There Is No Right Way to Grieve This Kind of Pain
When someone we love dies by suicide, the grief that follows feels different. It feels heavier, more complicated, more confusing. It doesn’t fit into neat stages or tidy timelines. Instead, it crashes over us in waves: shock, anger, guilt, sorrow, and sometimes numbness. And then, just when we think we’ve found our footing, another wave comes.
If you’ve lost someone to suicide, hear this: there is no “right” way to grieve.
Complicated Grief Is Real
Suicide loss is unique. Alongside the pain of loss, survivors often carry heavy questions:
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Why didn’t I see it coming?
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Could I have stopped it?
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What were their final moments like?
These questions can stir feelings of anger, shame, or self-blame. Others may find themselves feeling nothing at all. They are just numb. Both extremes are normal. Grief is not a straight road; it’s a tangled, winding path that looks different for everyone.
Validating the Hard Feelings
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Anger: It’s okay to feel angry at the situation, at the pain, even at the person you lost. Anger does not mean you love them any less.
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Confusion: Suicide leaves behind unanswered questions. It’s natural to wrestle with the “why,” even if you never find a clear answer.
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Numbness: Sometimes our minds protect us by shutting down emotions. Feeling “nothing” is still a form of grief.
Every feeling that rises in grief is a sign of love searching for a place to land.
Giving Yourself Permission
You don’t have to grieve the way others expect you to. You don’t have to explain your emotions or defend your tears (or your lack of them). Grief after suicide is personal, messy, and sacred. The best thing you can do is give yourself permission to feel, to rest, to cry, to laugh, to remember.
And most of all, permission to heal at your own pace.
💛Call or text 988. You are not alone.
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