Vacation Days

Lessons Learned from Camping

These are the Lessons Learned from Camping.  Please, heed and enjoy!

Lessons Learned from Camping

  • Pee, it happens and not where it should.  It could happen on the bed or behind a utility shed.  If you can’t see people, while you are peeing, they can’t see you.
  • Spandex and fat people do not mix.  Please refrain or buy a larger sized shirt.
  • Tattoos and hair are in inappropriate places on men and women :/
  • If you find monkey panties on the picnic table, do not assume that they are one of your children’s.  Do not touch.
  • Cotton can fall from the sky like manna…pretty cool.
  • Parades can consist of 2 people.
  • Kazoos are not edible.
  • If you don’t pay attention, your children will go and set on the steps of strange people’s camper steps and make conversation.
  • When the magician asks the CHILDREN if they know what a “shot glass” is and then proceeds to explain…take your children and walk away.
  • When you find a beer bottle, in the woods, it is not smart to put your mouth on it and making “tooting” sounds.
  • Poop, it can shoot up.  WARNING:  Keep your mouth closed! (Think of the movie RV with Robin Williams….totally happened).
  • If you lose your black water tank top down the dump station, please tell someone immediately, as it will most likely cause a flood-o-poop.
  • When asked if you want a $1000 fine for dumping said crap, always say no.
  • When someone looks like the Fonz, don’t mention it to him cause he thinks he is hot.
  • Bugs can make awesome necklaces.
  • Camper toilets are a necessity.
  • Not everyone gets goosebumps when they pee.
  • Kids will cry.
  • Scrapes will happen.
  • Food will be totally consumed.
  • When the little girl at the Golden Corral says “you have too many kids,” just smile and nod.
  • ALWAYS accompany your, almost 9 yr old, to the buffet.  He tends to pick up a sausage and then sling it back in the warmer with his hands.
  • If a random child gets hurt and you offer to cut off their leg to stop the pain, don’t be surprised if they do not return to your camper.
  • Bedtimes and Showers are not mandatory.
  • There is no shame in licking the cheese off the Doritos and then putting them back in the bag for your children (or husband) to eat.
  • It is always polite to leave the cream filling of the oreo, for your husband.
  • When your child says “be back in 10 minutes,” they really mean “I’ll be back in a few hours, gonna go.”
  • Tarp Man is scary.  Always carry your pistol when he is close.
  • Camping and baseball produce extra saliva in your son’s mouth.  They will spit any and everywhere.
  • Camping……….its fun 🙂

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Cracking the Hermit Crab Death Secret

Cracking the Hermit Crab Death Secret

Cracking the Hermit Crab Death Secret

Cracking the Hermit Crab Death Secret.  Well, our frisky little Earl, whom we bought for Peach on our vacation, bit the dust yesterday.  RIP Earl.

He was an active little sucker till the end.  He was our own Houdini and he will be missed (cough, wink).

I knew something was amiss when I let him and Bob out of their cage for their afternoon exercise.   I found Earl’s leg…not attached to his body.

He was still moving around, so I just assumed that was normal (a stupid thing to do).

What Exactly IS Normal?

While the kids were at Martha’s house, I grabbed the cage to feed/water Earl and Bob.  Well, I picked Earl up and his other leg fell off.

Once again, I thought this was normal (never had crabs before).

I turned the shell over and out came Earl….dead, smelly Earl.

In my sadness (insanity), I insisted that Big Daddy and I go to the ‘big’ town and get Peach another crab.

We did, his name is Ed and he is still alive.

I’m redoing their terrarium and had them sitting on the kitchen table and before I knew it, Bob fell off the table.  Those little suckers can book it.

All in all, they are both alive, for the time being.

Gatlinburg

We got both of these crabs while in Pigeon Forge, TN.

Which is not far from Gatlinburg.

Never will I ever assume anything about crabs or their body parts.

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Top 18 Lessons Learned About Camping in Gatlinburg

Top 18 Lessons Learned About Camping in Gatlinburg

 

Top 18 Lessons Learned About Camping in Gatlinburg

Here are the Top 18 Lessons Learned About Camping in Gatlinburg.  I hope it helps you if you decide to head that way.

  • If you are standing under a tree, after a thunderstorm, and you shake said tree for effect, you will get wet.
  • There are 31 CrackerBarrel’s in between Benton and Gatlinburg.
  • Bug said 5,985,375,956 words ON THE TRIP DOWN THERE!
  • Rats on the sidewalk do not constitute wildlife.
  • When you see boxer briefs laying outside your camper, don’t assume it is your husband’s and pick them up.
  • When your awning isn’t tied down, it will blow over your camper during a thunderstorm.
  • Pirates DO NOT live in Pittsburgh.
  • Teen girls will cry randomly and without warning.
  • BEWARE: twitterpated animals are everywhere (the ducks beside your camper, the chickadees in the KFC parking lot, and even the skunks on exhibit), be prepared to body slam your teenager when she is arguing with the younger 4 children over the fact that the animals are not fighting, they are ____________.

Part 2

  • Camper upholstery is very ugly, but the fact that it is durable and can stand up to copious amounts of ketchup makes up for that fact.
  • Yes, there are real Indians in the world.
  • If you run out of room in the trunk of your vehicle, feel free to duck tape the remainder of your items on the hood of your car.
  • When searching for a “free” hermit crab prepare to hear “want crabs?”. It is an innocent question.
  • You will never meet a stranger while camping
  • Urine…it happens……whether in the camper (sans toilet) or off the mountain.
  • Campers will always tell you which rope, knot, and tree to use when tying up your children.
  • If you open the gate to the swimming pool, move out of the way, it can cause black eyes.
  • Ducks quack at 3:30 in the morning.

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