Medical Issues

Let’s Talk Hair Loss in Women

Let’s Talk Hair Loss in Women

Let’s Talk Hair Loss in Women can be devastating. Let me rephase that statement. Hair loss in women IS devastating. I don’t care who you are or how confident you are in your own skin. It is what it is. Now, can people adjust, accept, and learn to love themselves. Yes they can! My hair loss is from Psoriasis, which has led to Psoriatic Arthritis.

However, I am not one of those people. I have had a very difficult time adjusting to my hair loss or realizing how bad it was until I made the mistake of taking pictures. That is when it hit me. My husband would sugar coat it and say “it isn’t that bad.” Let me tell you, it was (sometimes still is) that bad. Reality hit when my I finally showed my mom. Her gasp told me how bad it was. She did not do that out of meanness, she was shocked because I cover it well.

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Stigma About Hair Loss in Women

Man, it is HUGE. It is easy to say “just get a wig” but to get a good quality wig, that costs money. At the end of the day, every woman wants a head full of pretty hair. My therapist told me to get extensions that could easily come to $3000/year. I was like “well, I could sell a kidney.” Honestly, that sounds ideal, if I had the money and IF I had the hair to attach the extensions too. I had neither. My head is itching right now typing this all out because it is still so triggering for me, emotionally.

I bought a halo type wig. Well, that is all well and good IF you have the hair to hide the band around. Plus, I looked like Billy Ray Cyrus circa Achy Breaky Heart era. I put Rogaine for women. Waste of time and money. I stopped washing my hair until my hair lady told me I had to wash my scalp at least 1 time per week to help with the natural oils in my hair. For the longest time, I wouldn’t even comb it because it came out in droves.

My depression hit a really low low.

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This was after scraping my head with a metal pick and then scalding my scalp with hot water to stop the itching.
This was after combing my hair one time.
This was after combing my hair one time.

Rallying the Troops

It was to the point that I couldn’t cover it up anymore. In her amazing fashion, she encouraged me. “It will grow back. We will just get you a really good wig. It is okay, you are beautiful.” Encouragement upon encouragement. She then rallied my sisters (one local and one in Georgia) and we set out on a road trip to meet my one sister in Tennessee for a day trip.

We have done this one other time and it wasn’t to go wig shopping. It was just to have a time with all of us girls to eat, fellowship, and watch our mother in her element of junking. This time, there was an intended purpose. Biggest sister was the driver, my Oak was the navigator, I cried a lot, and second big sister did the arrangement of where we would meet.

You can see the plaque. These were ALL over my head.
You can see the plaque. These were ALL over my head.
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This is the plaque that would come out with a wad of hair still attached.

Top This Wigs

My sister found this place called Top This Wigs in Murfreesboro, TN. You book appointments, so it is completely private and quiet, which I needed. We got there, loved on each other and then walked in. The owner was pumping praise and worship because this business was her mission. Her husband had cancer and this is how she wanted to help others. My family immediately started looking and I just stood there, with my hands in my pockets full of shame and sadness.

They all picked a wig for me to try and I sat in the chair. She put the first one on me and I burst into tears. In a moment, I was surrounded by my Oak and my sisters. They cried with me, over me, and prayed. The owner did, as well. Eventually, we got to giggling and started the process all over again.

I found the one that would be my “work” wig because I cannot wear my normal color hair (my hair is usually blond with purple/hot pink highlights). The one I felt my comfortable in was a pretty purple wig, but I couldn’t afford both. Unbeknownst to me, I paid for my “daily” wig with the help of my sister and my Oak. The owner of the store gifted me the one I really wanted because she said she could “see me come to life” in that one.

We all cried…again.

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I had a little bit of hair on the top, the back had not been bothered too much, but the baldness was around the entire crown of my head.

Learning to Love Wigs

I still struggle, occasionally. I have bought some wig grips that help keep it in place. Chiquel has helped with different ways to style, how to use a flat iron on it (if the wig has synthetic fibers), and how to wash it. They are on TikTok, YouTube, FB, and Instagram with a ton of videos! I highly recommend watching them.

My purple wig, I get a ton of compliments. The work wig, I wore at my interview and no one knew it was a wig. During the summer, I wear ponytails a lot because the wigs are too hot. Hot weather + wig + menopause = Angry woman. My hair is growing back, slowly but I know that I have something to fall back on when I need it. I keep them on a wig holder and they scare my kids every time they walk in the bathroom!

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Words of Wisdom

In the end, the support and love from my family has helped me get through this hard time. It is vain, but this is a real sadness for me. My lose their hair and they look hot. Women lose their hair and they look haggard. I hate that I even feel that way, but my feelings are valid and I am moving through these emotions and allowing myself to feel all the things.

Your hair doesn’t define you but you are allowed to feel and not be shamed for those feelings. Those who have never experienced anything like this have lots of great ‘advice.’ In the end, they don’t understand because they have never been there. They are just trying to comfort you. That’s okay but sometimes, you just need to cry and grieve and not to feel bad for being sad that you are losing your hair.

Know you are still beautiful with or without hair, eyebrows, or eyelashes. Let others love you when you don’t feel like it. My village…they are what dreams are made of and I hope each person reading this can have at least 1 person in their village to surround them with love and support.


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