Quote by Mary Katherine Backstrom
“I love when somebody says about a woman, ‘Oh, she’s too much. She’s too much for me.” Too much of what? Too much of an opinion? She laughs too loudly? Stands too tall? Takes up too much space? What would be the right amount and not too much? She’d have to be less. That’s what you are saying. You’re saying BE LESS, if she’s too much. You know what I think? I think she should not give a f*ck about what you think about her.” ~ Quote by Mary Katherine Backstrom
All the Feels
Oh….does this give me all the feels inside. I have been told a lot of things over my life. That I am too loud, too opinionated, can’t Biblically submit to my husband because I’m too “Type A.” I have been told that no one will ever take me seriously because I ask questions or because my hair is pink (currently purple).
Over the course of the last 2 years, I have been told that because of those above traits that I am not a good mom and that I shouldn’t raise my children. I should quiet down, conform, be SMALL, be LESS THAN, fit in, don’t make waves, SHUT UP.
So, that is what I have done. I’ve stayed home. I have shrunk back, slept alot, eaten alot, cried alot, hid, allowed people to walk all over me, speak to me in ways I would never let them before, and so many other things.
I think when it truly hit me was when I was getting ready to go on a little day trip to see some family. For the first time, in forever, I did my hair and put on makeup. I wore something that covered 95% of my tattoos and I looked the part. It was very much something that a woman, my age, would wear and it didn’t call attention to me at all. I even wore real shoes. Then, we arrived, and I sat in a corner and smiled as I should. I spoke when I was spoken too and just quietly filled the smallest space known to man.
The fact that I wore shoes didn’t faze anyone in that room but 3 people. They commented on it because they were fully expecting to me to wear something that was…well…me. I said that I didn’t want to do that because I wanted to not embarrass anyone. I just wanted to blend.
Words of Love and Wisdom
My sister…her face…she loves me. She said why would you want to blend in. We wanted you here because of who you are and not because of any other reason. She loves me for me. All of me. The sparkly, glittery, tattoo-y, purple-haired human that I am.
See, I didn’t want to stand tall. When I draw attention to myself, I tend to get the judgemental looks and words of others. Words that cut me down and not lift me up. Actions that forever change the course of my life and not in a good way. I wanted to shrink and be so small yet be there because I love these people and I wanted to show my support.
Her words have been bouncing around in my head ever since. Then, I heard this quote, and it all begins to fall into place. I am NOT too much. I am ALLOWED to take up space. I am BEAUTIFULLY AND WONDERFULLY created. These ADULT BULLIES will not stop me from being who I am. I have allowed them to take up TOO MUCH of my brain space and enough is enough.
I am going to have purple hair.
I am going to get more tattoos.
I am going to occasionally swear.
I am fluffy.
I am amazing.
I am good.
I am a DAMN GOOD mom.
I am an AMAZING wife.
I am beautiful.
I am creative.
I am feminine.
I am worthy.
I am a child of the King
For those that are reading this, you are those things as well! Be chunky and wear a crop top, if you want. Wear glittery things. Color your hair. Be loud, have opinions, love those that have differing opinions because that is what we are called to do. I have a couple of good friends that are my polar opposites.
I love that we are! I learn from them, respect them, love them. Whether you are big, little, old, young, middle-aged, athiest, your sexual orientation, your family dynamics…I love them all. I have no desire to judge any of you because I have been judged for far too long.
My tribe may be the size of the “period” at the end of the sentence, but they are faithful and they are true. We can have great discussions and not agree yet we can still love each other. That is because we are allowing each other to stand tall, be seen, take up space, and be themselves.
ALL. THE. FEELS.