My Dearest Brother Z
In My Dearest Brother Z, my guest blogger goes through her emotions of losing her brother at a very young age. The loss of a sibling is devastating to the other children, as well as, the parents. It is unimaginable pain that lingers for so very long.
A kid my age who I knew from school came in, and he reminds me so much of you. He has something wrong with him medically and he walks just like you did when you got sick. I saw him, and that made a bad day worse. Seriously, I wanted to give him a big hug. Then, I wanted to crawl under the register and cry. I miss you so much, It has been five years, I can’t believe it. You deserve to be here bub. I believe that you would be married with a family now. You would a good dad.
I prayed to God every night for years that it was me instead of you. Honestly, I prayed that I could take all your pain away. I wanted to make you better and I couldn’t. That seems to be a recurring theme in my life. I make jokes about you being dead, but that’s how I cope with you being gone.
I’m sorry we left you with mom. I’m sorry I didn’t stay with you for that last year. I would have went through whatever Tim threw at me, just to be with you that last year. Mom told me about how you asked for me every day after your seizure, and that story hurts my heart. She told me all about how you thought you saw me running around the foot of your bed every night before you went to bed. I am sorry I wasn’t there for that. I wish I was actually there to be running around your bed.
Life isn’t the same without you. I miss your voice, hugs, and I miss you yelling at me when I tried to help you walk. Honestly, I just miss you dude. You were a light to anyone who knew you, and I miss your presence.
Today, I am thankful for the beginning of healing. Honestly, awareness of where healing needs to happen and the knowledge of the route that needs to be taken in order to walk through the pain that leads to healing.