Faith Journey

Setting Boundaries VS Putting Up Walls

Setting Boundaries VS Putting Up Walls

Setting Boundaries VS Putting Up Walls

Setting Boundaries VS Putting Up Wall is something that I struggle with because I, sometimes, live in fear. I am choosing, now, to NOT to live in fear because fear is a liar. Honestly, I am so tired of living under the judgment of others. Let me tell you something, friends, oh my word. I’m fixing to use my words and all of them. My words may not be pretty, but sometimes you have to let it out.

I’m going to have to take a few minutes and watch a Chopped episode. My brain is moving faster than my fingers, and the emotions are strong. Let’s say I am completely and totally over it. A change is coming, and it may take till Jesus returns, but my goodness, I am done!

Let’s Try This Again

I am not a people person. Yet, I’m empathetic (so I’ve been told), and I have the heart to help others. Those people who are unseen. People that other people snub their noses at because they don’t dress/live/act “appropriately.” I’m just saying that those are my people. I see them, I feel them, I understand them.

Their problems, I feel deep within my soul. The look in their eyes can tell a thousand stories, and they want to share that story. They want to be loved, accepted, and NOT judged. I CHOOSE to love, accept, and not pass judgment on them. Honestly, I want to meet them where they are currently at and walk into their world. It is an honor to step into their stories.

Hard Realization

What a hard realization that most people in this world do not think the same way. I just don’t get it. How can you not love and SEE the people around you? The unseen, the less than, the “you are not in my circle, therefore, you do not exist” people.

For the love of all that is holy Jesus’ second greatest commandment is to LOVE OTHERS. Matthew 22: 36-40 clearly states, “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: ‘ Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.’

The Things That Have Happened

I cannot and will not go into detail on the struggles we have had this summer. It has hit me hard that not everyone thinks like this. Love as Jesus says to love. What they want is to steal, kill, and destroy my joy. My joy is my family. They are all I think of and commit to 100% every minute of every day.

For anyone to presume to know what happens in my home shows their narcissistic personality in full bloom. The things that we have been accused of and the mud we have been drug through is astonishing. I thought 2020 couldn’t get worse. It can. Trust me.

So Much Loss and Pain

The loss and pain were completely preventable. Let’s try something radical. If you think something is wrong with a friend or their family, then TALK TO THEM. Ask how you can help them, pray for them with no details, listen to them cry. Clean their house, run an errand, cook a meal. Be the hands and feet of Jesus.

Radical, you think?

Or you could go the other route of gossiping, being deceitful, frightening your children, lie, manipulate. Just because you might have money with your 2.5 kids, .5 pets, driving your nice cars, and your paid-off houses do not mean my family is any less.

We do not deserve the shit you have drug us through. All you see is a tired mama of many kids who “look” normal. What you don’t know is what all we have dealt with and lived through.


Well, our outcome has been standing on Exodus 14:14 “The Lord will fight your battle. You have to be quiet.” I was quiet. There were lots of tears, lots of reflection. There was a period of hiding, a valley of severe depression and anxiety, another medical condition for a child due to the STRESS so-called “friends” put us through. Thank you for that, honestly. It’s been the most fun.

We have been redeemed and found innocent. It was proven that we are good loving parents. Honestly, with friends like I have, who needs enemies? We have discovered several of our “friends” are simply wolves in sheep’s clothing. Yet, now we know.

Choices Moving Forward

I will not hide. My children will not hide. We will parent as we have for 25 years until the Lord calls us home. I will not be afraid, and neither will my children. When I get my Spirit-filled feeling about someone, I will trust it. Then I will teach my kids what I have learned. I pray that that type of wisdom and discernment is something the Lord gives them.

Honestly, I knew better with these people, but I wanted to be wrong. I wanted a friend. A person who would listen and love us through it all. What I got was satan reincarnated and the judgy nature of those people. When bad things happen, the first person who physically showed up was my mama, my Oak.

My Oak

This woman. She blew in like a whirlwind. Then, she ironed out all the people in my house and ironed them out. Next, she found me. That hug, I melted into her arm. I felt her love permeate every single molecule of my body.

She gently walked me upstairs, and we both laid down and talked. I cried, and she sat in silence and rubbed my hair like when I was a little girl. She permitted me to wallow for a day, but tomorrow I have to get up and wash my face and face the day. There will be no hiding for her little girl.

She loves me. Unconditionally. She sees me. Truthfully. She knows all that has happened, yet she loves the ones who have hurt her baby so deeply. If I am 1/2 the mama she is when I grow up, my kids will be blessed. I am blessed by her.

A Few True Friends

We discovered those who would stand by us and those who judge us. Prayer warriors surrounded us and kept us safe. We stood before God clean. Our family came out on the other side with no truth coming from the claims and lies.

These people may never answer for what they did on this side of heaven, but rest assured, Jesus has it written in His book. Each of these people will stand before the throne listening to him read their story from beginning to end. They will answer for it.

For Now

I choose self-care. Pet a cat (or 12), bake, eat candy, smile more, block people on social media, keep loving on the “less of these” people, wash my hands, wear a mask, parent my kids, love my husband, and love my God. My enemies cannot hurt me because God goes before me, after me, and stands on each side of me. If you want to get to me or my family, you must go through Him first.

Good luck to ya.

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When Your Family is Fractured

You are Not Your Trauma

Ending the Stigma of Mental Illness

Keep the Season Merry and Safe


Faith Journey

I am NOT a Failure

I am NOT a Failure

I am NOT a Failure

Repeat after me: I am NOT a Failure. Those words still resonate in me after a late-night chat with one of my closest friends. After a particularly hard evening, I texted my friend and said: “can you talk?” She has as many kids as I do and her life is not easy. My friend is raising these kids from hard places and trying to maintain a farm. Inspiration. She is my inspiration.

What’s Going On?

That was all she said. Not even a “hello” just a statement. I don’t think we ever say “hello” when we call each other. It is rare when we get a few minutes, within a month or so, to dedicate to chatting. Yet, when it comes to me needing her or her needing me…we make time in the chaos.

Last night, she made time. I am forever grateful to my friend. She means the world to me.

Tears Flowed

I couldn’t even get words out all I could do was sob. There was a sentence I mustered about a life-altering decision that we have to make in regards to one of our children. Instead of instantly telling me all the things I already know, she sat, silently, and let me cry. Throwing in phrases, between the sobs, of “I love you. You love your children. He is not a failure because of his mental illness that I did not create. I am not a failure because I did above and beyond what needed to be done for him to live a successful, safe life.

You are not a Failure

She said that over and over. I repeated it and then I let it sink in. He is not a failure. I repeated that and it is sinking in. We are not failures. He just needs more help then maybe I can give him. That doesn’t mean I’ve failed him. It means I have loved him enough to get the help that he needs. Having to do what we may have to do does not dictate my love for this child. If I didn’t love him, I wouldn’t fight so hard for him to succeed in life.

Yet who does what I’m doing? Who does what he is doing constantly? Why can’t love just fix everything? What about God? Where are You in the chaos? I know He is there. Yet, I can’t hear Him through the storm.

My Support System

My support system is small. I mean, I have my husband. The love of my children (whom I try to shield from all that swirls in my mind). I know my mom loves me and supports me. My sister who never waivers, judges, or advises without me asking, faithfully prays for me. What would I do without her? I don’t know. Also, I have a couple of faithful friends I can bear my soul with and never be betrayed or judged.


There are some serious trust issues that I have always had. Sadly, those issues have peaked over the last few months. I’m battling with anger (which is fear and/or sadness). I can identify the fear that no one believes me, that I have no self-worth, no confidence, that love comes and goes like the ebbs and flows of the ocean. Feeling like a failure because my dreams of raising kids are not what reality is. Honestly, feeling like all the things wrong is my fault and that I can’t fix them. Sadness because of the loss of what I thought I knew. I’m not sure it is even there. Maybe it is there but buried deep inside and doesn’t want to appear because of fear. There is such sadness at the choices of a child and her uncertain future.

Emotionally Stagnant

That is what my counselor said that I was. When we got off the phone, I told my husband, and he AGREED. Then, I called my sister and told her. Guess what? She AGREED. I have a hard time expressing my needs, feeling safe, accepting help, and just being vulnerable.

I am not emotionally stagnant. The emotions are there and I pick and choose who sees me have a moment. Emotions, to me, instill weakness. If one is weak, one doesn’t think clearly and can then be overtaken.

That’s how I perceived my daddy growing up. He is not the emotional kind of guy (forever police officer). I rarely remember him yielding to emotion. He did, I guess, just not where us kids could see him.

My mom, however, is free with her emotions, for the most part. I just took more after Pop.

What People Do Not See

What people do not see is when I’m alone. Hiding in my room while crying my eyes out over my failures. People don’t see me taking long drives while crying my eyes out or screaming. The poison gets so intense inside me that I scream at the top of my lungs. So, I’m emotional, in a controlled environment. If I were to say to the people who have hurt me how badly I feel wounded. Honestly, they will not respond well. There are so many things that can be said. Also, those things that were said cannot be unsaid. If I did say them, they would no longer love me.

Fear of not being loved or belonging. That is a big one.


You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand


And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine


Your grace abounds in the deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You’ve never failed and You won’t start now


So I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine


Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made…


My Thoughts


In the everyday chaos and uncertainty, He calls me to walk out on the waters. Where it is completely unknown. My feet will fail in the deep ocean. Yet, He says I will stand on my faith. When I call upon His Name, He is faithful to keep my eyes above the waves. He is calling me out on the waves to confront, in love, the people that I need to confront. One of those people is me!!


I need to know that I don’t depend on anyone’s love but His. My battles are not for me to fight according to Exodus 14:14. “The Lord will fight my battle. I just have to be silent.”


I won’t look around at all the things going on around me and the struggles that I am facing. My job is to step out on the waves, in the deep ocean, where His grace abounds. I am always loved, always believed, always worthy, in His eyes.


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Faith Journey

I Need a New Narrative

I Need a New Narrative

I Need a New Narrative

Sin. It sucks. We are all susceptible to it, and all do it. It isn’t pleasant, it grieves God, and it can be ugly. Thankfully, as a child of God, He casts our (mine) sin from as far as the east is from the west. Honestly, that humbles me. He forgets my transgressions but do I forget others? I Need a New Narrative.

Life as I Know It

I struggle with bringing up the transgressions of others. Sadly, I have been stewing on it. Marinating, so to speak. I know the power of forgiveness, and it is a beautiful thing. Yet, there are some people that I hold on tightly to the hurt, anger, and pain. I claim that I have forgiven, yet I know I haven’t.

Dangit. I am to be like Jesus with skin on. Yet, here I am holding onto the hurt and pain. I know how to counsel people into the beauty of letting go, but I do not always follow my wisdom.

Free-will. It sucks.


Anger is secondary to fear and/or sadness. I am angry a lot. Sadly, more than I should be. Is it my depression? Can I use that as a crutch? Is it unresolved trauma? Probably. I’m working on that. Yet, the “working on” part is HORRIBLE.

What do I fear? Am I not good enough? I suck as a wife and parent? Everything I touch, I screw up? That my inner human of insecurity is right and what I try to tell myself is a lie? If I were better, I would have friends. My children wouldn’t struggle with what some of them do. Sad because I never feel like I am enough. I live in a shame swirl.

Good times, huh. Welcome to my brain.

Who I Am in Christ

This picture has been floating around for years. I’m going to post it here mainly to remind me of what I know is true according to God. This is what God has to say about me (and you). As I continue to change my narrative, I’m going to print this out. I want to read it, have Big Daddy read it, and my children.

During this quarantine time where we have nothing to do but live with our thoughts, I want my thoughts to be going in a different direction. I need to quit filling my mind with the wrong things. Find the peace that surpasses all understanding. I want to stop being angry and enjoy those around me.

My kids need to know that I do my best and I love them. I want them to be the best they can be despite some of their disabilities. Their minds and bodies are healed by the stripes Christ bore. I need to try and show that, daily, by my example.


Read and Reread

Please, print this out. Buy it. Write it down. Read it. Reread it. Then, read it again. The things that you tell yourself are lies. These are the Truths of what God tells us. He created me (us) to bring Him joy. We bring Him joy by simply breathing in and out. He shows us so much grace, mercy, love, and forgiveness.

I’m going to start by getting back into the Word. Also, I found great peace when I kept my prayer journal. Every day, I would date it, write five things I was thankful for, and then five things that were a prayer concern. As things were answered by God, I would highlight/date/write the answer. Over time, I would be able to flip back through and visually see how the Lord works, even if I don’t “feel” it or “see” it.

Over Time

I would branch out. “You can’t be in the pit of despair,” as Anne Shirley said. If you are reaching out and praying for others. From time to time, I reach out and can focus on others instead of myself or my current situation.

So, today I begin. When will you begin?

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Faith Journey

Blessed Assurance

Blessed Assurance

Blessed Assurance

This hymn, Blessed Assurance, was sung yesterday by our praise and worship team at church. I love old hymns. We do not sing them often. When we do, it is played with instrumentation. My old soul truly loves the piano and hymns.

I was quite surprised that this one came up to sing. We had Hunter in the service with us because we are trying to keep him as contained as possible from the cooties that are so freely shared amongst kids his age. He had been standing by Bart and then wanted me to hold him.

Now, he is almost 50 lbs. He is a bit heavy for me, yet, I held him for as long as I could manage. Then, while we were still singing, I sat down. We rocked while this song permeated my soul. He had his little head on my shoulder and was playing with my ponytail. Such a precious moment that I wanted to soak up.

This Song

I have sung 1005 times throughout my life. I know it by heart. When I was young, I remember sitting by my mama in “her pew” at church. However, my season of life has ebbed and flowed since I was a child. There have been lots of things that have happened throughout the last 40 years. Honestly, it has been a long time since I have heard this song being sung.

As I Listened…Things Happened Within Me

There was peace and not just any kind of peace. It was a blessed assurance type of peace. See, I’ve been so angry over so many things. I mask my anger with laughter and lightness. Occasionally I mask it with organizing or cleaning. There was no masking anything right now. I feel like I see it all so clearly.

Here I am, sitting with my son whom I was told would “succumb” to his illness. I was told there was nothing that could be done for him. Then next to him, I sat next to my #2 daughter, She is struggling with finding herself, truth, and direction. She is excited and scared and ready for a certain journey.

Next to her sat my #6 son

He is struggling to fit in because he was born to not fit into any box. He is deaf with a magnetic in his head. Sadly, he is perceived as rude or disrespectful, or absentminded because he cannot hear you, yet he doesn’t announce it. He struggles with wearing his hearing aid because he is made fun of. To add an element of fun, he has been bullied and had some racist remarks made to him. Recently, he was diagnosed with Generalized Epilepsy and Functional Neurological Disorder. These things come with so many other issues.  

Next to him was daughter #3.

She is angry all the time. There is so much that she wants but cannot stick with it unless I micromanage her life. She does not want me doing that, so she is stuck. Desperately, she wants to be loved and heard and do all the things that kids do her age. Sadly, her mental capabilities prevent a lot of that dynamic. Everything is one or two steps late. She will eventually catch up. Honestly, she just wants it all NOW.

Then we have, sitting next to her, our #5 child.

He is struggling with fitting in, being appropriate, remembering anything, confabulation, yielding to peer pressure, and getting punished and “earmarked” for that yielding. He has no clue who he is or the direction he is going in. Honestly, he just knows that he is angry and jealous.

Behind us was the #4 child with his female friend.

Again, he is searching, struggling in areas. Learning how to grow up and act the age he is. Wanting more than what he can afford or have. He is wanting those freedoms but not at the price that is set forth for him to get them. Trying to find his place in the life choices he is making for his future. This is tough stuff.

His female friend is getting her feet wet in independence and learning some tricks of the trade. She is making hard decisions about her future. In a month there is very difficult for her and her family. Sadly, she is missing parts of her family. There are lots of layers to unfold with her.

Lest We Not Forget #1 Child and her Male Person

Things are better with them, but still, lots of communication growth required. So much learning in that first year of marriage. Some medical issues are cropping up and boundary issues that need to be addressed. Big life decisions are coming. Just a whole lot of everything.

As I Sat

I realized how angry I was that we were “still” dealing with the things that we deal with daily. We have children with special needs (remember that phrase. It is NOT special needs children…they are CHILDREN first!) Yet, we have the same issues day in and day out. It’s like I’m living in the movie Groundhog Day all day long, every day.

Anger is fear and/or sadness. I am fearful about their futures and what will happen. Honestly, I am sad that a few of my children may have a limited future due to their specific needs. It hurts my heart because I cannot eloquently explain all the reasons. They simply do not understand.


Blessed Assurance, Jesus is mine. This is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long. As I was holding him, that phrase stopped my singing. Before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face. All of this insanity around me IS my STORY. It IS my SONG. This STORY and SONG is for me before God created anything. He knew me, my life from beginning to end, the children, the needs, and He perfectly wrote the lyrics to my SONG.

I have been singing my song, out of tune, for a lot of years. Today, I felt myself finally singing in tune with this beautiful hymn because I had a glimpse of understanding. 


I don’t know what I’m going to do with this knowledge. Hopefully, the Lord will continue to press this into me. I will glean more from this epiphany that I truly felt like I had had today in church. Always, I ask for prayers for my children and my husband. Now, I ask for prayer for me to fully understand and discern this thought that is traveling through my brain.



Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine! O what a foretaste of glory divine! Heir of salvation, purchase of God, Born of his Spirit, washed in his blood. This is my story, this is my song, Praising my Savior all the day long; This is my story, this is my song, Praising my Savior all the day long. Perfect submission, perfect delight, Visions of rapture now burst on my sight; Angels descending bring from above Echoes of mercy, whispers of love. This is my story, this is my song, Praising my Savior all the day long; This is my story, this is my song, Praising my Savior all the day long.

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Thoughts on Psalm 22

Thoughts on Psalm 22

Thoughts on Psalm 22

Thoughts on Psalm 22

My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?
    Why are you so far away when I groan for help?
Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer.
    Every night I lift my voice, but I find no relief.

Yet you are holy,
enthroned on the praises of Israel.
Our ancestors trusted in you,
and you rescued them.
They cried out to you and were saved.
They trusted in you and were never disgraced.


Section 2

But I am a worm and not a man.
    I am scorned and despised by all!
Everyone who sees me mocks me.
    They sneer and shake their heads, saying,
“Is this the one who relies on the Lord?
    Then let the Lord save him!
If the Lord loves him so much,
    let the Lord rescue him!”

Yet you brought me safely from my mother’s womb and led me to trust you at my mother’s breast.
10 I was thrust into your arms at my birth.
    You have been my God from the moment I was born.

11 Do not stay so far from me,
for trouble is near,
and no one else can help me.

Section 3

12 My enemies surround me like a herd of bulls;
fierce bulls of Bashan have hemmed me in!
13 Like lions they open their jaws against me,
roaring and tearing into their prey.
14 My life is poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart is like wax,
melting within me.
15 My strength has dried up like sunbaked clay.
My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth.
You have laid me in the dust and left me for dead.
16 My enemies surround me like a pack of dogs;
an evil gang closes in on me.
They have pierced my hands and feet.
17 I can count all my bones.
My enemies stare at me and gloat.
18 They divide my garments among themselves
and throw dice for my clothing.


Section 4

19 Lord, do not stay far away!
    You are my strength; come quickly to my aid!
20 Save me from the sword;
    spare my precious life from these dogs.
21 Snatch me from the lion’s jaws and from the horns of these wild oxen.

22 I will proclaim your name to my brothers and sisters.
I will praise you among your assembled people.
23 Praise the Lord, all you who fear him!
Honor him, all you descendants of Jacob!
Show him reverence, all you descendants of Israel!
24 For he has not ignored or belittled the suffering of the needy.
He has not turned his back on them but has listened to their cries for help.


Section 5

25 I will praise you in the great assembly.
    I will fulfill my vows in the presence of those who worship you.
26 The poor will eat and be satisfied.
    All who seek the Lord will praise him.
    Their hearts will rejoice with everlasting joy.
27 The whole earth will acknowledge the Lord and return to him.
    All the families of the nations will bow down before him.
28 For royal power belongs to the Lord.
    He rules all the nations.

29 Let the rich of the earth feast and worship.
    Bow before him, all who are mortal,
    all whose lives will end as dust.
30 Our children will also serve him.
    Future generations will hear about the wonders of the Lord.
31 His righteous acts will be told to those not yet born.
    They will hear about everything he has done.


A couple of weeks ago, there was a family that I happened to run across on Instagram.  Apparently, they are a YouTube family, though I have never seen their videos.  Anyway, this mama is a bonus mom of 1, and then she had 4 sons.  Her youngest son was put down for a nap, the day after Christmas (I believe) and when she went to check on him, he was not breathing.

In the next few days, they ask for prayers for their 3 mth old baby.  Sadly, that baby left this Earth and joined our Father, in heaven.  This family, from all accounts, are believers, yet that mama is so angry with God.  Listen, I get it!  I put my son down for a nap and when he woke up, our lives were changed forever.

My heart simply aches.

Like aches to the point of I don’t even know what to pray and “sorry” seems so trivial.  I mean, I don’t even know these people but this is breaking my heart.  Guys, people are being SO mean in the comments.  This family…they are living in a nightmare and they read all these horrible things.

I’m just gonna say this now…I know no one or their family will ever read my blog, but if you ever find yourself looking into someone’s nightmare this is some advice.  Shut the hell up!

Just shut up.

If you can’t be nice, kind, show sympathy or empathy, or are just an asshole, then keep your opinions to your freaking self!  Do not say “well, if you had not vaccinated, if you had done this or that it wouldn’t have happened.”  For real…shut up!  That child is a child of the King.  His life was already written and glory will happen in this story. For the love of all that is good and holy…if you don’t have something nice to say then do not speak.

My prayers, though not eloquent go out to the Leach family in the loss of their sweet Crew.  May the Prince of Peace wrap His arms around you and comfort you all in this horrific time.

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Thoughts on Psalm 19

Thoughts on Psalm 19

Thoughts on Psalm 19

Thoughts on Psalm 19

The heavens proclaim the glory of God.
    The skies display his craftsmanship.
Day after day they continue to speak;
    night after night they make him known.
They speak without a sound or word;
    their voice is never heard.
Yet their message has gone throughout the earth,
    and their words to all the world.

God has made a home in the heavens for the sun.
It bursts forth like a radiant bridegroom after his wedding.
It rejoices like a great athlete eager to run the race.
The sun rises at one end of the heavens
and follows its course to the other end.
Nothing can hide from its heat.



I have a sweet friend, Teresa, who loves her hill.  She yearns for the warmth of Florida, yet remains steadfast until the Lord calls her to leave that hill.  In her waiting, she posts the most beautiful pictures of sunrises and sunsets that I have ever seen.  When I read this passage of Scripture…I think of her and her pictures of the skies proclaiming His Name with silence and beauty.

Section 2

The instructions of the Lord are perfect,
    reviving the soul.
The decrees of the Lord are trustworthy,
    making wise the simple.
The commandments of the Lord are right,
    bringing joy to the heart.
The commands of the Lord are clear,
    giving insight for living.
Reverence for the Lord is pure,
    lasting forever.
The laws of the Lord are true;
    each one is fair.
10 They are more desirable than gold,
    even the finest gold.
They are sweeter than honey,
    even honey dripping from the comb.

Section 3

11 They are a warning to your servant,
    a great reward for those who obey them.

12 How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart?
    Cleanse me from these hidden faults.
13 Keep your servant from deliberate sins!
    Don’t let them control me.
Then I will be free of guilt
    and innocent of great sin.

14 May the words of my mouth
    and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing to you,
    Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

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Thoughts on Psalm 18

Thoughts on Psalm 18

Thoughts on Psalm 18

Psalm 18.  Beautiful.  Just all beautiful.

Psalm 18

I love you, Lord;
you are my strength.
The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior;
my God is my rock, in whom I find protection.
He is my shield, the power that saves me,
and my place of safety.
I called on the Lord, who is worthy of praise,
and he saved me from my enemies.


Section 2

The ropes of death entangled me;
    floods of destruction swept over me.
The grave wrapped its ropes around me;
    death laid a trap in my path.
But in my distress I cried out to the Lord;
    yes, I prayed to my God for help.
He heard me from his sanctuary;
    my cry to him reached his ears.

Then the earth quaked and trembled.
    The foundations of the mountains shook;
    they quaked because of his anger.
Smoke poured from his nostrils;
    fierce flames leaped from his mouth.
    Glowing coals blazed forth from him.

Section 3

He opened the heavens and came down;
    dark storm clouds were beneath his feet.
10 Mounted on a mighty angelic being, he flew,
    soaring on the wings of the wind.
11 He shrouded himself in darkness,
    veiling his approach with dark rain clouds.
12 Thick clouds shielded the brightness around him
    and rained down hail and burning coals.
13 The Lord thundered from heaven;
    the voice of the Most High resounded
    amid the hail and burning coals.
14 He shot his arrows and scattered his enemies;
    great bolts of lightning flashed, and they were confused.
15 Then at your command, O Lord,
    at the blast of your breath,
the bottom of the sea could be seen,
    and the foundations of the earth were laid bare.

16 He reached down from heaven and rescued me;
    he drew me out of deep waters.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemies,
    from those who hated me and were too strong for me.
18 They attacked me at a moment when I was in distress,
    but the Lord supported me.


Uhm, HECK YES!  If I were the only person on the face of the Earth, He would do this for me!  He would soar down and grab me from the clutches of the depths of the Earth and avenge me!

Heck yes!

Section 4

19 He led me to a place of safety;
    he rescued me because he delights in me.
20 The Lord rewarded me for doing right;
    he restored me because of my innocence.
21 For I have kept the ways of the Lord;
    I have not turned from my God to follow evil.
22 I have followed all his regulations;
    I have never abandoned his decrees.
23 I am blameless before God;
    I have kept myself from sin.
24 The Lord rewarded me for doing right.
    He has seen my innocence.

25 To the faithful you show yourself faithful;
    to those with integrity you show integrity.
26 To the pure you show yourself pure,
    but to the crooked you show yourself shrewd.
27 You rescue the humble,
    but you humiliate the proud.
28 You light a lamp for me.
    The Lord, my God, lights up my darkness.


Gracious…I am OVERWHELMED!  Well, I know you won’t get this, but if my sisters are reading this statement…I AM SHAKING MY TAMBOURINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Section 5

29 In your strength I can crush an army;
    with my God I can scale any wall.

30 God’s way is perfect.
All the Lord’s promises prove true.
He is a shield for all who look to him for protection.
31 For who is God except the Lord?
Who but our God is a solid rock?
32 God arms me with strength,
and he makes my way perfect.
33 He makes me as surefooted as a deer,
enabling me to stand on mountain heights.
34 He trains my hands for battle;
he strengthens my arm to draw a bronze bow.
35 You have given me your shield of victory.
Your right hand supports me;
your help has made me great.
36 You have made a wide path for my feet
to keep them from slipping.


Section 6

37 I chased my enemies and caught them;
    I did not stop until they were conquered.
38 I struck them down so they could not get up;
    they fell beneath my feet.
39 You have armed me with strength for the battle;
    you have subdued my enemies under my feet.
40 You placed my foot on their necks.
    I have destroyed all who hated me.
41 They called for help, but no one came to their rescue.
    They even cried to the Lord, but he refused to answer.
42 I ground them as fine as dust in the wind.
    I swept them into the gutter like dirt.
43 You gave me victory over my accusers.
    You appointed me ruler over nations;
    people I don’t even know now serve me.
44 As soon as they hear of me, they submit;
    foreign nations cringe before me.

Section 7

45 They all lose their courage
    and come trembling from their strongholds.

46 The Lord lives! Praise to my Rock!
    May the God of my salvation be exalted!
47 He is the God who pays back those who harm me;
    he subdues the nations under me
48     and rescues me from my enemies.
You hold me safe beyond the reach of my enemies;
    you save me from violent opponents.
49 For this, O Lord, I will praise you among the nations;
    I will sing praises to your name.
50 You give great victories to your king;
    you show unfailing love to your anointed,
    to David and all his descendants forever.

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Thoughts on Psalm 1 & 2

Thoughts on Psalm 1 & 2

Thoughts on Psalm 1 & 2

Psalm 1

Oh, the joys of those who do not
    follow the advice of the wicked,
    or stand around with sinners,
    or join in with mockers.
But they delight in the law of the Lord,
    meditating on it day and night.
They are like trees planted along the riverbank,
    bearing fruit each season.
Their leaves never wither,
    and they prosper in all they do.

But not the wicked!
They are like worthless chaff, scattered by the wind.
They will be condemned at the time of judgment.
Sinners will have no place among the godly.
For the Lord watches over the path of the godly,
but the path of the wicked leads to destruction.


This coming up year, 2020, I want to focus on reading and meditating more on Scripture.  The last time I read the Bible was the year before my Lady went to visit Jesus.  She inspired me to dig in and learn.  Ask questions and pray.  Once I read it through again, I thought…well, I’m good for a while LOL.  I think that after I read through the Bible every single time.

Yet, I realize that I breathe better, think better, and act better when I’m constantly in the Word.  It makes me mindful of my choices and words.  My bestie posted something on FB that hurt my heart.  I know that is Jesus directly speaking to me and boy when He corrects (disciplines) His children, it is painful!

Marinate on this!

“Pay attention to what people say out of anger, they’ve been dying to tell you that.”  Now, I rephrase that for me.  Pay attention to what I say out of anger, I’ve been dying to tell people that.

Hurts, doesn’t it?


Psalm 2

Why are the nations so angry?
    Why do they waste their time with futile plans?
The kings of the earth prepare for battle;
    the rulers plot together
against the Lord
    and against his anointed one.
“Let us break their chains,” they cry,
    “and free ourselves from slavery to God.”

But the one who rules in heaven laughs.
    The Lord scoffs at them.
Then in anger he rebukes them,
    terrifying them with his fierce fury.

Section 2

For the Lord declares, “I have placed my chosen king on the throne
    in Jerusalem, on my holy mountain.”

The king proclaims the Lord’s decree:
“The Lord said to me, ‘You are my son. 
    Today I have become your Father. 
Only ask, and I will give you the nations as your inheritance,
    the whole earth as your possession.
You will break them with an iron rod
    and smash them like clay pots.’”

10 Now then, you kings, act wisely!
    Be warned, you rulers of the earth!
11 Serve the Lord with reverent fear,
    and rejoice with trembling.
12 Submit to God’s royal son, or he will become angry,
    and you will be destroyed in the midst of all your activities—
for his anger flares up in an instant.
    But what joy for all who take refuge in him!

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Thoughts on Psalm 139

Psalm 139.  I love love love this passage!

Psalm 139

Lord, you have examined my heart
    and know everything about me.
You know when I sit down or stand up.
    You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
You see me when I travel
    and when I rest at home.
    You know everything I do.
You know what I am going to say
    even before I say it, Lord.


Let me start off by saying, this is, hands down, one of my most favorite passages.  When I see that He examines my heart, that grieves me.  Right now, my heart is full of hurt and anger.  There so much pain, sadness, and confusion.

Life has happened, lately, and it has happened hard.  There have been hard truths spoken, hard realities of circumstances, just hard.  I have not trusted God with it, I have stored up anger and He sees that.

My head is not a place I want to dwell and the fact that He knows my thoughts…painful. The thought in my head is not Godly.  I want revenge.  There are people I want to pay for the things that they have done/said to one of my children.  Yet, I know that isn’t right.

The fact that He knows the words that I am going to say before I say it.  I am, honestly, ashamed at my mouth and the words that have flown so freely.  Oh.  Life is so hard.  It is so hard because I’m flesh.

Section 2

You go before me and follow me.
    You place your hand of blessing on my head.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too great for me to understand!

I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave,you are there.
If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
11 I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
12 but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.



Oh, my stars.  The fact that I have to go and speak to the people that I have to speak to tomorrow, gets me all up in the flesh.  Yet, He goes before me.  His Light will shine on all the darkness that will shroud that building.

Lord, please clamp my mouth shut and allow me to find solace and comfort in Exodus 14:14 because I want to hurt someone for hurting my child the way that they have.  Please be my words and my actions as I meet with the people who have a job to protect my child, yet they don’t.  Shine Light.

Section 3

13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.



Marinate on that.  Just marinate.

Section 4

17 How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
    They cannot be numbered!
18 I can’t even count them;
    they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
    you are still with me!

19 O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
    Get out of my life, you murderers!
20 They blaspheme you;
    your enemies misuse your name.
21 Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?
    Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?
22 Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
    for your enemies are my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 Point out anything in me that offends you,
    and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

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Thoughts on Psalm 131

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Thoughts on Psalm 131

Thoughts on Psalm 131.  Keeping hope seems so futile at times.  Especially when you look through the lens of the prince of the earth (satan).  During the height of Hunter’s illness, I would waiver between deep faith and hope.  Then there were days when I had none.  In those “none” days, I had my sister and mom who would come behind me and hold my arms up to help me continue to fight.  Where I had no hope, they did.  They reminded me of who I am and Whose I am.  Also, Hunter is a child of the King and He loves him far more than I could ever love him.  There is a plan.  I just don’t see it yet.

Psalm 131

Lord, my heart is not proud;
    my eyes are not haughty.
I don’t concern myself with matters too great
    or too awesome for me to grasp.
Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself,
    like a weaned child who no longer cries for its mother’s milk.
    Yes, like a weaned child is my soul within me.

O Israel, put your hope in the Lord
    now and always.

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