Depression, Life or Something Like It

Whatever it Takes, Do It

Whatever it Takes, Do It

Whatever it Takes, Do It

 

Whatever it takes to keep your peace intact…do that.  I am serious.  As hard as it can be Whatever it Takes, Do It.  Peace, according to Webster’s Dictionary means “a state of tranquility or quiet or freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions.”

These two things walk hand in hand for me.  A state of tranquility and freedom from oppressive thoughts or emotions.  The last SEVERAL years have been riddled with chaos, pain, confusion, sadness, and intense oppressive thoughts and emotions.

Scripture

My Scripture reading, for today, was in Philippians 4:8 and it states “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”

Whatever it takes, do it.  Whatever it takes to fix your thoughts on what is true. The definition is “freedom from oppressive thoughts or emotions.”  When our thoughts are on the things of this Earth, they can easily become oppressive.  Yet, God wants us to have freedom in our thoughts.

You can have freedom from your thoughts by capturing those negative emotions and casting them aside and realizing what is truth.  Truth according to the Lord.  This can be hard to do, but it can be done.

Honorable

What is honorable.  So, whatever it takes to be honorable, do it.  Be a person that is that city on a hill, be the salt and light of the world.  When you are in that spot of depression that yields a lack of peace, it consumes all of you.

I almost feel like I am in a barrel and there are times when I cannot even see a pinpoint of light.  The last 2 years have been horrible.  I have no peace.  Well, I am getting it back, but it was gone, like the wind.  I did not do whatever it takes for peace.  It’s almost like I succumbed to the chaos around me.

There was no honor in anything I did because all I did was put down myself and live in self-pity.  There was no self-care, self-acceptance, or self-love.  I let the actions of others dictate how I looked at myself.

What is Right and Pure

Nothing I did was right or pure.  It was derogatory towards myself and my circumstances.  I let a few people control my mind.  Satan used “friends” to destroy my self-confidence.  I’m so thankful the Lord allowed my vision to clear up.

By Him doing that, it allowed me to see people for who they really are.  These are the people that I had to step away from, for my own sanity.  I could not have done what I did without the encouragement of my husband.

He sees me, daily, and he sees through me.  He sees my pain and offers love, support, and occasionally a thought that would lead me to fix the problem.  I am blessed with him, my mom, and my sisters.  Without support, I may not be working towards healing.

Whatever it Takes, Do It

I had to do the unthinkable to begin my peace journey.  There were minor things that I changed, like being off of Facebook.  Facebook is toxic.  It can be a pleasurable space to keep up with family if you can change some settings.

I shut everything down.  There was no one, outside of my friend’s list, that had access to anything.  I deleted all my albums and began a new email address to keep those unsavory wolves in sheep’s clothing away from me.

That is minor compared to the other things I have had to do and am currently doing.  My goal is to achieve peace and retain what joy I have left.  It can be done though it has been the hardest thing of my life.

In The End

Be done.

Not mad, not bothered.

Be done.

Protect your peace at all cost.

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Day 3 of Retesting Hunter

Day 3 of Retesting Hunter

Day 3 of Retesting Hunter

Here is a recap of Day 3 of Retesting Hunter.  As you might remember from yesterday’s post, lots of stuff happened. So many delays, a co-vid scare, and a tick on his penis are the highlights.  Mix in being hungry, exhausted, and frustrated and there you have our first (and only) 2-day stay at the hospital.  Let’s talk OMS, shall we?

Opsoclonus Myoclonus Syndrome (OMS) is difficult to diagnose.  It is easier when a child has a paraneoplastic type or a neuroblastoma.  Yet, being idiopathic is just a shot in the dark.  Sadly, Vanderbilt has not really done us well, in our opinion.

Is it God Speaking?

The 1-day screw-up or the 2-day delay…was that God saying “stay home?”  Nah, God hasn’t spoken to me in a while (in my opinion, not His).  I press on, determined to get an answer with one of my many phone calls or messages.

We get there and most goes smoothly.  Get to our room and things start falling into place.  Nurses come in and do their thing.  We get the IV going, tests begin running, questions being asked.  You know, all the things.  The co-vid test was a NIGHTMARE, but we got it done.

Is He Speaking Louder?

At 5 am, the neuro walks in to inform me that Hunter tested positive for co-vid.  I told her that it had to be wrong because we have been nowhere.  He has no symptoms.  She said that it was positive and that we were being transferred to the co-vid unit.

Excellent.

They decided to retest him at 530 am.  Fun, I know.  Regardless of the outcome of that test, the aliens came in and whisked him down to the “red-headed stepchild” ward.  I kid you not, that’s what people call it.

My mom called and said, “Brandi, can’t you just go home?”  I told her no because we need these tests.  That was my third warning and our second positive test.

In the Meantime

My family, back at home, are getting tested right and left.  It’s a lot of people to get tested.  Yet, once it was all said and done, everyone tested negative.  It wasn’t surprising and I still questioned whether or not that the test was accurate.

Yet, we had an attentive resident who seemed to “see” me.  We had a wonderful nurse who put Hunter at ease in every aspect.  I decided that I would ignore all the warnings and second-guessing myself and we pressed on again.

Final Say

Well, He didn’t just give me signs, feelings, phone calls, and such.  This time, He just said, “leave.”  The powers that be came in and said that there was nothing that they could do for 20 days.  We should just go on home and come back.

That was loud and clear.

On Our Way Home

As I turned down the road to home, it began to pour down rain.  My boy woke from a nap, it began to storm and the rays of the sun were shining down.  I prayed for the Lord to give me a sign that all will be okay.  I looked in my mirror and saw a HUGE double rainbow.  It was glorious.

I had Hunter turn around and I told him the story of Noah and the ark.  Hunter informed me that he knew all about the ark and the flood.  We talked of salvation, the Holy Spirit, God’s promises, and such.

We turned on some praise and worship.  Hunter was raising his hands and singing so loudly to each song. It warms my heart to know that he has been through so much and he still praises Jesus.  I felt peace and warmth blow through my body.

BTW:  Hunter and I tested on the 3rd and we are CO-VID FREE!

Maybe, God is moving.

Day 3 of Retesting Hunter Day 3 of Retesting Hunter

Day 3 of Retesting Hunter

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Day 2 of Retesting Hunter

Day 2 of Retesting Hunter

Day 2 of Retesting Hunter

Today, geez.  It started off with someone scaring the crap out of me at 5 am.  I actually slept on and off between 1 and 5.  Well, we are up now.  Neuro said that Hunter tested positive for Co-Vid.  There is some added fun.

Where on Earth?

I have no clue how this even happened.  He has not been symptomatic at all.  Honestly, he goes nowhere, so the people (my kids and husband) coming in and out of the house must have brought it in.

I asked for a day 2 retest and they did.  Guess what?  It was positive too.  Now, we are on another floor, in complete isolation.  We are still getting testing done, but he will be moved to the last on the list.

Lots to Do

He is supposed to have an MRI and an LP (Lumbar Puncture) today, under sedation.  If you have sedation, you can’t eat or drink.  He is hungry and thirsty which is going to make for an unhappy boy.  Negative is now, he has to be last on the list.

His blood tests came back normal, except his iron is low.  That is fixable.  All the other doctors will be coming in today.  *Some stranger is peeking in his window and waving.  Quite creepy if  you ask me.*

Positives and Negatives

Positive:  People don’t bother us.

Negative:  Co-vid.  Grumpy child.  Isolation.

Also, a HUGE negative is that we are now being discharged because he can’t be under sedation for 20 days.  Bloodwork was done, we got urine on him.  The Rheumatologist and behavioral specialist will see him BUT the most important thing is the MRI and the LP.

So, we have to come back in 20 days.  The fun never ends.

**So far, everyone else in my family has tested negative.**

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Day 1 of Retesting for Hunter

Day 1 of Retesting for Hunter

Day 1 of Retesting for Hunter

Recap Day 1 of Retesting for Hunter.  Today is actually day 2, so I’m going to be a day behind all week.  Tis the life, I guess.  Anyway, I dread hospital days.  Usually, I start getting anxious about a week prior, and then it hits hard the day before.

This time, I got a head start on packing and I was going to pack light.  Last time, I packed too many snacks and clothes.  The first time (almost 4 yrs ago), I packed little to nothing for a 2 week stay.  I have one bag for both of our clothes, a book, and my slippers.  Then, I packed my purse that has my little bag of bathroom things, essential oils, and electronics.  One bag.  One purse.

I’m ready.

Once I’m Ready

Then, I am ready. I have a coke in the fridge, water, and we are rolling.  This time, however, was different.  First, I was supposed to check in on Memorial Day.  Doc said that we should put it off till Tuesday.  Okay, fine.  Adjustment.

Monday night, I went to do the pre-visit on Telehealth and it had that I was SUPPOSED to come on Memorial Day.  I messaged.  No response.  I called.  No response.  I messaged hours later.  No response.  Are you sensing a pattern?

My Whole Mojo was Thrown Off

Tuesday comes and I start calling.  Guess what?  No response.  I called admissions and they said they had him down for coming Monday.  There were no orders for him to be admitted on a Tuesday and to not come (a long drive for me).

I messaged the office 4 times.  Called 3 times.  Then, I called admissions again.  Finally, after my whole mojo was thrown off, we left about 3 pm.  It rained the whole way down, so that was an added element of fun in the non-existent sun.

Getting in Our Room

We got settled and a neuro doctor came in.  She was letting me know what all was going to be done.  Then, we talked about his new or increasing symptoms of rage, OCD (or tics), his vitiligo, and other things.  I informed her that she needed to look at his last visit and whomever the 2 neuros were that took his cath out, they were not to get near my son.  Her eyes widened.

Of course, this is a neuro I had never met and she wasn’t aware of the plasmapheresis trauma.  Tough.  Just tough.  I will say that our IV team (the team consisted of 1 person) was unbelievably phenomenal.

Blood Tests and Co-vid Test

He had a lot of blood drawn for several different tests.  Also, he had a co-vid test which was HORRIBLE.  I mean, he grabbed the stick, shoved it up to his nose more, and SCREAMED.  Then, he broke it.

Good times.

Luckily, he slept well and was overall really good.

Day 2 begins the round of testing.

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The One that *Sees* You

The One that *Sees* You

The One that *Sees* You

Have you ever felt invisible?  That no one really sees the pain that you carry around on a daily basis?  Has your pain ever been so intense and you have stuffed it so far, that you are numb to emotions?  Have you ever been called emotionally stagnant or unable to feel things as they happen?  Well, that’s me in a nutshell.

Trauma

Childhood trauma, young adult trauma, adult trauma, PTSD, whatever it is that you may face.  It’s a bitch.  In the moment, I feel nothing.  I’m always on mode go go go go go and then once I’ve gone, I relax.  Then, I cry and feel all the feelings.  It’s horrible.  I’m working on processing the traumas, whether big or small, past, present or what I foresee.

Have you ever taken the ACE test?  The Adverse Childhood Experience study?  My score is 6.  This means that “People with an ACE score of 6 or higher are at risk of their lifespan being shortened by 20 years. ACEs are responsible for a big chunk of workplace absenteeism, and for costs in health care, emergency response, mental health, and criminal justice.”

Drug Allergy Testing

So, this past week, I had to take Hunter back to the allergist at Vanderbilt.  This time, not for seasonal allergies but for a Decadron Challenge.  Doing this definitively tells me whether or not he has an allergy to this specific drug.

Luckily, we had the same nurse as last time and the dr that we met via telehealth the first time.  These ladies are so very nice.  They explained things to Hunter and me very well.  We had to leave a bit early and I got so turned around that we were almost lost.

This place is in a shopping mall.  I kind you not.  We had to go to a mall to go to the doctor.  It is so weird.  Add that to the fact we have to go up one escalator, down a thousand hallways, and up an elevator to get to where we were going.  I was tired, he was getting anxious, we all know the drill.

10 Minutes Late

We got there, just in the knick of time.  The nurse called us back and said how she remembered us from the last time.  She did all the things and got us to our room.  Hunter was behind me, twirling his shirt and hopping.  I sat down, feeling defeated but stoic.  Ready for this next test, next doctor, next hospital, next next next.

The nurse came over and asked to hold Hunter’s hands.  She looked at him and told him exactly what we were going to do.  That nothing, today, would hurt him.  She comforted him and asked him if he was okay.  He said he was scared and she softly assured him that there was nothing to fear.  That touched my heart of stone.

Then, It Happened

She got him settled with the promise of Teddy Grahams and power aid.  Next, she rolled back to her computer and started typing something, asking me the normal round of questions.  Then, she quickly turned her chair around and looked me dead in the eye.

She said, “are you okay?”  This was done with such sincerity that it threw me off.  I was speechless.  Then, I felt it coming.  Tears welled up in my eyes and I gently said “no.”  She rolled over to me and patted me on the leg and said that it was going to be okay and that I was going to be okay.

I Felt Seen

At that moment, I felt as if she could see directly into my soul.  That she saw everything that had been stuffed down and she wanted to assure me that it is okay.  I am okay.  This is all going to be okay.  I felt such comfort and calmness.  A peace fell over me and I could physically feel my body relaxing.

On cue, Hunter must have felt something too because he did his thing.  Ever since he got sick, we have listened to Ms. Debbie.  She has recorded us about 8 songs.  He knows them all by heart and asks to listen to her because it calms him.  He turned around and said, “can we please listen to Ms. Debbie?”

We both listened and praised God together.  I am learning, listening, and trying to trust in the process.  It is coming up on 4 yrs and we are both just tired.  God, give us rest and heal his weary body.

Side note:  he is NOT allergic to Decadron 🙂

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In the Still of the Night, The Monster Comes to Play

In the Still of the Night, The Monster Comes to Play

In the Still of the Night, The Monster Comes to Play

In the Stillness

I love the time of day when I can go upstairs and just be.  For the day, I am done.  I am done with school, cooking, cleaning, putting out fires, phone calls, texts, etc.  My stuff, a bottle of water, and coke come up the stairs with me.  I turn on all the fans, dim the lights, wash my face, and pile up in bed.  Yet, In the Still of the Night, The Monster Comes to Play.

For a bit, I am good.  I will scan all the things like email, Instagram, and such.  Facebook is a thing of the past.  I cannot stand the fakeness, passive-aggressive, political, crap that it is.  A “friend” can be a friend to your face but behind your back, they are a glorified 12-year-old living in the land of middle school.

That shit is for the birds.  I’m so much better than that.

Then, the stillness sets in.

The Silence

My life is SO loud.  I mean my son-in-law is LOUD.  Everyone is loud.  We have 21 chickens, 19 cats, a whiny dog, a granddaughter, and kids galore.  It is always something.  At night, though, other than the fans, it is silent.

That’s when the thoughts come in.  These are not good thoughts.  Normally, I watch the Detail Geek (car detailing guy from Canada) and talk to Donna.  We talk through several of his details and giggle so much.  Catch up on life, talk about our issues, and the issues of our children… all the things.

Since she passed away, in October last year, I have stopped watching him.  I get so emotional when I do.  Then, I go to pick up the phone and I realize she isn’t there.  All of the unresolved trauma and grief floods me.

Reality

When Donna’s daughter died, I did not process her death for a year.  Her death was so hard on me.  I have loved LA from the moment I met her until the moment we buried her.  Donna and I had always been close but our bond was unbreakable after LA died.

I remember the night that I called her.  Crying.  I was crying so hard that I couldn’t breathe.  She could not understand me.  Finally, she said for me to stop and tell her 2 things that make me laugh when I think of her.

  1.  Bats
  2. Hair dye

Instantly

I stopped crying and replayed that story over and over in my head.  The darkness began to have a bit of light and the monster retreated for a moment back from where it came.  Donna is gone. Now, I have no one to tell that story too.

So again, the monster comes out to play in the stillness of the night.  When I am alone with my own thoughts and the depression begins to overwhelm me.

Bats. Hair dye.  Bats.  Hair dye.  Monsters go away because I do not want to play.

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Revelations of an 18-Year-Old and Social Media Dangers

Revelations of an 18-Year-Old and Social Media Dangers

Revelations of an 18-Year-Old and Social Media Dangers

Every day we get on our phones and scroll aimlessly through social media. We comment on and like our friend’s photos. We even comment on and like celebrities’ photos. Every day we are exposed to photos and other kinds of media that hurt our self-esteem. Every time we go on social media, we see images of people who look a way that we don’t or have things that we don’t and that causes us to think more negative things about ourselves because we are those other people.

Kids Getting Phones TOO Soon

Kids are getting phones younger and younger these days. I am not shaming anyone, but I feel that it is important that we look at how social media and phones can affect young and impressionable kids.
Growing up, I got a phone when I was in 7th grade. I had to share the phone with my many brothers and sisters. Looking back, creating my social media at such a young age was a stupid idea. From then on, I noticed how much I started to compare myself to other girls. I started to despise myself after a while because I didn’t look like the girls I was seeing on the internet. I couldn’t fit into a size zero, and that’s where my body image issues started.

After 2 Years

After two years, I slowly started skipping meals. It started out slow maybe skipping a meal or two a week. It got worse rather quickly. I went from only missing one or two meals a week, to only eating once a week. I truly felt that there was nothing wrong with that behavior. I felt totally normal. I got down to a very small size, the smallest I’ve been, and It just wasn’t good for me. Even though I was tiny, I felt like I was 400 pounds. The truth is, I still haven’t fully recovered from my eating disorder. it wasn’t until a few months ago that I started eating more regularly. It’s been rough trying to get myself back on track.
It wasn’t until I decided to delete my TikTok and other apps that hurt me mentally That I realized just how much those apps had an impact on me. It was such a toxic environment for me, and I decided I didn’t want to live in such a vicious cycle. It was truly never-ending.  Exposing young children, especially young girls, is harmful. This is something I am very passionate about because I know how much it affected me.

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Lockup: Extended Stay

Lockup: Extended Stay

Lockup:  Extended Stay

In Lockup: Extended Stay, I just completed a four-day stay in the hospital because of my mental health. I am not ashamed to say that’s why I was in the hospital. I needed help, and I can admit that now.

Things have been bad for me for basically a month, and I had nothing left to give. It started with me realizing that even though I have forgiven myself for my brother’s death, it didn’t make it any less painful like I was expecting. I thought that if I had forgiven myself then the hole in my heart wouldn’t feel as big.

Trauma Relived

On top of that, I have started remembering things from ten years ago and that just hasn’t worked out in my favor so far. I also had the anxiety of what to do with the information I was remembering. Do I report this even if it may ruin my family?

Do I report it even if I will have no biological family afterward? That decision was made for me, but now I’m dealing with the anxiety of wait to hear from the police. Every time the phone rings, it’s like my world stops. I start shaking, and I get really nauseous. I hate this feeling.

First Few Nights

My first few nights at the hospital were very lonely. I didn’t even start to make friends until the night before I left. I only knew those people for a short amount of time, but they made a huge impact on me. I can’t help but think about where they are in the world.
Did Katie and Michaela get out today? Did Jamie’s mom ever pick him from the hotel room? Did the other Katie get the Job she interviewed for right after she got out? Did the girl with super long hair throw a chair through the window? Where are they now? Are they doing okay?

Dawn, the Night Nurse

My night nurse made the biggest impact on me. Dawn deserves a raise because she doesn’t make enough money for what she does. From the moment I met her, she was nothing but caring. She answered any question I had. She got me food from the fridge when I was too anxious to do it myself. She treated me like I was her own child.
On my last night there, she shared something with me that she has never shared with anyone. I won’t say what it was because that’s not my story to share, but it made me believe that I can talk to the police. That I am strong enough to get through this.

I am Home Now

Now that I’m out, I feel like there’s this pressure that I have to be good now. Like I feel like I can’t be anxious or depressed. Don’t get me wrong, I am the best I have ever been, but it’s still not great. If that makes sense. The bar was literally on the floor before now. I feel like I now appreciate the people around me a little more now.
Looking back, I know I wouldn’t have made it through the past month without them. That’s not something I’ve been shy about either. I’m so grateful to Bart (you guys may know him as “Big Daddy”) and Brandi. They have completely changed my life. I love them with my whole heart and I could never thank them enough for what they’ve done for me.

Guest Blogger

This was written by one of my favorite people.  She is so precious to my soul.  I am so encouraged by the strength that it took for her to admit that there was something not quite right.  There have been so many days and nights that I have seen her struggle to just maintain.  The dam broke.  With the help of her medical provider, his nurse, and my son…she would have never had the strength to stand up for herself.  She would have never sought the help that she needed.

Since doing that, it was discovered that she has Serotonin Syndrome.  There are many symptoms that range from excessive sweating to goosebumps.  All of this is caused by an accumulation of serotonin.  Some, your body produces, some is caused by antidepressants.

Thankfully, she is on the right medication.  She was on too many SSRIs and now she has completely leveled out.  There is no shame in getting help.  Had she not gotten the help she needed, she would have never discovered the meds to help her were actually hurting her.

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Sticky Boobs, Flushed Face, Mood Swings Galore

Sticky Boobs, Flushed Face, Mood Swings Galore

Sticky Boobs, Flushed Face, Mood Swings Galore

Oh my word, who can relate to the Sticky Boobs, Flushed Face, Mood Swings Galore?  Men who read this blog, I apologize in advance.  Skip over this post.  Women?  Who can say menopause?  Men.  O.  Pause.  Honestly, men SHOULD pause when getting near a woman who is going through this stage of life.  Perimenopause is what goes on before menopause sinks its teeth into you.

Angry Ovaries

Now, I will say, that I have had a hysterectomy.  Well, a partial one.  Everything is gone except my ovaries.  When I went to the Amish Iridologist (links below), Mr. Reuben, he said “ma’am, you have angry ovaries.”  I about spit my water all over him giggling.  Yes, sir, my ovaries are angry.

Honestly, I thought it would be better, in the long run, to keep my ovaries.  Now, I wish I had had them removed.  My goal was to NOT be on hormones.  Guess what I am on?  Hormones.  I started about a month ago.  The symptoms have lessened, some, but not much.

Sucky Signs

These are the symptoms that I have currently.  Pray for my husband, children, Lola, and my cats.  Bless them.  Just bless their hearts for having to deal with all that I am bringing to the table.

*Hot Flashes

*Face Flushing (worst thing possible)

*Mood swings (depression/anxiety is 1000 times worse)

*Inability to sleep or I sit down and fall asleep wherever

*Bloat

*Eating better weighing more

*Weird muscle zaps

*Loss of memory

*Concentration of a gnat

*I feel ALL the feelings ALL the time (frankly, it is freaking my kids out)

*Dizziness or light-headedness

*Farting.  I fart all the time.  Not just a dainty little toot.  These are either rip-roaring tuba-sounding farts or silent but violent farts.  They all smell like sulfur, rotten eggs, and moss.  I kid you not.

*Acne.  It is like a zit parade marching across my face.

*Headaches

*Vaginal dryness

*Drop in libido

*Irritability

*Just not feeling well

*Feelings of dread, doom, and apprehension

*Agoraphobia

*Dry skin

*Itchy skin/skin crawling

*Nausea

Thank Goodness

These are more symptoms, but I haven’t had these yet.  Let’s all have a moment of prayer for the women who have ALL the symptoms.

Everything aches

Brittle fingernails

Thinning hair

Incontinence

Irregular periods

Rapid heartbeats

Night sweats

Cold flashes

If You or Someone You Love

Is currently going through perimenopause or menopause, just love them.  Pray for them.  Offer to cook dinner, watch their kids when they are tired.  Throw chocolate and coke at them from the driveway.  Don’t be offended if they bite your head off or cry for no reason.

Seriously, if someone is struggling mentally, please give them THIS NUMBER so they can get help.  The Suicide Hotline is open 24/7 with a willing ear to just listen.

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Get Your Fight Back

Get Your Fight Back

Get Your Fight Back

Get Your Fight Back is one of the first videos I saw on TikTok.  This, well, it gave me chills.  Every time I hear/read it, I have the same experience.  Sarah Jakes Robert is amazingly delivered this sermon.

“Get Your Fight Back” by Sarah Jakes Robert

It is titled “Get your fight back.”

Girl, get your power back.

~Girl, start acting like you are a king’s daughter, and that there has always been a crown attached to your head.

Even when I was sick I was still His. Even when I was dead, I was still His.

Do you know who I am?

I am a child of the highest God.

He has kept me alive so that I can be a testimony to everyone attached to me.

Get Up: There is No Hold on You

Girl, you can get up again.

And Girl addiction can’t have you.

Girl divorce gotta let you go.

Get up girl, Girl get up, Girl get up, Girl get up, Girl get up again.

Girl Depression gotta let you go.

And Girl anxiety has to lose its hold.

I’m pleading for you to get up.

My daughter needs to see you get up.

And My sister needs to you get up.

Get up, Get up.

I gotta get up, I gotta get up again,  I gotta get up again.

Get Your Prophecy

God’s you just sent a word, And now I know I need to get up again.

Something died on the inside of me, but I feel my spirit coming back.

I feel my power coming back and my ideas.

And I feel these dry bones shaken and coming back to life.

I’m getting up, I’m getting up.

I’m getting in position.

And I’m tired of crying about it.

I’m tired of fighting about it.

So I’m getting in the position.

Girl, You gotta get up.

I’m getting up for my daughter, I’m getting up for my sister, I’m getting up for my kids, I don’t even have them yet, but I was getting up for them too.

And I’m getting up for my community and marriage.

Gotta get up, I gotta get up, I gotta get up, I gotta get up.

Jesus, you’ve been chasing me too long.

I’m here and I surrender.

I gotta get up, I gotta get up.

The bitterness you got to Let me go.

Death, You can’t have me.

I gotta get up.

Honestly, I gotta find my joy.

I’ve got to find my peace.

I Gotta find my spirit again.

My friend made me who I am, my spirit got me into this.

And My spirit is gonna get me out, My spirit is going to get me out of it.

I got my Spirit back.

God touch me, God overflow.

I need your spirit, I’m hungry for it, I’m desperate for it.

God help me up.

Who You Need to Let Know

Let Hell hear you.

And Let the Depression hear you.

Let the enemy know.

And Let death know.

Spirit

The spirit is coming back to me.

This spirit, what spirit?

The Holy Spirit, the Name that is above all Names.

Yes. When we call on that Name things happen.

That’s what I’m calling on.

What I need

Your Spirit.

Jesus, I need your power.

Your healing.

Get Who You Are Back

The King of kings.

Lord of lords.

You are the way maker.

My healer.

What I Call You

Excellent.

Wonderful.

Magnificent.

Jehovah Jairus.

Jehovah

What I Say

You can have control.

I surrender.

Make a way.

Nothing is off limits

I say God touch me as only you can do.

God give me power.

Help me forgive.

I say God Cleanse me from bitterness.

Sermon Video and Full Transcript of Sarah Jakes Robert

Girl Get Up

Beyond my Cross

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