Sexual Trauma and the Long Road Back to Feeling Safe
I am going to write this one carefully. I will tell you up front what I tell clients: nothing here will be graphic. Some of you need this post. Then…
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Complex Trauma: When the Harm Never Let Up
When I ask some clients to tell me about the worst thing that ever happened to them, they go quiet, and not because the answer is too painful to say….
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Childhood Trauma and the Wounds Nobody Saw
“But they fed me. I always had a roof over my head.” Grown adults say that to me all the time, usually while trying to talk themselves out of the…
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Why Trauma Lives in the Body, Not Just the Mind
You are driving along fine until you pass a certain exit, and your chest tightens before you even register where you are. Or a stranger in the grocery store wears…
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Trauma Is Not What Happened, It Is What Happened Inside You
I have lost count of how many people have opened a first session with some version of the same sentence. “I don’t even know why I’m here. Nothing that bad…
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Shame Is Not the Same as Responsibility
There’s a sorting job that has to happen in this stage of healing, and most of us were never taught how to do it. Somewhere in the pile of everything…
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When You Ignored Red Flags to Survive
The cruelest part of hindsight is how loud the signs get after the fact. Now that you know, you can’t unsee them, and the question starts circling: the flags were…
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The Hidden Self-Blame After Betrayal
We’ve spent eighteen posts on the betrayal and the person who did it. Now we turn to a courtroom nobody else can see, the one running inside you, where court’s…
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God Is Big Enough for the Truth
The last few posts tell the truth plainly, naming the wound, feeling the anger, sorting fact from fear. Before I move into the next part of this series, I want…
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When Gaslighting Makes You Doubt What Happened
“That never happened.” “You’re remembering it wrong.” “You’re too sensitive.” If you’ve heard versions of those lines enough times, you know the particular disorientation that comes with them. It is…
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The Difference Between Facts and Stories We Tell Ourselves
Here’s a fact: he didn’t come home until 2 a.m. and wouldn’t say where he’d been. Here’s a story: he’s probably been doing this for years and everyone probably knew…
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Why Your Body Remembers What Your Mind Tries to Forget
You can decide, up in your head, that you’re done thinking about it. Your stomach doesn’t always get the memo. Neither does your jaw, or your shoulders, or the part…
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When the Person You Trusted Was the One Who Hurt You
There’s a particular kind of pain that only shows up when the hurt comes from someone who was supposed to be safe. A stranger can wrong you and it stings,…
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Naming the Betrayal Without Softening It
You know the sentence. “Things got complicated.” “We went through a rough patch.” “He wasn’t himself for a while.” Words that let everybody else off the hook, including you, and…
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Forgiveness Begins With Truth, Not Silence
Let’s start here, plain as I can say it. Forgiveness doesn’t open with a hug or an olive branch. It opens with the truth, said out loud, about what actually…
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Teaching Your Children Regulation While You’re Still Learning
Teaching Your Children Regulation While You’re Still Learning Grace for imperfect parents Many parents worry they must be fully healed before they can help their children. Children do not need…
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The Window of Tolerance Explained Simply
Recognizing overwhelm vs shutdown The window of tolerance is the zone where your nervous system can function without becoming overwhelmed or shutting down. When you are inside your window, you…
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Co-Regulation Comes Before Self-Regulation
Why connection heals first Many people are told to calm themselves without ever being taught how safety is built through connection. Co-regulation is the experience of feeling soothed, grounded, or…
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Adoption is Our Joy and Their Deepest Loss
Adoption is Our Joy and Their Deepest Loss Adoption is beautiful. It’s redemptive, brave, and life-changing. Honestly, it’s one of our greatest joys which is expanding our family, raising children…
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Make Yourself a High Priority – Yes, You’re Allowed To
Make Yourself a High Priority – Yes, You’re Allowed To When did taking care of yourself become optional? Somewhere along the way, we learned to glorify selflessness at the expense…