No Thanks to You
No Thanks to You. I held such resentment for you. I still hold some resentment for the way you treated me. At first you made me feel like I was a prodigy, that I could do it all. You knew me and my family; their reputation preceded me. I was hired on pretty quickly, and I showed you all my potential.
You made me feel special, that I was doing so well. I worked well with you, with judges, with lawyers, inmates, and jail staff. I was good at my job. I did my best to be impartial, no matter the charge. I never gave anyone reason to believe that I disliked them, I was calm and collected.
Everyone loved me.
The jail staff, my coworkers, the court staff. I had no complaints. No one came to me or had any issues with me. My co-worker vouched for me so many times because she knew how good of an employee I was. So what I don’t understand is why you turned on me. It was after you hired on your new protege that I fell by the wayside.
I was still doing exemplary work, my assessments were detailed and nothing escaped me. I did well in court, I was respectful to all, and did my job. And it was a stressful job, a lot of things at stake and I worked without a single complaint.
You promised me that you would train me further, that I would be attending all these pieces of training to make me better. But you failed. I did not receive those pieces of training. Therefore, I had to learn a lot of things myself. I told you every time I had an issue, I told you every time someone asked something of me that I did not feel right about.
It was when she became a supervisor, that also falls in this time period. She really disliked me for some reason. I did my best to be kind, still told her all the issues I had, filled her in on important details. She is so fake, I can’t understand why you listened to her over me.
Choosing One Over the Other
I never gave you a reason not to trust me. She gave you every reason. It was always my word against hers, and it was always the issue with her. She is a snake in the grass, and I am surprised not more people see that in her. She pretends to be a good person, would play Christian music at work, but I could see that she was faking it. Her actions did not prove she was a good person.
She went behind my back to you, over an issue that I was struggling with. I knew the protocol, I knew what would happen. She was standing over me talking in my ear with another person. Standing over my shoulder, behind me, waiting for me to call. I may have been short with her, but I did as she requested.
I don’t do well when people are behind me, I don’t do well with people barking orders at me and micromanaging me. When I asked her later if there were any issues, she assured me that there wasn’t. And foolishly, I believed her. Then, like the snake she is, she went to you without telling me. And that was the knife in the back that hurt me.
I do not trust very easily. You and she are two of those reasons. First, you told me that you would help me. That you would train me further, that I could trust you. I relied on you to help me because you said that you would. But you didn’t, you failed in that regard.