Overwhelming To-Do List
Overwhelming To-Do List is looming and all I seem to be doing is staring it down and seeing who will be the first to move. Will it be the list that lessens by one, magically OR will I be the one that tackles it? It’s a mystery. There are 7 Sundays left until Christmas. I am the person that most people can’t stand because my Christmas shopping is done by July.
It’s not done.
No where near done, in fact.
I am close to panicking.
My Over Productive Brain
Honestly, I see the smallest things that, in my house, that I consider the nastiest thing in the world. Lately, there has been a smell that I can’t quite pinpoint, but it is there. Granted, no one else can smell it, but I do. It’s like when I was pregnant and had the nose of a bloodhound. The smell is there, it’s my job to find it.
I have yet to find it.
Aside from this smell, I feel my house is disgusting because the baseboards are gross, my window sills have families of spiders living in them, there are leaves everywhere outside, the weeds are everywhere, and so much dust. I can’t stand it. In the back of my mind, I know that it is fine, but the rest of me is screaming CLEAN YOUR HOUSE!
It drives my husband nuts.
Living the Stay At Home Mom Life
When I was a SAHM for 30 years, my house never got really dirty. I cleaned everyday. Everyday, there was a meal on the table. There was not a spot that was not painfully organized including my husbands 32 mini drawer nuts/bolts/nail holder that I organized by measured length, size, and shape. That might have been an issue because I was stoked, he wasn’t…I cried. It was a whole thing.
Things have changed since I went back to work. He helps more, I do less, and sometimes we eat what we can find. I hate that and I want to do better but I just don’t have time. Honestly, I didn’t think I had time when I was a SAHM and now I really don’t have time.
All The Things and Then Some
Between my doctor appointments, I have H’s doctor appointments, school stuff, work stuff, parental unit stuff, other kid stuff, and life. Lest I forget that 4 hour test I have to take for my licensure that I’m just now studying for, the ADHD-CCSP certification that is a 32 hr continuing education course I paid to do, and I’m taking classes on ASL so I can help a population of people that are not served well in our community. I just haven’t found my groove yet.
Yesterday, I Multi-Tasked
In between my cleaning, I got the grocery order done and my menu for the week finished. Also, I finished Christmas shopping for my mother-in-law (her gifts to my kids) and my mom. I also ordered some Christmas for my son-in-law and daughter-in-law, so that is done. Then, I sent out a group text about the celebrations for this month. My kids were over eating, last night, and we got name drawing done and ironed out the Thanksgiving meal. Also, I cleaned up the house after dinner, so all my husband had to do was sweep. There was not an inch of this house that was not cleaned, swept, dusted, or mopped. It really did my heart good.
There are some things going on, right now, in my family that is causing some emotions in me. I process those emotions by A) getting sick B) having a PsA flare up C) hyper-organizing D) obsessively cleaning E) bouts of crying F) shows of anger G) cooking more than we can eat in a week.
I’ve done all those things and feel like that is going to continue until I have made peace with what is going on. Frankly, in my eyes, there is no making peace with it all. I just have to accept it but that doesn’t seem like it is going to happen anytime soon. Geez, there is so much I wanna say and I will…just not tonight because I hear my husband’s footsteps and that means he is fixing to come to bed.
My To-Do List
It will continue to grow.
Here are my goals:
- Do something in small pockets of time throughout the day.
- Take a lunch to drive and breathe
- Finish Christmas shopping
- Continue to feed my people and my parents
- Pet my cat
- Make appointments
- Get bloodwork done
- Attempt to participate in therapy
- Do my job well
- Keep my house cleaned up, daily, to keep me from getting overwhelmed
- Find my crockpot recipes so we can eat a homemade meal again
- Write a letter of clarity to someone I love because I’m done being manipulated
- Stay in my own lane
- Hopefully feel better by eating better
- That reminds me…I need to start eating, that would be helpful
I’m sure there is more, but now I am tired and my body is already hurting. It’s like it knows to hurt all night just to give me a thrill. Sigh. Tomorrow is a new day…filled with new promises.