Tag: couples counseling

 Making Your Marriage a Priority

Making Your Marriage a Priority is so vital. I remember in my early years of marriage, a friend told me that one day, I would write a book. When I asked what I would write about, she said “how to hate your husband but stay married.” That hit me square between the eyes.

I mean, I knew that we didn’t get along great but I thought we masked it really well. Apparently not. My dad once told me that I was “too aggressive” and that I would never stay married because my husband didn’t ever really fight back. He was more of a “door mat.” #hurtful

My father-in-law was shocked at every anniversary that went by while he was here with us. He would say “well, I’ll be damned, you are still married!” Clearly we had lots of people who believed in us LOL. Don’t get me wrong, we did (for the most part). I learned some valuable lessons.

Lesson #1

When you are mad or irritated with your spouse, do not call people and vent to them. Just don’t. For one thing, the anger doesn’t take long (most times) to get over. Another thing is that it puts a sour taste in the other person’s mouth about your spouse. That really isn’t a good thing. I don’t want people thinking badly about my husband when he (or I) have just had a moment of stupidity.

Lesson #2

Keep your parents out of it. They are not your friends, they are your parents. If you have to talk to someone, make it Jesus, pastor, or consider marriage counseling.

Lesson #3

Keep your children out of it. They are kids and they are not meant to be mediators between you and their dad (or your spouse if remarried). It is okay for them to see you upset or even arguing. They don’t need to go into life thinking marriage is always perfect, but you can keep the uglies to yourself. Show them how to pray for your spouse even when you are mad.. That speaks volumes.

Lesson #4

Date your spouse! In our early years, we had no money to date. Also, we had a bunch of kids. So, in lieu of spending money we didn’t have or getting someone to watch our kids (which we didn’t have people), think outside of the box. I would fix the kids something easy and put them to bed early. B would make a pizza for us and we would pick a movie. That was our date night! After 30 years, I can probably count on one hand how many times he has not made a pizza. We still do this though it is altered a bit. Time changes but habits don’t.

We can afford to go out, so we do twice a month (well, that started this month LOL). It is nice to reconnect and remember why we love each other. I want to incorporate movies, bowling, driving around, and golf (gasp). One step at a time and certainly not until basketball season is over!

Lesson #5

Get into church that has a class (or home group) that you can grow with and learn from. This has been a winding journey for us throughout the years. B was not saved until we had been married for seven years, so we literally went through the motions without a lot of togetherness (hence the first friend saying that LOL).

We have had ebbs and flows throughout out years but it has been consistent. Loving Jesus together is imperative to the success of your marriage. We do not do Bible studies together (shock). B is not comfortable doing that. We do not pray together as a couple (sort of). We pray for each other and he prays over me every single night (even when he is mad at me). However, we don’t sit, hold hands, and pray (unless we are at church).

You know what, that is okay! I would love for it to be different but it isn’t so that leads up to lesson #6.

Lesson #6

Don’t try and change your spouse. Those odd quirks and habits…they are there to stay for the most part. It isn’t your job to change the parts of your spouse that you don’t like. It isn’t your spouses job to change you. If changing needs to be made, that is in between you and God. That’s it. If God changes you and your spouse changes because of what changes you made, then good for you. You are not God. Let Him do the heavy lifting.

Lesson #7

Another lesson in Making Your Marriage a Priority is to Dance in the kitchen or under the stars. #worthit

Lesson #8

Have sex regularly! Remember that sometimes that isn’t something you or your spouse can do. I suggest you talk to your doctor. Otherwise, sit with each other, hug, kiss, snuggle at night…intimacy can happen on many levels! Communicate well with each other.

This is a tip from my Lady.

Lesson #9

Pro tip from Bart: Communicate.

Lesson #10

Another pro tip from Bart: Don’t cheat.

He is a man of few words but his words, when spoken, are wise.

If you have anything to add, leave me a comment and I will tack them on!