Medical Issues

Confabulation The “True” Story

Confabulation The "True" Story

Confabulation The “True” Story

 

In Confabulation The “True” Story according to Merriam-Webster Dictionary,

CONFABULATION means

1to talk informally 
2to hold a discussion 
>>>>>>3to fill in gaps in memory by fabrication<<<<<<<

A major characteristic of brain-damaged patients is the tendency to confabulate—to hide and dissemble about their damage. —Peter R. Breggin

Now, I have stumbled upon another site called FASD FAMILIES. Though it is geared more towards younger FASD kids, it has helpful information. One has to realize that, say, there is a kid who is 16 years old, physically. On a good day, they are developmental, emotionally, or mentally 8 yrs old. When they are escalated, you are dealing with a 4-year-old.

No Fault of the Child

This is at no fault to the child but to why they have FASD. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome causes prenatal brain damage that they deal with for the rest of their lives. The poor decision of a mother (or father) leads to a lifetime of struggles for their children. This author also defines confabulation, and I thought it was PERFECT.

Confabulation: The fancy word is confabulation. Some would say it’s lying. I think it’s more like their version of the story becomes their truth because they don’t know the difference between truth and reality. Once they tell a story, they accept it as gospel.

^^^^^YES, HOLLA, PREACH IT, YOU GO, GIRL, ^^^^^

These are the mistakes I made (in no particular order):
I asked a question; I knew the answer too.
I began escalating because she was escalated.
I’m not even in town to deal with it because I am in the hospital with another child.
I used too many words.
Other people were involved, though they were stepping in for an absent me, not realizing they were jumping into quicksand.
We talked too long.

What an evil, vicious cycle FASD is….or any of it!

FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome)

FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder)

PFAS (Partial Fetal Alcohol Syndrome)

ARND (Alcohol-Related Neurodevelopment Disorder)

ARBD (Alcohol-Related Birth Defects)

It is a horrific, invisible disease. That can be 100% PREVENTED by NOT drinking while pregnant.

Now, the big question is…

HOW DO I PARENT THAT WITHOUT LOSING MY MIND?

The quick answer is, “I have no clue.” The longer answer is, “I REALLY have no clue.”

 

 

Adoption

How to Heal a Fractured Family

How to Heal a Fractured Family

How to Heal a Fractured Family

How to Heal a Fractured Family. The short, simple answer is to trust in Jesus. Yet, sometimes, that is hard for me. Our family has been fractured for a long time. There have been cracks here and there, but this year, it is different. I’m not going to lie; it has been a struggle. Since 2014, but even before then, due to some extenuating circumstances. I don’t want to discourage anyone from adoption, but there is so much more I know now than I did almost 14 years ago.

What You Need to Know

When people are in the process of adopting a child or children, it is an exciting thing. We do all the things that are required. You have to do background checks, have money in the bank, fundraisers, fingerprints (if international), and so on. We work hard on those dossiers. Our homes are spotless for our home study. We eagerly anticipate our referral or a picture. There are so many support groups where we talk about our discouragement of NOT getting a referral quickly enough.

What We DON’T Realize

Is that we are waiting for a family to fail in some way. If it is foster care, we are waiting for a family to abuse, neglect, or hurt a child or children so they will be placed in the system. Then we jump through all the hoops. For the next 17 out of 23 mths, we will wait for the termination of parental rights.

Or, if it is a newborn, we are waiting for a sweet birth mom to make the most difficult decision of her life. Her life will be altered forever by choosing the blessing of adoption. If international, we are waiting for a birth parent who may be dying, the child is starving, or some other tragedy that places them in an orphanage.

When you adopt a family member’s child, you are waiting for drugs, alcohol, abuse, neglect, or abandonment. There are other circumstances, too, but that was my circumstance for my son. You start looking at YOUR sister and think…she is my son’s aunt? Grandmother? Both?

The Dark Side

We are walking into the blackest chapter of our children’s lives. Our greatest joy as an adoptive family and what we worked so hard towards will come at our children’s most tremendous loss. Whether an infant or an older child, that loss will forever be embedded in their brain and heart. They are the only ones who have heard their mother’s heartbeat from the inside out, and your heart is not the same.

My heart aches because, in a perfect world, my kids would still be with their birth families. Succeeding, thriving, living, loving, and yet because of certain things, they are not there. They are with me. I am grateful. Indebted. I am forever changed because they grew in my heart, not under it!

They will always wonder what it would have been like if they had stayed with their nuclear family. They have been raised by their birth parents or in their birth country. Try explaining all of the things when they are older. It’s super fun, aka traumatic.

Getting It Straight

I do not regret any of my children. None of them. They are my joy, and I’m so thankful to God that He wove my family together beautifully and intricately.

But

Trauma is an awful thing. Plain and simple. Talk to ANY adoptive parents, and they will tell you the same thing. Trauma can come in all shapes and sizes. It can come with a list of diagnoses, and then there is “traumaversary” That leads to sabotage of all good things, behavior issues, confabulations, deceit, manipulation, and so much more.

My Family is No Different

We have, and continue to have, all of the above things and the “so much more” times a million. What started as one child exhibiting out-of-control behaviors due to FASD, PTSD, RAD, blah blah blah trickled down to other children. Another child was exhibiting similar yet different behaviors. Then, a third child goes above and beyond. Lastly, the fourth child struggles with anxiety and more.

It has wreaked havoc on my person. My husband, other children, and even my pets will lose hair when life is escalated in my home. Sadly, this usually occurs November-March and then in July-October; as I look at that typed out, it is from October-July. That gives us two mths trauma-free.

All the Things We Have Tried

We have done the things. Doctors, specialists, therapists, counselors, pastors, family, medication, no routines, homeschool, private, public; All. The. Things. One child, nothing has worked for that child. Another child, we hope, is in the process of healing. The third child is excited right now. The fourth child, we deal with it day by day.

I am exhausted. My husband is tired. Honestly, even the kids are tired. Mix all this crap with a pandemic and being in this house, and you have Funville. My underwear drawer no longer holds underwear. It is stocked FULL of candy. I wake up, in the morning, with a bag of snickers under my arm and wrappers everywhere.

There is a newfound love of Limeade Slushes. My teeth are going to rot out of my head. I have become a human GPS because I take LONG drives on roads I have never heard of or driven. My favorite pastime is driving to my neighbors and seeing if their pig is in the front yard. I cry; a lot.

Falling Apart

Sadly, I feel like my family is falling apart. That Scripture of satan lurking around the corner to devour my family is happening! Honestly, at warp speed. I have so many words. So much has happened that my fingers will not move as fast as my brain.

I am praying that this pandemic ends. I am praying for healing for my medically fragile children. Salvation for two of my kids. Wisdom with all of them. Healthy delivery for one (going to be a granny!) A healthy relationship for two kids. School to open for one. One to come home safely. Another is to stop making REALLY poor and dangerous choices.

I want my family to heal and to be whole. I want God to intervene and DO SOMETHING. Honestly, I am just ready for Jesus to come riding down on His white horse and take us all home. Home, where there is no sadness, no darkness, or pain. Just glory.

God is Bigger

I have to trust in that. Right. Yes, trust. The hardest thing for me to do is trust Him with my family. Maybe that, alone, needs to be my prayer. Lord, let me trust that You have plans to prosper and not harm my family. Help me realize that You and only You can heal the fractures.

 

Adoption, Medical Issues

Dys- Learning Disabilities

Dys- Learning DisabilitiesDys- Learning Disabilities

This is a breakdown of the Dys- learning disabilities. Growing up (up to adulthood, I guess), I only knew of Dyslexia. In that, Dyslexia meant that you saw/spelled a word backward.

Pretty amazing that that is all I thought it encompassed, huh.

Over time and with the help of some excellent therapists, I have learned so much more. By stepping out of the “box” I had created with LDs, I could expand my mind and have many “aha” moments of realization.

Dyslexia:

According to the National Institute for Learning Disabilities (NILD), “Dys” means difficulty with and “lexia” means words – thus “difficulty with words”. Originally the term “Dyslexia” referred to a specific learning deficit that hindered a person’s ability to read. More recently, however, it has been used as a general term referring to the broad category of language deficits that often includes the ability to hear and manipulate sounds in words as well as the ability to read and spell words accurately and fluently. When breakdowns occur in these foundational reading skills, dyslexic students often struggle to understand what they read as well as develop vocabulary at a slower rate.

Dyscalculia:

“Dys” means difficulty with and “calculia” means calculations and mathematics – thus “difficulty with calculations and mathematics”. This term refers to those who struggle with basic number sense and early number concepts as well as have difficulties with math calculations and math reasoning.

Dysgraphia:

“Dys” means difficulty with and “graphia” means writing – thus “difficulty with writing”.  The term dysgraphia refers to more than simply having poor handwriting. This term refers to those who struggle with the motor skills necessary to write thoughts on paper, spelling, and the thinking skills needed for vocabulary retrieval, clarity of thought, grammar, and memory.

Looking Back

In my years in school, this all makes sense. When I was young (even now), I was made fun of terribly in school. Teachers would put me in the hallway, alone. I had to go to a special ed room. There is this clear memory of standing in line, with other children, behind the teacher. She marched us to the special ed class in front of everyone. My “friends” pointed at me while laughing because I was going to the “stupid” room.

That phrase gives me anxiety to this day.

I had to be kept in from recess because I wouldn’t do what they wanted me to do. Memorization of math facts in second grade was a nightmare. I had to miss fun outings, sit alone, and worse. I had my name at the bottom of the list of kids who hadn’t learned these facts. Everyone saw. Everyone made fun of me.

Things I struggle with

Telling time on an analog clock is one of those things. If the watch (I no longer wear a look) has no numbers or Roman numerals, then forget it. I can do it, but it takes me a hot minute to think about it.

Directions, just don’t even. I can tell you landmarks because I became an expert at knowing my surroundings. Cardinal directions, ordinal numbers, place numbers, Roman numerals. Hard pass.

My right from my left; nope. Luckily, God created me with this issue, so he gave me a mole on my right hand. Ask me to look to the right and then watch me look/feel for my mole on each hand.

When I have a series of numbers, I flip the two middle numbers. Always. I have messed up balancing checkbooks, appointments, phone numbers, etc. I must write it, say it, write it again, and clarify now.

To get through math, through all grades, I cheated a lot. My mom is a math teacher. She is brilliant, but I didn’t get it. I didn’t understand, and I felt stupid when I would ask. Seriously, I should know this stuff. She is brilliant and available, yet I would not ask because she would know my secret.

Do you know how long it took me to tie my shoe? Luckily, velcro came on the scene and saved me.

That’s what I thought it was

My secret. As long as I had my mole, knew landmarks, cheated, got a digital watch…no one would know. Sadly, I knew. I have no clue how I managed to do all that I did with my degrees. Pre-Vet has A LOT of math and calculations. I would have little tricks that would help me along the way.

Then Came a Little One

When my little one entered my life, this child was 2.5 yrs old and non-verbal. We knew this child had some issues, so I immediately got Little One into First Steps. Little One got tubes twice and finally learned to talk but with a speech impediment.

No biggie. After Little One graduated from First Steps, I got this child into Home Health. Little One worked hard on speech. Over time, I realized that due to FASD, the memory aspect was fresh every morning. No matter how hard this child worked or worked with Little One, this child would forget everything I taught.

Public School

While we were in the process of adopting another child, we had to put the kids in public school. Little One was in Kindergarten. Guess what? Little One was in the special ed classroom, but not an all-day thing. Just long enough to work on the alphabet and phonics.

Little One finally got it, but the writing was a no-go, and reading was not happening. The sadness of seeing this child struggle was palpable. It brought up many repressed memories I had to trudge through to help Little One.

MSU

I pulled this child out of school for many reasons, none of which I will go into because it is his story to tell one day. In doing that, I knew that I needed to get Little One back into speech. We had his hearing checked, and in doing that, Little One was checked for Sensory Processing Disorder. Luckily, all that was good.

Across the hall was the speech team. We met with Alison for a “get to know you” and see if this child qualifies for their program. Well, Little One did. She didn’t ask me how this child was at reading or spelling. There were questions like “does Little One know his right from his left” or “how long did it take Little One to tie his shoes?” I answered them all as honestly as I could.

Verdict

When it was all said and done, she said Little One qualified for their program’s speech aspect. Then she patted me on the back and said: “we do not diagnose, usually, dyslexia until a child is older.” I was like, alright, that ship didn’t even enter my harbor. She got really quiet and patted me on the back. Quietly, she said, “Your son has severe dyslexia. I knew within 5 minutes of meeting this child.”

I started laughing. Allison was startled at that response, so she kept on patting. While asking if I was okay, I said: “We just discovered my 6th child has single-sided deafness, so this diagnosis for D is just like a teardrop in the ocean.”

After that, I just stated that I thought it was me and could not teach this child. She said that is not the case, that this child learns differently. As we continued talking about the red flags of dyslexia (and dysgraphia), she asked me a few questions about myself.

Revelations

In a moment of clarity, she looked at me and smiled. She said you realize you are smart and have been able to overcome your learning disability. I must have had a blank moment because I did not comprehend what she even said. She asked me when I was diagnosed with Dyscalculia. I told her that I had never heard of that. That I just thought I was stupid in that area.

Cue emotions.

She explained what that was and that it was crystal clear that that was what I had. Back when I was younger, there was not a name for it. Now there is. I almost felt vindicated. It is what it is. I have compensated for my shortcomings and confusion. So has D.

New Lease

Now, we are armed with knowledge. Little One cannot spell worth a crap. Therefore, I got this child a pocket speller. Little One has all these ideas and thoughts but can’t get them on paper. I bought Dragon Speak so this child could speak out what needed to. Little One has written some awesome things through this program.

We bought an amplifier so Little One could hear what I was saying, and his speech was corrected. Also, we did many years of speech/reading/language therapy. I had this child write books from the Bible. His penmanship is meticulous because this child has worked incredibly hard. Cursive was something I thought this child would not be able to do, but guess what, though? Writing the book of Genesis in cursive has changed that too! We got a dry-erase cursive board, and Little One practiced until this child mastered it.

Little One loves to read, so we get any series that interests this child. Also, Librivox and Audible have been game-changers. Both of these programs have real-lived people (as opposed to the computer voices) reading stories. Little One gets to hear it all, but also gets to listen to their inflections. This has helped his speech tremendously.

Fear is a Liar

I lived in fear. Now, I am armed with Truth and knowledge. Being armed has given me clarity and understanding. Learn all you can about something you are afraid of. You are strong, brave, kind, and good. We no longer live in fear. We are empowered!

 

Medical Issues

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder
Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders

Fetal alcohol spectrum disorders (FASD) are a group of conditions that can occur in a person whose mother drank alcohol during pregnancy.  These effects can include physical problems and problems with behavior and learning.  Often, people with FASD have a mix of these problems.

What is FASD?

FASD refers to a range of effects that can happen to a person whose mother drank alcohol during pregnancy. These conditions can affect each person in different ways and can range from mild to severe.

They can affect the mind or the body, or both. Because FASD makes up a group of disorders, people with FASD can exhibit a wide range and mix of symptoms.  Fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS) is one condition among the full range of FASD. A  baby born with FAS has a small head, weighs less than other babies, and has distinctive facial features.

Some of the behavioral and intellectual disabilities of people with FASD include:

Difficulty with learning or memory
Higher than normal level of activity (hyperactivity)
Difficulty with attention
Speech and language delays
Low IQ
Poor reasoning and judgment skills
People born with FASD can also have problems with their organs, including the heart and kidneys.

What causes FASD?

FASD is caused by a woman’s drinking alcohol during pregnancy. Alcohol in the mother’s blood passes to the baby through the umbilical cord. When a woman drinks alcohol so does her baby. There is no known amount of alcohol that is safe to drink during pregnancy or when trying to get pregnant. All drinks that contain alcohol, including wine and beer, can harm an unborn baby. There is no safe time to drink alcohol during pregnancy.

Alcohol can harm a baby at any time during pregnancy. So, to prevent FASD, a woman should not drink alcohol while she is pregnant, or even when she might get pregnant. This is because a woman could get pregnant and not know it for up to 4 to 6 weeks. In the United States, nearly half of all pregnancies are unplanned.

How many people have FASD?

We do not know exactly how many people have FASD. Few estimates are available. Based on community studies using physical examinations, experts estimate that the full range of FASD among 6-7-year-old children in the United States and some Western European countries might be as high as 2 to 5 out of 100 school children (or 2% to 5% of the population).

Are there treatments for FASD?

FASD lasts a lifetime. There is no cure for FASD, but research shows that early intervention treatment services can improve a child’s development.

There are many types of treatment options, including medication to help with some symptoms, behavior and education therapy, parent training, and other approaches. No one treatment is right for every child.

Good treatment plans will include close monitoring, follow-ups, and changes as needed along the way.  There are a number of factors that can help reduce the effects of FASD and help people with these conditions reach their full potential.

These factors include:

Diagnosis before 6 years of age
A loving, nurturing, and stable home environment during the school years
Absence of violence
Involvement in special education and social services

What can I do if I think my child has FASD?

~Ask for a Referral.

If you or your health care provider thinks your child could have FASD, ask your provider for a referral to a specialist (someone who knows about FASD), such as a developmental pediatrician, child psychologist, or clinical geneticist. In some cities, there are clinics whose staff have special training in diagnosing and treating children with FASD.

For providers and clinics in your area, visit the National and State Resource Directory from the National Organization on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome 800–66–NOFAS (66327).

~Get an Evaluation

Call your state’s public early childhood system to request a free evaluation to find out if your child qualifies for intervention services. You do not need to wait for a health care provider’s referral or a medical diagnosis to make this call.

Steps for a free evaluation from the state depend on your child’s age:

For children younger than 3 years old, contact your local early intervention system. To learn more, call (973) 642-8100.

For children 3 years old or older, contact your local public school system.  Even if your child is not old enough for kindergarten or enrolled in a public school, call your local elementary school or board of education and ask to speak with someone who can help you have your child evaluated.

To help your child reach his or her full potential, it is very important to get help for FASD as early as possible!

For More Information

To learn more about FASD, visit the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or call 800–CDC–INFO

American Academy of Pediatrics FASD Toolkit 

Center for Parent Information and Resources call (973) 642-8100

National Organization on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (NOFAS)  or call 800–66–NOFAS (66327)