Plans are a Good Thing
We have a current trigger that we are all aware of at the present moment. My goal tomorrow is to divulge that trigger to a few of this child’s therapists. Goal? I want to ensure they know what we are dealing with so that compassion, grace, and love can be present. Also, we are starting a new medication that might help (or make him worse; it’s 50/50).
Instead of this week, I’ve made arrangements for a friend to homeschool this child throughout the summer to help with the process of “catching up” in school before he starts his second first day of second grade.
Plans. We have them.
So, here are the questions presented to me. Let’s see if I can dissect them and determine my problem. I need to know how to address this problem with my therapist so I can not be in the way of my child’s healing. It is all so complicated. It’s a lot of information.
Let’s Break it Down.
- What need is not being met?
A need not being met in him or me. In me, the need to be in control and control a situation. I should disengage, as my sister says. Ignore. Have appropriate discipline, if needed, and let my husband bear the child-rearing responsibilities.
This child (in my opinion) doesn’t feel heard. It feels like his feelings are validated. He is also a product of his environment before us. He has seen a lot of chaos with another child and has taken on that role. Nothing is said or done that is “fair” to him. He sits in the wrong seat, has the lousy cup, doesn’t want to do this, or doesn’t want to. Sadly, flatly refuse to make simple requests.
- What boundary is being crossed?
The boundary from parent to child is just a simple lack of respect. There is no desire to listen. The limit might be that he wants what he wants, when and how he wants it done. That isn’t practical.
- What do I wish to express at this moment?
I wish I had expressed understanding of the situation and corrected him accordingly. He wanted to say his desire to have a do-over and eat with everyone else. Have whatever he wants to eat, even if it is something I didn’t make.
- How can I express myself in a way that will be authentic to who I am and not merely a reaction?
This quote about life, or rather this quote about anger, has me thinking. Sometimes, I can shake it off. Other times, I can let my husband deal with it and realize that I don’t have to be in every situation.
I first need to figure out who I am to express myself that is authentic to who I am. I know WHOSE I am but not who I am. Is that the same person? I don’t know. What I do know is that this heat is driving me insane. Having to pay for another unit whenever it arrives will be torture. I’m mad that the pool people have not been out or answered their phones.
This moment shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone the size of Montana.