Tag: Self-Esteem

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma

Tips on Building Self-Confidence

Brandi C

Tips on Building Self-Confidence

5 Tips on Building Self-Confidence

Confidence isn’t something you’re born with; it’s something you build. Whether you’re struggling with self-doubt or just need a little boost, here are five simple but powerful ways to grow your self-confidence. Here are Tips on Building Self-Confidence.

1. Look at What You Have Already Achieved

Sometimes, we get so caught up in what we haven’t done that we forget to acknowledge what we have accomplished. Take a moment to reflect on your successes, big or small. Did you finish a challenging project? Overcome a difficult time in your life? Learn a new skill? Reminding yourself of these achievements can help reinforce your belief in your abilities.

2. Set Some Goals

Confidence grows when we have a sense of purpose and direction. Set realistic and achievable goals that push you just outside your comfort zone. Start with small steps—maybe it’s committing to a daily workout, reading a new book, or speaking up in a meeting. As you accomplish these goals, your confidence will naturally increase.

3. Get a Hobby

Doing something you enjoy not only brings happiness but also helps build confidence. Whether it’s painting, playing an instrument, gardening, or even trying a new sport, hobbies provide an opportunity to master new skills and take pride in what you create. Plus, they serve as a great outlet for stress!

4. Talk Yourself Up

Negative self-talk is one of the biggest confidence killers. Instead of focusing on your flaws, practice positive affirmations. Speak to yourself like you would a friend—kindly and encouragingly. Try saying things like, “I am capable,” “I am strong,” or “I can handle this.” Over time, this shift in mindset will help improve how you see yourself.

5. Think of Things You Are Good At

We all have strengths! Maybe you’re a great listener, an excellent cook, or a natural leader. Make a list of things you’re good at and remind yourself of them often. Lean into these strengths and use them as a foundation for building even more confidence.

Building self-confidence is a journey, not a destination. It takes time, effort, and a lot of self-love. Start small, be patient with yourself, and remember—you are already capable of more than you realize! Keep believing in yourself, and your confidence will continue to grow.

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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To Conform or Not to Conform

Brandi C

To Conform or Not to Conform

To Conform or Not to Conform

To Conform or Not to Conform

I’ve struggled with self-esteem issues for most of my life. Despite having loving parents and people invested in my life, I couldn’t understand why I felt the way I did. Now, looking back, I see how loved I was, but hindsight is 20/20. Back then, I didn’t see it. I saw myself as the girl in the “stupid kid class,” who struggled with adding, multiplication, telling time, or even understanding what an adverb was. My peers stared at me and made fun of me daily. It was an incredibly difficult time. The question of the day is To Conform or Not to Conform.

How Many Legs Does a Dog Have?

In Kindergarten, the teachers wanted to hold me back because I answered a question wrong on a test. I was asked how many legs a dog had, and I said 3. I remember my mother rushing into the classroom, defending me, saying something like, “She’s not stupid. She just hasn’t seen a four-legged dog.” Let that sink in. I was six years old and had never seen a four-legged dog. It still blows my mind.

6th Grade Drama

In sixth grade, with its hot guys, pegged jeans, and jean jackets, I couldn’t fit in. I was placed in the “stupid” class, and I remember walking in line, being stared at and laughed at by my peers. My mother made sure I didn’t stay there long, though I’m not sure what she said to make that happen. Eventually, I moved back into the mainstream classes.

Always Different

I’ve always felt different. No matter how hard I tried, I never fit in. There were moments when I copied the other girls’ hairstyles, wore trendy clothes, and said things I thought would help me blend in. But instead, I just looked foolish and isolated myself further.

Wearing My Mask

I often wore different “faces” depending on the situation. At school, I wore the “I don’t care that I have no friends and can’t understand my homework” face. When at church, I wore the “sanctified, holier-than-thou” face. At home, I wore the “sullen, no one understands me” face. I had a mask for every setting.

Reed in a Hurricane Syndrome

This “reed in the hurricane” mentality set me up for some difficult experiences. I faced abuse, eating issues, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and depression. My intense need to fit in led me down a dangerous path, but despite the pain, I’m grateful that God protected me from further harm.

Coming to Peace

Over the years, I transformed into someone I can finally be at peace with. The exhaustion of pretending to be someone I wasn’t became overwhelming. Eventually, I stopped caring what others thought of me. What matters now is knowing who I am and WHOSE I am.

What Has Been Said About Me

I’ve been told that I can’t be a submissive and honoring wife because I’m too bold and outspoken. Once, I was accused of controlling my husband and not allowing him to make decisions for our family. I’ve been told I only love my husband when he does things for me. There have been times that I’ve been criticized for homeschooling my children, with people claiming I wasn’t smart enough to teach them. But my children have excelled—going to college and becoming successful, well-rounded individuals.

I’ve been called an adulterous person for praying with a man over his marriage. I’ve been told that I will never be taken seriously and that I’m not perceived as intelligent. These statements have hurt me and made me question who I am. But then I stop and remember WHOSE I am. I am a child of the King.

He Knows Me

Psalm 139:13-16 says, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them.”

Truths About Me

For those who want to know who I am, here it is: I love my Lord with all my heart and soul. I’m passionate about caring for the needy and reaching out to those no one else wants to be around. I love my husband, my children, and my grandchildren. My Lord comes first, my husband comes second, and my children come third. Everyone else will have to take a number.

I wear hot pink hair with some purple most of the time. I hold those I love very close to my heart. Trust is difficult for me, but I can read people well. I love to sit and observe. I enjoy feeding people and use humor to cover up my hurts. Friendships aren’t easy for me, and I have a brain of my own. Forgiveness is hard for me, but I do it. I can admit when I’m wrong and apologize. Lying is unacceptable.

Be Kind

If you don’t like me or have assumptions about me, that’s okay. But if you want to know something, ask. Don’t judge a person based on a snap decision. Take the time to get to know them. Sit at their table, learn their story, and be mindful of your words.

Different Does Not Mean Bad

I am different. In the end, I will never walk the same path you walk, and I won’t try to be someone I’m not. Seriously, I won’t be the super-smart one, and I’ll never bend the truth just to make someone happy. I will speak my truth and tell you if you’ve hurt my feelings. There are many days when I don’t like to cry, and my job is not to please people. My calling is to love God and love my neighbor. That is what I strive to do.

Salt and Light

Matthew 5:13-16 says, “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead, they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

I will stand out, be noticed, and not hide my light. Honestly, I will be myself, and I will encourage, feed, and love you—whether you like it or not. Salt and light, people… salt and light. My hot pink light will shine brightly until the return of Christ. Embrace it, enjoy it, or walk away. The choice is yours.

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Let’s Talk Hair Loss in Women

Brandi C

Let’s Talk Hair Loss in Women

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Let’s Talk Hair Loss in Women

Hair loss in women can be devastating. Let me rephrase that—hair loss in women IS devastating. No matter who you are or how confident you are in your own skin, it is a hard reality. Can people adjust, accept, and learn to love themselves through it? Yes, they can! But for me, that hasn’t been the case. My hair loss stems from Psoriasis, which has led to Psoriatic Arthritis.

What I didn’t fully realize was how bad it had gotten until I saw pictures of myself. My husband tried to sugarcoat it, saying, “It’s not that bad.” But let me tell you, it was that bad. And sometimes it still is. The real wake-up call came when I showed my mom, and her gasp confirmed how bad things had gotten. She wasn’t trying to be unkind—she was just shocked because I’d been hiding it so well.

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Stigma About Hair Loss in Women

The stigma around hair loss in women is huge. People often say, “Just get a wig,” but getting a good-quality wig is expensive. And at the end of the day, every woman just wants a head full of beautiful hair. My therapist suggested I try extensions, which would cost around $3,000 a year. As much as I’d love that, I don’t have the money—or the hair to attach the extensions to.

I did try a halo-style wig, but that didn’t work well either. If you don’t have enough hair to hide the band around it, the wig just doesn’t look natural. I tried Rogaine for women, but it was a waste of time and money. For a while, I avoided washing my hair until my hairstylist told me I had to wash my scalp at least once a week to help with natural oils. I wouldn’t even comb my hair for fear of it falling out in clumps.

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Rallying the Troops

The depression hit rock bottom when I could no longer hide it. In a truly loving way, my hairstylist encouraged me to keep going. “It will grow back. We’ll find you a really good wig. You’re beautiful.” Her encouragement was a lifeline. My sisters and my mom rallied together, and we made plans for a day trip to meet one of my sisters in Tennessee.

We’d done something similar before, just to spend time together, but this time had a different purpose: wig shopping. My sister found a place called Top This Wigs in Murfreesboro, TN. The store is private and appointment-only, which was exactly what I needed. The owner of the store, a woman whose husband had cancer, turned the business into a mission to help others.

When we arrived, my family dove into looking for wigs, and I stood there, overwhelmed with shame and sadness. They picked out a few for me to try on, and when I sat in the chair and looked at myself in the mirror, I broke down in tears. Surrounded by my Oak and sisters, they cried with me, prayed with me, and comforted me.

Eventually, I found one I liked, a “work” wig since my usual blonde hair with purple and pink highlights wouldn’t work for professional settings. But my sister and my Oak chipped in to pay for it, and the store owner gifted me the one I really wanted: a gorgeous purple wig that made me feel alive again. We all cried—again.

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Learning to Love Wigs

I still struggle with the change, but I’ve learned some things along the way. I bought wig grips to help keep them in place and followed tips from Chiquel on how to style them and care for them. They offer a lot of helpful videos on TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, and Instagram that helped me feel more confident in wearing them.

The purple wig has earned me lots of compliments, and my “work” wig was so well-made that no one knew it wasn’t my real hair. During the summer, I wear ponytails a lot because wigs get hot, and let’s face it—hot weather plus menopause equals a cranky woman! My hair is slowly starting to grow back, but I know I have my wigs as a backup when needed. My kids still get scared when they walk into the bathroom and see the wigs on their holders!

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Words of Wisdom

In the end, the love and support of my family have been crucial in helping me get through this difficult time. It may sound vain, but losing your hair can be deeply sad, and it’s okay to feel that way. Men lose their hair and often look distinguished; women lose their hair and are seen as haggard. I don’t like feeling that way, but my feelings are valid, and I’m allowing myself to work through them.

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Your hair doesn’t define you, but you are allowed to feel sadness and not be shamed for those feelings. People who haven’t experienced hair loss may offer well-meaning advice, but the truth is, they don’t understand what it’s really like. Sometimes, you just need to cry, grieve, and not feel guilty for being sad about something you can’t control.

Know that you are still beautiful, with or without hair, eyebrows, or eyelashes. Allow others to love you even when you don’t feel like it. My family has been my village, and I hope that everyone reading this has at least one person in their village to provide love and support through tough times.

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Revelations of an 18-Year-Old and Social Media Dangers

Brandi C

Revelations of an 18-Year-Old and Social Media Dangers

Revelations of an 18-Year-Old and Social Media Dangers

Here are the Revelations of an 18-Year-Old and Social Media Dangers. Every day we get on our phones and scroll aimlessly through social media. We comment on and like our friend’s photos. We even comment on and like celebrities’ photos. Every day we are exposed to pictures and other media that hurt our self-esteem. Every time we go on social media, we see images of people who look a way that we don’t or have things that we don’t, and that causes us to think more negative things about ourselves because we are those other people.

Kids Getting Phones TOO Soon

Kids are getting phones younger and younger these days. I am not shaming anyone, but I feel that it is vital that we look at how social media and phones can affect young and impressionable kids.

 

Growing up, I got a phone when I was in 7th grade. I had to share the phone with my many brothers and sisters. Looking back, creating my social media at such a young age was a stupid idea. From then on, I noticed how much I started to compare myself to other girls. I began to despise myself after a while because I didn’t look like the girls I saw on the internet. I couldn’t fit into a size zero, where my body image issues started.

 

What Happened After a Couple of Years

 

After two years, I slowly started skipping meals. It started slow, maybe skipping a meal or two a week. It got worse rather quickly. I went from only missing one or two meals a week to only eating once a week. I truly felt that there was nothing wrong with that behavior. I felt normal. I got down to a very small size, the smallest I’ve been, and It just wasn’t good for me. Even though I was tiny, I felt like I was 400 pounds. The truth is, I still haven’t fully recovered from my eating disorder. It wasn’t until a few months ago that I started eating more regularly. It’s been rough trying to get myself back on track.

 

It wasn’t until I decided to delete my TikTok and other apps that hurt me mentally That I realized how much those apps impacted me. It was such a toxic environment, and I decided I didn’t want to live in such a vicious cycle. It was genuinely never-ending. Exposing young children, especially young girls, is harmful. I am very passionate about it because I know how much it has affected me.

 

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