Faith Journey, Medical Issues

Psalm 29 & Proverbs 29

Psalm 29 & Proverbs 29

Psalm 29 & Proverbs 29

Here I am, moving on down to Psalm 29 & Proverbs 29.  After verse 31 in Proverbs, I will continue on with Psalm and move to verse 1 in Proverbs.  Just an FYI for my own brain processing moments.

Psalm 29

Ascribe to the Lord, you heavenly beings,
    ascribe to the Lord glory and strength.
Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name;
    worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness.

When I read this, the first person that pops into my mind is our Associate Pastor and worship leader, Damian.  I have never seen a man ooze glory the way he does.  In the face of so many trials, he is there, giving glory to the name of Jesus.  It is pure joy to see him.  Frankly, he and his family just need to move in with me so I can see it daily.

His Voice

The voice of the Lord is over the waters;
    the God of glory thunders,
    the Lord thunders over the mighty waters.
The voice of the Lord is powerful;
    the voice of the Lord is majestic.
The voice of the Lord breaks the cedars;
    the Lord breaks in pieces the cedars of Lebanon.
He makes Lebanon leap like a calf,
    Sirion like a young wild ox.
The voice of the Lord strikes
    with flashes of lightning.
The voice of the Lord shakes the desert;
    the Lord shakes the Desert of Kadesh.
The voice of Lord twists the oaks
    and strips the forests bare.
And in his temple all cry, “Glory!”

Can you even imagine?  For real.  Can you EVEN imagine….”the voice of the Lord TWISTS the oaks and strips the forests bare.”

Straight up Truth!

10 The Lord sits enthroned over the flood;
    the Lord is enthroned as King forever.
11 The Lord gives strength to his people;
    the Lord blesses his people with peace.

Proverbs 29

Whoever stubbornly refuses to accept criticism
will suddenly be destroyed beyond recovery.

When the godly are in authority, the people rejoice.
    But when the wicked are in power, they groan.

The man who loves wisdom brings joy to his father,
    but if he hangs around with prostitutes, his wealth is wasted.

A just king gives stability to his nation,
    but one who demands bribes destroys it.

To flatter friends
    is to lay a trap for their feet.

Section 2

Evil people are trapped by sin,
    but the righteous escape, shouting for joy.

The godly care about the rights of the poor;
    the wicked don’t care at all.

Mockers can get a whole town agitated,
    but the wise will calm anger.

If a wise person takes a fool to court,
    there will be ranting and ridicule but no satisfaction.

10 The bloodthirsty hate blameless people,
    but the upright seek to help them.

Section 3

11 Fools vent their anger,
    but the wise quietly hold it back.

12 If a ruler pays attention to liars,
    all his advisers will be wicked.

13 The poor and the oppressor have this in common—
    the Lord gives sight to the eyes of both.

14 If a king judges the poor fairly,
    his throne will last forever.

15 To discipline a child produces wisdom,
    but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child.

Not gonna lie…I struggle with verse 11.  When I went to St. Augustine, the doctor asked me what I needed help with.  I looked at him, as bluntly as I am, and said: “I am angry.  All the time, for no reason.  Just angry.  I wanna just throat punch everyone.”  Needless to say, he kept his distance.  LOL  May I learn wisdom!

Verse 15 sticks in my throat, as well.  I have 7 children.  All of whom are totally different and have to be parented completely differently.  I’m big on discipline, yet with a couple of my children, discipline does not really work.  I feel this verse deep in my soul.

Section 4

16 When the wicked are in authority, sin flourishes,
    but the godly will live to see their downfall.

17 Discipline your children, and they will give you peace of mind
    and will make your heart glad.

18 When people do not accept divine guidance, they run wild.
    But whoever obeys the law is joyful.

19 Words alone will not discipline a servant;
    the words may be understood, but they are not heeded.

20 There is more hope for a fool
    than for someone who speaks without thinking.

Again, every one of these verses speaks to me in regards to a couple of my kids.  I have no peace of mind.  In my head, I am surrounded by my enemies ready to devour my children and me.  I pray for that peace of mind, that the words spoken will be heeded.

One of my children literally said last night that the things that were spoken were said without thinking.  This happens more often than not.  I just read this to that child…a blank stare where “words may be understood, bu they are not heeded.”

Section 5

21 A servant pampered from childhood
    will become a rebel.

22 An angry person starts fights;
    a hot-tempered person commits all kinds of sin.

23 Pride ends in humiliation,
    while humility brings honor.

24 If you assist a thief, you only hurt yourself.
    You are sworn to tell the truth, but you dare not testify.

25 Fearing people is a dangerous trap,
    but trusting the Lord means safety.

26 Many seek the ruler’s favor,
    but justice comes from the Lord.

27 The righteous despise the unjust;
    the wicked despise the godly.

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Psalm 28 & Proverbs 28

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Faith Journey, Medical Issues

Come What May Part 5

Come What May Part 5

Hope…..my theme word since May 2015 because of Come What May Part 5.  Hope showed back up on July 8, 2018….B and I were late for church again (let us have a SHOCKER moment), luckily, he left the kids and me off at the door.  That allowed us to find a seat (in front of our favorite humans, Mr. Cliff and Ms. Jan.  While the kids sat down, I scurried Hunter off to his class.  For the purpose of playing with his “brother” and then I could sit in peace for a few minutes.

Well, God is the God of peace, but He also has an agenda.  As sweet Grace was doing worship, she started a song that I had never heard of “Come What May.”  Gracious.

Come What May:

In death and life, I follow You
In every season, this be true
‘Cause I chose this path and I made this vow
And I will never turn around

Nothing can hold me back from Your love
I’m following You, Jesus
Whatever may come my way

To live is Christ, to die is gain
I give it all for love’s true name
It brands my heart, and now I will rise
To bear the name of Jesus Christ

Nothing can hold me back from Your love
I’m following You, Jesus
Whatever may come my way

Come what may, I will obey
‘Cause I find my joy in bringing You praise

I will obey You, God, whatever man may say 
I stand on promises I know my God has made 
With no regrets in me, my lips will praise Your name 
And though the earth gives way, I will not be afraid 

‘Cause You are the Lord of Lords, You open every door 
You stand in victory, and now my heart is Yours 
I will trust in You, God, and I will not be moved 
When persecution comes, I choose to stand with You

Thoughts

I bolded what stopped me in my tracks.  Again, my head was down, I was singing in my spirit, and then when those, unexpected verses (still, I did not know this song) came on…..my body started to react, and my hands were flying up in the air worshipping Jesus.  I almost, just almost, stood on the chair to get closer to God (kind of like southern women who make their hairs real big….the bigger the hair, the closer to God status).

In A Moment

In a moment, I looked over and saw Richie (our pastor) standing by Bart.  He asked if we would be willing to share our testimony about what has been going on.  We said yes, but my mind (flesh) was screaming…I have nothing to say.  I mean nothing is in my head. What on earth?

Things have been tough around my neck of the woods.  Every single child is struggling with something, as are Bart and I.  Our marriage is strained, our minds are twisted, we are feeling very alone, unloved, and with all that is going on……..we still have the massive needs of Hunter.

When this song was over, Richie said that he felt like the Lord was leading him to ask us to speak because man is telling us so much…yet we are trying so hard to seek His face.  There are days, when I seek His face, with my eyes shut.  You know, when children play hide and seek…if their little eyes are closed, they can’t see you and you can’t see me, but we can turn our heads to a voice….that’s kind of like the life we all had been living.

The Baseball Cap…Let Hope Arise

Part 5 Come What May

Finally, we have answers to our medical questions, in regards to Hunter.  Yet, his doctor is still trying to get us to nail jello to a wall.  First, he has strep, then he has Cerebellitis, then there is the diagnosis of OMS (Opsoclonus Myoclonus Syndrome), next is possibly SCA (Spinocerebellar Ataxia). In the end, he does have 1 copy of the MRE11A mutation on chromosome 11q21, which correlates with ATLD1.  Yet that was still an incorrect diagnosis.  We are back to Opsoclonus Myoclonus Syndrome.  Our fifth (and third) final diagnosis. Blah blah blah blah.  I am SO sick of listening to the voice of man dictating every aspect of Hunter’s life.  Sick.  Of.  It.

As we got up there, we made it through the testimony….only to be blindsided by a baseball cap……

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Faith Journey

A Breakthrough of Letting Go

A Breakthrough of Letting Go

A Breakthrough of Letting Go

Sometimes I don’t even realize I’m trying to control a situation.  For a year (or more) the Lord has not moved.  Here is my A Breakthrough of Letting Go.

Then I sit back and I reflect.

I think about all the phone calls, the late nights researching, the bookmarks I’ve saved, the groups I have stalked, the tests I have read and reread…..but…

Where was my Jesus?

I realized:  ~my depression was stronger ~my prayer life had waned ~my mood was somber ~my temper was short ~my resolve was shorter ~my study life was nonexistent ~my relationships were strained and ~my desire to go to church was void.

On June 17, 2018…I found Jesus again.

I say that knowing that I have always had Jesus.  He has never left me or forsaken me.  Today, He imprinted on me.  He gently turned my head back around to face Him.  I allowed things to happen that I would generally never allow, out of fear.

Fear has no place anymore.

As I wheeled my son in church, late, past 1044 people (not really but it seemed like a lot when your baby is in a wheelchair), I kept my head down.  I tried not to make eye contact with anyone.  If I did, I would melt in a puddle of tears.

Then I turned around.

There stood friend #1 and before I knew it friend #2 walked up.  There was a brief moment where I explained a few things.  Then I had to walk away because I was fixing to lose it.  In no way did I want to release that control and let anyone see me cry.  From the hallway, I hurried back into the sanctuary and we were in the middle of worship.

I couldn’t even open my mouth or my eyes.

I just stood there, in the pew, with my head down.  There were no thoughts in my head.  At that moment, I was trying so hard not to cry because I was with my children.  When they began another song, I found myself walking to the altar to pray.  My feet were moving without the permission of my mind.  I knelt down….and still, there were no words in my head, out of my mouth, I just sat there and absorbed the music.

Mamoo……

As I was praying, I felt a hand, and I looked over, and Ms. Mamoo was praying over me.  She is the most eccentric woman, I have ever met.  She is stunning with bright blonde and pink hair.  Her legs are to die for and she is about 86 years old.  There is a strength in her.  She kept telling me to “hold on” that healing would happen.  That I need to hold on to.  I felt my body release.  Then, I heard these sounds that in thinking back, was me moaning in an animalistic type of way.

The music stopped.

I scurried through a door to gather myself, alone for a moment.  I walked around the corner to check on Hunter.  He was beginning to meltdown because he could not pick up a whale snack.  He kept dropping it and shaking.  As I went in to help him, the ladies said there was a man at the door that wanted to speak to me.

I have never seen him before.

This man was emotional and he asked me to bear with him.  He said he saw me wheel my son past him.  That he felt the Lord leading him to pray over him.  At that moment, he asked permission to do so.  I went back into the room and scooped Hunter up.  In his next request, he asked me if he could hold Hunter.  I was okay with it…strangely, so was Hunter.  Hunter was completely at ease with this man.

His prayer…

What a beautiful prayer of healing this man prayed over my son, in the hallway of the church.  I will never remember all the words he said.  I do remember the stillness of Hunter.  The electricity that was in that little huddle, the tears that were shed by me and this man.  I was humbled.

Faith.

Our sermon was on faith and how you have to basically tie a knot at the end of the last thread you are hanging onto.  You must trust that if you slip, you will land on Jesus’ hand.  This sermon was exactly what I’ve been battling with for the last month or so.  Jesus has been working on me to have faith.  To stand strong, to release control because He knew Hunter before He created the earth.  He knew who would carry him and He knew who was going to raise him.  God knew that Hunter would go through this.  He already the perfect provision in mind if I would just get out of the way and stop controlling the situation.

In the end…

I went to get my son.  Hunter was gently placed in his chair and I wheeled him into the sanctuary.  Looking up, I saw Richie, our pastor, and before I knew what I was doing, I wheeled him up to the altar.  At that moment…..the Lord gave me another huge chunk of my rainbow.  As I looked up, people from all over the sanctuary were coming forward to lay hands on Hunter, Bart, and me.  Mamoo anointed him with oil, as she prayed.

There stood men and women, of all ages and children…..all I could hear was a gentle roar of prayers being spoken over our son.  In the midst of that, I felt a hand on my shoulder….it was a familiar hand, with a familiar smell, and a slight tremor….Ms. Jan, through the crowd, touched me.  I never saw her face…I just felt the warmth of her hand and I could hone in on her voice.  Hunter never moved.  He never cried.  He just sat there and took it all in.

A Breakthrough of Letting Go

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My Bowels are Stirring

My Bowels are Stirring

My Bowels are Stirring

Well, My Bowels are Stirring at the thought of watching my daughter walk down the aisle to marry this boy.  Then there is the whole watching her daddy “give” her away.  I’m not sure I can handle the pressure of listening to them pour out their hearts by writing their own vows.  Oh, and the whole part of hearing them say “I do.”  Sigh.  We have 10 more days until I am a mother in law.  How did that happen?

We are going to surprise her during the ceremony.  She gets really tense when all eyes are on her.  So, one of her favorite movies is The Princess Bride.  Ironically, it is also one of our pastor’s favorite movies.  So, in honor of that, he is going to do the “Mawage” speech to get her giggling.  We are not telling anyone, so I’m not sure what the audience will think LOL.

I only have to do this 6 more times.  Let that resonate in your soul.  We clearly were not thinking when we decided to have all the kids.  Clearly not.  Seriously, My Bowels are Stirring.

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Faith Journey, Medical Issues

Our Family, Friends, Church, and Community

Our Family, Friends, Church, and Community

Our Family, Friends, Church, and Community

Our Family, Friends, Church, and Community have come together during the last few weeks.  We have seen our family, friends, church body, and the community come together to bless our family.  They have all done this in a very difficult time.  There is no way I can express how loved we feel.  Also, how blessed we are to have complete strangers stand in the gap for us through prayer.  They have also provided financial donations, built a ramp, provided suppers, provided groceries, carting kids around, buying necessities, and so much more.

We are, generally, the givers and doers.  The hands and feet of Jesus, so to speak.  So this is all new to us.  This is not the path we would have chosen for our family.   It is what it is though.  I will not love Jesus any less for this trial we are walking through.  Most days, I do not say “why us”…I say “why not us.”   Who better to walk this path than our family.  We are being taught great things.  Also, we are being blessed right and left.

I want to say that we are humbled by the graciousness and love.  We would love for this illness to just be a season of our lives, but it may be our new way of normal.  It is in hope that, one day, when we get used to our new life, that we will be able to serve others in the way we have been served.

Marcella’s Kitchen

Ms. Marcella founder of Marcella’s Kitchen.  She and her team of volunteers are an amazing blessing to our family….they have graciously fed our family for a month while I was gone and when we got home.  They even brought it to my house 5 days a week…..for free.

God is good!

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Faith Journey, Medical Issues

The Prophecy and The Call

The Prophecy and The Call

The Prophecy and The Call.  Last December, we were at church and we were getting ready to worship. We have been church hunting for a while and we landed on Christian Fellowship.  Honestly, we knew the pastor and his wife, as well as, a few families.  We had not been going very long, but it was definitely different than what we were used to.

People Watching

Before service started, there was a welcome and then our pastor called up a man because he had a “word” to give some people in the congregation.  We have learned that this is somewhat normal, but still very abnormal to our family…we simply were not used to that.   So, we sat and we watched this man pace back and forth in front of the congregation.

I am a people watcher/reader and the thing that caught my eye was the fact that he never opened his eyes when he was pacing or talking.  He kept touching the insides of his hands.  You could tell that he was uncomfortable but being obedient. He said that he had had this word from the Lord.  Also, he wanted to make sure that it was, indeed, from Him and not from this man’s flesh.  However, he realized through his sleepless nights that this was from the Lord and he had to be obedient.

The Word

He said that he had a word for someone in the congregation and so we sat, listened, and watched him pace.  He made his way down the aisle that we were sitting on and he stopped in front of Big Daddy.  I felt like all the oxygen had been sucked out of the room and my mind was whirling.  He asked Big Daddy to stand up.  I looked up to the altar, where our pastor was standing, and he gave me a look, a nod, and a smile that it was okay.

This man, whom we had never seen or met, told Big Daddy to hold onto his hand.  Now, Big Daddy is not a tiny man and his hands are ginormous, so when he stands, he is noticed. This man said that the Lord was telling him to “Hold on. Hold on tight to the rope and do not let go.  To trust and just hold on tight.”  I felt an energy move through me and tears flowed freely, which I don’t usually cry or get swept up in my emotions, so this was strange to me.  The moment was fleeting but the air was thick and I knew, in my soul, we were in for a ride.

Come the beginning of 2017…..so many things happened.

My daddy had quadruple bypass surgery.  Then, my niece was sentenced and my nephew was close behind her.  My daughter went to military school due to behavior.  Also, we had a family issue involving another baby that was devastating.  Oh, let’s not forget my oldest daughter called off her engagement.  She was downsized at work.  We were also fighting with insurance companies for my son’s surgery that he needs.  Add that to my Lady getting sick.  Then, the straw that broke the camel’s back happened.  Needless to say, we were reminded to “hold on” a lot over the course of the first 6 mths of 2017.

Even More

During the incident involving a family member…Big Daddy and I were trying hard to win a case and it was simply out of our hands.  We knew what we could do to help the situation…we were willing…but it was not our call.  As I spoke to a friend of mine, she said that I needed to “hold onto hope.”  She also said that the Hebrew meaning of “hope” is “rope”, so hold onto the rope.  I caught my breath and I texted her back and asked her who had told her that.  She said it was a word from the Lord to me.  I asked her if she knew the man that had said the same thing back in December and she did not know him.  That is twice, the Lord has said to “hold on.”  I felt like we had held on pretty well.

My Sister

Then the call came.  My sister called me on Tuesday, June 6, 2017.  Now, she rarely calls me on a Tuesday…we talk on Monday 🙂  I asked her if everything was okay and she said that she woke up to an odd text.  She said it was from a friend, a former neighbor, that she used to walk with.  That friend said that the Lord placed my name on her heart and that she was praying for me.  I have never met, spoken to, or even seen a picture of this woman.  She simply knows me from what my sister had said and I’m sure I wasn’t the topic of every conversation…although I am awesome like that.  I told my sister I did not like that and that meant that something was fixing to happen.  My sister told me to take it as a blessing, but I was unsettled.

Daddy

After he got sick, Hunter and I spent almost 2 weeks in the hospital.  I missed my family, I was tired, and I was over it.  The doctors had told me 1005 things and none of it was good.  Thankfully, one day, my sister (Hunter’s Mamaw) came up to give me some respite on MRI day.

She came in and handed me my flatter than a flat pillow, my granny’s quilt, and a gift from my daddy.  Here, again, I am told to “hold on” in some form or fashion.  I carry that with me, to this day.  It is a reminder that my heavenly Father and my Earthly father love me and know that it is all going to be okay!

The Prophecy and The Call

That Tuesday, we saw a rogue zebra.

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Busy Weekend

Busy Weekend
Busy Weekend

We had a Busy Weekend this weekend.  There was a youth lock-in on Friday night.  The big kids got back on Saturday.  Saturday was filled with referee-ing between the 3 tired kids (from the lock-in), 1 behaviorally challenged child, 1 sick child, 1 wild child, and my husband.  Praise be to God, that everyone went to bed early.

Sunday, no one wanted to get up (shocker), so it was like pulling teeth to get the kiddoes ready for church.  We rushed home, gathered all of our gifts and goodies, and piled into the car to head to my mom’s house for our first Christmas of the season.

Heading to Jojo’s

We got to mom’s house, early.  The kids played and I helped mom finish up for our dinner.  I enjoyed spending time with her…one on one….with few people under our feet.  We don’t get that, ever.  We talked, cooked, cleaned a bit, and talked more.  I think I closed each of her many cabinet doors 5005 times because she Never. Closes. A. Cabinet.  Door!!!!!!!!! EVER!  LOL, It was pretty funny.

Eventually, about 40 people started matriculating in the house, and soon, the whole kitchen was filled with people picking and gobbing the food that was prepared and brought.  Chaos ensued.  200 conversations going on at the same time….loud laughter, hugs, kisses, excitement.

Cooking and chatting.  See that blue fabric covered basket on the counter?  Would you put a wicker/cloth basket in the oven to “heat up” the rolls in it or would you take the rolls out…I would do the latter….mom would do the first part.  Note to mom:  it will catch on fire.

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