Reuben Schwartz Amish Iridologist

2021 Update on Reuben Schwartz

2021 Update on Reuben Schwartz

2021 Update on Reuben Schwartz

I recently called Mountain Air Herbs to get some updated info on my favorite Idirodolgist.  So, here is the newest 2021 Update on Reuben Schwartz.

First of all…I DO NOT WORK FOR REUBEN.  I was simply a client of his (well, my family and I).  It has such and impact on me, that I have chosen to share my experience in hopes of helping others.

This is my story, I cannot speak for anyone else’s experience, this is my and my opinion only.  I CANNOT MAKE YOU AN APPOINTMENT.  Sadly, I live about 5 hrs from Hestand.  I have been able to keep up with my friends at Mountain Air Herbs, to help keep everyone updated, as I can.

Mountain Air Herbs

This time, I spoke to the long time manager Carrie Beason.  She, and the owners, are a wealth of information.  They have the supplements/oils that Reuben (now Jake Shirk) do not carry.  If you would like to contact them, you can click here and it will lead you to their website.

They are ENGLISH and not AMISH.  They work closely with the Amish because of their deep love for their Vernon community.  They CANNOT make appointments for Jake (formerly Reuben).  Their hours of operation are Monday and Friday from 8-4 pm and on Saturday from 8-12, so their hours are a bit different from Jake’s hours (formely Reuben Schwartz).

They take cash, checks, and credit cards.  They are very good at telling you what you need off of the list that is provided by Jake (formerly Reuben).  Also, what are duplicates and what you can do without.

Again, they are a wealth of information.  They can answer some questions, but not all the questions.  They do have access to a phone because they are NOT Amish.  You can get all the information from heading to their website at Mountain Air Herbs.

A HUGE thank yout to Carrie Beason for answering all our burning questions 🙂

As for Reuben

Reuben has RETIRED.  Due to an eye injury (ironic, huh) and the death of his sweet wife, Reuben has officially retired.  Jake Shirk has officially taken over.  He has worked under Reuben for about 15 yrs (according to Carrie Beason from Mountain Air Herbs).  Jake is fully capable and prepared to take care of all the needs you may have.

Jake’s services are still free (though donations are accepted).  Also, the supplements/oils do cost money and you can buy using several different options.  You can buy what you need for the moment, you can buy until your next appointment, should you make one.  Also, you can do once a year.

Please bring your bottles back, as they can be recycled and you refilled to save on the environment.  Try and remember your paper that they give you, because they will reference back to that and add to it, delete from it, as needed.

Address and Information

1205 Radure Rd

Hestand, KY  42151

Remember, they ARE AMISH.  They have no access to computers, emails, phone, or electricity, for that matter.  You will need to WRITE A LETTER in order to get an appointment.  A reply letter can take anywhere from 7-10 days.  You can request a better day/time for you, otherwise, they give you the first available.

You can walk-in.  They will always give preference to those with appointments over walk-ins.  They do stay busy, so keep that in mind.

There is no PHONE NUMBER for you to call.  Amish.  They ONLY TAKE CASH.  I would, just for security take about $300 though you may not spend anywhere near that amount.  It is better to be safe than sorry.

I did spend that much because I bought for 3 months.  Again, better safe than sorry.

Hours and Days of Operation Have Changed


Monday and Friday 7:30-3:00

Saturday 7:30-11:00

For Me

I welcome any and all questions, but again, I do not make the appointments.  If you have any stories to share positive or negative, you can leave them on any post.  It is good to have a well-rounded view of holistic care, which this is.

Reuben is a good man, as is Jake.  I got the pleasure of meeting him the last time I brought my children.  Reuben looked at half of us and Jake looked at the other half.  Both men are very kind.  Also remember that they sell their amazing breads, fruits, produce, popcorn, quilts, and other things.  You can get some stuff at the store.  Otherwise, you will see them outside, ready and willing to sell you their beautiful bounty of goodies.


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Faith Journey

Through the Fire

Through the Fire

I heard this song, Through the Fire, at church for the first time.  Oh, my word…this speaks to me on so many levels, I cannot even articulate.  Our sermon, Sunday, was on John 9:1-7.  I have read this a thousand and forty-five times.  From this perspective, however, I have never heard it.

It is about the man, born blind, and the disciples ask what sin he did (in utero) or his parents did to cause his blindness.  God allowed his blindness.  In verse 3 He says “Jesus answered, neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him.”


That is a verse that may be tattooed on my person.  It struck me in a way that gave me a sense of peace about Hunter.  Did he sin in utero?  Well, we are born sinners, but I don’t think that is what caused his condition.  Did his parents sin?  That’d be a giant heck yes.  Yet, we have to think that the sins of the father come down on the children in the Old Testament, not the New.  Again, different.

Maybe, Just Maybe

I should lean back on that verse and think that he has this condition because God allowed it so that the “works of God” could be revealed in him.  I think that is what I will cling to right now because A) I can.  B) I want to C) who is going to tell me different?

Through the Fire Lyrics

So many times I’ve questioned certain circumstances
Or things I could not understand
Many times in trials, weakness blurs my vision
And my frustration gets so out of hand

I am Reminded

Its then I am reminded I’ve never been forsaken
I’ve never had to stand the test alone
As I look at all the victories
The spirit rises up in me
And its through the fire my weakness is made strong

He Never Promised

He never promised that the cross would not get heavy
And the hill would not be hard to climb
He never offered our victories without fighting

What He Did Say

But He said help would always come in time
Just remember when your standing in the valley of decision
And the adversary says give in
Just hold on, our Lord will show up
And He will take you through the fire again

Within Myself

I know within myself that I would surely perish
But if I trust the hand of God, He’ll shield the flames again, again
He never promised that the cross would not get heavy
And the hill would not be hard to climb
He never offered our victories without fighting
But He said help would always come in time
Just remember when your standing in the valley of decision
And the adversary says give in
Just hold on, our Lord will show up
And He will take you through the fire again
Gerald Crabb. © 1999 Lehsem Songs

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What Fireworks Means to a School Shooting Survivor

What Fireworks Means to a School Shooting Survivor

What Fireworks Means to a School Shooting Survivor
Authorities investigate the scene of a fatal school shooting Tuesday, Jan 23, 2018, in Benton, Ky. Kentucky State Police said the suspect was apprehended by a Marshall County deputy. (AP Photo/Stephen Lance Dennee)

I despise fireworks. I think that some of them are so pretty, but the sound triggers me. Every time a firework goes off, I can feel it in my chest. The breath gets knocked out of me, and I freeze. At that moment, I am transported back to School. I am back in the classroom with my teachers and fellow student.

At that second, I can see the fear in my teacher’s eyes as he looks down the hallway at the commotion. “Run,” He says with complete fear in his eyes. The look in his eyes will forever be etched into my brain. Confused, I run down the hallway and watch as a freshman falls and slides into a locker. I can’t bring myself to stop and check on her, and I’m pretty sure that makes me a bad person. I’m doing what my teacher said. I am running, from what I don’t know.


As I Get Outside

As I get outside, I stop running. I just assume that it was a fire and that I am safe outside. The fire can’t get me here. “Someone brought a gun to school.” A stranger says behind me. At that point, I can’t think. I take off sprinting. I almost get hit by a car, it was literally centimeters away from hitting me. I can hear the teacher yelling at the students to get into a classroom in the tech building because it’s safe. I sprint into the building.
I almost enter the first room as soon as you walk in the door, but I decide that that classroom would be the first to get shot if the shooter comes up here. I run a few classrooms away, and set against the wall, and wait for any information. Students and teachers start piling in. I look around and realize I can’t trust anyone. At this point, no one knows who the shooter is. Finally, the teachers shut and lock the door.

Calling my Brother

The first person I can get a hold of is my brother. He tells me that there’s been a shooting at the school and that someone has died. My heart sinks, and all I can think about are my friends. Fear courses through my veins as I struggle to get a hold of them. Luckily, they’re all okay. I go on Twitter, and desperately try to find some information. Someone sitting close to me tells me who the shooter is. I am completely shocked and In denial. I’ve known this kid since seventh grade, there’s no way he did this. I was wrong. He did do it.
We are sitting and waiting to be told what to do next when a student starts banging on the door. He was banging on the door so hard, and asking to be let it. Fear overcomes my body. I remember begging God that they wouldn’t open that door. Luckily, they didn’t. We sat there until like 9:30, and then we are told we must get on a bus.


They let us out of the room, but we all must go in a single file line. Teachers and Swat line the walls and make a pathway to the buses. The look in the eyes of the swat member will be in my head forever. We get on the bus, and we sit there forever. I remember looking out the window of the bus and seeing a news helicopter flying over us. I just remember being angry that they were already swarming. I mean, people just died to show some respect. It was insensitive.

Transporting Us

At around Eleven, they gave us a police escort to the nearest middle school. We took the back roads there.  They piled us all into the gym and waited for our names to be called so we could leave with our parents. I remember getting home at noon, and my family had the news on. I hear them reporting things that didn’t happen, so I just go to my room. I couldn’t sleep that night, my adrenaline was pumping. My friends can’t sleep either. We all stay up and talk.

Going Back to School

I was battling anorexia at the time so I didn’t eat anyways, but at this time I go the longest I ever have without eating. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. I was terrified. Going back to school, was horrible. We went back on a Friday. We all met in the gym for a moment of silence, prayer, and to hear about all the resources we had available. The school was never the same. We jumped at every dropped book, we were constantly looking over our shoulder. We were all wary of strangers. We enjoyed the service dogs that came to the school, that was the best part. We played card games to pass the time.


I always told myself that If something like that happened to me I would never go back to school, and I finished my year out there and then became homeschooled. I couldn’t bring myself to sit down in that school and worry about who was walking through the door. I couldn’t sit there and continue to jump at every dropped book. I’ve only been to the school twice since then, and I still struggle with going there.
I keep in contact with the teachers I was in the classroom with that day. You will hardly ever catch me in sandals in public because they aren’t good running shoes. Every year, I plug in my headphone and blare my music so I don’t hear the fireworks. I can hear gunshots, and I can shoot guns (I’m a pretty good shot), but there’s something about fireworks that I can’t handle. I just wish people would be more considerate of people like me every year.

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Leigh Ann Came in Like a Tornado

Leigh Ann Came in Like a Tornado

Leigh Ann Came in Like a Tornado

10 years ago, I met a brassy blond girl at a ballpark. She had a crass mouth and a nasty smoking habit. She was loud and obnoxious, a person that people literally moved away from when they saw her. She did not dress the part, talk the part, and certainly did not behave the part of what society deems “normal.”

Yet, I was drawn to her. I saw myself in her. The girl that no one wanted to be friends with, the outcast. I have a deep love for those who seem unlovable. I see through the facade of what someone presents. What I see is their heart. That deep desire to fit in yet the complete inability to do so.

Seeing a Bit of Jesus in Her

In my mind, I can close my eyes and I can see all the bright dots of Jesus all throughout her. I just knew when those dots connected, she would be an unstoppable force of nature for the Kingdom.

I fell in love with this girl, her children, her brother, and her parents. We were a tight-knit group of misfits. I was blessed to be able to lead her to Christ one spring day. After her acceptance of Christ, I gave her a hot pink Bible…her favorite color. She loved Jesus with all her heart.

Mental Illness

She also struggled with mental illness. Despite her love for Jesus, she had good days and bad days. What bonded us was that I, too, suffer from mental illness. I have clinical depression. She had onset bipolar disorder.

One thing I want you all to hear is that you can still love Jesus without abandon and still struggle with different types of mental illness. That does not mean you love Him less than someone who does not struggle.

How Did She Change My World?

She taught me how to accept those who were not “normal.”  Also, she taught me to walk towards the waves instead of away from them.  Live life without fear of abandonment and to hell what people thought of you.

Did I change her world?  I hope I did.  She made me a better person and I hope that I had some effect on her.  Her mom always said that I did.  I sure do love her children and now grandchildren.  We were good for each other, for the most part.

Does it Change the World to Stand in the Gap

Yes, it does the world when you brush and braid a friend’s hair for the last time? Also, when you begin painting her nails and toenails her favorite color? Does it change the world to wipe the ants off of her body while you are bathing her? What about closing her eyes for the last time?

Yes, it does change the world.  It changed for her children, her mother, and her brother.  It also changed me.  It showed me what the phrase “be Jesus with skin on” really means.  Sacrificial love and service for her and for her family.

Leigh Ann, you are loved, thought of, and missed every single day.

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Pity Party Hosted by Yours Truly

Pity Party Hosted by Yours Truly

Dear LA,

I’m hosting a pity party this year on your behalf.  It is just now beginning and it won’t end until, I don’t know, Jesus returns.  I wanna love this time of year.  Basketball is in full swing and oh how you LOVED to watch your kids in sports.  So loud, you were so loud at the games.  God bless those children.

This month is B’s bday month, Father’s Day, my anniversary, and yet, it makes my heart heavy.  I wish things were different.  In the end, I wish it didn’t even happen.  Your children are healthy, yet struggling.  You are grandma times two!  I can’t even fathom you and me being grandmothers!  Seriously, how did that even happen?  We aren’t old enough.

It’s the Month

The month.  The month that changed me forever and a day.  That phone call, the screams, your children’s faces.  Your face.  Your eyes.  The smell of your freshly washed hair.  It was still damp when I took it down.  It had gotten so long.  I don’t remember where the hair tie went.  What did I do with it?  I don’t remember.

Honestly, that is now going to bug me.  Maybe I used it to tie up the little bit of hair that I snipped off to give to your mom, brother, and kids.  I don’t know.  Whoa, I just had to call a friend and check in because my mental status is not good right now.

Hair Tie

Honestly, I went to call your mom to ask her and it hit me.  She is gone too.  Your kids and going to only have each other, their uncle, and me.  In reality, I don’t even count.  I’m going to have to stop now.  I can’t finish.

Be at peace, my friend.  Dance with the angels.  Smile your smile.  Talk your loudest.  I miss you and you were loved.  Your life meant something and I’m sorry you lost sight of that for a moment.


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Whatever it takes to keep your peace intact…do that.  I am serious.  As hard as it can be Whatever it Takes, Do It.  Peace, according to Webster’s Dictionary means “a state of tranquility or quiet or freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions.”

These two things walk hand in hand for me.  A state of tranquility and freedom from oppressive thoughts or emotions.  The last SEVERAL years have been riddled with chaos, pain, confusion, sadness, and intense oppressive thoughts and emotions.


My Scripture reading, for today, was in Philippians 4:8 and it states “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”

Whatever it takes, do it.  Whatever it takes to fix your thoughts on what is true. The definition is “freedom from oppressive thoughts or emotions.”  When our thoughts are on the things of this Earth, they can easily become oppressive.  Yet, God wants us to have freedom in our thoughts.

You can have freedom from your thoughts by capturing those negative emotions and casting them aside and realizing what is truth.  Truth according to the Lord.  This can be hard to do, but it can be done.


What is honorable.  So, whatever it takes to be honorable, do it.  Be a person that is that city on a hill, be the salt and light of the world.  When you are in that spot of depression that yields a lack of peace, it consumes all of you.

I almost feel like I am in a barrel and there are times when I cannot even see a pinpoint of light.  The last 2 years have been horrible.  I have no peace.  Well, I am getting it back, but it was gone, like the wind.  I did not do whatever it takes for peace.  It’s almost like I succumbed to the chaos around me.

There was no honor in anything I did because all I did was put down myself and live in self-pity.  There was no self-care, self-acceptance, or self-love.  I let the actions of others dictate how I looked at myself.

What is Right and Pure

Nothing I did was right or pure.  It was derogatory towards myself and my circumstances.  I let a few people control my mind.  Satan used “friends” to destroy my self-confidence.  I’m so thankful the Lord allowed my vision to clear up.

By Him doing that, it allowed me to see people for who they really are.  These are the people that I had to step away from, for my own sanity.  I could not have done what I did without the encouragement of my husband.

He sees me, daily, and he sees through me.  He sees my pain and offers love, support, and occasionally a thought that would lead me to fix the problem.  I am blessed with him, my mom, and my sisters.  Without support, I may not be working towards healing.

Whatever it Takes, Do It

I had to do the unthinkable to begin my peace journey.  There were minor things that I changed, like being off of Facebook.  Facebook is toxic.  It can be a pleasurable space to keep up with family if you can change some settings.

I shut everything down.  There was no one, outside of my friend’s list, that had access to anything.  I deleted all my albums and began a new email address to keep those unsavory wolves in sheep’s clothing away from me.

That is minor compared to the other things I have had to do and am currently doing.  My goal is to achieve peace and retain what joy I have left.  It can be done though it has been the hardest thing of my life.

In The End

Be done.

Not mad, not bothered.

Be done.

Protect your peace at all cost.

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Charleigh Mae

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I’m not sure there are enough words in the English language to convey how I feel about my granddaughter.

What is she…at 3 mths old?

  • Brilliant
  • Beautiful
  • Perfect
  • Squeals in proper context
  • Blows bubbles with her mouth like a pro
  • Track objects with her eyes.
  • Loves water
  • Smiles….her smile.
  • Loves her mama and coos for her daddy
  • She held her arm up today like “power to the people.”
  • Radiant
  • Poops when I rub her foot
  • Sleeps when I rock her and tell her stories.
  • Best baby EVER.

What I Need

I need a thousand more grandbabies.  Really, I do.  If one is this great, I might explode if there are more.  I am so grateful that my daughter and son-in-law let me come over often to just rock her.  I try to help around the house, but I get so darn distracted by her cuteness.

Those cheeks….those thighs….Her long cow eyelashes and her beautiful hazel eyes.  She is a perfect match between Bug and Ben.  Her hair seems red but it has a giant white patch on top of her head that appears to be sticking around.  Not sure what that is all about but I am digging it.

She Has Bonded Our Family

Seriously, we needed a win this year.  Just one good thing and luckily, we got two good things.  Alyssa got married and Victoria had Charleigh.  Oh, we had three good things happen… Sassy moved in with us and it has been great having her around.

There have also been some not great things but looking at my girls, it warms my heart.  Everyone (almost), girls and boys, are finding their niche and moving towards it.  I couldn’t be more proud than I am now.

Charleigh Mae

Charleigh Mae

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Perspective from Mr. Rogers


Here is some Perspective from Mr. Rogers from Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood.  This is what to do when you overreact and have regret.  “Many people have asked me do you ever get mad and of course I answer “well yes, everyone gets mad sometimes.”  The important thing is what we do with the mad that we feel in life.

A few weeks ago coming home from a particularly tough day at work, I stopped to see my two grandsons.  Their mom and dad weren’t there but the boys were there with the babysitter in the backyard, squirting water with hoses.  I could see that they were really having fun.  but I felt that I needed to let them know that I didn’t want to be squirted.

Do Not Squirt Me

So I told them so, and little by little, I could feel that the older boy, Alexander, was testing the limit until finally, his hose was squirting very close to where I was standing.  I said to him in my harshest voice, Okay, that’s it alexander turn off the water, you’ve had it.

He did as I told him and said he was sorry and looked very sad.  The more I thought about it, the sadder I got.  I realized Alexander had not squirted me.  That I had stepped into his and his brother’s playtime with a lot of feelings leftover from work.


So when I got home, I called Alexander, on the phone.  I told him I felt awful about my visit with him. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was taking out my anger from work on him.  I told him I was really sorry.

Do you know how he answered me?  Oh, Baba, everybody makes mistakes sometimes.  I nearly cried.  I was so touched by his naturally generous heart.  I realized that if I hadn’t called him, I might not have ever received that wonderful gift of Alexander’s sweet forgiveness.”

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Our Story of Falling in Love and Adoption

My husband and I met in the spring of 1993. We quickly fell for each other. I remember walking into the game room, where we both worked, one evening before school started. There were people lined up at the counter and I saw this man….in these faded blue jeans….with this butt…that made my heart pitter-patter. He was tall and eyes that were the color of the sky. He had a hat on, so I did not know what color his hair was and I noticed his bottom lip all stuck out because he was chewing tobacco. I fell in love and I did not even know his name. Swoon………….

The Kid Question

At any rate, that is the year we met. We were engaged by the fall of that same year and married in June 1994. When we were talking about our life, I asked him how many children he wanted. He stated that he wanted one, maybe two. I stated that I wanted four. I also told him of my desire to adopt and he was NOT for that, at all. He felt he could not love a child he did not see grow in me. I decided that I would let God deal with him on that and I was going to stay out of it.

Life Now

Fast forward 22 years later and we did not have one, two, or four kids. We were blessed with 6 children. We have three children who were born “under the heart” and 3 children who were adopted. We have adopted from our local foster care system and to add the icing of the cake of our family, we adopted from Africa. All of our children were “older” child adoptions. The Lord changed his heart in a mighty way.


There was a day, back in October 2015, that I was in the bathroom and I was thinking to myself (and yes, I do speak to myself….and I answer myself). The prayer that was lifted up, that day, was one of thanksgiving. My heart has always yearned for my children, but we could not have anymore biologically, we could not from our local foster care system because our home was deemed “full”, and we could not adopt internationally because of finances.

We had had two, separate, opportunities to adopt privately, but the birthmothers made other choices and now those babies are with Jesus. There was nothing more to do. My quiver was full. We had 6 kids. Our oldest was in college, our second was finishing up her high school year, sprinkle in there some behaviorally challenged kids, and a hearing-impaired kid…oh, and homeschooling them all…and our life was complete.

God Laughs

While I was in that bathroom, that day, I uttered these words “Lord, I finally am content. I’m content with myself, my life, my family size, thank you for finally giving me that peace about being finished bringing children into our home.” I can imagine God, upon His heavenly throne, chuckling at my “contentment.” He was fixing to throw me a curveball the size of Montana. Almost immediately after my revelation, the phone rang. It was my oldest sister, Kim.

I was surprised at her phone call on a Saturday morning and instead of saying hello, I asked her what was wrong. She was panicked and straightforward. She and her husband, Joseph, were out of town and there was an emergency with two of her grandchildren. Her request was for me to get to where they are and keep them until she and Joseph came home.

Well, she did not have to ask me twice. My husband and I loaded up our kids and we drove separately, as to have enough room for everyone. We got to where the children were and there they stood, amongst complete chaos and sadness.

Damage Control

I plastered on my “it is going to be okay” face and I whisked them off to Bob Evans to eat. They were filthy and incredibly hungry. We made our way to the bathroom and I cleaned up their precious little faces. We sat to eat and boy did they eat. The rest of the weekend was much like my very own three-ring circus. There was some damage control, lots of hugs and kisses, snacks, movies, rocking, and soothing their weary little souls.

We made it to church without any incident on that Sunday. My sister came back into town that afternoon to pick up the beauties. Their world was fixing to shake and they needed that solid foundation of my sister and Joseph. Oh, do they love those kids…gracious.


After they left, I looked around at the carnage of the house. There were toys strung from here to high heaven. Clothes, barbies, shoes, Polly pockets, animals, trains….anything and everything we could find made an appearance and it was spread all throughout my living room.

There were half-eaten sandwiches, purses, stickers galore. I plopped down on the couch with a sense of accomplishment. We all survived. I was pleased I could help in this hard time, but I was so glad that my sister took over.

At It Again

Again, contentment. Again, pleased with feelings of peace. Again, God laughed. Again, He rocked our world. Only a few weeks later, our family…..remember…Bart wanted one or two and I wanted four? Remember how we ended up with three biological kids….and then five….and then six…and then done?


Well, we added our seventh child, 21 months (let that soak in…I had not had a toddler in 9 years and I am over 40, people!) sashayed into our home. He had beautiful curls, with these green eyes. He was nonverbal and loud. Holy moly he was loud. We took in my sister’s other grandson…her youngest grandbaby.

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An Apology Without Change is Manipulation

Gracious this is such a reminder of what I live with on a daily basis.  It is so hard when you have such consistent, horrible things to you…and then, the fake apology.  That is exactly what it is.  Fake.

I probably have done that, but I learned to be sincere with my apologies.  When I do something wrong or hurt someone unintentionally, it hurts me so badly.  Today, I asked my realtor a question.  It was a stupid question and her response sort of hurt my feelings.

Granted, I have not slept well in a couple of days.  Hunter has been in the hospital and it is overwhelming.  I was wearing my heart and feelings on my sleeve and I took it personally.  So my response was an immediate apology and promise to not ask such stupid questions.  Then, I cried.

It Was Not Her Fault

Though that is the straw that broke the camel’s back, it was not her doing anything wrong.  I was just emotional.  Yet, this is one isolated instance.  I was not manipulating her and I was sincere in my apology.

Now for my family member, this is a different ball of wax.  This member has many types of diagnoses.  Part of me thinks that this individual cannot help it.  They do something wrong, have a hollow apology and then do the same thing 10 minutes later.

It is almost to the point where I don’t want an apology, I just want this person to leave me the heck alone.  Can we say BOUNDARIES?  I clearly do not have boundaries but they certainly need to be established.

Kids with Reactive Attachment Disorder

They do this quite often.  Manipulation, Confabulation, and Triangulation are what they are good at, in terms of this quote.  According to Webster’s Dictionary, to manipulate means to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one’s own advantage.

Confabulation means to fill in gaps in memory by fabrication.  To “normal” people, this means to lie.  Then triangulation means to form an alliance.  In this type of situation, it is child with one parent against another parent.

It is all exhausting and makes my brain work on overload.  This is what we have lived with for 15 years.  My boundaries had to be firmly placed, though they broke my heart in a million pieces.  I had to take into consideration other family members and myself.

The stress was hurting all of us.

Life is Hard

The Lord did not promise us a walk in a rose garden.  If we had that, or all the answers, we would have no need for Him.  He completes and sustains us even when we are physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted from creating those hard boundaries.

He gives us the wisdom we need, when we seek it, to “speak” to us.  This, for me, is done through intuition, Scripture, other people, and dreams.  I have learned to accept that my family member does not understand what it means not to manipulate and to be sincere in the apology that is made.

It is hard.  Completely and totally.  Maybe one day, the Lord will heal her mind, body, and spirit to where she can function well in the world around.

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