Learning to Question Your Thoughts Without Fighting Them
Now comes the question everybody asks: okay, so how do I make them stop? Here’s my honest answer. You probably can’t make them stop, at least not by force. Trying…
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Why Negative Thoughts Stick So Easily
Ten people at the church potluck tell you your casserole was wonderful. One lady says it was a little dry. Guess which one you’re thinking about at two in the…
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When Old Beliefs Hijack Present Emotions
He said he’d call at lunch. Lunch came and went. By two o’clock she was pacing the kitchen, chest tight, crying, rehearsing everything she was going to say. When he…
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Cognitive Distortions That Fuel Emotional Pain
Your brain is a hard worker, but it takes shortcuts. Most of the time the shortcuts save you trouble. Some of the time they cut straight through a briar patch…
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The Stories You Tell Yourself Matter
Everybody has a narrator. You know how old movies have that voice that comes in over the top and tells you what’s going on? You’ve got one of those in…
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God Cares About Your Thoughts
A lot of us picked up an idea somewhere along the way, usually in a church pew. If a Christian is anxious or depressed or can’t stop thinking dark thoughts,…
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When Feelings Drive the Bus
Have you ever said something in an argument, heard it come out of your mouth, and thought, who said that? Maybe you have quit something, bought something, ate something, or…
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How One Thought Can Shift Your Entire Day
It’s 6:40 in the morning and there is no coke in the house because somebody (I’m not naming names) didn’t pick it up the night before from the Walmart. You…
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Why Emotions Feel Like Facts (Even When They Aren’t)
“I feel like a terrible mother, so I must be one.” Not only have I said those words, I’ve heard some version of that sentence more times than I could…
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Your Thoughts Are Powerful, but Not Always True
Some thoughts show up wearing a suit and tie. They sound official. Most of them come in with a clipboard and a confident voice. The thoughts tell you things like…
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A Life Marked by Trust, Not Control
As I started this series, it was with a hand gripping a rope and a claim that the grip usually came from somewhere real. At the end of this month,…
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What Changes When You Finally Let Go
This month, I have been telling you what to put down. This one is the report on what’s over there. I want to give you the honest version, including the…
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Control in Marriage and Close Relationships
Control in a marriage almost never announces itself. Nobody says they’re controlling their spouse. What they say is that somebody has to keep this family running. Frankly, that’s usually accurate….
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Control and Trust in Parenting
Parenting is the only job I know of where doing it well means becoming less necessary every year. Every other role rewards indispensability. This one requires you to deliberately engineer…
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Teaching Your Nervous System That It’s Safe to Let Go
You cannot talk a nervous system into safety. I wish somebody had told me that earlier in my career. I spent a while handing people very good information and watching…
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Choosing Presence Over Perfection
A perfectionist is never in the room. She’s four hours ahead of it, running the check. Is this going to turn out? I have to make sure everyone is happy….
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Peace Comes When You Stop Carrying What Isn’t Yours
I wrote a post last month about sorting out what’s yours and what isn’t. This one’s about what happens after the sorting. That’s the part nobody tells you and it’s…
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Rest as an Act of Resistance Against Control
Control cannot survive rest. That’s the whole reason stopping feels so dangerous. Every other tool in this series works around the edges of the grip. Rest goes straight at it,…
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When You Relapse Into Old Control Habits
You did beautifully for about three weeks. Then, you let things go. You didn’t check. Maybe you handed something back and kept your hands still. You noticed a difference in…
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How Faith Changes the Way We Hold Control
Surrender is one of those words that has been used to do a lot of harm. I’d like to take it back. It has been said to women in dangerous…