Faith Journey

Forgiveness is Hard Because the Hurt Mattered

Forgiveness is Hard Because the Hurt Mattered

Forgiveness is Hard Because the Hurt Mattered

Forgiveness matters.  It took me a really long time to understand what forgiveness actually was.  I was under the misunderstanding that forgiveness meant that you were giving someone PERMISSION to do whatever that person did to you.

That is not correct.

What Forgiveness Actually Means

According to Webster’s Dictionary, forgiveness means “to grant forgiveness.”  “To Grant” that is extending the forgiveness to someone.  This doesn’t mean you have to let them back in your life.  Also, this doesn’t mean that you have to trust them.  What it means is that you no longer depen on them to right the wrong.  You are releasing them from owning you.


That is a powerful statement.  I am actively releasing them from owning me!  When I harbor those feelings of resentment, anger, hate, disdain, irritation, etc I am allowing them to own me.  They own my thoughts, my feelings, my actions, and my reactions.  I am indebted to them.

Honestly, half the time most people do not even realize they did anything.  On the other hand, sometimes they do remember and they try to avoid at all costs having a run-in.  Earlier this year, I took the bull by the balls.

What Did I Do With Those Balls?

I cut those suckers OFF.  My mental health is not great.  I am big enough to admit that.  There are things occuring in my life that I cannot control.  Then, there are things that I can control.  Yet, Christ says we are not in control.  He is and Ineed to yield to Him because He fights my battles, I just need to be silent (Exodus 14:14).

Being silent is not one of my strong suits.  Yet, I have been very silent over the last year.  I have sat back and taken the words, actions, abuse, and dirty looks.  Those things have been met with silence.  Also, depression, uncertainty, fear, and so many other things.

I Digress, Back to the Balls

There are several people that has avoided me like the plague.  I mean, they have literally dropped off the face of the planet.  These people will not return calls, emails, texts, fb messages, nothing.  I thought I had done/said something to hurt them.  The thought of that tears at my soul because I try to be very mindful of my words.  Your tongue is a double-edged sword according to Jesus.

I decided to give it one last ditch effort and send one more message.  Then, I was going to let it go.  I was not going to let the uncertainty cause physical ramifications on my body, soul, and mind anymore.  Forgiveness is what I asked for because I just felt like I needed to do that.

To My Surprise

These ladies answered me back.  We had great conversations.  I asked questions, they answered.  They asked questions, I answered.  This all happened like the 40+ year old people we are (hello FB middle school, I see you.)

One lady misinterpreted a conversation that was had almost 3 years ago.  She apologized and acknowledged my hurt at her disappearing during a very difficult season in my life.  I apologized for not being clear in what I said.  Guess what?

We forgave each other.  Have we really sat down, face to face, to talk?  No.  Co-vid and all.  I hope to soon.  Will our friendship be the same as it was?  I don’t know.  Time will tell.  I would love to see that happen, but I have to acknowledge my hurt because it did (and does) matter.  I just can’t live there.

The Other Lady

Well, she did respond and it went well.  I had done nothing wrong and she explained herself and her choices.  She asked for forgiveness and I happily granted it.  Again, I expressed my hurt to her.  Yet, I chose not to sit in it because she seemed so sincere.

Sadly, I was wrong.  Again, she has gone to the nth degree to believe something about me.  I’m not sure what it is this time.  Honestly, as I was talking to my husband today, I want to say I don’t care.  It’s not like I see this person everyday.

Then again, I do care and I want to know why.  I opened up, again, as I did with the other lady and I tried to believe, extend forgiveness, and trust her.  This time, I will choose to forgive her but she will never be close to me again.  She no longer owns me.

The Last Lady

Wow. This one is a doozy.  Out of the blue, she “friended” me on Facebook.  I was appalled.  This lady I knew but I didn’t personally know.  Weird, I know.  Completely offended and fired off a stern message.

We exchanged several messages.  I expressed in great detail my complete disdain for her because of circumstances that she (and another member of my family) created.  She danced around it and she did apologize.

I sat in it for a very long time.  A very very long time.  In fact, I told her I may never forgive her and I will certainly never forget what she did.  She was told to never contact me or my family again.  Livid isn’t even a word to do my feelings justice.


It was my last straw today.  The straw that broke the camel’s back.  “Friend #2” again unfriended me and blocked me.  Honestly, have not spoken to her since that one day.  As I was talking to Bart, he told me to just delete FB.  It is “from the devil.”

He is right.  Last time I tried to do this, I redownloaded it.  It is an obsession, even if you don’t realize it. I took the time to respond to messages that had been sitting in my messages spot.  Then, I reread some messages that were important to feel those feelings again.

I got to that woman.

That Woman

As I was reading our messages, I didn’t feel the heat of anger or hate.  Honestly, I felt pity.  What a sad life this woman has led.  She has been tied to this “what if” thought in her brain for over 50 years.

My hurt did matter.  She altered my life and the lives of those I love.  This woman owned me.  She controlled my emotions and dictated how I felt.  Today, I simply wrote “I forgive you.” She answered me back quickly.  I deleted all the messages.

Today, as I hit the button to end my relationship with FB and this “friend”and other woman, I felt empowered.  Validated.  At peace.  Today, no one owns me but Christ.  I was purchased for a price.

Today, I am free.

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Faith Journey

I am NOT a Failure

I am NOT a Failure

I am NOT a Failure

Repeat after me: I am NOT a Failure. Those words still resonate in me after a late-night chat with one of my closest friends. After a particularly hard evening, I texted my friend and said: “can you talk?” She has as many kids as I do and her life is not easy. My friend is raising these kids from hard places and trying to maintain a farm. Inspiration. She is my inspiration.

What’s Going On?

That was all she said. Not even a “hello” just a statement. I don’t think we ever say “hello” when we call each other. It is rare when we get a few minutes, within a month or so, to dedicate to chatting. Yet, when it comes to me needing her or her needing me…we make time in the chaos.

Last night, she made time. I am forever grateful to my friend. She means the world to me.

Tears Flowed

I couldn’t even get words out all I could do was sob. There was a sentence I mustered about a life-altering decision that we have to make in regards to one of our children. Instead of instantly telling me all the things I already know, she sat, silently, and let me cry. Throwing in phrases, between the sobs, of “I love you. You love your children. He is not a failure because of his mental illness that I did not create. I am not a failure because I did above and beyond what needed to be done for him to live a successful, safe life.

You are not a Failure

She said that over and over. I repeated it and then I let it sink in. He is not a failure. I repeated that and it is sinking in. We are not failures. He just needs more help then maybe I can give him. That doesn’t mean I’ve failed him. It means I have loved him enough to get the help that he needs. Having to do what we may have to do does not dictate my love for this child. If I didn’t love him, I wouldn’t fight so hard for him to succeed in life.

Yet who does what I’m doing? Who does what he is doing constantly? Why can’t love just fix everything? What about God? Where are You in the chaos? I know He is there. Yet, I can’t hear Him through the storm.

My Support System

My support system is small. I mean, I have my husband. The love of my children (whom I try to shield from all that swirls in my mind). I know my mom loves me and supports me. My sister who never waivers, judges, or advises without me asking, faithfully prays for me. What would I do without her? I don’t know. Also, I have a couple of faithful friends I can bear my soul with and never be betrayed or judged.


There are some serious trust issues that I have always had. Sadly, those issues have peaked over the last few months. I’m battling with anger (which is fear and/or sadness). I can identify the fear that no one believes me, that I have no self-worth, no confidence, that love comes and goes like the ebbs and flows of the ocean. Feeling like a failure because my dreams of raising kids are not what reality is. Honestly, feeling like all the things wrong is my fault and that I can’t fix them. Sadness because of the loss of what I thought I knew. I’m not sure it is even there. Maybe it is there but buried deep inside and doesn’t want to appear because of fear. There is such sadness at the choices of a child and her uncertain future.

Emotionally Stagnant

That is what my counselor said that I was. When we got off the phone, I told my husband, and he AGREED. Then, I called my sister and told her. Guess what? She AGREED. I have a hard time expressing my needs, feeling safe, accepting help, and just being vulnerable.

I am not emotionally stagnant. The emotions are there and I pick and choose who sees me have a moment. Emotions, to me, instill weakness. If one is weak, one doesn’t think clearly and can then be overtaken.

That’s how I perceived my daddy growing up. He is not the emotional kind of guy (forever police officer). I rarely remember him yielding to emotion. He did, I guess, just not where us kids could see him.

My mom, however, is free with her emotions, for the most part. I just took more after Pop.

What People Do Not See

What people do not see is when I’m alone. Hiding in my room while crying my eyes out over my failures. People don’t see me taking long drives while crying my eyes out or screaming. The poison gets so intense inside me that I scream at the top of my lungs. So, I’m emotional, in a controlled environment. If I were to say to the people who have hurt me how badly I feel wounded. Honestly, they will not respond well. There are so many things that can be said. Also, those things that were said cannot be unsaid. If I did say them, they would no longer love me.

Fear of not being loved or belonging. That is a big one.


You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand


And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine


Your grace abounds in the deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You’ve never failed and You won’t start now


So I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine


Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made…


My Thoughts


In the everyday chaos and uncertainty, He calls me to walk out on the waters. Where it is completely unknown. My feet will fail in the deep ocean. Yet, He says I will stand on my faith. When I call upon His Name, He is faithful to keep my eyes above the waves. He is calling me out on the waves to confront, in love, the people that I need to confront. One of those people is me!!


I need to know that I don’t depend on anyone’s love but His. My battles are not for me to fight according to Exodus 14:14. “The Lord will fight my battle. I just have to be silent.”


I won’t look around at all the things going on around me and the struggles that I am facing. My job is to step out on the waves, in the deep ocean, where His grace abounds. I am always loved, always believed, always worthy, in His eyes.


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Faith Journey

Thoughts on Psalm 73

Thoughts on Psalm 73

Thoughts on Psalm 73. I have a lot of thoughts on these passages. Lots of convictions and realizations. I did end up stopping because I could have gone on and on.

Psalm 73

Truly God is good to Israel,
    to those whose hearts are pure.
But as for me, I almost lost my footing.
    My feet were slipping, and I was almost gone.
For I envied the proud
    when I saw them prosper despite their wickedness.
They seem to live such painless lives;
    their bodies are so healthy and strong.
They don’t have troubles like other people;
    they’re not plagued with problems like everyone else.
They wear pride like a jeweled necklace
    and clothe themselves with cruelty.
These fat cats have everything
    their hearts could ever wish for!


I struggle with this.  In some past posts, I have talked about my struggle.  The wants versus needs aspect of life.  Sitting back and watching the richer get rich while we struggle from paycheck to paycheck.  It is hard.  I get jealous.

It doesn’t make it right and I know that that is a sinful thing to say, but I’m at least being honest.  Currently, I am driving a van with all the paint peeling off the front.  As I was driving down the road, a piece of my van (the window part) flew off.  There are random beeping sounds.  I have one door that doesn’t lock.

Then our truck has some issue with the a/c and how it works but not how it is supposed to work.  All air comes out of the defrost function.  The car has had brake issues that have cost a pretty penny that we don’t necessarily need to spend.

I would love to be able to just have the freedom of money to go and buy something nice.  Then, as things are needed, have the money to fix those things.  I would like my kids to have something safe to drive in, but we do what we can.

Yet, all vehicles get us from point A to point B.  Sometimes, we’ve been wild and gone from point A to point C without many issues.  See, the above, I think as a need but honestly, it is a want.  All our cars are paid off and that is a blessing.  They still run.  That is a blessing.

I could honestly go on and on and on about seeing people get what they want when they want it…maybe I should shut my pie hole.

Section 2

They scoff and speak only evil;
    in their pride they seek to crush others.
They boast against the very heavens,
    and their words strut throughout the earth.
10 And so the people are dismayed and confused,
    drinking in all their words.
11 “What does God know?” they ask.
    “Does the Most High even know what’s happening?”
12 Look at these wicked people—
    enjoying a life of ease while their riches multiply.

13 Did I keep my heart pure for nothing?
    Did I keep myself innocent for no reason?
14 I get nothing but trouble all day long;
    every morning brings me pain.

15 If I had really spoken this way to others,
    I would have been a traitor to your people.
16 So I tried to understand why the wicked prosper.
    But what a difficult task it is!


Do you ever read the paper?  Watch the news?  Go outside of your house?  I swear, there are many days when I feel verse 11 deeply.  Like “Do you even know what is going the heck on?”  Lord…if you do, then DO SOMETHING.

It isn’t just about the rich getting richer.  It is the hate, violence, destruction, maliciousness, and so on.  I know He sees.  honestly, I have read the last page of the Book and I know we win in the end.  Still, it is hard to see all the hate in this country.

Section 3

17 Then I went into your sanctuary, O God,
    and I finally understood the destiny of the wicked.
18 Truly, you put them on a slippery path
    and send them sliding over the cliff to destruction.
19 In an instant they are destroyed,
    completely swept away by terrors.
20 When you arise, O Lord,
    you will laugh at their silly ideas
    as a person laughs at dreams in the morning.

21 Then I realized that my heart was bitter,
    and I was all torn up inside.
22 I was so foolish and ignorant—
    I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.


Understanding means the mental process of a person who comprehends.  I have a hard time understanding things.  Yet, I have to trust that God knows what He is doing.  My job is just to walk the path that He has for me.  Instead, lots of times, I am not watching the Lamp unto my feet but the path of another.  That’s where jealousy can consume me.  I pray that my bitter heart is replaced with joy.  Joy and knowledge that my needs are completely met.

Section 4

23 Yet I still belong to you;
    you hold my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
    leading me to a glorious destiny.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
    I desire you more than anything on earth.
26 My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
    but God remains the strength of my heart;
    he is mine forever.

27 Those who desert him will perish,
    for you destroy those who abandon you.
28 But as for me, how good it is to be near God!
    I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter,
    and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do.


Though I can be a jealous human, I still love God.  I know that He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me.  Thankfully, He loves me in those jealous moments.  He still holds me high in His right hand.  I still have a place waiting for me at His feet.


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Faith Journey

Thoughts on Psalm 69

Thoughts on Psalm 69

Psalm 69

Save me, O God,
    for the floodwaters are up to my neck.
Deeper and deeper I sink into the mire;
    I can’t find a foothold.
I am in deep water,
    and the floods overwhelm me.
I am exhausted from crying for help;
    my throat is parched.
My eyes are swollen with weeping,
    waiting for my God to help me.


Keeping my eyes above the waves...that is the phrase I have used a thousand and five times.  Now, I know where that phrase was derived from for that song.  This is how I feel 99.5% of the time.  Like I’m one wave away from drowning.

I mean, people have gone through much worse than I have in their lives.  Honestly, I cannot imagine the pain that some of my friends are continuing to walk through.  Loss of marriages, children, spouses, jobs, etc.  It is almost more than my mind can bear.  Yet, we have gone through a lot in the past 5 yrs (well, the past 14 if you wanna get technical LOL).

I know that my lack of trust is a factor in my drowning feeling.  I’m learning how to talk about things but I still keep things very close to my heart.  I share, but it is not complete sharing, does that make sense?  Share enough to get my point across but not enough to bare my soul.

Section 2

Those who hate me without cause
    outnumber the hairs on my head.
Many enemies try to destroy me with lies,
    demanding that I give back what I didn’t steal.

O God, you know how foolish I am;
my sins cannot be hidden from you.
Don’t let those who trust in you be ashamed because of me,
O Sovereign Lord of Heaven’s Armies.
Don’t let me cause them to be humiliated,
O God of Israel.
For I endure insults for your sake;
humiliation is written all over my face.
Even my own brothers pretend they don’t know me;
they treat me like a stranger.



Recently, I have had to have some introspection going on with some issues.  Social media can be the root of evil.  Honestly, a lot of it is.  Yet, I have learned the art of the “unfollow” button but more importantly the reporting ads function.

I am so sick of seeing half-naked women on there wanting me to buy bras, underwear, or shapewear.  My husband and I have a joint account.  He certainly does not need to get on there and see that crap.  Learning to report the ad has stopped those ads.  That has been one issue resolved.


I have my own thoughts on politics but I do not discuss them.  It is not worth getting into a war of words with another human.  I choose to “hide” a discussion or “unfollow” until a certain election is over.  It just keeps peace in my heart.

The Real Issue

Recently I have been on the wrong end of the stick with someone.  This is a person that I have held dear to my heart and for a reason that is foreign to me, I have upset this person.  Enough so, she has “unfriended” me.  A year ago, that would have upset me so badly.

This time, however, it truly does not bother me.  I cannot control the perception of this person.  Then there is the choice to not bait in the feeling of satan pushing that “you aren’t good enough for this person” bruise.  The issue is not with me, it is a personal thing that really I have no part of.

I still love this person and her family, but what she is walking through is between her and God.  Exodus 14:14 “The Lord will fight your battle.  You simply have to be silent.”  I choose silence.

Remember Life Before CellPhones?

Not my circus, not my monkey type of thing.  I’m beginning to remember what it was like to not be available to the world 24/7 (thanks to cell phones). I don’t really care what people think of me (thanks to social media).  It just is what it is.  I keep my phone ringer on vibrate.  I’m going to delete the apps on my phone.  When I do get on social media, it will be Jesus or blog related or to ask a question.

Perspective.  I’m gaining perspective.  This is a good thing and I hope that my children hold onto that and do not become a slave to cells or social media.  If we read the Word more than we scrolled…what would our lives look like?

Section 3

Passion for your house has consumed me,
    and the insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.
10 When I weep and fast,
    they scoff at me.
11 When I dress in burlap to show sorrow,
    they make fun of me.
12 I am the favorite topic of town gossip,
    and all the drunks sing about me.

13 But I keep praying to you, Lord,
    hoping this time you will show me favor.
In your unfailing love, O God,
    answer my prayer with your sure salvation.

Section 4

14 Rescue me from the mud;
    don’t let me sink any deeper!
Save me from those who hate me,
    and pull me from these deep waters.
15 Don’t let the floods overwhelm me,
    or the deep waters swallow me,
    or the pit of death devour me.

16 Answer my prayers, O Lord,
for your unfailing love is wonderful.
Take care of me,
for your mercy is so plentiful.
17 Don’t hide from your servant;
answer me quickly, for I am in deep trouble!
18 Come and redeem me;
free me from my enemies.



He does answer my prayers, just sometimes not the way in which I would want Him to answer.  That is hard for me.  I see the “blinder” version of my life.  While He is in a helicopter and He sees from beginning to end.  May I learn the art of trusting and obeying?

Section 5

19 You know of my shame, scorn, and disgrace.
    You see all that my enemies are doing.
20 Their insults have broken my heart,
    and I am in despair.
If only one person would show some pity;
    if only one would turn and comfort me.
21 But instead, they give me poison for food;
    they offer me sour wine for my thirst.

22 Let the bountiful table set before them become a snare
and their prosperity become a trap.
23 Let their eyes go blind so they cannot see,
and make their bodies shake continually.
24 Pour out your fury on them;
consume them with your burning anger.
25 Let their homes become desolate
and their tents be deserted.
26 To the one you have punished, they add insult to injury;
they add to the pain of those you have hurt.
27 Pile their sins up high,
and don’t let them go free.
28 Erase their names from the Book of Life;
don’t let them be counted among the righteous.


Section 6

29 I am suffering and in pain.
    Rescue me, O God, by your saving power.

30 Then I will praise God’s name with singing,
    and I will honor him with thanksgiving.
31 For this will please the Lord more than sacrificing cattle,
    more than presenting a bull with its horns and hooves.
32 The humble will see their God at work and be glad.
    Let all who seek God’s help be encouraged.
33 For the Lord hears the cries of the needy;
    he does not despise his imprisoned people.

Section 7r

34 Praise him, O heaven and earth,
    the seas and all that move in them.
35 For God will save Jerusalem
    and rebuild the towns of Judah.
His people will live there
    and settle in their own land.
36 The descendants of those who obey him will inherit the land,
    and those who love him will live there in safety.

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Psalm 55 & Proverbs 24

Psalm 55 & Proverbs 24

Psalm 55 & Proverbs 24

Knowing that in these verses of Psalm 55 & Proverbs 24, that the Lord will soar me away so I may fly away and rest, comforts me.  May it comfort you, as well.

Psalm 55

Listen to my prayer, O God.
    Do not ignore my cry for help!
Please listen and answer me,
    for I am overwhelmed by my troubles.
My enemies shout at me,
    making loud and wicked threats.
They bring trouble on me
    and angrily hunt me down.

My heart pounds in my chest.
    The terror of death assaults me.
Fear and trembling overwhelm me,
    and I can’t stop shaking.
Oh, that I had wings like a dove;
    then I would fly away and rest!
I would fly far away
    to the quiet of the wilderness. 
How quickly I would escape—
    far from this wild storm of hatred.


Overwhelmed by my troubles is an understatement.  That goes back to a lack of trust, which I am working on.  Yet, it is a problem for me.  With all that goes on with Hunter’s illness, a couple of my kids, some tense things that have been going on, adjustments with school…the trouble seems like it is my bedfellow.

Lord, may I obtain wings like a dove and fly far away to rest.  If I could blink my eyes and blink my troubles away, I would. Yet, I remain steadfast.  Knowing that I’m going to be refined and shaped into the image of His Son.  Now, I need strength to endure the fires of refinement.

Section 2

Confuse them, Lord, and frustrate their plans,
    for I see violence and conflict in the city.
10 Its walls are patrolled day and night against invaders,
    but the real danger is wickedness within the city.
11 Everything is falling apart;
    threats and cheating are rampant in the streets.

12 It is not an enemy who taunts me—
    I could bear that.
It is not my foes who so arrogantly insult me—
    I could have hidden from them.
13 Instead, it is you—my equal,
    my companion and close friend.
14 What good fellowship we once enjoyed
    as we walked together to the house of God.

15 Let death stalk my enemies;
    let the grave swallow them alive,
    for evil makes its home within them.

Section 3

16 But I will call on God,
    and the Lord will rescue me.
17 Morning, noon, and night
    I cry out in my distress,
    and the Lord hears my voice.
18 He ransoms me and keeps me safe
    from the battle waged against me,
    though many still oppose me.
19 God, who has ruled forever,
    will hear me and humble them. 
For my enemies refuse to change their ways;
    they do not fear God.


It is easy to call on God and praise Him when you are in trouble.  Trials come, we hit our knees in prayer.  These trials ensure that we keep our lifeline to God open.  As His children, He will always be there BUT He has always *been* there.  We just choose to turn our heads and not thank Him during the good times.  I hope I can remember to praise Him in the storms of life, as well as, the cloudless days.

Section 4

20 As for my companion, he betrayed his friends;
    he broke his promises.
21 His words are as smooth as butter,
    but in his heart is war.
His words are as soothing as lotion,
    but underneath are daggers!

22 Give your burdens to the Lord,
    and he will take care of you.
    He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.

23 But you, O God, will send the wicked
    down to the pit of destruction.
Murderers and liars will die young,
    but I am trusting you to save me.

Proverbs 24

1Don’t envy evil people
    or desire their company.
For their hearts plot violence,
    and their words always stir up trouble.

A house is built by wisdom
    and becomes strong through good sense.
Through knowledge its rooms are filled
    with all sorts of precious riches and valuables.

The wise are mightier than the strong,
    and those with knowledge grow stronger and stronger.
So don’t go to war without wise guidance;
    victory depends on having many advisers.

Wisdom is too lofty for fools.
    Among leaders at the city gate, they have nothing to say.


I pray that we can continue to build our house on wisdom.  We move 2 steps forward and then 5 steps back.  Yet, we are moving.  I want to inspire my kids to always turn to the Word to find their wisdom, knowledge, and strength.  Honestly, I pray that for myself and Big Daddy as well.

Section 2

A person who plans evil
    will get a reputation as a troublemaker.
The schemes of a fool are sinful;
    everyone detests a mocker.

10 If you fail under pressure,
    your strength is too small.

11 Rescue those who are unjustly sentenced to die;
    save them as they stagger to their death.
12 Don’t excuse yourself by saying, “Look, we didn’t know.”
    For God understands all hearts, and he sees you.
He who guards your soul knows you knew.
    He will repay all people as their actions deserve.


Oh, verse 12…God understands ALL hearts.  He SEES you.  He who guards your soul KNOWS you KNEW.  Can you even?  I cannot even.  He who guards my soul knows that I knew.  Oh, Lord forgive me for what I knew and made excuses for it.  May I always be convicted?

Section 3

13 My child, eat honey, for it is good,
    and the honeycomb is sweet to the taste.
14 In the same way, wisdom is sweet to your soul.
    If you find it, you will have a bright future,
    and your hopes will not be cut short.

15 Don’t wait in ambush at the home of the godly,
    and don’t raid the house where the godly live.
16 The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again.
    But one disaster is enough to overthrow the wicked.

17 Don’t rejoice when your enemies fall;
    don’t be happy when they stumble.
18 For the Lord will be displeased with you
    and will turn his anger away from them.

19 Don’t fret because of evildoers;
    don’t envy the wicked.
20 For evil people have no future;
    the light of the wicked will be snuffed out.

21 My child, fear the Lord and the king.
Don’t associate with rebels,
22     for disaster will hit them suddenly.
Who knows what punishment will come
    from the Lord and the king?

More Sayings of the Wise

23 Here are some further sayings of the wise:

It is wrong to show favoritism when passing judgment.
24 A judge who says to the wicked, “You are innocent,”
    will be cursed by many people and denounced by the nations.
25 But it will go well for those who convict the guilty;
    rich blessings will be showered on them.

26 An honest answer
    is like a kiss of friendship.

27 Do your planning and prepare your fields
    before building your house.

28 Don’t testify against your neighbors without cause;
    don’t lie about them.
29 And don’t say, “Now I can pay them back for what they’ve done to me!
    I’ll get even with them!”

30 I walked by the field of a lazy person,
    the vineyard of one with no common sense.
31 I saw that it was overgrown with nettles.
    It was covered with weeds,
    and its walls were broken down.
32 Then, as I looked and thought about it,
    I learned this lesson:
33 A little extra sleep, a little more slumber,
    a little folding of the hands to rest—
34 then poverty will pounce on you like a bandit;
    scarcity will attack you like an armed robber.

Related Posts:

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Psalm 46 & Proverbs 15

Psalm 46 & Proverbs 15

Psalm 46 & Proverbs 15

Psalm 46

God is our refuge and strength,
always ready to help in times of trouble.
So we will not fear when earthquakes come
and the mountains crumble into the sea.
Let the oceans roar and foam.
Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge! 


I love these verses. The power of them is just enough to possibly explode my brain.  He is our refuge and our strength.  No matter what I am not to fear.  I live in fear, sometimes.  There is the fear of Hunter’s illness.  Fear of a couple of my kids’ future.  Oh, then there is the judgment of other’s fear.  Fear of losing people close to me.

My fear shows that I struggle in the trust department. Though I know to put my full trust in Him, I don’t.  If I said I did, I would be lying.  We saw from yesterday’s Scripture that He does not care for liars.

I do choose to do my best to *not* live in fear and to trust in Him.  One would say that I’m a work in progress, I guess.

Section 2

A river brings joy to the city of our God,
    the sacred home of the Most High.
God dwells in that city; it cannot be destroyed.
    From the very break of day, God will protect it.
The nations are in chaos,
    and their kingdoms crumble!
God’s voice thunders,
    and the earth melts!
The Lord of Heaven’s Armies is here among us;
    the God of Israel is our fortress. 

Come, see the glorious works of the Lord:
    See how he brings destruction upon the world.
He causes wars to end throughout the earth.
    He breaks the bow and snaps the spear;
    he burns the shields with fire.

10 “Be still, and know that I am God!
    I will be honored by every nation.
    I will be honored throughout the world.”

11 The Lord of Heaven’s Armies is here among us;
    the God of Israel is our fortress. 

Proverbs 15

A gentle answer deflects anger,
    but harsh words make tempers flare.

The tongue of the wise makes knowledge appealing,
    but the mouth of a fool belches out foolishness.

The Lord is watching everywhere,
keeping his eye on both the evil and the good.


He is watching everything.  God knew each human before the Earth was created.  He knew that person’s beginning, middle, and end.  All thoughts, words, actions, desires…He knew.

Why does that make my stomach hurt a little bit?

Section 2

Gentle words are a tree of life;
    a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.

Only a fool despises a parent’s discipline;
    whoever learns from correction is wise.

There is treasure in the house of the godly,
    but the earnings of the wicked bring trouble.

The lips of the wise give good advice;
    the heart of a fool has none to give.

The Lord detests the sacrifice of the wicked,
    but he delights in the prayers of the upright.

The Lord detests the way of the wicked,
    but he loves those who pursue godliness.

10 Whoever abandons the right path will be severely disciplined;
    whoever hates correction will die.

11 Even Death and Destruction hold no secrets from the Lord.
How much more does he know the human heart!

Section 3

12 Mockers hate to be corrected,
    so they stay away from the wise.

13 A glad heart makes a happy face;
    a broken heart crushes the spirit.

14 A wise person is hungry for knowledge,
    while the fool feeds on trash.

15 For the despondent, every day brings trouble;
    for the happy heart, life is a continual feast.

16 Better to have little, with fear for the Lord,
than to have great treasure and inner turmoil.


Verse 16 goes back to me and my thought process of money.  That is literally what popped into my mind when I read that verse.  I don’t want to be rolling in money, that is not my desire.  My desire is just to be able to get what we think we need.  To know, our dryer died, a deer went through a windshield, garage doors won’t open/close, the chicken coop is falling apart, air conditioners are on their last leg of life, a mobility dog for Hunter, college for our kids…all of that costs MONEY.

What I am working through is what is a need, a want, and a desire (is that the same thing as want?)  The Lord will always provide for my needs but not always my wants or desires.  He knows the desires of my heart.  Also, He knows the intentions behind the desires of my heart (how humbling is that?).

So, when I read that…I think I possibly just need to shut up and let God do His thing.  Money very well causes inner turmoil, but for me, right now, the lack of causes inner (and outer) turmoil.  I hope that makes sense.  This is something I need to work through with Jesus.

Section 4

17 A bowl of vegetables with someone you love
    is better than steak with someone you hate.

18 A hot-tempered person starts fights;
    a cool-tempered person stops them.

19 A lazy person’s way is blocked with briers,
    but the path of the upright is an open highway.

20 Sensible children bring joy to their father;
    foolish children despise their mother.

21 Foolishness brings joy to those with no sense;
    a sensible person stays on the right path.

22 Plans go wrong for lack of advice;
    many advisers bring success.

23 Everyone enjoys a fitting reply;
    it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time!

24 The path of life leads upward for the wise;
they leave the grave behind.

Section 5

25 The Lord tears down the house of the proud,
    but he protects the property of widows.

26 The Lord detests evil plans,
    but he delights in pure words.

27 Greed brings grief to the whole family,
    but those who hate bribes will live.

28 The heart of the godly thinks carefully before speaking;
    the mouth of the wicked overflows with evil words.

29 The Lord is far from the wicked,
    but he hears the prayers of the righteous.

30 A cheerful look brings joy to the heart;
    good news makes for good health.

31 If you listen to constructive criticism,
    you will be at home among the wise.

32 If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself;
    but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding.

33 Fear of the Lord teaches wisdom;
    humility precedes honor.

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Psalm 33 & Proverbs 2

Psalm 33 & Proverbs 2

Psalm 33 & Proverbs 2

Here we are at Psalm 33 & Proverbs 2.  I hope you are enjoying this as much as I am.  If you aren’t, this is a great thing for me to look back on.  Every time I read through Scripture, something new speaks to me.  Over the years, the same Scripture can mean something different.  It is nice to look back on this and see where I was at one point in my life.

Psalm 33

Section 1

Let the godly sing for joy to the Lord;
it is fitting for the pure to praise him.
Praise the Lord with melodies on the lyre;
make music for him on the ten-stringed harp.
Sing a new song of praise to him;
play skillfully on the harp, and sing with joy.
For the word of the Lord holds true,
and we can trust everything he does.
He loves whatever is just and good;
the unfailing love of the Lord fills the earth.


Trust.  That is tricky for me.  I do not trust people.  There are times when I do not trust myself.  Honestly, there have been times when I did not trust the Sovereignty of the Lord.  I mean, why lie?

Anger has consumed me to a point where the Lord and I were not on speaking terms.  Moments where there was a lot of yelling going on (mainly by me).  At that moment, I realized that, though He is perfect and Holy…I needed to forgive Him.  I simply couldn’t move forward.

In my head and heart, I know that He is did nothing that needed to be forgiven.  I know that.  Yet, in order for me to heal, that is what needed to happen.  When it did, I felt like 100 elephants were lifted off my shoulders.  I could breathe again.


Section 2

The Lord merely spoke,
    and the heavens were created.
He breathed the word,
    and all the stars were born.
He assigned the sea its boundaries
    and locked the oceans in vast reservoirs.
Let the whole world fear the Lord,
    and let everyone stand in awe of him.
For when he spoke, the world began!
    It appeared at his command.

10 The Lord frustrates the plans of the nations
    and thwarts all their schemes.


How awesome and mighty is He?  My mind cannot even comprehend.

Section 3

11 But the Lord’s plans stand firm forever;
    his intentions can never be shaken.

12 What joy for the nation whose God is the Lord,
    whose people he has chosen as his inheritance.

13 The Lord looks down from heaven
    and sees the whole human race.
14 From his throne he observes
    all who live on the earth.
15 He made their hearts,
    so he understands everything they do.


Verse 15 goes back to those first few verses.  He knew my heart.  The pain that I was in due to circumstances that were beyond my control.  Free-will.  It’s not a fun thing but we are human and that free-will will never be taken from us.

God will ABSOLUTELY put more on us than we can handle.  Do you wanna know why?  Because if we could handle it, we would not be in need of a Savior.  It grows our trust and faith in Him.  Refines us to look more like Jesus as we seek Him for our every need.

Section 4

16 The best-equipped army cannot save a king,
    nor is great strength enough to save a warrior.
17 Don’t count on your warhorse to give you victory—
    for all its strength, it cannot save you.

18 But the Lord watches over those who fear him,
    those who rely on his unfailing love.
19 He rescues them from death
    and keeps them alive in times of famine.

20 We put our hope in the Lord.
    He is our help and our shield.
21 In him our hearts rejoice,
    for we trust in his holy name.
22 Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord,
    for our hope is in you alone.


Hope…it is the tie that binds.

Proverbs 2

The Benefits of Wisdom

Section 1

My child, listen to what I say,
    and treasure my commands.
Tune your ears to wisdom,
    and concentrate on understanding.
Cry out for insight,
    and ask for understanding.
Search for them as you would for silver;
    seek them like hidden treasures.
Then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord,
    and you will gain knowledge of God.


Oh, how I have been trying to tune my ears to wisdom.  I am crying out for discernment in the issues that are facing our family right now.  Trust.  I will choose to trust in Him.  He has the perfect provision in mind and in place for the issues that face us this coming week.

God is bigger.

Section 2

For the Lord grants wisdom!
    From his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest.
    He is a shield to those who walk with integrity.
He guards the paths of the just
    and protects those who are faithful to him.

Then you will understand what is right, just, and fair,
    and you will find the right way to go.
10 For wisdom will enter your heart,
    and knowledge will fill you with joy.


What peace this instills.  He will grant us wisdom in this particular situation.  We will have knowledge and understanding.  He is our shield and he guards our path.  The Lord will fight our battles.  We will know what is right, just, and fair.  No longer do I have to be concerned with which way to go because He has the right path already paved.

Section 3

11 Wise choices will watch over you.
    Understanding will keep you safe.

12 Wisdom will save you from evil people,
from those whose words are twisted.
13 These men turn from the right way
to walk down dark paths.
14 They take pleasure in doing wrong,
and they enjoy the twisted ways of evil.
15 Their actions are crooked,
and their ways are wrong.


Oh, how I wish I could fully divulge what is going on in our family.  This passage speaks VOLUMES to who we are dealing with and what is going to happen.


Section 4

16 Wisdom will save you from the immoral woman,
    from the seductive words of the promiscuous woman.
17 She has abandoned her husband
    and ignores the covenant she made before God.
18 Entering her house leads to death;
    it is the road to the grave.
19 The man who visits her is doomed.
    He will never reach the paths of life.

20 So follow the steps of the good,
    and stay on the paths of the righteous.
21 For only the godly will live in the land,
    and those with integrity will remain in it.
22 But the wicked will be removed from the land,
    and the treacherous will be uprooted.



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