Tag: family support

Faith Journey, Medical, Opsoclonus Myoclonus Syndrome

Make A Wish and Give Kids The World

Brandi C

Make A Wish and Give Kids The World

For children and adults navigating life-altering medical conditions, the days can feel long, uncertain, and heavy. Between appointments, therapies, and the emotional toll of managing a chronic or critical diagnosis, joy can feel like a distant memory. That’s where the Make-A-Wish Foundation steps in—not just to fulfill a dream, but to restore hope. When we went to Disney, Make A Wish and Give Kids The World were two places that gave a bit of joy to the unimaginable.

A wish granted is far more than a moment of happiness. It becomes a turning point—a reminder that even in the hardest seasons, something beautiful can still bloom. Whether it’s a trip, a chance to meet a hero, or the fulfillment of a lifelong dream, these experiences offer a sense of normalcy and celebration that families often miss in the chaos of illness.

For many wish recipients visiting Disney, the Give Kids The World Village in Central Florida becomes their home away from home. This whimsical, storybook resort partners with organizations like Make-A-Wish to give families a place of rest, joy, and magic. Every detail is designed with love—from ice cream for breakfast to nightly parties and endless smiles. It’s a space where families can simply be together, free from the burdens of medical schedules and daily worries.

What makes both Make-A-Wish and Give Kids The World so special is their understanding that emotional healing matters, too. A wish doesn’t erase the diagnosis, but it can renew strength, rebuild courage, and give individuals something to look forward to when everything else feels uncertain.

If you’ve never supported these organizations, consider doing so. Your gift, time, or advocacy could help write a chapter of joy in someone’s hard journey.

And always—choose grace. Smile. Show compassion. You never know the impact one act of kindness can make.

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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Faith Journey, Medical, Opsoclonus Myoclonus Syndrome

Beads of Courage – A Story of Strength and Recognition

Brandi C

Beads of Courage – A Story of Strength and Recognition

Beads of Courage – A Story of Strength and Recognition. For two years, we’ve tried to access the Beads of Courage program—a powerful way to honor children facing life-altering health conditions. I first discovered this initiative through a fellow blogger whose child received these meaningful beads. The concept stayed with me.

At one point during a hospital stay at Norton Children’s, we inquired about participating. A Child Life worker explained the eligibility requirements, which include:

  • Cancer and blood disorders

  • Cardiac conditions

  • Burn injuries

  • Neonatal ICU families

  • Chronic illnesses

Believing we qualified under chronic illness, we completed a detailed form documenting medical procedures, treatments, and milestones. It was a humbling and emotional process to recall every difficult step. Despite submitting the paperwork, we never heard back. The reason? Our child didn’t have cancer, and thus wasn’t eligible at that facility.

We didn’t inquire again at other hospitals, assuming the answer would be the same.

Until recently.

During a visit to Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital, we saw a boy proudly walking with his Beads of Courage necklace, and that spark reignited. When we mentioned it to our Child Life specialist, Katie, she lit up. “He qualifies,” she said without hesitation.

The program had expanded over time, and our child was now eligible. Katie walked us through the process and gave us a form to fill out—documenting brave moments, medical milestones, and the number of days he’d been ill. Each bead represents a piece of his story, and he got to handpick every one.

Hospitals may be unpredictable. Nurses, routines, and outcomes change. But the Beads of Courage offer something constant and bright in a child’s journey. Each bead is a tangible reminder of strength, bravery, and resilience.

You can help make this joy possible for other kids by supporting the Beads of Courage program. Donations—whether beads or financial—can be made through their official website. Organizations like the Nashville Predators also help fund the program at Vanderbilt, spreading hope one bead at a time.

Reach Out

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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Faith Journey, Medical, Opsoclonus Myoclonus Syndrome

The Prophecy and The Call

Brandi C

The Prophecy and The Call

The Prophecy and The Call

In December, we found ourselves at church, preparing for worship. After several months of church hunting, we had settled on one that we had initially been hesitant to visit. We knew the pastor and his wife, along with a few families, but we hadn’t been attending for long. It felt different from the churches we were used to. What we weren’t prepared for were the The Prophecy and The Call.

People Watching

Before the service began, the pastor called up a man to give a “word” to some members of the congregation. We had learned that this practice was somewhat common, but it was still unusual for our family. We sat, watching this man pace in front of the congregation.

I’m naturally a people-watcher, and one thing that caught my attention was that the man never opened his eyes as he paced and spoke. He kept touching the inside of his hands, and it was clear that he felt uncomfortable but was determined to be obedient. He shared that he had received a word from the Lord and wanted to make sure it wasn’t just his own thoughts. Through sleepless nights, he confirmed it was from God, and he knew he had to obey.

The Word

The man said that he had a word for someone in the congregation. As he continued pacing, I felt a strange shift in the atmosphere. When he stopped directly in front of Big Daddy, I felt like the air was sucked out of the room. He asked Big Daddy to stand up, and I looked to the altar. Our pastor smiled at me and gave a reassuring nod, signaling that everything was okay.

The Man

The man, whom we had never met before, told Big Daddy to hold onto his hand. Big Daddy is not a small man—his hands are enormous, so when he stood, he commanded attention. The man then said, “Hold on. Hold on tight to the rope and do not let go. Trust and hold on tight.” I felt a wave of energy flow through me, and tears streamed down my face. I don’t often cry, but in that moment, I knew we were about to embark on something challenging.

The Beginning of 2017

As the year started, life seemed to spiral. My father had quadruple bypass surgery. Then, my niece was sentenced to prison, and my nephew was close behind her. My daughter went to military school due to behavioral issues, and we faced a devastating family situation involving another baby. Add onto that, my oldest daughter called off her engagement, lost her job, and we were fighting insurance companies over my son’s surgery. On top of all that, my Lady got sick. The weight of it all felt unbearable, but the reminder to “hold on” stayed with us.

Even More Challenges

Big Daddy and I worked hard to navigate a difficult family situation. We did everything we could, but ultimately, it was out of our hands. I confided in a friend, and she told me to “hold onto hope.” She also shared that the Hebrew meaning of “hope” is “rope,” so we should hold onto the rope. I paused, texted her back, and asked who had told her that. She said it was a word from the Lord for me. I asked if she knew the man from church who had said the same thing, and she didn’t. That was the second time we had heard the message to “hold on.”

The Call

Then, on Tuesday morning, June 6, 2017, my sister called me. She rarely calls on a Tuesday, so I knew something was up. When I asked if everything was okay, she told me she had received an odd text from a former neighbor—a woman she used to walk with. This woman said that the Lord had placed my name on her heart and that she was praying for me. I had never met this woman, nor had I ever spoken to her, and I found it unsettling. My sister urged me to take it as a blessing, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was about to happen. It was about 4:30 pm, that afternoon, that we knew something was wrong.

Daddy’s Love

After my child became sick, I spent almost two weeks in the hospital with him. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and emotionally drained. The doctors had told me a thousand things, none of which were good. One day, my sister—H’s “Mamaw”—came to give me a break. She handed me a gift from my father—a flat pillow, my grandmother’s quilt, and a message from my dad. That gift, along with the constant reminders to “hold on,” has stayed with me. It reminds me that both my heavenly Father and my earthly father love me and that everything will be okay.

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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Guest Blogger: From First Steps to Graduation

Brandi C

From first steps to graduation

From First Steps to Graduation: A Parent’s Handbook for Every Age

Parenting is a dynamic journey that evolves with each child’s developmental stage. Equipping oneself with tailored strategies is crucial for addressing the diverse challenges and milestones. This article offers practical advice to help parents adeptly navigate these complexities.

Embracing Early Childhood (0-5 Years)

In the early years, children are absorbing the world around them at a rapid pace. Parents can take proactive steps to ensure these formative years are enriching and educational.

Growing Through Elementary Years (6-12 Years)

As children enter school age, their social and academic worlds expand significantly. Here’s how you can help them navigate these crucial years.

Navigating Adolescence (13-18 Years)

The teenage years can be tumultuous as children seek independence and deal with physical, emotional, and social changes.

Preparing for Young Adulthood (19+ Years)

As children transition into adulthood, they need guidance to navigate the complexities of the adult world.

Self-Care for Parents

Parenting can be exhausting, and parents must take care of themselves, too. Here are some ways to maintain your health and well-being.

The parenting journey is enriching and challenging, shaping children and parents alike. With the right tools and knowledge, parents can effectively support their child’s journey from infancy to adulthood. Embrace each step confidently, fostering a nurturing environment encouraging growth and resilience.

Medical, Psoriasis and Psoriatic Arthritis

Let’s Talk Hair Loss in Women

Brandi C

Let’s Talk Hair Loss in Women

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Let’s Talk Hair Loss in Women

Hair loss in women can be devastating. Let me rephrase that—hair loss in women IS devastating. No matter who you are or how confident you are in your own skin, it is a hard reality. Can people adjust, accept, and learn to love themselves through it? Yes, they can! But for me, that hasn’t been the case. My hair loss stems from Psoriasis, which has led to Psoriatic Arthritis.

What I didn’t fully realize was how bad it had gotten until I saw pictures of myself. My husband tried to sugarcoat it, saying, “It’s not that bad.” But let me tell you, it was that bad. And sometimes it still is. The real wake-up call came when I showed my mom, and her gasp confirmed how bad things had gotten. She wasn’t trying to be unkind—she was just shocked because I’d been hiding it so well.

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Stigma About Hair Loss in Women

The stigma around hair loss in women is huge. People often say, “Just get a wig,” but getting a good-quality wig is expensive. And at the end of the day, every woman just wants a head full of beautiful hair. My therapist suggested I try extensions, which would cost around $3,000 a year. As much as I’d love that, I don’t have the money—or the hair to attach the extensions to.

I did try a halo-style wig, but that didn’t work well either. If you don’t have enough hair to hide the band around it, the wig just doesn’t look natural. I tried Rogaine for women, but it was a waste of time and money. For a while, I avoided washing my hair until my hairstylist told me I had to wash my scalp at least once a week to help with natural oils. I wouldn’t even comb my hair for fear of it falling out in clumps.

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Rallying the Troops

The depression hit rock bottom when I could no longer hide it. In a truly loving way, my hairstylist encouraged me to keep going. “It will grow back. We’ll find you a really good wig. You’re beautiful.” Her encouragement was a lifeline. My sisters and my mom rallied together, and we made plans for a day trip to meet one of my sisters in Tennessee.

We’d done something similar before, just to spend time together, but this time had a different purpose: wig shopping. My sister found a place called Top This Wigs in Murfreesboro, TN. The store is private and appointment-only, which was exactly what I needed. The owner of the store, a woman whose husband had cancer, turned the business into a mission to help others.

When we arrived, my family dove into looking for wigs, and I stood there, overwhelmed with shame and sadness. They picked out a few for me to try on, and when I sat in the chair and looked at myself in the mirror, I broke down in tears. Surrounded by my Oak and sisters, they cried with me, prayed with me, and comforted me.

Eventually, I found one I liked, a “work” wig since my usual blonde hair with purple and pink highlights wouldn’t work for professional settings. But my sister and my Oak chipped in to pay for it, and the store owner gifted me the one I really wanted: a gorgeous purple wig that made me feel alive again. We all cried—again.

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Learning to Love Wigs

I still struggle with the change, but I’ve learned some things along the way. I bought wig grips to help keep them in place and followed tips from Chiquel on how to style them and care for them. They offer a lot of helpful videos on TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, and Instagram that helped me feel more confident in wearing them.

The purple wig has earned me lots of compliments, and my “work” wig was so well-made that no one knew it wasn’t my real hair. During the summer, I wear ponytails a lot because wigs get hot, and let’s face it—hot weather plus menopause equals a cranky woman! My hair is slowly starting to grow back, but I know I have my wigs as a backup when needed. My kids still get scared when they walk into the bathroom and see the wigs on their holders!

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Words of Wisdom

In the end, the love and support of my family have been crucial in helping me get through this difficult time. It may sound vain, but losing your hair can be deeply sad, and it’s okay to feel that way. Men lose their hair and often look distinguished; women lose their hair and are seen as haggard. I don’t like feeling that way, but my feelings are valid, and I’m allowing myself to work through them.

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Your hair doesn’t define you, but you are allowed to feel sadness and not be shamed for those feelings. People who haven’t experienced hair loss may offer well-meaning advice, but the truth is, they don’t understand what it’s really like. Sometimes, you just need to cry, grieve, and not feel guilty for being sad about something you can’t control.

Know that you are still beautiful, with or without hair, eyebrows, or eyelashes. Allow others to love you even when you don’t feel like it. My family has been my village, and I hope that everyone reading this has at least one person in their village to provide love and support through tough times.

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Practical Tips For Entrepreneurs With Disabilities

Brandi C

Practical Tips For Upcoming Entrepreneurs With Disabilities

 

Today’s post is brought to you by Barefoot Faith Journey.

 

Practical Tips For Entrepreneurs With Disabilities. Disabilities come in many shapes and forms. However, these do not have to define your ability to earn an income to support your family. In fact, many of the world’s most successful entrepreneurs, including Richard Branson, who is dyslexic, live with some form of physical or learning difference.

 

As a parent or future parent with a disability, you may have resources available to you that can help you get started. A few of these include:

 

Free marketing tools.

 

Learning how to market your business may be a challenge, as it is for most. However, when you’re first starting out, you don’t have to sink all of your money into the marketing process. One example of a free marketing tool that you can use starting today is an online design service. Specifically, if you’re planning to make business cards, you can use a design template that lets you customize them with your own branding materials. If you’re not design-savvy, here’s a possible solution. Social media marketing is another low to no-cost avenue to get your message out. Sprout Social offers insight into how often you’ll have to post to get the most attention.

 

Online business formation services.

 

Business formation is available to everyone, but there are many advantages of using a digital service. First, you won’t have to leave your house. Perhaps most importantly, it’s an easy process that gives you and your small business a few tax perks, which, like rules and regulations, vary by state. Do your research ahead of time to ensure you know the steps you’ll need to take to get the job done.

 

Mentoring.

 

A business mentor is someone that has been in the shoes you’re trying to fill now. They have experience in your industry, and they often provide this service as a labor of love to ensure the next generation of leaders has a chance to enjoy success. You might also choose a business coach, which PushFar explains is slightly different than a mentor and that these are usually generalized coaches that may not have direct experience in your industry. Both have value, and they can help you start and grow your business.

 

Social Security benefits.

 

If you receive SSI, you may be eligible for the Plan to Achieve Self-Support (PASS) program. This plan is provided by the Social Security Administration. The plan allows you to set aside some of your income and resources to put toward your professional goals, even starting a business. You will have to submit an application, but it’s a fairly simple process that can help expedite entrepreneurship.

 

Disability-owned certification.

 

There are three types of disability certification. These are Disability-Owned Business Enterprise, Veteran Disability-Owned Business Enterprise, and Service-Disabled Veteran Disability-Owned Business Enterprise. Each of these comes with benefits, such as exclusive resources, networking opportunities, access to private-sector corporations, and industry recognition. Certifications such as these command respect and can help you grow your business by lending credibility to your efforts.

 

People with disabilities have more opportunities than ever before to earn and thrive. When you have children to care for, bills to pay, and a life to live, going into business for yourself may be the best option. Fortunately, there are plenty of resources to help you market your business, form your structure, and even get up and running. Whatever type of business you choose and however you choose to start, good luck with your future endeavors, and enjoy your success.

 

Practical Tips For Entrepreneurs With Disabilities

 

 

Faith Journey, Medical, Opsoclonus Myoclonus Syndrome

Let Us Marinate

Brandi C

Let Us Marinate

Let Us Marinate

 

Let Us Marinate on the picture. Open it up, enlarge it and just look. This canvas is a 16×20, and there is NO room left to put ANY type of bead. Beads of Courage is defined as “Every time a bead is given, courage is honored, suffering is alleviated, resilience is strengthened, and the experience of human caring is affirmed. Every Bead of Courage Program integrates the use of beads, the earliest art form known to humans, as visible, tangible symbols of human experiences that need and deserve to be expressed.”

This is my youngest son’s canvas of all of his beads. We kept them, for the longest time, on strings. The strings didn’t hold up, so we were able to get 2 beautifully hand-crafted wooden boxes that were overflowing. So, one day, I thought…let’s see what I can come up with. What I ignored was the WEIGHT of this thing. There is no way a nail can hold this thing up. We may have to prop it up or use 2 nails and a wire…it is heavy!

Each Bead

You will notice that there are different types of beads. Each bead is indicative of a procedure/therapy/accomplishment/etc. that the child has done. I will say, H did not earn any beads for the first 3 years of his disease. This was because BOC was a program for terminally ill children or children with cancer. I believe there was also, at his hospital, a cardiac program. When we moved hospitals, the requirements changed. Now, BOC includes those children/young adults with life-altering conditions. So, these are the beads he has earned in the last 2 years. Can you even imagine if we were to go back and get them for the first 3 years??!!

Oval Type Beads

Orange (too many to count)

Central Line (PICC), Broviac, Port, Midline, IJ, Pheresis Catheter Placement & Removal

Blue (too many to count)

Clinic Visit

Dark Green (0)

Dialysis, TPN, NPO

Gray (too many to count)

Dressing Change, Central Line, Osteotomy, Trach, Surgery Site, Others, & Skin Care

Glow in the Dark (2)

Echocardiogram

Magenta (too many to count)

Emergency, Unusual Occurrence, Seizure, Emergency Transportation

Light Blue (too many to count)

Eye Exam, Eye Drops, mouth Care related to Treatment

Glass Star (20)

General Surgery

Brown and Face Bead (2)

Hair Loss, Hair Growth

Lime (several)

Isolation Precautions, Fever, Neutropenia

Purple (too many to count)

IV Infusions (One bead per day or initiation & Discontinuation)

White (too many to count)

Learning New Medications, Parent Education

Beige (too many to count)

Nutrition & Diet Transitions

Yellow (too many to count)

Overnight Stay in Hospital (one bead per day)

Black (too many to count)

Pokes, IV starts, blood draws, subq & IM injections, port access, suture placement.

Tortoise (too many to count)

Procedures include Cath lab, biopsy, LP, casting, scope, shunt tap, IR, wound care, EVD, joint injections, aspirations, and others.

Pink (too many to count)

Respiratory support, sedation, anesthesia, ventilator

Silver Star (14)

Suture Removal, Staple Removal

Light Green (too many to count)

Test, Scans, CT, MRI, X-Ray, EKG, EEG, PFT, PET, US, BE, UGI, Nucl. Meds, Others

Rainbow (250)

Therapy, support staff visits (PT, OT, SLP), Others

Red (5)

Transfusions, Blood products, Pheresis

Aqua (a bunch)

Tube, Catheter Placement & Removal, NG, NJ, G-tube, Chest Tube, Foley, Drain, Others

Papa Beads (too many to count)

He got this from his Papa’s private collection. These beads are SO precious to me.

Special Beads

Handmade Glass Selection (68)

Acts of Courage, Treatment-related Milestones

Square Heart (3)

Admission or Transfer to Intensive Care Unit

BOC Signature Heart (2)

Completion of Treatment, Transfer to Adult Services

Ceramic Special Selection (50)

Independent self or parent giving infusions or injections, Following medication schedule, Special accomplishment, Recognition of Personal or Family Accomplishment

Bumpy (52)

Medication Challenges, Taking, learning, self or parent giving infusion or injection, Mobility Challenges, lying flat, bed rest, crutches, splint, wheelchair, 1st walk after surgery, other.

Fish (60)

Transfer units or facilities, long-distance travel for care, “upstream battle.”

Transplant Glass Selection (24)

Transplant

Member’s Choice (15)

Discharge from hospital

Let it ALL Sink In

This child, who got sick on June 6, 2017, had WAY more procedures, pokes, traveling, transplants, and all than he has had in the last 2 years. This canvas is only the last 2 years of the 5 he has had since he has gotten sick.

Resiliency.

He is fantastic, brilliant, strong, capable, and able, and now he is HEALED. I never thought I would say that word concerning H, but here we are saying it loud and proud for all to hear. God is good. I didn’t think He was good. Honestly, I wondered if He even existed sometimes. Yet, I had warriors all around us that held up my arms and faithfully prayed for my son. They were my faith when I had none.

My Theme Verse

Romans 4:18-21 Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed…Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, 21 being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what he had promised.

Take that OMS!

 

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Guest Blogger, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

What Fireworks Means to a School Shooting Survivor

Brandi C

What Fireworks Means to a School Shooting Survivor

What Fireworks Means to a School Shooting Survivor

I despise fireworks. Some of them are so pretty, but the sound triggers me. I can feel it in my chest whenever a firework goes off. The breath gets knocked out of me, and I freeze. At that moment, I am transported back to school. I am back in the classroom with my teachers and fellow student.

At that second, I could see the fear in my teacher’s eyes as he looked down the hallway at the commotion. “Run,” He says with complete fear in his eyes. The look in his eyes will forever be etched into my brain. Confused, I run down the hallway watching as a freshman falls and slides into a locker. I can’t bring myself to stop and check on her, and I’m pretty sure that makes me a bad person. I’m doing what my teacher said. I am running, from what I don’t know.

 

As I Get Outside

 

As I get outside, I stop running. I assume that it was a fire and that I am safe outside. The fire can’t get me here. “Someone brought a gun to school.” A stranger says behind me. At that point, I couldn’t think. I take off sprinting. I almost got hit by a car. It was centimeters away from hitting me. I can hear the teacher yelling at the students to get into a classroom in the tech building because it’s safe and I sprint into the building.

 

I almost enter the first room as soon as you walk in the door, but I decide that that classroom would be the first to get shot if the shooter comes up here. Then, I run a few classrooms away, sit against the wall, and wait for any information. Students and teachers start piling in. I look around and realize I can’t trust anyone. At this point, no one knows who the shooter is. Finally, the teachers shut and locked the door.

 

Calling my Brother

 

The first person I can get a hold of is my brother. He tells me that there’s been a school shooting and someone has died. My heart sinks, and all I can think about are my friends. Fear courses through my veins as I struggle to get a hold of them. Luckily, they’re all okay. I go on Twitter and desperately try to find some information. Someone sitting close to me tells me who the shooter is. I am completely shocked and In denial. I’ve known this kid since seventh grade. There’s no way he did this. I was wrong. He did do it.

 

We are sitting and waiting to be told what to do next when a student starts banging on the door. He was banging on the door hard and asking to be let it. Fear overcomes my body. I remember begging God that they wouldn’t open that door. Luckily, they didn’t. We sat there until like 9:30, and then we were told we must get on a bus.

 

SWAT

 

They let us out of the room, but we all must go in a single file line. Teachers and Swat line the walls and make a pathway to the buses. The look in the eyes of the swat member will be in my head forever. We get on the bus, and we sit there forever. I remember looking out the bus window and seeing a news helicopter flying over us and I remember being angry that they were already swarming. I mean, people just died to show some respect. It was insensitive.

 

Transporting Us

 

At around Eleven, they gave us a police escort to the nearest middle school. We took the back roads there. They piled us all into the gym and waited for our names to be called so we could leave with our parents. I remember getting home at noon, and my family had the news on the television. Sadly, I hear them reporting things that didn’t happen, so I go to my room. I couldn’t sleep that night. My adrenaline was pumping. My friends can’t sleep either. We all stay up and talk.

 

Going Back to School

 

I was battling anorexia at the time, so I didn’t eat anyways, but at this time, I go the longest I ever have without eating. Daily, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. I was terrified. Going back to school was horrible. We went back on a Friday. We all met in the gym. Going to the gym was for a moment of silence, prayer, and hearing about all the available resources. The school was never the same. We jumped at every dropped book and we were constantly looking over our shoulders. Also, we were all wary of strangers. We enjoyed the service dogs that came to the school. That was the best part. We played card games to pass the time.

 

Fear

 

I always told myself that If something like that happened to me, I would never go back to school, and I finished my year out there and then became homeschooled. Honestly, I couldn’t bring myself to sit down in that school and worry about who was walking through the door. I couldn’t sit there and continue to jump at every dropped book. I’ve only been to the school twice since then, and I still struggle with going there.

 

I kept in contact with the teachers I was in the classroom with that day. You will hardly ever catch me in sandals in public because they aren’t good running shoes. Every year, I plug in my headphone and blare my music, so I don’t hear the fireworks. I can hear gunshots and shoot guns (I’m a pretty good shot), but there’s something about fireworks that I can’t handle. I wish people would be more considerate of people like me every year.

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Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma, Guest Blogger, Suicide Awareness and Prevention

Three Words I Can Say Could Make You Hate Me

Brandi C

Three Words I Can Say Could Make You Hate Me

Guest Blogger

In this piece, Three Words I Can Say Could Make You Hate Me, my guest blogger begins to outline her life when she was younger. She has a powerful voice yet is still too scared to let it out loudly. Time and Jesus will cure that. I’m so proud of her and all she has been doing to heal.

A Born Fixer

Ever since I was a little girl, all I wanted to do was please and helped you. All I have done my whole life is what you need. You needed someone to bathe a kid. I did it. You needed someone to help feed a kid. I did it. You needed someone to complain to, and that was me. 

I grew up listening to everything wrong in your life, your husband or ex-husband’s drama, your “my kids hate me,” my kids are terrible, and my kids don’t love me. Did you forget I was your kid too? Or am I just an ear to listen and a body to help work? You’ve groomed me well for the job I would like to have one day. If anything, I am a listener and want to help others to the best of my ability. So at least there is a positive within all the negativity. I have listened to and experienced this during my life.

This Thing Called Life

My life has been a series of what mom needs me to do next? What does my youngest brother need? Or even what can I help another brother with that day? He may have had most of your attention growing up, but that also meant that he got the attention of the men in your life. So many negative things were going on in his life as well. As much as I don’t like him, I do love him, so I didn’t want to see him so upset. 

You have complained to me so many times about so many different things that it makes me scared to share anything good or bad with you because I am afraid it will upset you. If I tell you some things, you’ll stop caring, stop loving me. Instead, I would bottle up or ignore it because I know you wouldn’t approve of or hurt your feelings.

What About Me and My Feelings

Like sometimes, I want to point out that I have feelings, too, and I’m tired of having only one-way conversations about you and your kids like I’m not one of them. I know you don’t mean anything by it towards me, but it still hurts me. Especially when you say we are all unmotivated kids, that’s don’t care about you. Maybe not in that order, but they have both been said. I am motivated. I work. I’m trying to move out. I do love you. Stop putting us all together like we are all the same. 

One day I would like to have a conversation with you about my life and the things I am learning about myself. Like I remembered what it was like to be motivated to finish something. Sure, it’s just a sweater, but that is an accomplishment to me. To be able to wear something that I made. Just because it’s not interesting to you doesn’t mean it’s not essential.

My Dreams

The same with schooling; just because it’s not what you want me to do doesn’t mean that it’s not something I can do. I want to work in the psychology field with kids. But that’s not good enough for you. You want me to be able to support myself, and I get that, but why can’t you help me in my decision on what I want to do? It just might take me a while to get there.

The Truth About My Engagement

I would love to sit down and talk with you about why I truly didn’t get married. How it was a lie, to begin with, sure it wasn’t intentional, but a lie nonetheless. I want to tell you that I have recently learned that I am not interested in men but more confused than anything. I’d like to have your support while I try to figure everything out all the way. But you’d disown me for that thought or try to shame me out of it. 

I have listened to everything you have had to say about everything and everyone. I have supported you through good and bad decisions. In short, I have loved you and accepted you as you are. But you would not do the same for me, I am sure. You would hear the words, and then you’d be done. Done with me and done with everything else because without me, who will you talk to?

Three Words I Can Say Could Make You Hate Me

Without me, who will help you when you’re down? Without me, who will help pick up the pieces left and glue them back together when anger or sadness strikes?

I love you, and I worry about you more than anything or anyone else. So me keeping this one thing from you. Keeping it under lock and key may hurt me, but at least I know you’ll be okay. Cause I’ll still help you. The sad thing is there’s nothing you can do to make me stop loving you, but just three could make you hate me.

Thankful

Today, I am thankful for the bravery of this young lady. She certainly has powerful emotion behind her words. Also, she is using them to help her sort through the muddy water. She is loved and a treasure. May she be blessed in her courage and continue to speak for those who do not have a voice.

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Memories with My Mom

Brandi C

Memories with My Mom

Memories with My Mom

 

Memories with My Mom. My earliest memories of my mom are when she would rock me and sing silly old songs that would make me giggle. We would play hide and seek, sit outside on the glider, and swing for a long time. 

We had snuggled in the bed, played with Barbie dolls, or watched me dress up about a million times just because she wanted to. We rode our bikes down the dead-end street and the car rides we would take to Granny’s or Jojo’s house. 

I love my mom. 

She is the best kind of mom a kid could have. My mom and dad were strict, but they made rules up for me to keep us in a structured house, and we always managed to have fun. She always took me to church on Sundays and AWANA on Wednesdays; she homeschooled us for the longest time, which I know at times must have been challenging for her with three kids. 

We would always do fun things together as a family and were all close. My mom always opened her home and heart to foster children and kids that we eventually adopted into our family, which caused us to grow in numbers.

My Thoughts

I must have made my mom’s life challenging because I was a considerably difficult child. There were a lot of things wrong in my life. Our relationship has hit lots of bumps in the road. I am very stubborn and unwilling to try new things because I am always afraid I will mess it up and embarrass myself. 

She gave me so many things that I asked for (begged for) without hesitation because she knew I wanted them. I never truly appreciated all of her wisdom and knowledge because I always think my way is best, and I know what I am doing is right. 

So many mistakes. 

I have made so many mistakes. I have hurt my mother on more than one occasion, yet she still loves me and still forgives me. No matter what. I love my mom. I love her kind and gentle soul. Her willingness to help others at moments of notice. The way she cooks with love and affection (she is the most fantastic cook). She is still in love with my dad after years of marriage. She still loves me even after all that I have put her through. 

So many tears. 

I can still see the look on her face when I told her I screwed up again. She gave me so many chances that I honestly did not deserve. She has been there for me through joyous occasions, heartbreak, funny moments, and moments of pride when I accomplish something the right way.

Communication

She has helped me learn how to communicate. To use my words even though that is sometimes very hard for me. Sometimes, I do not know how to articulate times properly. She has been there for me through my depression and anxiety. Honestly, I do not know how to handle it properly yet. She has been there for me throughout my whole school education. Also, she has supported me during the most challenging moments of college. She is the best person. Even if she says she isn’t, she is.

Strength

I do not care what she says. She is an excellent mother who does her best under certain circumstances that are out of her control. We are the very definition of a blended family. We have all kinds of mental health problems, physical problems, trauma, etc. And she is so graceful in dealing with everything she has dealt with in the past.

Hindsight is 20/20

I wish I were not the cause of some of her heartache. Also, I hope I had just listened to her instead of trying to do things my way. I wish that I had not asked for all of those things just because I wanted them. Honestly, I have prayed so hard that our relationship would be strengthened. At that moment, I vowed that I would always be honest and communicate with her whenever she asked, even if it was hard for me.

Answered Prayers

I have admitted some things to her that I can not even accept about myself. We have been open with each other, and we have gotten so much closer than we used to be, which I am so thankful for. God answered my prayers. I am gaining wisdom from her, and my communication has improved with time and patience. 

She is my rock and the one person I can trust never to judge me. I know she loves me with all of her heart, and I know that she prays for me every night. I can only hope that one day I will be like her. She is an amazing person. 

Mom, I love you more than words can even describe. 

I am so blessed and thankful that God chose you and Dad to be my parents. I am so sorry for all the times I made you cry over me. I am grateful for all the times you have been there for me, the times you have forgiven me, and the times that you have extended grace towards me. You inspire me with your strength every day. 

Mom, you are always the one to go without hesitation to help us kids. Lately, to sit with us in the hospital for days on end. You have such a giving soul. I have seen it through the relationships and friendships that you have had in the past. I can only hope that one day I will be like you.

Thank You

Thank you for everything you have done for me and what you continue to do for me every day. You are a gift and a treasure, and I will love you for the rest of my days on Earth. Know your worth (like you tell me every day). Know how much of a blessing you are to your family and friends because of your giving heart.

I love you, momma.

Always and forever.

Love, Peach.