Processing Through Dancing with a Porcupine Part 1
Processing Through Dancing with a Porcupine Part 1. You can find my overall review of this book under the book reviews 2022 page. My posts will be the part where I will break down the book piece by piece. I won’t necessarily do this for every book, but this one had some things I will write about to process items in my head.
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Jennie Owens states, “parenting one severely traumatized child was equal to parenting ten typical children” in her book Dancing with a Porcupine. Can we all stand up with our streamers and holler HELL YES, SISTER PREACH!!!???
So, I have four children that come from trauma. It means I am raising 40 children in those four-plus my 3 “typical” children. I feel like the word “typical” is subjective, but I get what she is saying here.
In saying that, I have a question. Where in the HELL are all the “supportive” people? The non-judgemental people who say they understand and will support you? Where might those people be?
Where They Are Not
In our homes, outside family, church, school, therapist offices, courtrooms, etc. There are exceptions to the rule, but finding an advocate that understands is like picking a flea off an elephant’s behind.
Maybe I’m bitter.
Okay, so I’m bitter.
But, I’m also telling the truth.
If you confide in a friend, they will either conveniently leave or disappear; they will call CPS, gossip about you and your parenting style, assume the worst in you and your spouse, and so on. A doctor and/or therapist will throw pills and tapping procedures at you. A family wants to love and not worry about what is going on. Schools are a joke. Courtrooms are also a fun fun fun time.
It’s hard.
Now, I Must Say
Right now, I have a sound support system. I have weeded through those wolves, the Lord has seen the mountains they have thrown in my path, and He crushed them. I love it when He puts people in their place.
We are in a good church with some very loving and supportive people, and our Richie and Jenny are excellent. My family has stepped up because I have allowed them to see more than I would typically.
Schools are a joke. Therapists are non-existent or so expensive I would have to sell a kidney to get the type of therapy my kids need. Luckily, the court system is not in our picture. I have a friend or two who get it because they have or are currently living it.
Had it not been for these people, I would have gone insane. I think I hit that moment where I officially should have been committed to an institution for help. My therapist told me that that was on her plan if I couldn’t process it. I dissociate very severely. We are working on that.
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To all the other things that were going on in my life. Home disruption, grandbaby being born, health issues, weddings, OMS, and life in general. Acute trauma was always present in all forms and ready to devour my family and me.
Raising kids with trauma is no joke. It is a war. Sometimes you lose the battle, and sometimes you win. In the end, we all know Who wins the war, and that is where my focus must be. As a believer, I must remember that I have read the book’s last page, and we win! That is what gives me hope.
Would I ever not choose any of my kids? I would choose them 1000 times because the Lord gave them to Bart and me. He entrusted us with all of our children. We have not always been good stewards of these gifts, but we try, love, and choose to release control of the things we cannot change. Adoption is a beautiful gift, but it is hard. It doesn’t matter if you decide to foster care adoption, international adoption, intrafamily adoption, or any other sort. Also, it doesn’t matter your child’s age when they come into the home. Adoption trauma is real. Embrace it. Learn from it. Get your child, yourself, and your family into therapy. You will be glad you did.
That, my friends, is progress.
