Life or Something Like It

YardSale Tips

Yard Sale TipsYardSale Tips

Here are some YardSale Tips that I have learned over the years.

*If you have tried to sell a port-a-potty for the last three years, stop trying. Just donate.

*Realize, however, that no one will buy a 1/2 box of opened tampons. EVER. Take the loss.

*Also, porcelain toilets used as flower pots are not attractive.

*Honestly, pieces of furniture labeled “haunted” may be a hard sell. You may reconsider that bright green sticker.

*It is a yard sale…people…this isn’t a place to sell your USED and majorly WORN clothes for $5 and expect them to sell. For example, here’s a tip: mark them down to a quarter or donate.

*When a clothes rack falls over on top of a little dog, expect said dog to be hurt or in shock.

*There is such a thing as Too. Much. Camo.

*Ironically, used underwear needs to be thrown away. Period. The end.

*When you stop at an Assisted Living Center for the elderly, do not ask if they have openings when your mother-in-law is within hearing shot.

*Churches are not the appropriate place to say you want to hurt your spouse physically. As I left, I was sprinkled with water and asked to come to confession. Honestly, I just wanted to leave with a sewing book.

*In response to ‘how much is this, the correct answer does not include your latest colon tests. Also, please refrain from stating that you pooped that morning.

*Just because we drive behind you and stop at the sales you stop at doesn’t mean we are stalking you.

*One must never cry in Dumplins’.

Phone Conversations

*Realize that your phone conversation can be heard by all when you are using the “speaker” function.

Man: “Hey, hon, they have a stroller at the yard sale.

Wife: “Okay.”

Lady was selling the stroller: “it is a double stroller…for two kids, not just one.”

Man: “hon, it is a double stroller for two kids.”

Wife: “we only have one kid.”

Man: “Oh, that’s right, never mind.”

Crocheted Lingerie

*Crocheted lingerie, well, don’t buy it OR crochet it.

*Your 4-year-old daughter should never wear anything from Victoria’s Secret. I mean NEVER.

*Again, in the words of Todd Chrisley, “ignorance can be fixed but stupid is forever.”