Depression, Medical Issues, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

Emotions From This Week’s Story

Emotions From This Week's Story

Emotions From This Week’s Story

My Emotions From This Week’s Story are all over the place. I have loved this woman since before I knew she existed and came into my life. When I met her, she was like my other half. The fun we have had, the tears we have cried, the food we have cooked, and the yardsales we have done. My goodness. Shared histories, life stories, so much of my adulthood has had her and her family in it.

I have been holding her hand for almost a quarter of a century. Or maybe she has been holding my hand. How about we hold each other’s hands! When one is up, the other is down. Then when one is down, the other is up. We say inappropriate things when we are both down and bleach our homes. It’s a thing and our thing, so why mess with what works.

How We Operate

When we are both up, we are a bit hard to handle. We giggle like schoolgirls, bake, talk, and fix the world’s problems. I love all of our history. It has shaped me into who I am today. It’s like we can read each other’s thoughts. We feel when things are not correct, and we call each other out, in love, when we are screwing up.

Life was good until it wasn’t for a season.

A Difficult Time

There was a moment or decade that we struggled. That was a hard chunk of time because I missed my friend. I knew she was struggling, but there was nothing I could do. Letting her go and not be a daily part of each other’s lives was the hardest thing ever.

Things happened, as you can read in her story. Yet, there is so much of her story that had to be left out for a variety of reasons. One day, she will share it for all to hear, and it will be used for God’s glory. The strength she has exuded has been that of Christ.

Even in the darkest moments, she knew that she was His daughter—a daughter of the King. I cannot adequately articulate how proud I am of where she is now compared to where she was 20+ years ago. Or even last year!

Getting the Call

When I received the call that something had happened, I did not hesitate. I rushed to the hospital, and I stood by her side. There were moments when I fixed her hair, cleaned her up, and whispered in her ear about things that she would find funny. I prayed over her. With her family, we all prayed. We didn’t know if she would live or die that day.

Anger ensued as a particular person was there, and I decided to “use my words” with this human. It wasn’t received well, threats were made, and I stood my ground for my friend. He was no longer going to hurt her. Her family was rallying around her. I was there, where I should have been, and we were all going to protect her.

That we did.

The Days Following

Man, they were hard for her and her family. She woke up and saw the people she loved most. She and I talked like we had not missed a beat. Things were discussed. Plans were in place. She had a system, and everyone was working towards helping her. It was amazing. God is so good.

There have been a couple of relapses where she didn’t use the plan. Yet, this time, she made a call. She wanted to live. Yet, for a moment, she yielded to the internal pain of all that had happened in her life. It has been unspeakable the pain that her family went through. Yet, her pain was 1000 times more. In her right mind, she would have never chosen this. She was sick and needed help. The first time help almost didn’t arrive in time. The relapses, however, SHE made the call for help.

She Has Come So Far

It seems like a lifetime ago that all this happened, but it wasn’t a lifetime. It is still fresh and raw in my mind. This is a situation that I still have not fully allowed myself to feel because if I did, I would explode. Now, we have talked about it, some, but not much.

She calls when she has a bad day, and we work through it. She has a fantastic husband and bonus daughter now. She has three grown children who still like to come over and eat and play games. Sometimes she must be reminded of how strong she is and how proud we all are that she chose to live.

Her relationship with Jesus is incredible, and she is a strong prayer warrior. She is in counseling, seeking help, in church, and reaching out to those she loves and feels safe. Every day is day that is filled with blessings and challenges.

For Me

I am SO glad she lived. My life has been better with her in it. I never want anyone to feel the pain and desperation that she felt. Never do I want someone to yield. Not even for one moment. I can barely breathe when I think about those times. She is loved by me and loved by her husband and children. Her family loves her.

I have to go and cry now. My feelings are feeling things.

My friend, I love you.


If you or someone you know is being abused, PLEASE reach out.

Domestic Abuse Hotline

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Suicide Prevention Lifeline



Depression, Guest Blogger, Medical Issues, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

I Will Never Be the Same

I Will Never Be the Same


Continued Story

My sweet friend is continuing to write her story.  She is showing so much of herself each time she writes.  In I Will Never Be the Same, she talks about disclosing to a family member.  This family member did the unthinkable.  They chose the abuser over the young girl.

I Don’t Know What is Worse

You believing what I said was true

Or wanting to sweep it under the rug.

How did you not know what was going on?

I remember one time it happened in the middle of the dining room.

Right by the sunroom you always sat in.


Yet you act surprised when they came and got him.

Were you really oblivious or did you just not care?

The things that were done to me changed me forever.

I Will Never Be the Same

I grew up to hate myself.

How am I supposed to love others if all I know is hate?

All I know is that you hated me for some reason.

You must have wanted no one to care.

To make me feel like all you cared about was yourself…

Or worse just him.

The Great Pretender

Even after all the things he did, all you did was pretend.

Pretend it didn’t happen, pretend it didn’t matter.

Your choice to choose him ruined any chance of a relationship with me.

It messed up the relationship you had with your daughter,

Yet you still didn’t care about it.

Out of seven children all, you care about it the one.

Too bad you chose the crappy son.


The one that likes to lie to everyone.

He lied to you about everything.

And he told YOU that he was sorry.

He told YOU that he had changed.

But in reality, he is not who you make him out to be.

What He Could Have Done

If he was, he would have apologized to Me.

Or at least to his sister and his FAMILY.

All he did was manipulate.

So I hope it was worth it for you.

I hope the loss of a relationship with your grandchild and

the loss of a good standing relationship with a daughter

Is what you can live with for your decisions.

Even Now

Even now when you’re old and confused,

You know deep down you made the wrong excuse.

To choose the one person who ended a whole family with one decision.

I hope one day I’ll forgive you.

For all the things you’ve done.

And not just this one.

But until then you can stay there.


If you or someone you know is being abused, PLEASE reach out.

ChildHelp Hotline

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Suicide Prevention Lifeline


Depression, Guest Blogger, Medical Issues, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

This is When It Began

This is When It Began

In This is When It Began, this sweet girl reflects on her father and the beginning of her abuse. It is so painful for me to read, yet I know it will be healing. As I have said before, you must walk through the pain before healing. That is precisely what she is doing.

I Remember When

I remember the days when we would sit on the couch and watch tv or work on my homework together,

The days when I was the one you cared for, the apple of your eye, so to speak.

I remember us taking four-wheeler rides through our land back when we were still a single-family.

Back before the war between the parents where the kids had to choose sides

Where the kids had to learn who would do what.

Relearning Life

This was before the manipulation and the lies from both sides.

I wish we could have the same relationship as we did then.

When you were the one I cared for the most

But then it happened.

You Left.

You should have tried harder.

You should have at least fought for your family

but you gave in and moved out.

This is When it Began.

Mom found a new man.

We stayed with our grandparents most of the time.

This is where the abuse began.

The man who was supposed to be an uncle

turned out to be a child abuser.

As I stayed in silence, he became your friend

and this is how it came down in the end.

You Did Nothing but Sit

You didn’t try to do anything.

Instead, you said you knew people inside.

This was probably a lie.

Which are you didn’t care what had happened

or at least you didn’t care enough.

If you did, you would have done something. Anything would have been enough.

Enough to Show that You Cared for Me

Anything at all would have sufficed.

Years later, I still hold you at fault whether I should or not.

I just wish you had seen what was going on.

I mean, there were signs.

But I Can’t Blame You for Someone Else’s Decisions.

Just for yours at that was to do nothing.

Yes, I’m still mad and still sad.

And I know I should forgive you for this one thing.

But I just can’t until I understand why.


If you or someone you know is being abused, PLEASE reach out.

ChildHelp Hotline

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Suicide Prevention Lifeline