And Then There Was You
Here is another note to another person in And Then There Was You. I have one more post, that I will start writing and post tomorrow. Then, maybe then, I doubt it, will I be done. When I say I have had enough, I mean I have had enough.
Letter to You
Dear Judgemental Person,
First and foremost, hello because I know you read my blog as well. I hope this finds you well and that you are working hard on your mental illness in a positive way and not in an addictive way. God is bigger than the demons you have living in your mind. I am proof of that. He is bigger and there is a better way than addiction to help you.
Find a counselor, a good doctor, get on meds, talk to your husband or counselor, go for a walk, read Scripture, listen to praise and worship music… so many options. It is not shameful to struggle with your mind. It is what it is and God is bigger.
Now, that I’ve said that, I want you to know that I think your husband is an amazing human. Your children (the 2 I know better than the other 2) are fine young men with bright futures. I know the things that they fight and they will overcome.
God love you. You are so eager to find your place, to be important, to have standing in the community and church, to appear to have it all together. You don’t. Honestly, you have none of that. There are so many people that you have hurt for no reason. You do not have the ability to just communicate because you don’t know how too.
You have an inability to communicate. You assume, judge, lie, condemn, and have no grace for others. That hurts people. It hurts people who have known you for years, like me and it hurts people who have known you for a minute.
You are the girl that was the snobby one in high school. Her crap did not stink, so she portrayed. The head cheerleader who is dating the quarter back and you are both perfect. How exhausting must that be for you. To keep up the pretenses for appearances sake and how sad you must have been to try and be consistent in that life.
The loss that you experienced is horrible. I want you to know that it is okay to name that loss, to verbally talk about that loss, to celebrate that life, and know that it is okay to love and have memories of that loss. That changed you.
You always want to be bigger, louder, better than others. I also know that you do that because you don’t truly know who you are or what you experience in your home. The jealousy that consumes you is something I pray that I never experience. I am exhausted even thinking about it.
I was fully prepared to just lay it all out there for the world to see but what I want to say is not coming out of my fingertips. That really ticks me off because I see where God is working things out in my spirit. He is healing me and my thoughts towards you.
Honestly, I could give 2 shits about social media. Who is friends with whom, how many friends are on my “list”, constant (I mean moment by moment) posting. Girl, get your phone out of your face. Raise your kids instead. Look at the world around you instead of in a screen. Those little squares of life you compare yourself too is not real.
You have a husband that works his butt off for you. He loves you and he comes from a family that loves well because they know the Lord. Make it a point to become obssessed with him instead of your phone. You have these children and grandchildren that I know adore you but they don’t want to compete with another sibling (aka your phone).
It’s okay that you are a little different. As Christ followers, we are called to be different. What is not okay is lying to people’s faces, being someone you are not, acting holier than thou, judging others, demeaning others, assuming things about people. For the love…just freaking ask. If you think there is an issue that is God related in another person’s life, do these things. First, pray. Ask the Holy Spirit to speak to you in regards to the situation or if you should even be in the situation.
Spoiler alert: You do not have to have details in order to pray.
Eliminates gossip which you love.
If God WANTS you to do, then pray for Him to allow a way for you to communicate HIS Words in HIS timing. He will provide an opening and an urge to talk to the person. Then pray for the Lord to be your words and to prepare the heart of whomever you are going to talk to.
That, if you remember, is how I came to you. I was hurt and expressed my hurt. You were receptive and honestly took 100% of the blame because you assumed things about me that were not true. Sort of like what you are doing now. You use social media “friend-ing or unfriend-ing” as a carrot in front of an animal.
I don’t want your friendship. There is not one thing I need to apologize for with you but I am always willing to listen. We have known each other for a long time. I was about to say “friends” but we were never friends. We were church acquaintances that have a long history together.
I really want to be angry with you. Honestly, I really do. I want to say such scathing harmful truths that I have personally seen … yet … I am not going to do that. I am certain Jesus is restraining my fingers because my mind is still going 90 to nothing.
Pity. That is what I feel for you. You can heal. You know Jesus. Do the right thing. Stop looking at the speck in others eyes. Exam the plank in yours. Purge, reflect, heal, forgive, ask forgiveness, let things go, stop being petty, grow up…you are closing in on your late 40s.
Life doesn’t have to be this hard and you can be a powerful source for the Kingdom if you would just get out of your own way.
Dang it, I want to be mad.
I am choosing to forgive you. Your “friendship” does not define my life. I will never let you back in but I can pray for your healing. Praying for so many things for you and your family. You are not perfect but with Jesus, you can overcome and let that shit go. Be who you pretend to be or take a step on the wild side and just be you. Quirky, flawed, and all.
You can change the lives of many when your masks start flying off. Let your vanity take a backseat, go grey with grace…leave your phone on silent, delete social media apps, set timers, invest in your children.
Live judgement free.
Good luck to you,