The Fear That Comes With Release
There’s a thing that happens in therapy that used to catch me off guard when I was new. Somebody comes in month after month, working hard, doing the reading, sitting…
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Letting Go of What Once Sustained You
I want to start by defending the thing you’re about to let go of, because nobody else will. The people-pleasing kept you safe in a house where somebody’s mood determined…
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Fall Reminds Us That Change Can Be Beautiful
Here is a piece of grade school science that changed how I see the fall coming. Leaves do not turn colors. Not really. The yellows and the oranges were in…
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When the World Slows Down, So Can You
Here is a contradiction nobody names out loud, and once you see it you cannot unsee it. The natural world spends September downshifting. Days shorten, sap withdraws, animals slow down…
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Fall Is Not the Beginning of the End
The first cool morning always catches me off guard. You step out for the paper or to start the car. You notice that the air has changed overnight, and you…
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When Things Fall Away: The Sacred Power of the Fall Season
There is a week in western Kentucky, usually somewhere in the middle of September, when you can feel the whole county exhale. The air changes before the calendar does. The…
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Boundaries Without Guilt: Why a Screen Door Is Still a Door
I had a client tell me once that she felt like a hallway. Everybody walked through her to get somewhere else. However, nobody stopped to see what was on the…
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You Are More Than What You Survived
A woman sat in my office a while back at the good end of hard work. Years of it. She had stopped bracing when doors shut. This woman could say…
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Learning to Feel Safe in Your Body Again
Every so often a client shows up ready to charge straight at the worst memory on the first visit. They come at it with machete out and a “let’s go”….
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How Trauma Survivors Can Strengthen Their Minds and Build Lasting Resilience
This is a guest post from a contributing writer. The words and views here are the author’s own. I read every guest submission before it runs. However, publishing is not…
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Flight Mode: When You Can’t Slow Down
She showed me her calendar like it was evidence, and honestly, it was. Three months, not one white square. Work, church committee, kids’ ball, the extra project she volunteered for,…
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Trauma Responses Are Survival Skills, Not Flaws
“What is wrong with me?” A grown man asked me that in my office, ashamed to his shoes, after describing how he goes completely blank when his wife raises her…
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Why Trauma Lives in the Body, Not Just the Mind
You are driving along fine until you pass a certain exit, and your chest tightens before you even register where you are. Or a stranger in the grocery store wears…
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Boundaries That Help You Heal
Healing needs protection. It needs space and honesty, patience and safe people, and enough time to become more than just survival. That’s why boundaries matter so much. Without boundaries, healing…
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Boundaries With Your Calendar
Your calendar can tell the truth about your boundaries. Sometimes we say we value rest, family, healing, prayer, health, and peace, but our calendar tells on us. Too many commitments,…
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Boundaries With Rescuing
Helping is beautiful. Rescuing is different. Helping supports someone while still letting them carry their own responsibility. Rescuing picks up responsibility that was never yours to hold. Helping says, “I…
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Boundaries With Old Versions of Yourself
Sometimes the person you need a boundary with is an old version of yourself. The version of you who survived by staying quiet, who apologized for everything, who said yes…
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Boundaries With Grief
Grief needs boundaries too. That may sound strange, because grief already feels so heavy. But when you are grieving, your heart is tender, your energy runs short, your body moves…
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Boundaries With Being the Strong One
Being the strong one can wear you down to the bone. People come to you because you handle things. You listen, you fix, you carry, you stay calm, and you…
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Boundaries With Other People’s Opinions
Everyone has an opinion. About your choices, your parenting, your marriage, your healing, your grief, your faith, your boundaries, your work, and whatever you’re planning to do next. Some of…