Tag: ptsd

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma

How the Body Keeps the Score

Brandi C

How the Body Keeps the Score

How the Body Keeps the Score: Listening to What Your Body Is Trying to Say

Have you ever felt like your body was reacting to something even when your mind couldn’t quite explain it? A racing heart, tight chest, sudden exhaustion, or a stomach that flips for no reason—these are all ways your body might be trying to communicate that something unresolved is still lingering beneath the surface. Trauma doesn’t just live in our memories—it lives in our bodies. This is How the Body Keeps the Score.

The phrase “the body keeps the score” comes from Dr. Bessel van der Kolk’s groundbreaking work on trauma. His research confirms what many people experience daily: your body remembers what your mind tries to forget. Even if you can’t recall every detail of a traumatic experience, your nervous system often responds as though you’re still in danger. This can lead to chronic anxiety, panic attacks, pain, digestive issues, or even autoimmune problems.

Unresolved Trauma

Unresolved trauma can trigger a constant state of hypervigilance. Your body stays on high alert, always bracing for the next blow. You might overreact to small stressors, withdraw emotionally, or feel completely numb. These reactions aren’t signs of weakness—they are survival mechanisms. Your body adapted to protect you, but now it needs permission to rest.

God created our bodies with incredible design and purpose. Psalm 139:14 reminds us, “I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” This includes our brain chemistry, our nervous system, and even our stress response. He doesn’t condemn us for our trauma responses—He gently calls us into healing.

Healing starts with awareness. If your body is holding onto trauma, it’s not betraying you—it’s asking you to pay attention.

At Circle of Hope Counseling Services, we recognize the deep connection between emotional and physical well-being. In therapy, we help clients become more aware of how trauma lives in the body and how to gently unwind that tension through grounding techniques, breathwork, somatic awareness, and faith-based practices.

Practical Tips to Support the Body After Trauma:

  • Practice grounding: Try placing your feet flat on the floor and focusing on what you can see, hear, and feel. This brings your mind back to the present.

  • Breathwork and prayer: Deep, intentional breathing combined with prayer calms the nervous system and invites God’s peace into your body.

  • Gentle movement: Stretching, walking, or yoga can help release stored tension and increase body awareness.

  • Be kind to yourself: Don’t push past your limits. Listen to your body and honor its signals without judgment.

Faith-Based Encouragement:

Jesus understands pain—not just emotional, but physical. He bore it all on the cross. When you feel overwhelmed by your body’s reactions, remember that you are not alone. God is present in every heartbeat, every breath, every moment of unrest. He’s not asking you to push through alone—He’s inviting you to rest in Him.

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma

When Feeling Angry Ask Yourself These Things

Brandi C

When Feeling Angry Ask Yourself These Things

Plans Are a Good Thing

When faced with challenges, it helps to have a plan. Identifying current triggers and preparing to address them proactively can create a more supportive and understanding environment. Sharing concerns with therapists and other professionals allows for more informed responses based on compassion, grace, and love. When Feeling Angry Ask Yourself These Things and that can bring clarity.

Sometimes, new strategies are implemented to provide additional support. For example, adjusting academic plans during the summer can help bridge learning gaps and provide a fresh start in the new school year. Having structured plans can create stability and reduce stress.

Understanding Behaviors

To effectively navigate behavioral challenges, it is essential to ask key questions and identify the core issues at play. This process provides clarity and ensures that responses are constructive rather than reactive.

What Need Is Not Being Met?

Determining whether an unmet need belongs to the child or the caregiver is crucial. A desire for control often plays a role in reactions to challenging situations. Stepping back, setting healthy boundaries, and allowing others to take on responsibilities can relieve some of the pressure. For the child, feelings of not being heard or validated may contribute to frustration and defiant behavior. Past experiences shape current responses, often leading to resistance and a heightened sense of unfairness.

What Boundary Is Being Crossed?

Respect and boundaries are central to the issue. When a child resists listening or disregards authority, it often stems from a desire for autonomy. However, learning compromise and understanding realistic expectations are essential parts of development.

What Needs to Be Expressed in the Moment?

Balancing validation with discipline is key. Acknowledging emotions while reinforcing boundaries helps build trust and structure. Expressing empathy while maintaining expectations creates a more effective way to guide behavior.

How Can Expression Remain True to Core Values Rather Than Reactive Emotions?

Remaining authentic in communication requires self-awareness. Sometimes, choosing to disengage and allow others to handle a situation is the best approach. Other times, clear and firm guidance is necessary. Taking the time to reflect on personal values and identity can help ensure responses align with long-term goals rather than momentary frustrations.

Moving Forward

Challenges, no matter how overwhelming, are temporary. Even when situations feel insurmountable, they will pass. Maintaining perspective and leaning on well-thought-out plans can help navigate difficulties with resilience and grace.

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma

The Body Keeps the Score

Brandi C

circle of hope counseling services (7)

The Body Keeps the Score: How Unresolved Trauma Manifests Physically

We often think of trauma as something that exists only in the mind—something we can push down, lock away, and move past if we just “get over it.” But the truth is, trauma doesn’t just live in our thoughts; it takes root in our bodies. If left unresolved, it finds ways to make itself known—through chronic pain, fatigue, autoimmune disorders, digestive issues, migraines, and even seemingly unexplained physical symptoms. The body keeps the score, and it will keep sending signals until we listen.

How Trauma Affects the Body

When we experience trauma—whether it’s a single event or prolonged exposure to stress—our nervous system responds in a fight, flight, or freeze mode. This response is meant to protect us in the moment, but when trauma is not processed, our body remains on high alert long after the danger has passed. Over time, this prolonged stress response can lead to:

  • Muscle tension and chronic pain – Our bodies physically brace for impact, whether from past or future threats. This can result in tension headaches, neck and back pain, or even fibromyalgia.

  • Digestive issues – The gut and brain are deeply connected. Trauma can trigger irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), nausea, or appetite changes.

  • Autoimmune conditions – Chronic stress weakens the immune system, making it easier for the body to attack itself.

  • Exhaustion and fatigue – Trauma is draining. If the body is constantly in survival mode, it depletes energy levels, leaving people feeling exhausted no matter how much rest they get.

  • Heart problems – Anxiety, panic attacks, and prolonged stress can contribute to high blood pressure and heart disease.

Healing: Releasing Trauma from the Body

Healing from trauma isn’t just about mentally letting go—it’s about physically releasing it from the body. This often involves:

  • Forgiveness (of yourself and others) – Holding on to pain and resentment keeps the body in a stress response. Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing harm, but it allows you to free yourself from the weight of it.

  • Therapy and Somatic Work – Traditional talk therapy is powerful, but sometimes the body needs more. Somatic therapy, EMDR, yoga, breathwork, and other body-based approaches can help release stored trauma.

  • Movement – Trauma often gets stuck in the body, and movement helps release it. Whether through exercise, dance, stretching, or even shaking, physical activity helps reset the nervous system.

  • Mindfulness and Meditation – Practices like meditation, deep breathing, and grounding techniques help calm the body and bring it back to a place of safety.

  • Seeking Support – Trauma healing is not meant to be done alone. Community, counseling, and safe relationships help the body feel secure and supported.

Your Body Deserves Healing

If you’ve ever felt like your body was betraying you with pain, illness, or exhaustion, consider that it may actually be trying to protect you. Trauma that isn’t addressed will keep showing up until it is acknowledged, processed, and released. You deserve healing—not just in your mind, but in your entire being.

The body keeps the score, but you have the power to rewrite the story.

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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The Body Keeps the Score

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What is a Traumaversary?

Brandi C

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What is a Traumaversary?

A traumaversary is the anniversary of some sort of trauma in your life. It can be from a deployment, abuse, car accident, traumatic pregnancy/birth, house fires, neglect… the list can go on and on. You aren’t obsessing over all the bad things that happened in your life. It is simply something that you haven’t resolved and your body keeps the score.

Symptoms of a traumaversary can vary from sadness, anger (another topic for another day), anxiety, hypervigilance, insomnia or hypersomnia, flashbacks, nightmares, guilt, and even can manifest itself in a physical illness. The book, The Body Keeps the Score is not a fun read but it is interesting and it does drive home these concepts. 

I explain it to people who have never heard this word before in a way that it is easy to understand. When they call me for an appointment, they are usually in some sort of acute stress. When we get to talking, I ask if they remember feeling this way at the same time, every year. 9/10 times, they do feel the same way and they can’t figure it out.
When we get to digging, there is usually something that occurred, way back when, that their body is remembering/reacting to even though they hadn’t cognitively thought about that issue since it occurred. They pushed it WAY down and stuffed it away. However, their body remembers.
There are ways to cope. First, acknowledge the event and that it no longer has power over you. Talking it out…not talking it to death over and over again but just one time from start to finish. When you get the thoughts out of your head through tears, snot, words, or writing…it releases it from captivity in your brain. Again, you are not giving it power over you. A lot of times, just talking it out and saying it out loud to another set of ears releases you from that bondage.
Every person wants to be seen, heard, and, validated in their experiences. When they are, it releases you from the prison that the trauma has placed you in. I want you to remember that you are normal. There is nothing wrong with you. Have grace and compassion with yourself, practice self-care, do something for others, or just take a nap or long shower.
You are not alone. Knowledge is power. You are no longer a slave to your past. Plant your feet firmly in the present and look towards your future. That is where hope lives.

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Guest Blogger, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

What Fireworks Means to a School Shooting Survivor

Brandi C

What Fireworks Means to a School Shooting Survivor

What Fireworks Means to a School Shooting Survivor

I despise fireworks. Some of them are so pretty, but the sound triggers me. I can feel it in my chest whenever a firework goes off. The breath gets knocked out of me, and I freeze. At that moment, I am transported back to school. I am back in the classroom with my teachers and fellow student.

At that second, I could see the fear in my teacher’s eyes as he looked down the hallway at the commotion. “Run,” He says with complete fear in his eyes. The look in his eyes will forever be etched into my brain. Confused, I run down the hallway watching as a freshman falls and slides into a locker. I can’t bring myself to stop and check on her, and I’m pretty sure that makes me a bad person. I’m doing what my teacher said. I am running, from what I don’t know.

 

As I Get Outside

 

As I get outside, I stop running. I assume that it was a fire and that I am safe outside. The fire can’t get me here. “Someone brought a gun to school.” A stranger says behind me. At that point, I couldn’t think. I take off sprinting. I almost got hit by a car. It was centimeters away from hitting me. I can hear the teacher yelling at the students to get into a classroom in the tech building because it’s safe and I sprint into the building.

 

I almost enter the first room as soon as you walk in the door, but I decide that that classroom would be the first to get shot if the shooter comes up here. Then, I run a few classrooms away, sit against the wall, and wait for any information. Students and teachers start piling in. I look around and realize I can’t trust anyone. At this point, no one knows who the shooter is. Finally, the teachers shut and locked the door.

 

Calling my Brother

 

The first person I can get a hold of is my brother. He tells me that there’s been a school shooting and someone has died. My heart sinks, and all I can think about are my friends. Fear courses through my veins as I struggle to get a hold of them. Luckily, they’re all okay. I go on Twitter and desperately try to find some information. Someone sitting close to me tells me who the shooter is. I am completely shocked and In denial. I’ve known this kid since seventh grade. There’s no way he did this. I was wrong. He did do it.

 

We are sitting and waiting to be told what to do next when a student starts banging on the door. He was banging on the door hard and asking to be let it. Fear overcomes my body. I remember begging God that they wouldn’t open that door. Luckily, they didn’t. We sat there until like 9:30, and then we were told we must get on a bus.

 

SWAT

 

They let us out of the room, but we all must go in a single file line. Teachers and Swat line the walls and make a pathway to the buses. The look in the eyes of the swat member will be in my head forever. We get on the bus, and we sit there forever. I remember looking out the bus window and seeing a news helicopter flying over us and I remember being angry that they were already swarming. I mean, people just died to show some respect. It was insensitive.

 

Transporting Us

 

At around Eleven, they gave us a police escort to the nearest middle school. We took the back roads there. They piled us all into the gym and waited for our names to be called so we could leave with our parents. I remember getting home at noon, and my family had the news on the television. Sadly, I hear them reporting things that didn’t happen, so I go to my room. I couldn’t sleep that night. My adrenaline was pumping. My friends can’t sleep either. We all stay up and talk.

 

Going Back to School

 

I was battling anorexia at the time, so I didn’t eat anyways, but at this time, I go the longest I ever have without eating. Daily, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. I was terrified. Going back to school was horrible. We went back on a Friday. We all met in the gym. Going to the gym was for a moment of silence, prayer, and hearing about all the available resources. The school was never the same. We jumped at every dropped book and we were constantly looking over our shoulders. Also, we were all wary of strangers. We enjoyed the service dogs that came to the school. That was the best part. We played card games to pass the time.

 

Fear

 

I always told myself that If something like that happened to me, I would never go back to school, and I finished my year out there and then became homeschooled. Honestly, I couldn’t bring myself to sit down in that school and worry about who was walking through the door. I couldn’t sit there and continue to jump at every dropped book. I’ve only been to the school twice since then, and I still struggle with going there.

 

I kept in contact with the teachers I was in the classroom with that day. You will hardly ever catch me in sandals in public because they aren’t good running shoes. Every year, I plug in my headphone and blare my music, so I don’t hear the fireworks. I can hear gunshots and shoot guns (I’m a pretty good shot), but there’s something about fireworks that I can’t handle. I wish people would be more considerate of people like me every year.

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Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

World Suicide Prevention Awareness Day

Brandi C

World Suicide Prevention Awareness Day

World Suicide Prevention Awareness Day

WARNING THIS COULD BE A TRIGGERING POST:  Today, September 10, 2020, is World Suicide Prevention Awareness Day.  Content in this issue contains information on death and dying, mental illness, and mental health crisis, which some readers may find triggering. If you need support at any time, please call or text 988, or the National Postpartum Depression Hotline at 1-800-PPD-MOMS.

#BEThe1To ASK

This can be a HARD thing to say.  For me, I don’t want to put that seed in their head, if it isn’t already there.  I do pray for discernment.  Simply say “How are you feeling?  Do you have anything in the home that can harm you?  Are you safe?  How can I help?  Do you feel the urge to do something unsafe to yourself.”

I always follow up those questions with truths.  “You are loved.  I love you.  You are my treasure.  There is hope.  Value to your life.”

#BeThe1To KEEP THEM SAFE

I usually show up, if I can.  There have been many hours spent cleaning my friends up while reminding them they are loved.  I have sat at hospitals for hours on end to just be present and remind them that they are loved and treasured.  This is a moment, this does not have to be their forever.  Sometimes, I have to be their voice when they are struggling to find their words.

#BeThe1To BE THERE

Did the people in the back hear this?  LISTEN WITHOUT JUDGMENT AND WITH COMPASSION AND EMPATHY.   This is NOT hard.  Just simply listen, support, encourage, and cry with them.  They don’t need you to fix it.  Honestly, they just need an ear.

#BeThe1To HELP THEM CONNECT

Know the number.  Call it for them, if they need you to.  Be the one who calls in the cavalry if you need to.  Give them a list of people that can listen and help.  Pastors, family, friends, therapists and then make sure they follow through!  Go with them if they need it.

#BeThe1To FOLLOW UP

When the crisis is over, for that moment, follow up and check on them.  Once a week, send an encouraging text.  Call.  Visit.  Somehow relay that you are so thankful that they are there and the purpose that they have in this life.  God is not done with them yet!

BEThe1To  You can save a life…just by asking!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

Suicide Deaths in the United States

Brandi C

Suicide Deaths in the United States

These are some powerful visuals from the Suicide Prevention Resource Center.  The statistics are based on Suicide Deaths in the United States.  Please, stop and take a look.  More people have suicidal ideations than you think.  Sadly, some of these people may be your family or friends.

 

Suicide Deaths in the United States

From 2009 to 2018, the age-adjusted suicide death rate increased from 11.76 to 14.24 per 100,000 people. From 2009 to 2018, the rate increased from 19.23 to 22.79 per 100,000 for males. Among females, the rate increased from 4.88 in 2009 to 6.18 in 2018.

Suicides consistently outnumber homicides.

Suicide Deaths in the United States

 

The homicide rate has not consistently shown the upward trend that we see with the suicide rate.

Suicide Deaths in the United States

 

Suicide rates are generally highest in Alaska and in the western and northwestern United States, with the exception of southern California and parts of Washington. Rural counties generally have higher rates of suicide than urban counties.

References

  1. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Health Statistics. (2020). 1999-2018 Wide-Ranging Online Data for Epidemiological Research (WONDER), Multiple Cause of Death files [Data file]. Retrieved from CDC Underlying Cause

  2. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. 2008-2014, United States Smoothed Age-Adjusted Death Rates per 100,000 Population [map]. All Injury, Suicide, All Races, All Ethnicities, Both Sexes, All Ages. (January 2020). Retrieved from CDC

  3. Rosen, L. M., Hedegaard, H., Kahn, D., & Warner, M. (2018). County-level trends in suicide rates in the U.S., 2005–2015. American Journal of Preventive Medicine [3], 55(1), 72-79.

 

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Guest Blogger, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

You are Not Your Trauma

Brandi C

You are Not Your Trauma

Highlighting Stories of Survivors

In this story, you will read about a “boyfriend” who abuses his girlfriend. The phrase “You Are Not Your Trauma” has affected my heart so profoundly. As my heart was breaking for what this young girl had gone through, in the end, she knows Truth. What man used for evil, He will use for His glory. Somehow, someway, her story will give the strength to someone else to SPEAK UP and GET OUT. Her strength and courage leave me in awe. I’m so proud of this young lady.

A TRUE story of this young lady being controlled, manipulated, abused, and her suicidal ideations. She is NOT a victim. This girl is a survivor and a child of the King. Please be mindful that I will not tolerate judgment or hateful things if I leave comments.

The Beginning

I don’t even know where to begin, so I guess I will start at the beginning. I had a very happy childhood; it was normal until it wasn’t. When I was about 14, almost 15, I was in a courtship with a person older than me. It seemed so innocent at the time. We were almost always supervised by my parents or his.

His Capabilities

When you are 14, you start being interested in boys and all that fun stuff. So it was nice to be noticed by someone of the opposite sex. I had no idea what he was capable of, and I am still finding out what he was capable of to this day. I honestly don’t know when it happened, but he emotionally and psychologically abused me. 

He also molested me. There, I said it. It’s not something I like to talk about at all. Some people in this world are super manipulators. They can play you and get inside your head; you have no idea what hit you. That’s what this person was like, a master manipulator. A snake. That’s a good word to use, the other ones I want to use involve curse words, and I do not think that is appropriate in this context. 

Fear

I was afraid. All the time. Fearful of making my abuser angry. Afraid of him hurting me. Afraid that one misstep would be the end. That fear came to a boiling point when he attempted to force me to kiss him by holding my face with a blanket over my head and pulling me towards him. I fought like hell, and he backed off. But that wasn’t the end. I knew that he would hurt me if I said anything. 

He didn’t even have to threaten me. He had such control over my mind that I knew without him saying anything. Then the molestation happened. I do not want to disclose that and don’t have to. I still didn’t say anything. I remember he came to my bedroom window after everyone was asleep and told me it was best if I didn’t tell anyone. That scared me. He scared me. 

Speaking Out

But I did eventually say something. And it didn’t end; I wanted it to end. I tried to forget everything that happened and never remembered it. Maybe if I ignored it, it would go away. No, that is not how life works. Then the police were involved, which was also terrifying. Me, a 15-year-old child, being interviewed by a detective (who, by the way, is a wonderful person. I am forever grateful for how he helped me. Yet it is hard for me to talk to him now. He reminds me of what happened.) The person went away. I only saw him a few times after that.

But it Didn’t End

Even though he was gone, it didn’t end. I remember not even knowing what I liked to do. I didn’t even know who I was anymore without him. I tried to put this whole situation behind me. I “forgave” this person, but I didn’t because I did not understand the scope of the damage he did to me. 

Abuse, no matter the type, changes a person. It eats away at your brain. You get paranoid. Jumpy. Nowhere is safe. No one is safe. Trust is a prized commodity. If I bestowed my trust upon you, you better treat it respectfully. Because the moment you give me a reason not to trust you, you are gone. And there is no going back.

Returning to “Normal”

Growing up after that incident, my childhood returned to “normal.” But I didn’t feel normal. I felt out of place. My innocence was gone. I became very hyperactive. I could not sit still and chatter nonsensically, but the nights were the worst. I felt I needed to be doing something to avoid being still constantly. The nights were so bad. Alone at night with my thoughts, that’s when the dark would try to creep in. 

Moving On

When I got to college, I worked three jobs and took a huge class load. I was so depressed. I would fake being happy. Just put a smile on my face, and everything would be ok. But those dark memories I had repressed for so long kept creeping up on me. I began to have panic attacks and pain in places I had not experienced. These panic attacks stemmed from my trauma, but I didn’t know it. 

I got a big girl job right before I graduated college. I was over the moon. I was good at my job. I met someone, he was sweet, and I gave him some of my precious trust. I thought I was “happy .”But I wasn’t. Those master manipulator traits the person that hurt me had, this person had too. He would make jokes at my expense, gaslight me, and only care about the physical side of our relationship.

Another “Charmer”

Now this person was a real charmer; he decided to break up with me a few months before we were going to get married. I remember being so distraught. That beloved trust I had given him was disintegrating. It tore me to my core. It took so long to be able to “get over” him. I should also mention that I don’t trust. Shocker. I know. I am very distrustful of people that I do not know, especially men. I make it a point not to be alone with men if I can help. I do it almost subconsciously. I don’t even really think about it anymore. 

Spiraling Downward

Then I lost my job. I was so sad, so hopeless. I don’t even know why I lost that job. I had to move out of my apartment to another one. I didn’t have hardly any money after that move because it took almost all the money I had saved. My depression was at its height. 

My parents had to give me money to get by. I didn’t want their money. I didn’t want to ask, but they gave it anyway. I ended up searching for jobs and couldn’t find one. I interviewed for several, and nothing. I returned to a part-time position so I could have some money for my rent. And that was a comfort to me, going back to something familiar. 

But my panic attacks, anxiety, and depression were almost insurmountable. At this point, I thought there was something wrong with me. I had everything when I was a child. There was no reason for me to be this way. What is wrong with me? 

The Unexpected

I ended up finding a different job. I had to go away to training for weeks, only coming home for the weekends. At the time, I was dating other people. I dated some peculiar people. But at that training, I met the forever love of my life. Not expected. 

He is unlike any other man I have ever dated. He had no idea of the mental anguish that I suffered daily. I ended up marrying that man, still with this awful job that caused me to be physically ill because I did not want to be there. I still have flashbacks to that job and the horrible things I saw there. It was a dangerous job, unexpected. 

Because I felt like I had to walk on eggshells around everyone, I was constantly on my guard (typical for me, but this was a dangerous situation) for anything to happen. And that is just not the way that anyone should live. I got another job now, and I am so thankful for that one. 

Getting Help

At this time, my now husband encouraged me to go to counseling. And I did. But I didn’t go for the right reasons. I was fresh married, so we had a lot of getting used to each other. I was learning to trust again. And that was hard. I told this counselor what happened to me, but it was never the focus of what we discussed in sessions. It was helpful for the time. 

I was medicated from my first big girl job, which seemed to help a lot. However, I was on a lot of meds. A lot. Too much, and it affected me big time. I felt like a zombie, numb, and it was not an easy feeling. I quit going to that counselor because I thought I was all better now. 

Panic Attacks, Flashbacks, Intrusive Thoughts

Fast forward a few months, at home. Panic attacks run rampant. It got so much worse. I would lash out at my husband, and I didn’t mean to do that. He knew what happened to me, and one day I asked him if he thought it affected me, and he said it did. That struck me. 

My panic attacks were so severe that I would feel like I couldn’t move. I would scream and cry in fear. For some reason, my brain would revert to those fearful times and make it seem like they were happening again, even though I knew I was safe. I would just see his face. The one that hurt me. He never left. He was always there. 

I had the most intense flashbacks that I have ever had. And I realized. I wasn’t like this before this happened to me. I wasn’t hyperactive, I wasn’t depressed, I wasn’t anxious, and I didn’t deal with intrusive thoughts or compulsions. I didn’t obsess over every little thing. I didn’t have panic attacks. I realized that he caused all of this. But what was I to do? I constantly felt like I was not enough. 

Suicidal Ideations

Eventually, I went off my meds because I thought I was bett, which was a big mistake. I was fine for a while, but then I became numb. I didn’t care for the things I liked to do. I didn’t want to do anything but lay in bed all day long. My pain and anguish were so overwhelming that I didn’t think there was a way out. 

Some days I would feel everything. Then other days, I felt nothing. I was suicidal. I didn’t want to do it, but the thoughts were there. It would sit on my brain for hours. And hours. And hours. I was in so much pain. In such a deep, dark tunnel, I thought no one could reach me. I was ashamed of what I felt. When I told my mom and my husband, I feared they would be angry with me. But they weren’t. They worked out a safety plan with me. 

When Most People Think of Suicidality

They think well that person is selfish. That person is crazy. That person needs to be in an institution somewhere. I hate all of that. It is not ok. This stigma surrounds people who have suicidal ideations. The people that are suicidal are not crazy. They are hurting. They are in a mental anguish that you will never understand. 

They need love and support, not to be told they are selfish or crazy. Not to be brushed off as, oh well, you can’t be that depressed. I was told by some people well; you don’t look depressed. You don’t have anxiety. You can’t. Look at all you have; you can’t be depressed when you have all of this. Just exercise. That will fix it. LET GO AND LET GOD. Ughhh, how I hate that phrase. 

Just Listen

Letting it go is not easy. It doesn’t work. If it worked, I would have been “cured” long ago. My trauma would have just disappeared if letting goes worked. But it doesn’t, so do everyone around you a favor and stop saying that. Just. Stop. Take it out of your vocabulary. Also, while you are at it, take out this one: “God won’t give you anything that you can’t handle.” 

God gives us stuff we can’t handle so He can be the one to handle it. I have had to let myself be weak so God can be stronger. And that is not an easy thing to do. So stop saying all these fluffy phrases because you have no idea what people around you are walking through in their lives. 

Unless you are willing to walk through the fire in their place, just be there as a support. But don’t tell them everything will be fine, don’t try to fluff things up. Just be there. Just listen without judgment. I repeat: JUST LISTEN. 

Fast Forward

Now that my soapbox is over, fast forward to the beginning of this year. I had the realization, the aha moment, that my trauma caused all of my pain. All of my mental illnesses. All of it. So I made the courageous step to seek out a trauma counselor. She is wonderful. I bonded with her immediately. She understood and didn’t judge me like so many people have. She listens and lets me cry. She makes observations that make so much sense. She tells me I need to re-parent that 14 years old because she is still there. Desperate for help. She helped me with my safety plan. 

I had the support of her, my mom, and my husband. I got closer to Jesus. He helped me realize that even though I was going through a dark tunnel, he was there. He would pull me out. He was right there the whole time. And it was Jesus who pushed me to get into trauma therapy. While it is hard to revisit those awful things that happened to me, I feel more at peace than ever. I got back on my meds. 

Good and Bad Days

I have good days and bad days. But more good than bad. Trauma processing is something that needs to happen. Because when trauma occurs, our brains do not file those memories away as they are supposed to. So I have to revisit every memory and refile it correctly so I won’t be as affected. It will always be there, it is a part of my story, but I no longer have to fear it. God wants all of me, even the parts I don’t want him to have. He has brought all those fears and memories into the light, so I don’t have to hide them anymore. 

Seek Help

So, for those reading this that are in pain and suffering. Seek help. You will find it. You don’t have to go through life alone. If you are suffering, talk to me. Or find someone you trust and talk to them. If you need medication to get by, then do it. Ignore the stigma behind being medicated. 

Many intelligent people in this world have figured out that mental illness is caused by brain chemicals not being balanced. So meds are there to help you balance your chemicals. Do not beat yourself up for taking meds. Just don’t do it. I did, and it isn’t worth it. It is there for a reason. There is no need to feel ashamed about taking medication. 

If you need to go to therapy, then do it. It is not easy, but don’t feel you have to give your whole life story the first time you meet your therapist. If you don’t like them, find someone else. Get to know them, and make sure they are a good fit. 

You Are Not Your Trauma

Do not lose hope. Even when you think there is no hope, there is always a sliver. Know that you are not your trauma. Know that you are not your past. No matter what you have done, know that you are loved. If you think no one else loves you, talk to me. If I am the only one, then so be it. You have someone that loves you. Your life is too precious to be taken so soon. You have a purpose in this world. You just may not have found it yet. Don’t lose hope. 

Listen Without Judgement

And for those reading this who are fortunate enough not to have any trauma or mental illness. This is for you. Listen without judgment. If someone trusts you enough to talk to you about tough shit, do not take that for granted. These people are reaching out to you; take their hand and walk with them. 

Don’t fluff up the situation. For Pete’s sake, quit saying let go, let God. Just listen and try to put yourself in their shoes. If someone is acting strange, not like themselves, don’t ignore that. Strike up a conversation. Ask them if they are alright. They may lie, but don’t ignore the warning signs. Keep talking to them, and let them know they are loved and appreciated. Tell them that you are there for them if they need someone. Just listen and love. Get rid of your stigma against suicide, mental health, therapy, and medication. Educate yourselves. The more you know, the better prepared you will be. 

Resources

If you or someone you know is being abused, PLEASE reach out.

ChildHelp Hotline

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Suicide Prevention Lifeline

 

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

Resources that Can Help with Suicide Prevention

Brandi C

Resources that Can Help with Suicide Prevention

 

Resources that Can Help with Suicide Prevention

Suicide is a topic that is near to my heart. This month is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. Specifically, if you think someone you know is in danger, call 911! Make sure they seek help. During an escalated situation, sometimes mental clarity can get in the way. For that reason, recognize the problem. Therefore, be prepared and have numbers handy. For that reason, understand that the person you are helping can cause friction. During this friction time, do not be offended by what could be said to you. By making the phone call and intervening, you are saving another person’s life. Specifically, your friend’s life. Also, do not disappear. Firstly, the person you are helping feels abandoned. Secondly, by staying with them, you are showing them they are still loved. More often than not, this act is as important as that first phone call of help.

1. Suicide Prevention Resource Center (SPRC)

Website: http://www.sprc.org/ Crisis Line: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Subsequently, the (SPRC) is the only federally supported resource center.

2. National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)

Website: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/suicide-prevention/index.shtml

The National Institute of Mental Health is the lead federal agency for research on mental disorders.  Firstly, they want to help people understand mental illness.  Secondly, the treatment of this illness.

3. Society for the Prevention of Teen Suicide (SPTS)

Website: http://www.sptsusa.org/

Teen suicide is a growing problem in America.  Consequently, SPTS is a nonprofit organization.

4. Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention

Website: http://actionallianceforsuicideprevention.org/resources

This is a public and private alliance of organizations.

5. American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP)

Website: https://afsp.org/find-support/resources/

The AFSP website has a long list of resources.  It also provides help to people who have lost loved ones to suicide.

6. Crisis Text Line

Website: https://www.crisistextline.org/  Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741-741

Teens are often more comfortable texting than talking on the telephone. They will help de-escalate individuals who are considering suicide.

7. HelpGuide

Website: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-prevention.htm

HelpGuide provides information on a wide variety of mental health issues.

8. Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (SAVE)

Website: https://save.org/  Crisis line: 1-800-273-8255

Founded by a mother who lost her daughter to suicide in 1979.  SAVE’s mission is to help prevent suicide.

9. The Trevor Project

Website: www.thetrevorproject.org/

The Trevor Project was founded in 1998.  These services help LGBTQ+ young people under 25.

10. For My Spanish-Speaking Visitors

Please click on the Las Disparidades Raciales en el Tratamiento de la Salud Mental: Investigación y Recursos.  Also, thank you to Sarah Martell at Web Advocates for the link and information.

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Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month

Brandi C

September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month

September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month

Tough but Important

September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month.  Suicide…that word makes my heart jump in my throat and I have an immediate physical reaction.  People are so afraid to talk about this subject because they may be afraid it could “trigger” someone.  That is a valid fear!  Yet, fear is a liar!

My life has been touched by suicide so much.  There are many hospital beds I have sat next to.  Hands I have held.  Families I have cried with.  Prayers that I’ve prayed.  Funerals that I have attended.

Please know this is so difficult but so important to discuss.  Mental health problems should not be hidden.  The stigma should be ended and judgment of others should be thrown out the window.

If you have a story you want to share, please email me at barefootfaithjourney@gmail.com and I will be happy to anonymously (if you choose) use your story on my blog.

You are loved.  Worthy.  You are created in the image of Jesus.  Your story IS NOT finished.

Q: How common is suicide in children and teens?

A: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported that in 2014, suicide was the second leading cause of death for young people ages 10–24. Although these numbers may make suicide seem common, it is still a rare event. Suicidal thoughts or behaviors are more common than suicide deaths and are signs of extreme distress. Suicidal thoughts and behaviors are not harmless bids for attention and should not be ignored.

Q: What are some of the risk factors for suicide?

A: Risk factors vary with age, gender, or ethnic group and may change over time. Some factors that increase an individual’s risk for suicidal thoughts and behaviors are:

  • Depression, anxiety, and other mental disorders
  • Substance abuse disorder
  • Chronic pain
  • Prior suicide attempt
  • Family history of suicide
  • Family violence, including physical or sexual abuse
  • Firearms in the home
  • Having recently been released from jail or prison
  • Exposure to the suicidal behavior of others, such as family members or peers

It is important to note that many people who have these risk factors are not suicidal.

Q: What are the warning signs?

A: The following are some of the signs you might notice in yourself or a friend that may be the reason for concern:

  • Talking about wanting to die or wanting to kill oneself
  • Making a plan or looking for a way to kill oneself, such as searching online
  • Buying a gun, or stockpiling pills
  • Feeling empty, hopeless, or feeling like there is no reason to live
  • Feeling trapped or in unbearable pain
  • Talking about being a burden to others
  • Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs
  • Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly
  • Sleeping too little or too much
  • Withdrawing from family or friends or feeling isolated
  • Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge
  • Displaying extreme mood swings
  • Saying goodbye to loved ones, putting affairs in order.

Seeking help is a sign of strength; if you are concerned, go with your instincts and seek professional help.

Reaching out to a friend you are concerned about is also a sign of strength.

What can I do for myself or someone else?

A: Immediate action is very important. Here are a few resources:

  • You can call or text 988 confidential help 24-hours-a-day. You also can visit the Lifeline’s website at 988 Lifeline
  • Veterans Crisis Line: 1-800-273-8255, press 1
  • Crisis Text Line: text START to 741-741
  • Help for Mental Illnesses: National Institute of Mental Health web page www.nimh.nih.gov/findhelp
  • Treatment Referral Routing Service: 1-800-662-HELP (4357), funded by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration

Q: What if someone seems suicidal on social media?

A: Many social media outlets, including Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Tumblr, and Google+, have ways to report suicidal content and get help for the content creator. Each social media site has a different procedure, so search the site’s help page for assistance.

Q: What if I want to write a story about suicide?

A: Great idea! Here are suggestions for reporting on suicide: http://reportingonsuicide.org/.

Q: Where can I go for more information on suicide prevention?

A: You can:

Visit the National Library of Medicine’s MedlinePlus,
English: www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus
En Español: www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/spanish

 

 

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder

Brandi C

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder
Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders

Fetal alcohol spectrum disorders (FASD) are a group of conditions that can occur in a person whose mother drank alcohol during pregnancy.  These effects can include physical problems and problems with behavior and learning.  Often, people with FASD have a mix of these problems.

What is FASD?

FASD refers to a range of effects that can happen to a person whose mother drank alcohol during pregnancy. These conditions can affect each person in different ways and can range from mild to severe.

They can affect the mind or the body, or both. Because FASD makes up a group of disorders, people with FASD can exhibit a wide range and mix of symptoms.  Fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS) is one condition among the full range of FASD. A  baby born with FAS has a small head, weighs less than other babies, and has distinctive facial features.

Some of the behavioral and intellectual disabilities of people with FASD include:

Difficulty with learning or memory
Higher than normal level of activity (hyperactivity)
Difficulty with attention
Speech and language delays
Low IQ
Poor reasoning and judgment skills
People born with FASD can also have problems with their organs, including the heart and kidneys.

What causes FASD?

FASD is caused by a woman’s drinking alcohol during pregnancy. Alcohol in the mother’s blood passes to the baby through the umbilical cord. When a woman drinks alcohol so does her baby. There is no known amount of alcohol that is safe to drink during pregnancy or when trying to get pregnant. All drinks that contain alcohol, including wine and beer, can harm an unborn baby. There is no safe time to drink alcohol during pregnancy.

Alcohol can harm a baby at any time during pregnancy. So, to prevent FASD, a woman should not drink alcohol while she is pregnant, or even when she might get pregnant. This is because a woman could get pregnant and not know it for up to 4 to 6 weeks. In the United States, nearly half of all pregnancies are unplanned.

How many people have FASD?

We do not know exactly how many people have FASD. Few estimates are available. Based on community studies using physical examinations, experts estimate that the full range of FASD among 6-7-year-old children in the United States and some Western European countries might be as high as 2 to 5 out of 100 school children (or 2% to 5% of the population).

Are there treatments for FASD?

FASD lasts a lifetime. There is no cure for FASD, but research shows that early intervention treatment services can improve a child’s development.

There are many types of treatment options, including medication to help with some symptoms, behavior and education therapy, parent training, and other approaches. No one treatment is right for every child.

Good treatment plans will include close monitoring, follow-ups, and changes as needed along the way.  There are a number of factors that can help reduce the effects of FASD and help people with these conditions reach their full potential.

These factors include:

Diagnosis before 6 years of age
A loving, nurturing, and stable home environment during the school years
Absence of violence
Involvement in special education and social services

What can I do if I think my child has FASD?

~Ask for a Referral.

If you or your health care provider thinks your child could have FASD, ask your provider for a referral to a specialist (someone who knows about FASD), such as a developmental pediatrician, child psychologist, or clinical geneticist. In some cities, there are clinics whose staff have special training in diagnosing and treating children with FASD.

For providers and clinics in your area, visit the National and State Resource Directory from the National Organization on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome 800–66–NOFAS (66327).

~Get an Evaluation

Call your state’s public early childhood system to request a free evaluation to find out if your child qualifies for intervention services. You do not need to wait for a health care provider’s referral or a medical diagnosis to make this call.

Steps for a free evaluation from the state depend on your child’s age:

For children younger than 3 years old, contact your local early intervention system. To learn more, call (973) 642-8100.

For children 3 years old or older, contact your local public school system.  Even if your child is not old enough for kindergarten or enrolled in a public school, call your local elementary school or board of education and ask to speak with someone who can help you have your child evaluated.

To help your child reach his or her full potential, it is very important to get help for FASD as early as possible!

For More Information

To learn more about FASD, visit the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or call 800–CDC–INFO

American Academy of Pediatrics FASD Toolkit 

Center for Parent Information and Resources call (973) 642-8100

National Organization on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (NOFAS)  or call 800–66–NOFAS (66327)

 

 

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

Save Me I am Drowning

Brandi C

 

Save Me I am Drowning

When We Met

Please save me. I am drowning. LA’s death has been a HARD thing for me to blog about….but I keep thinking if I get out my thoughts, through my fingertips….maybe I can get the images out of my mind.

LA…..we met when our boys were playing baseball when they were about 8. She had two kiddos. Our boys are the same age, and then she has a daughter the same age as my 5th son. I remember walking into the baseball park, finding N’s team, and then seeing this woman sitting on the top of the bleachers.

She had a little bob haircut, and her hair was bleached blonde. Honestly, she looked like a baby. She was way too young to have an 8- and 3 yr old at the time. She had on a white t-shirt and ripped jeans. Sitting beneath her was this skinny man with this awesome mustache and his brown-haired wife. They were all smoking, loud, fussing at each other, laughing, cheering, and eating. My 5th child took a liking to the brown-haired lady, and every time I turned around, she gave him food. I would give D a stern look, and she would pipe up, “don’t you fuss at that baby. He didn’t ask. He just looked hungry.”

LA and Her Curiosity

The bleach-blonde girl would cackle, and I’d roll my eyes thinking, she is my spirit animal. Rough around the edges, spirited, funny, family-oriented, and LOUD. We hit it off and began an intense friendship of discovery.

LA, through the lens she saw my life, was curious. She was asked a lot of questions about my life, my marriage, my parenting, and my faith. Her kids and my kids hit it off. We all hit it off with her parents and her brother. It was fun. It was crass at times cause that is how they roll, in a vat of sarcasm and love.

We were friends for about 10 yrs; through incredible ups of leading her to Christ in the park and her dyeing my hair to the deepest of lows with alcohol, drug addiction, and mental illness. I have loved her through every moment we knew each other. There was a point where those moments consumed me like a fire. There were times when I would stay up late. I talked with her and tried my best to pull her into the light of healing. I was doing the job that Christ needed to do.

When She Fell and Letting Go

What I see now, on the back end of things, is that she didn’t eat the bottom of the barrel when she fell. She hit my face. I loved her and her children and family, so I placed myself at the bottom of that barrel, so she never had the opportunity to see Jesus directly. She saw Him because she loved Him and was His child, but she did see Him in that face of darkness and despair. I wanted control because I thought I could fix it all and make her better.

My husband had encouraged me to back away. Not to disappear, not to stop loving, not to stop praying, but I had to allow her to meet her Jesus and find her healing and wholeness in Him and not me. That was hard. I met some very dark days, as well. Sometimes she would need me, and I would rearrange everything to go to her and love her and leave my kids and their issues behind.

It is sad to say that reprioritizing my life, submitting to my husband, and what I know to be Scripturally correct was letting LA deal with things alone….without me swooping in to rescue her. My heart was good because I love her so much, and I love those babies so very much, but our friendship was in the way of her relationship with Jesus. I was a stumbling block.

Swirl of Love

As the years waned in and out, we would have good laughs at memories and catch up with the kids, and she started becoming healthier in her mind and other areas. What proved to me that listening to Jesus was right was when she called me up out of the blue and said: “I need you.” Mind you; this was probably 8 or 9 years into our friendship. She wanted to come to the house. She needed me, and I could hear in her voice the clarity. I did not hear that foggy voice of addiction. I told her to come, and we would talk.

She walked up to my porch, and the swirl of love and respect for each other encompassed us. It was like not a minute had passed since we had seen each other. She was clear-eyed, had a clear voice, and was very strong. There was such a strength in her. She sat down and explained what was going on to Bart and me, and we all just sat there and stared at each other, thinking, “oh crap….what is going to happen, and how can we help.” She needed to talk about an issue. There had been an issue with her precious son. In a moment of fogginess, the love she had for that baby, regardless of the situation, was written all over her face.

Forgiveness

She had forgiven, instantly, the things that had happened and was prepared to do whatever she could to help her son get the help he needed, and she did. She fought an excellent fight, and she and her mom won. He received what he needed, and though the situation was terrible, in a stranger’s view, it was just a moment to her. A mistake happened. We all make them; he is no different, and she loves and believes in him and his sister. I was so proud of her and her resolve. I think the only other thing I was prouder of was when she received Christ, but this one was a close second!

Save Me I am Drowning

Now, to see my friend, so desperate, again, and I was unaware this time. The phone call from her mom stopped my world from spinning. Honestly didn’t believe her until I heard her substantial voice crack. I could hear her crying over the phone. Just typing and thinking about that sends this electric emotion through me. I can’t stop thinking of all the “what ifs.” My last image of my friend was looking at her beautiful face. She was so calm and sincere. I brushed her freshly washed hair and braided it. All while she lay on that table after she took her life.

I Will Never Forget

I will never get those images out of my head. Ever. I will never forget hugging her mom, son, daughter, and brother. I will never forget it. Never. I washed her face, brushed her hair, and painted her fingernails the perfect color of pink. I will never forget it.

One Moment

One moment of despair.

A moment of feeling alone.

Finally, a moment of being alone, physically.

Ten seconds away from her mom and children.

Her life was over.

She met Jesus face to face.

Please please please remember

You are NEVER alone.

God is ALWAYS with you.

You are LOVED beyond measure.

Help is a PHONE CALL 24 HOURS A DAY away.

There is always a joy to be found somewhere; even if it is so minimal, there is still joy.

Please seek help from a counselor, the hotline, a pastor, a friend, or a family member.

Please do not choose a path that leaves the family with many unanswered questions and pain.

You ARE WORTHY.

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