Tag: guilt

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma

Letting Go of the Guilt Around Slowing Down

Brandi Crum, MA, LMFT

Letting Go of the Guilt Around Slowing Down

Letting Go of the Guilt Around Slowing Down

You finally sit down.
Your body relaxes.
And then—the voice creeps in:

“You should be doing something.”
“There’s too much to get done.”
“Rest is for people who’ve earned it.”

This is rest guilt and it’s not from God.

Rest Isn’t Laziness. It’s Obedience.

From the very beginning, God designed a rhythm of work and rest.

“On the seventh day God rested from all his work.” —Genesis 2:2

He didn’t rest because He was tired.
What He did was that He rested to model wholeness.
He paused to show us we’re more than what we produce.

But we live in a culture that equates rest with weakness. That glorifies busyness. That makes you feel like you have to earn your stillness.

No wonder you feel guilty for slowing down.

The Trauma of Always Doing

If you’ve lived in survival mode—where constant doing felt like the only way to stay safe—it makes sense that stopping feels wrong.

Rest may trigger:

  • Fear of falling behind

  • Feelings of unworthiness

  • Anxiety about being seen as lazy

  • Guilt for doing something different than your upbringing

This doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you. It means your body and brain are still unlearning what hustle taught you.

How to Release the Guilt

1. Name the lie:
Ask, “Whose voice is this? Is it truth, or is it trauma?”

2. Replace it with grace:
You are not loved for what you do. You are loved for who you are.

3. Choose sacred rhythms:
Schedule stillness on purpose. Start with five minutes. Let it grow.

“In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength…” —Isaiah 30:15

You don’t have to run to matter.
You don’t have to hustle to be holy.

Slow down. The God who made you also made rest.

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you. We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.


📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only). You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

Related Posts

Close Your Eyes. Smile. You Are Beautiful.

End the Stigma, Quotes

Perspective from Mr. Rogers

Brandi C

Perspective from Mr. Rogers

Perspective from Mr. Rogers

 

Here is some Perspective from Mr. Rogers from Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood.  This is what to do when you overreact and have regret.  “Many people have asked me do you ever get mad and of course I answer “well yes, everyone gets mad sometimes.”  The important thing is what we do with the mad that we feel in life.

A few weeks ago coming home from a particularly tough day at work, I stopped to see my two grandsons.  Their mom and dad weren’t there but the boys were there with the babysitter in the backyard, squirting water with hoses.  I could see that they were really having fun.  but I felt that I needed to let them know that I didn’t want to be squirted.

Do Not Squirt Me

So I told them so, and little by little, I could feel that the older boy, Alexander, was testing the limit until finally, his hose was squirting very close to where I was standing.  I said to him in my harshest voice, Okay, that’s it alexander turn off the water, you’ve had it.

He did as I told him and said he was sorry and looked very sad.  The more I thought about it, the sadder I got.  I realized Alexander had not squirted me.  That I had stepped into his and his brother’s playtime with a lot of feelings leftover from work.

Guilt

So when I got home, I called Alexander, on the phone.  I told him I felt awful about my visit with him. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was taking out my anger from work on him.  I told him I was really sorry.

Do you know how he answered me?  Oh, Baba, everybody makes mistakes sometimes.  I nearly cried.  I was so touched by his naturally generous heart.  I realized that if I hadn’t called him, I might not have ever received that wonderful gift of Alexander’s sweet forgiveness.”

 

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Guest Blogger, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

A Letter to Myself

Brandi C

A Letter to Myself

My guest blogger wants to step back in time and parent that child who was abused and never truly parented.  She wants that little girl to know that what is happening is wrong and that she is not at fault.  What a beautiful way to begin the healing process.

0 gs4pat2pfw1d8s89

 

Sarah,

I have written numerous letters to others who have significantly hurt me, but I have yet to write a letter to the person I feel has hurt me the most. 

That person is me. 

For years I have “punished” myself for things that were not my fault. It has been hard to remember that when bad things were happening to me, I was between the ages of 7 and 11. I have blamed myself for years for the people around me dying. I have blamed myself for not being there for them while they die. Like, for goodness sake, Sarah, you were like 9. It is not your responsibility to take care of people who are dying.

Changes

When my dad divorced for a second time, we had just moved, and we were tight on money. It is not that my dad was not making enough. It was because he gave his ex-wife a good chunk of his money. So, I started skipping meals to ensure everyone had enough to eat. When I ate, my brother would comment on my weight or how much I was eating. I stopped eating for weeks and started working six days a week. 

After over a year of doing that 

I finally realized that it wasn’t my responsibility to ensure everyone ate. It was my father’s, and he was incredibly absent then. So I slowly started eating again. I have better eating habits now, but I still have days when I feel I shouldn’t be eating. To this day, if I have to get weighed, I can’t look at the scale because If I see what it says, I will spiral.

Absent Parent

Around that same time, my dad was incredibly absent. All of the cooking, cleaning, and children became my responsibility. I was the parent in the household. I juggled all of my duties at home, schoolwork, and band. 

The only thing I remember from this period of my life is being incredibly exhausted. It was at this time sister would hardly sleep. And she became violent. So I would wake up at three in the morning to her punching me in the face or pulling my hair. I remember the countless morning of me just crying because I was so tired and in pain. 

That was a super dark time in my life. 

This was the beginning of a super dark time for me. I had zero will to live. I didn’t care what happened to me. Honestly, I wish this part of my story had a happier ending, but I’m still learning that Madison isn’t my child or my responsibility. 

I feel guilty when I go out while she’s at the house. Also, I feel anxious that something terrible will happen to her while I am gone. I feel like I have been better about leaving her home, so that is a step in the right direction.

The Shooting

Then, I guess the last piece of this story is about the shooting. I remember that morning going into the band room with my friends. I stood across the room from him and just stared at him. The atmosphere that morning felt off. 

I used to blame myself for not talking to him that morning. I used to think that he wouldn’t have killed two people if I had just talked to him. That was his choice, not mine. It’s not my fault. It’s not my fault. It is not my fault. After a while of repeating that to myself, I finally believed it. 

 Love,

 Sarah.

Related Posts

What Does Impossible Really Mean

 

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Guest Blogger, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

Hurt People Hurt People

Brandi C

Hurt People Hurt People

Hurt People Hurt People

A phrase my mom has always said is Hurt People Hurt People. That is an accurate phrase. I always thought that I was your favorite person. You would make time to come down and see me. You brought me books and movies. We would go to the movies and have the best time ever. It meant everything to me that we had a good relationship. But all that changed, now you can barely say two words to me. Now you won’t even make eye contact with me most of the time. And to be honest, it is hard for me to talk to you because I don’t know what to say. 

 

Life After Death

 

After my cousin died, I was hurt so much after realizing that he may not be in heaven where I desperately wanted him to be. After him leaving so suddenly and I never got the chance to say goodbye, it was hard on me. Because I loved him and wanted to know I would see him again. And I loved you so much that I wanted to know that if you left suddenly, I would see you again. 

 

Blaming Myself

 

Do you know my mom would not even let me read the letter you sent back to me? Because she knew it would hurt me if I read it. It was easier for me not to have to read it. I blamed myself for ruining our relationship. But now, I think it was more on you than on me. I was coming from a place of love but sadness and hurt. I didn’t understand why you didn’t believe the way that I did. I had no idea you would react the way you did. 

 

You Stopped 

 

You stopped writing to me. Also, you stopped all communication. You just stopped. That was hurtful to me. I looked up to you. I wanted to come to stay with you and wanted to be like you. I admired you for being as successful as you were. I understand now that what I said may have offended you, but I was a child and didn’t understand how it would offend you at the time. 

 

Ensured Salvation

 

In my mind, I wanted to ensure that I would see you again. I wouldn’t have to know that you would be in the next life and not in a bad place. I was hurting so much, and I was only a child. How was I supposed to know that one email would change our relationship forever? 

 

I think our Aunt blames me for our relationship not being where it used to be. I can see it on her face. I can feel it in her energy. But I know this was not my fault. My intentions were not of malice. You sent very hurtful letters back to me. It was not my intent to hurt you. Ever. 

 

Now, I Understand

 

I have gone through a tough time since then. I have suffered much, and you have no idea. And I so desperately wanted you to love and accept me like I love and accept you now. I feel guilty because I didn’t mean to hurt you. I would never intentionally hurt you in any way. I would hope you felt the same way about me. I do not judge your lifestyle. I am not a child anymore. I now understand how offensive some statements can be, and I choose not to make those statements. 

 

I love you. I want you to love me too.