we are currently in and with the children that the Lord has blessed us with. I will continue to be the city on a hill and shine my light bright for my kids and for you.
And I know deep down in my heart that God will be pleased with my strength and integrity, and when I get to Heaven He will say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” I can not wait for that day to come.
In the meantime
I will continue to be the most amazing mom to my kids and be a faithful spouse to my husband. Showing them the light of God. Continuing to shield them from the World will be a lifelong journey, but I would not change one thing about it. Not for you and not for any other mom who says a spiteful word towards me.
I will pray for you even though it is painful. Because in my darkest moments is when I cling to Jesus the most, and when my faith is tested, I come out stronger than ever because my Redeemer is with me. No more hiding. No more fear. I will not be afraid.