DaySprings Word of the Year 2023
DaySprings Word of the Year 2023 is CONFIDENCE. One of the definitions, according to Webster’s Dictionary, is “the quality or state of being certain.” Honestly, I do not believe that I have ever been in a state of certain. Well, maybe not ‘ever.’ Last year, there were two situations that I was in a state of certain or confident. It was a peace that I cannot even fully explain. One instance was something I had struggled with for over forty years. I liken it to Moses wandering around in the desert.
One moment, I received a phone call. It is not out of the ordinary for this person to call me, so it didn’t raise red flags. However, the conversation did not go as I thought it was going to go. Statements were made, things were researched, new information was coming in. For a moment, intense sadness and confusion flooded me. Then, I remembered something from long ago that I had written during a time of confusion. I was on the hunt for that piece of information and then when I found it, all things became clear.
Seeing the Promised Land
It was much like Moses standing on the mountain and looking into the Promised Land. He had walked for so long, begged God for answers, took matters into his own hands at times, and finally God allowed him to at least see what he had been walking towards for 40 years.
I saw that.
All the things that I have haunted me for years and years simply vanished away. It was like warm water being poured over me and I could hear the words “it is finished.” Is the situation completely sucky? Yes it is. Yet, peace came out of that moment and dare I say even joy.
I talked to my counselor that day, I believe and she asked me what was different because my voice was different. We talked and I shared and was very vulnerable. It is amazing. I was completely confident in my memory and that was a feeling that I was not used to having.
Another Moment of Confidence
Earlier this year, tragedy struck our family in a bizarre type of way. Due to the sensitivity of that event, I’m not going to go into detail. It sucked real bad. In addition to that issue, we were facing another devastating thing within our family. There was a lot going on in a short amount of time and I was on emotional overload.
It is very hard for me to process, file away in my brain properly, absorb things sometimes. Honestly, I’m a stuffer, for the most part. My mama says that I put too much on my “shelf” and when it breaks (over the smallest issue) it all comes spewing out. I agree with that assessment.
There was an issue and instead of losing my crap as I was on the edge of doing, I again heard “you are done, walk away.” It was as clear as day. I was an emotional wreck and could feel vile, venom, and hysteria emerge inside of me. As I was opening my mouth to let it rip, that phrase moved through my head. As soon as it did, warm water poured over me and a peace that was unexplainable.
I physically said “I am done” and I walked away. There was something so powerful about that moment. I walked away from a relationship that I had tried for years to fix and make better. It was over. I can love but I am good with loving from a distance and not subjecting myself to anymore verbal abuse.
The confidence I had in that moment still astounds me. I know that I have that trait inside of me, I just question it and wanna fix all the things. Honestly, I don’t have to do that anymore. If you don’t like me, then you don’t like me. Where there are issues, all I can do is apologize for my part in the issue and what you do with that apology is on you, not me. I don’t have to invite chaos to sleep in my house and eat at my table. Loving can always be but it also doesn’t have to be up close and personal.
So, my word of the years for 2023 is confidence. As I sat holding my phone today trying to have the courage to make a phone call, I remembered that I should act in confidence. Now, did I shake as I dialed the number? Yes. Did I fumble over my words? Again, yes. Did I leave a voicemail that might have sounded like a toddler left it because my voice was shaking? Absolutely. I might have even cried a bit when I hung up the phone but guess what?
I did it. The phone call was made.
I can totally get behind this word!
What’s your word of the year?