Rest as an Act of Resistance Against Control
Control cannot survive rest. That’s the whole reason stopping feels so dangerous. Every other tool in this series works around the edges of the grip. Rest goes straight at it,…
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Learning to Sit With Discomfort
Almost everything we’ve talked about in this series is an escape hatch. Checking gets you out of not knowing. Managing gets you out of watching somebody struggle. Perfecting gets you…
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Small Acts of Letting Go That Build Trust
Nobody lets go of everything in one afternoon. That’s the mistake I watch people make after a good sermon or a hard conversation. They decide to surrender it all, they…
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What You Can Control (And What You Can’t)
There’s a version of this list on every therapy office wall in America. I have mixed feelings about it, because the tidy version leaves out everything that makes it hard….
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Learning to Rest Without Withering
A dormant tree is not doing nothing. It’s converting starch to sugar so its cells don’t burst when the temperature drops, hardening off its tissue, and building next spring’s buds….
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Letting Go of What Once Sustained You
I want to start by defending the thing you’re about to let go of, because nobody else will. The people-pleasing kept you safe in a house where somebody’s mood determined…
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How Trauma Survivors Can Strengthen Their Minds and Build Lasting Resilience
This is a guest post from a contributing writer. The words and views here are the author’s own. I read every guest submission before it runs. However, publishing is not…
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Trauma Responses Are Survival Skills, Not Flaws
“What is wrong with me?” A grown man asked me that in my office, ashamed to his shoes, after describing how he goes completely blank when his wife raises her…
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Boundaries That Help You Heal
Healing needs protection. It needs space and honesty, patience and safe people, and enough time to become more than just survival. That’s why boundaries matter so much. Without boundaries, healing…
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Boundaries With Your Calendar
Your calendar can tell the truth about your boundaries. Sometimes we say we value rest, family, healing, prayer, health, and peace, but our calendar tells on us. Too many commitments,…
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Boundaries With Rescuing
Helping is beautiful. Rescuing is different. Helping supports someone while still letting them carry their own responsibility. Rescuing picks up responsibility that was never yours to hold. Helping says, “I…
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Boundaries With Old Versions of Yourself
Sometimes the person you need a boundary with is an old version of yourself. The version of you who survived by staying quiet, who apologized for everything, who said yes…
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Boundaries With Grief
Grief needs boundaries too. That may sound strange, because grief already feels so heavy. But when you are grieving, your heart is tender, your energy runs short, your body moves…
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Boundaries With Being the Strong One
Being the strong one can wear you down to the bone. People come to you because you handle things. You listen, you fix, you carry, you stay calm, and you…
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Boundaries With Other People’s Opinions
Everyone has an opinion. About your choices, your parenting, your marriage, your healing, your grief, your faith, your boundaries, your work, and whatever you’re planning to do next. Some of…
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Boundaries With Apologies Without Change
An apology without change can become part of the cycle. “I’m sorry.” “I didn’t mean it.” “I’ll do better.” “That won’t happen again.” Those words can matter when they’re sincere….
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Boundaries With Family Expectations
Family expectations can be heavy. Sometimes they’re spoken clearly. Sometimes nobody says them out loud, but everyone in the house still knows they’re there: Show up.Keep quiet.Do not talk about…
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Boundaries With Your Phone
Sometimes the boundary you need is not with a person. It’s with your phone. The constant buzzing, the unread messages piling up, the pressure to answer fast, the feeling that…
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Love Does Not Require Self-Abandonment
Love does not require self-abandonment. That sentence may be hard to believe if you’ve spent most of your life proving your love by how much you can endure. The disrespect,…
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You Can Be Kind and Still Say No
Saying no does not make you unkind. It may feel that way at first, especially if you’re used to being the one who says yes, adjusts, helps, fixes, rescues, and…