Faith Journey, Large Family Happenings

Psalm 44 & Proverbs 13

Psalm 44 & Proverbs 13

Psalm 44 & Proverbs 13

Psalm 44

O God, we have heard it with our own ears—
    our ancestors have told us
of all you did in their day,
    in days long ago:
You drove out the pagan nations by your power
    and gave all the land to our ancestors.
You crushed their enemies
    and set our ancestors free.
They did not conquer the land with their swords;
    it was not their own strong arm that gave them victory.
It was your right hand and strong arm
    and the blinding light from your face that helped them,
    for you loved them.

You are my King and my God.
    You command victories for Israel.
Only by your power can we push back our enemies;
    only in your name can we trample our foes.

Thoughts

When faced with unsavory people, it is easy to get up all in your thoughts and work out the solution.  Well, I should have said XYZ and then they would have said ABC. Then, I could have counted with this.  Next, I will ruin their image.  Your mind never stops.  It does not cease to work it out.  Which, in reality, you are just controlling the situation.

By predetermining what you will say versus what they will say, you are trying to play God.  It is SO easy to get sucked down that wide road thinking.  I do it.  In fact, I just did it not too long ago.  There is a situation that I felt needed to be addressed.

Not in God’s time, but my own.  I used non-threatening words and I made a promise that this human would shake my hand and see my eyeballs.  Then, that person would know that I’m not playing.

The Opportunity Arose

I had given myself enough time to collect my thoughts and rein in my emotions.  Enough time to do some background work and lay some future road for me to travel with this person.  We did meet.  He did shake my hand.  Terror filled his eyes.  I’m a fluffy chick but he could have flattened me out…until the adrenaline kicked in.  I was ready.

My point was made, my feelings made very clear by my tight handshake and narrowing eyes.  I could literally see the blood leaving his face and he could not get away quick enough.  Honestly, I reveled in that.

Until I read these verses.  Then, I realized that it was not my place.  It is God’s.  He knew what had happened was wrong and He will take care of it.  Sadly, I didn’t want to wait for Him.  I wanted to handle it myself.

Admitting I was Wrong

This situation was handled according to my flesh.  I was in mama bear mode and I was not going to stop.  Honestly, I was prepared to ruin his life, family, and make him lose his job.  Had I pursued, I would have succeeded.

What I didn’t see where the innocent people behind the man.  He made a horrific choice and when he threw that stone…the ripple effect is wide.  I know that he will not make this same mistake with this same human again.  Not because of him but because of the other person.

God will continue to fight this battle.  I will forever be a negative chapter in the story of his life.  That wide road…it is enticing when you feel powerful, isn’t it?

Section 2

I do not trust in my bow;
    I do not count on my sword to save me.
You are the one who gives us victory over our enemies;
    you disgrace those who hate us.
O God, we give glory to you all day long
    and constantly praise your name. 

But now you have tossed us aside in dishonor.
    You no longer lead our armies to battle.
10 You make us retreat from our enemies
    and allow those who hate us to plunder our land.
11 You have butchered us like sheep
    and scattered us among the nations.
12 You sold your precious people for a pittance,
    making nothing on the sale.
13 You let our neighbors mock us.
    We are an object of scorn and derision to those around us.
14 You have made us the butt of their jokes;
    they shake their heads at us in scorn.
15 We can’t escape the constant humiliation;
    shame is written across our faces.
16 All we hear are the taunts of our mockers.
    All we see are our vengeful enemies.

17 All this has happened though we have not forgotten you.
    We have not violated your covenant.

Section 3

18 Our hearts have not deserted you.
    We have not strayed from your path.
19 Yet you have crushed us in the jackal’s desert home.
    You have covered us with darkness and death.
20 If we had forgotten the name of our God
    or spread our hands in prayer to foreign gods,
21 God would surely have known it,
    for he knows the secrets of every heart.
22 But for your sake we are killed every day;
    we are being slaughtered like sheep.

23 Wake up, O Lord! Why do you sleep?
    Get up! Do not reject us forever.
24 Why do you look the other way?
    Why do you ignore our suffering and oppression?
25 We collapse in the dust,
    lying face down in the dirt.
26 Rise up! Help us!
    Ransom us because of your unfailing love.

Thoughts

How humbling is verse 21?  I mean, for real…how humbling?  He knows EVERYTHING in our hearts.  Like everything.  All those places that no one knows about, He does.  Soon, Light will be shone on all those little hidden compartments.  Are you (or me) ready for that revelation?

Uhm, no.

Proverbs 13

A wise child accepts a parent’s discipline;
    a mocker refuses to listen to correction.

Wise words will win you a good meal,
    but treacherous people have an appetite for violence.

Those who control their tongue will have a long life;
    opening your mouth can ruin everything.

Lazy people want much but get little,
    but those who work hard will prosper.

The godly hate lies;
    the wicked cause shame and disgrace.

Godliness guards the path of the blameless,
    but the evil are misled by sin.

Thoughts

I read these verses and my heartaches.  We are faced, right now, with a decision that no parent sets out to make.  I see what the Lord says about a parent’s discipline.  Yet, what if you are parenting a kid from a hard place and no amount of discipline changes anything?  No amount of corpal punishment, physical labor, removal of privileges, threats, police involvement, grace, reasoning…nothing works?  What then?

Honestly.  What then?  When the lies continue, the stealing continues, the lack of cause and effect doesn’t register.  What then?  I can’t fix brain damage.  The Great Physician can, but I can’t.  So now, we face one of the biggest things we’ve had to face and make decisions that I don’t want to make.

Section 2

Some who are poor pretend to be rich;
    others who are rich pretend to be poor.

The rich can pay a ransom for their lives,
    but the poor won’t even get threatened.

The life of the godly is full of light and joy,
    but the light of the wicked will be snuffed out.

10 Pride leads to conflict;
    those who take advice are wise.

11 Wealth from get-rich-quick schemes quickly disappears;
    wealth from hard work grows over time.

12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
    but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.

13 People who despise advice are asking for trouble;
    those who respect a command will succeed.

Section 3

14 The instruction of the wise is like a life-giving fountain;
    those who accept it avoid the snares of death.

15 A person with good sense is respected;
    a treacherous person is headed for destruction.

16 Wise people think before they act;
    fools don’t—and even brag about their foolishness.

17 An unreliable messenger stumbles into trouble,
    but a reliable messenger brings healing.

18 If you ignore criticism, you will end in poverty and disgrace;
    if you accept correction, you will be honored.

19 It is pleasant to see dreams come true,
    but fools refuse to turn from evil to attain them.

20 Walk with the wise and become wise;
    associate with fools and get in trouble.

Section 4

21 Trouble chases sinners,
    while blessings reward the righteous.

22 Good people leave an inheritance to their grandchildren,
    but the sinner’s wealth passes to the godly.

23 A poor person’s farm may produce much food,
    but injustice sweeps it all away.

24 Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children.
    Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.

25 The godly eat to their hearts’ content,
    but the belly of the wicked goes hungry.

Thoughts

There it is…in His Word.  “Trouble chases sinners…”  “Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children.  Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.”  Again, I get that.  I have lived by that.  Discipline, for our family, may look different from a discipline with other families.

Yet when traditional types of discipline don’t work…what then?

Related Posts:

Psalm 42 & Proverbs 11

Psalm 43 & Proverbs 12

Large Family Happenings

Taking Time For Myself is So Hard

Taking Time For Myself is So Hard

Taking Time For Myself is So Hard

Taking Time for myself is so hard. Self-care is hard but then I realized, no one takes care of the caregiver. Since no one takes care of me, I have to take care of myself.

Since I don’t take care of myself, my husband steps in and helps. He has arranged for a long weekend getaway for us. My job is to do nothing but enjoy it.

However, do you know how hard it is to relax? I say this because I have one medically fragile child and two other children with special needs? This, of course, does not take into account the other children and animals in my house.

My Big Kids

My oldest daughter, son-in-law, and my second oldest daughter are in charge. I arranged suppers, gave strict instructions to my children, and we headed out.

After our call home tonight, I knew Hunter was not behaving. He does not do well without me there. He is mouthy, emotional, refuses things, and throws tantrums. Why? Because he can.

He knows we are gone, therefore, he does what all 5-year-old boys do…he pushes the envelope. I hate that he does not behave. It makes me feel like I am a horrible mom because I took some time for myself.

A Mama Knows

When you are the primary caregiver of a medically fragile child, you forget to breathe, at times. I have tremendous guilt for leaving because no one can care for him as I do. Also, I do not play and he does not get away with the crap he is pulling now.

Yes, he has his struggles. His rages are part of his neurological condition. My older children are capable of handling him. He is also a 100% manipulative boy who “smells fear.” He plays on that fear and he uses it to the best of his ability.

Taking Time

I needed this weekend. Enjoying my husband, sleeping in, eating food I did not cook, letting it all go. That does not make me an awful mom. I must not let satan play on that feeling.

We have had some deep discussions and made some HUGE life-changing decisions. It is freeing to just be in the moment, to solidify things, to say things that needed to be said.

Forgiving

I have to learn how to cope with the condition that my son has. Also, I have to teach him to not play on his condition as he gets older. This condition is not a crutch.

Letting go of anger for a doctor who did not listen to me was a biggie for this weekend. So many things I want to say to him but in the end, what is done is done.

Realizing and forgiving myself for not pushing this doctor to do what I asked him to do in the beginning of this journey.

I yielded to a professional. In yielding, I allowed these chemicals to enter my child’s body because I was told it would help.

So naive.

Anger Rises

I am so angry with myself. As strong as a voice as I am. I freaking yielded. Now, we reap the after-effects of my stupidity.

OCD, rages, insomnia, itching himself till he bleeds…all because I yielded. Damnit. I am truly so mad at myself and this doctor.

Diligently, I am trying to let it go. I have to forgive myself, this doctor, and this condition. I will not let satan have my son or my thoughts.

Jesus

God is bigger. I believe he has healed my son, it just has not been manifested. One day, I will share my thoughts with this doctor. I am certain he will do things differently if someone else shows up with these symptoms. He is a smart man and will learn from his mistake.

I am just sad my son had to be the one that he misdiagnosed. Sad because I did not voice my opinion and was not stronger in what I wanted to be done.

Thankful

Sigh…I am so thankful I have older children who can be me for a few days. Who can handle the craziness without letting me know all the stuff? I am thankful for a husband who cares for the caregiver.

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What Would Happen if She Found Out

Faith Journey

5 Unexpected Ways Starting Over Can Make Your Life Better

5 Unexpected Ways Starting Over Can Make Your Life Better

5 Unexpected Ways Starting Over Can Make Your Life Better

These are the 5 unexpected ways starting over can make your life better. After a *rough* start (and finish) to my day, I decided to just begin again.  As I sat in my bed, crying, I felt the Lord impress on me.  These are some simple things that I (and you) can do that can make my life (and the lives of my children) better.

  1. Hug your difficult child.
  2. Give encouragement, even if it is through gritted teeth.
  3. Pray often.
  4. Smile more.
  5. Begin again.

Choose to start over.

A new book.  Chapter 1.  Page 1.

It is NEVER too late to begin again.

Do NOT feed into the lies of Satan.

You are NEVER “too far gone.”

NEVER too old.

You will not be sorry.

God.  Is.  Bigger.

Thoughts

You can go to Inspirational and Encouraging Bible Verses and find some encouraging Scripture in the Bible.  I do this, just to read Truth.  Our days are all-consuming with lies from social media.  It is so hard because we all compare ourselves to what we see in those little squares of life.  There is no perfect person in this world.  Remember that.  Only Jesus was perfect.

Related Posts

Reuben Schwartz Info

Hunter’s Song

 

Large Family Happenings, Life or Something Like It

Time is Slipping Away

Time is Slipping Away.

I find that the end of the day has rolled around and I have nothing to show for it.  Sadly, Time is Slipping Away.  That is the thought that swirls and twirls through my mind.  In reality, I know that that isn’t true, but I look around my house and think “how can it *still* smell like pee?

Yes…I said that.

I’m looking at my brand spanking new carpet cleaner, right now.  It is perched in the corner of my living room.  It is so sparkly and shiny that I don’t want to dull that shine with the muck of filthy carpets and dog hair.

Plus…I am sort of famous for catching 8 vacuum cleaners on fire…within 6 months of each other.  Don’t ask cause I just don’t know.  I think they all get together and decide they can’t handle the 6 kids, Big Daddy, and all these dogs….so they just sacrifice their little lives and self combust in a last-ditch effort to being used too much.

I feel like that, someday….that I just need to self-combust and call it a day.

Sorry, squirrel moment.

The reality is is that child one is rarely home.  She flits in and out of this house like a bandit, in the night.  When she is home, she talks so fast (to catch me up on life) that I only catch every third word.  I find myself, more times than not, just nodding and smiling.  I have no idea what I’m nodding and smiling to..but it is my effort to try and listen.

Child Two

Child two is 17 and is finding her way.  She is busy right now with finishing schoolwork, babysitting 4 days a week, volunteering one day a week and she just got hired, part-time and that training will be starting this week, as well.

Child Three

Child three does well to just manage her behaviors and her choices.  I’m proud to say that she is caught up and doing well in her schoolwork and she has been on an upswing, lately..which for a child that struggles with RAD, this is a good good GOOD thing.  There are still moments and those moments suck the life right out of all of us…but we are learning (after 8 years) to manage, admit poor choices, don’t blame others, apologize, and move on.

Child Four

Child four has baseball two to three times a night.  In one town, while child six has baseball two to three times a week in a separate town. I can’t even begin to describe the logic behind that decision because it is too complicated.

Child Five

Child five has just completed his Special Olympics track event (he won first in the 100m dash and 2nd in the softball throw). That practice was weekly and the Regionals was an all-day event.  He has qualified for state, but probably won’t be attending because it is a three-day event in June and I don’t want him to go unattended.  He will be starting karate, soon…so there is another couple of nights out of the week.

Large Family Busyness

So, between therapy, doctor’s appointments, hearing aid appointments, cooking, schooling, cleaning…I know that I have not been idle.  It is just this house.  This morning, I was looking at the MOUNDS of paperwork yet to be filed because…well…I just haven’t had time (or the desire), so I’ve been piling it up for far too long.  I was determined, today, to tackle that project.

As you can see, because I’m blogging, I didn’t get too far.  I do have it sorted and maybe sort of (completely) strung from one side of my bedroom to the next.  It is organized chaos.  I will get it done.  I know I will.  Eventually, I will get it done.

Blogging to Pass Time

For now, I sit here…blogging…looking at my sparkly carpet cleaner smiling at me.  I have about 4 unfinished projects because I can’t focus long enough to get one completed.  I have our vacation looming over us and I’m nowhere near prepared for that undertaking (first massive vacation taken as a family of 8…for 10 days…God help me).  Speech wraps up for kid five, this week…we have a couple of weeks off and then it will a two-week trek to therapy where I will sit for 2 hours while he works.  Go ahead, covet…I know you want to.

My dog smells like fish.  The carpet smells like urine.  Alas, my toenails need to be painted.  Sadly, my bedroom has been overtaken by paperwork.  Lola ate my recipes (literally), and I have snot.  Lots and lots of snot.

I’ll get something finished today.  I will and I know that eventually, I will.

Large Family Happenings, Life or Something Like It

Raising Boys and Raising Girls

Raising Boys and Raising GirlsHere are my random thoughts on Raising Boys and Raising Girls.

Raising Boys

They are cute.  Yet, they smell like beef and cheese or candy.  Honestly, they give great hugs.

Their toy collection consists of cars and guns.  They can run through the house and touch all the light fixtures.  Oh, and they can swing on the closet bar, like Tarzan, and put holes through the wall.  Yet fix it with duct tape.

In an 8×10 room, they can play full tackle football, complete with injuries.  They eat fast and love hard.  When they fall, they get right back up.  Truth be told, they can fall from a tree, bruising kidneys and backs.  Then, climb back up it the next day.

They run horses while yelling “YEEHAW” like a cowboy.  Also, they like to play cowboys and Indians with a “live horse.” This is done while shooting cap guns behind the said horse.  Honestly, this is not wise, friends…not wise.  It is discussed why boogers can be lunch.  Also, any kind of food, on a stick, is appealing.

Bushes will never survive boys.

RAISING GIRLS

They cry and then they laugh.

There is a lot of hair flipping and then they cry.

Once that is done, they laugh again and flip their hair again.

The End.