Faith, My Journey, Scripture

Stop Set Boundaries Say NO

Stop Set Boundaries Say NO

Stop Set Boundaries Say NO

I have to stop.  Set boundaries.  Say NO.  Not to live in fear because fear is a liar.  I am so tired of living under the judgement of others.  Let me just tell you something…oh my word.  I’m fixing to use my words and all of them.  This may not be pretty but sometimes you just have to let it out.

I’m gonna have to take a few minutes and watch a Chopped episode.  My brain is moving faster than my fingers and the emotions are strong.  Let’s just say I am completely and totally over it.  A change is coming and it may take till Jesus returns, but by goodness, I am done!

Let’s Try This Again

I am not a people person.  Yet, I’m empathetic (so I’ve been told) and I have a heart to help others.  Those that are unseen, so to speak.  People that other people snub their noses at because they don’t dress/live/act “appropriately.”  I’m just saying…those are my people.  I see them, I feel them, I understand them.

Their problems, I feel deep within my soul.  The look in their eyes can tell a thousand stories and they are just yearning to tell that story.  They simply want to be loved, accepted, and NOT judged.  I CHOOSE to love, accept, and to not judge them.  Honestly, I want to meet them where they are currently at and walk into their world.  It is an honor to step into their stories.

Hard Realization

What a hard realization that most people, in this world, do not think the same way.  I just don’t get it.  How can you not love and SEE the people around you?  The unseen, the less than, the “you are not in my circle therefore you do not exist” people.

For the love of all that is holy…Jesus’ second greatest commandment is to LOVE OTHERS.  Matthew 22: 36-40 clearly states, “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”  Jesus replied:  ” ‘ Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it:  ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.  All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

The Things that Have Happened

I cannot and will not go into detail on the struggles we have had this summer.  It has hit me hard that not everyone thinks like I think and love as Jesus says to love.  What they want is to steal, kill, and destroy my joy.  My joy is my family.  They are all I think of and commit too 100% every minute of everyday.

For anyone to presume to know what happens in my home shows their narcissistic personality in full bloom.  The things we have been accused of and the mud we have been drug through is astonishing.  I really thought 2020 couldn’t get worse…it can.  Trust me.

So Much Loss and Pain

The loss and pain was completely preventable.  Let’s try something radical.  If you think something is wrong with a friend or their family…TALK TO THEM.  Ask how you can help them, pray for them with no details, listen to them cry.  Clean their house, run an errand, cook a meal.  Be the hands and feet of Jesus.

Radical, ya think?

Or you could go the other route of gossiping, being deceitful, frightening your children, lie, manipulate.  Just because you might have money with your 2.5 kids and .5 pets…driving your nice cars with your paid off houses, does not mean my family is any less.

We do not deserve the shit you have drug us through.  All you see is a tired mama of many kids who “look” normal.  What you don’t know is what all we have dealt with and lived through.

Outcome

Well, our outcome has been standing on Exodus 14:14 “The Lord will fight your battle.  You simply have to be quiet.”  I was quiet.  Lots of tears, lots of reflection.  There was a period of hiding, a valley of severe depression and anxiety, another medical condition for a child due to the STRESS so called “friends” put us through.  Thank you for that, honestly.  It’s been the most fun.

We have been validated.  Proven to be good, loving parents, found out that our family does not need any outside assistance to thrive.  Honestly, with friends like I have had…who needs enemies?  We have discovered several of our “friends” are simply wolves in sheeps clothing.  Yet, now we know.

Choices Moving Forward

I will not hide.  My children will not hide.  We will parent as we have for 25 years until the Lord calls us home.  I will not be afraid and neither will my children.  When I get my Spirit filled feeling about someone, I will trust it and I will teach my kids what I have learned.  I pray that that type of wisdom and discernment is something the Lord gives them.

Honestly, I knew better with these people, but I wanted to be wrong.  I wanted a friend.  Someone who would listen and love us through it all.  What I got was satan reincarnated and the judgy nature of those people.  When bad things happen, the first person who physically showed up was my mama, my Oak.

My Oak

This woman.  She blew in like a whirlwind.  Then, she ironed out the people, in my house, that needed to be ironed out.  Next, she found me and that hug…I melted into her and I felt her love permeate every single molecule of my body.

She gently walked me upstairs and we both laid down and talked.  I cried and she sat in silence and rubbed my hair like when I was a little girl.  She gave me permission to wallow for a day, but tomorrow I have to get up and wash my face and face the day.  There will be no hiding for her little girl.

She loves me.  Unconditionally.  She sees me.  Truthfully.  She knows all that has happened, yet…she loves the ones who have hurt her baby so deeply.  If I am 1/2 the mama she is when I grow up, my kids will be blessed.  I am blessed by her.

A Few True Friends

We discovered those who would stand by us and those who judge us.  Prayer warriors surrounded us and kept us safe.  We stood before all and God clean and came out on the other side with no truth coming from the claims and lies.

These people may never answer for what they did on this side of heaven, but rest assured…Jesus has it written in His book.  Each of these people will stand before the throne listening to him read their story from beginning to end.  They will answer for it.

For Now

I choose self-care.  Pet a cat (or 12), bake, eat candy, smile more, block people on social media, keep loving on the “less of these” people, wash my hands, wear a mask, parent my kids, love my husband, and love my God.  My enemies cannot hurt me because God goes before me, after me, and stands on each side of me.  If you want me and my family, you must go through Him first.

Good luck to ya.

Related Posts

When Your Family is Fractured

You are Not Your Trauma

Ending the Stigma of Mental Illness

 

All About Adoption, Family, Kids and Grandkids, Medical

When Your Family is Fractured

When Your Family is Fractured

When Your Family is Fractured

What does one do When Your Family is Fractured?  That has been our current state for a long time.  There have been cracks here and there, but this year, it is different.  I’m not going to lie, it has been a struggle since about 2014, but even before then due to some extenuating circumstances.  I don’t want to discourage anyone from adoption, but there is so much more I know now than I did almost 14 years ago.

What You Need to Know

When people are in the process of adopting a child or children, it is an exciting thing.  We do all the things that are required.  Background checks, money in the bank, fundraisers, fingerprints (if international), and so on.  We work hard on those dossiers.  Our homes are spotless for our homestudy.  We eagerly anticipate our referral or a picture.  There are so many support groups where we get on and talk about our discouragement of NOT getting a referral quick enough.

What We DON’T Realize

Is that we are, quite literally, waiting for a family to fail in someway.  If it is foster care, we are waiting for a family to abuse, neglect, or hurt, a child or children so they will be placed in the system. Then we jump through all the hoops for the next 17 out of 23 mths and wait for the termination of parental rights.

Or, if it is a newborn, we are waiting for a sweet birthmom to make the most difficult decision of her life.  For her life to be altered…forever…by choosing the blessing of adoption.  If international, we are waiting for a birth parent who may be dying, or the child is starving, or some other tragedy that places them in an orphanage.

When you are adopting a family members child, you are waiting for drugs, alcohol, abuse, neglect, or abandonment to happen.  There are other circumstances, as well, but that was my circumstance for my son.  You start looking at YOUR sister and think…she is my son’s aunt?  Grandmother?  Both?

The Dark Side

We are walking into the blackest chapter of our children’s lives.  Our greatest joy and what we worked so hard for, comes at our children’s greatest loss.  Whether they are an infant or an older child, that loss will forever be imbedded in their brain and heart.  They are the only ones who have heard their mother’s heartbeat from the inside out and your heart is just not the same.

My heart literally aches because in a perfect world, my kids would still be with their birth families.  Succeeding, thriving, living, loving…yet because of certain things, they are not there…they are with me.  I am grateful.  Indebted.  Forever changed because they grew in my heart and not under it!

Yet…they will always wonder what it would have been like to have been raised by their birthparents or in their birth country.  Try explaining all of the things when they are older.  It’s super fun aka traumatic.

Getting It Straight

I do not regret any of my children.  None of them.  They are my joy and I’m so thankful to God that He wove my family together in such a beautiful and intricate way.

But

Trauma is a bitch.  Plain and simple.  It is a straight-up bitch.  Talk to ANY adoptive parent and they will tell you the same thing.  Trauma can come in all shapes and sizes.  It can come with a list of diagnoses…then there is “traumaversary”  That leads to sabotage of all good things, behavior issues, confabulations, deceit, manipulation, and so much more.

My Family is No Different

We have, and continue to have, all of the above things and the “so much more” times a million.  What started as one child exhibiting out of control behaviors due to FASD, PTSD, RAD, blah blah blah trickled down to other children.  Another child exhibiting similar, yet different behaviors. Then, a third child going above and beyond.  Lastly, the fourth child who struggles with anxiety and more.

It has wreaked havoc on my person, my husband, other children, even my pets will lose hair when life is escalated in my home.  This usually occurs November-March and then in July-October…which as I look at that typed out, it is from October-July.  That gives us 2 mths trauma free.

All the Things We Have Tried

We have done the things.  Doctors, specialists, therapists, counselors, pastors, family, medication, routines, no routines, homeschool, private, public…All.  The.  Things.  One child, nothing has worked for that child.  Another child, we hope is in the process of healing.  The third child is amped up right now.  The fourth child, we just deal with it day by day.

I am exhausted.  My husband is exhausted.  Honestly, even the kids are exhausted. Mix all this crap in with a pandemic and being in this house and you have Funville.  My underwear drawer no longer holds underwear.  It is stocked FULL of candy.  I wake up, in the morning, with a bag of snickers under my arm and wrappers everywhere.

There is a new found love of Limeade Slushes.  My teeth are going to rot out of my head.  I have become a human GPS because I take LONG drives on roads I have never heard of.  My favorite pasttime is driving to my neighbors and seeing if their pig is in the front yard.  I cry…alot.

Falling Apart

Sadly, I feel like my family is falling apart.  That Scripture of satan lurking around the corner to devour my family, it is happening!  Honestly, at warp speed.  I have so many words and so much has happend that my fingers will not move as fast as my brain.

Praying that this pandemic ends.  I am praying for healing for my medically fragile children.  Salvation for two of my kids.  Wisdom with all of them.  Healthy delivery for one (gonna be a granny!)  A healthy relationship for two kids.  School to open for one.  One to come home safely.  Another to stop making REALLY poor and dangerous choices.

I want my family to heal.  To be whole.  For God to intervene and DO SOMETHING.  Honestly, I am just ready for Jesus to come riding down on His white horse and take us all home.  Home…where there is no sadness, no darkness, and no pain.  Just glory.

God is Bigger

I just have to trust in that…right?  Right.  Yes, trust.  The hardest thing for me to do is trust Him with my family.  Maybe that, alone, needs to be my prayer.  Lord, let me trust in You that You have plans to prosper and not harm my family.

Related Posts

Healing Through Anger

Three Things Said Could Make You Hate Me

Tips for Meeting Your Kids’ Needs as they Grow

Family, Guest Blogger

Healing Through Anger

Healing Through Anger

Healing Through Anger

In this piece, my guest blogger talks about how she is healing through anger.  Anger is a valid emotion, as Jesus was angry when He turned over the tables in the temple.  Anger is secondary to fear and/or sadness.  In this piece, you can see her fear, clearly.  Also, you can feel her sadness.  Please pray for this young girl as you think of it.

I Am So Angry With You

I know I have said it a million times, but I am so angry with you. If I were in the business of hating people, you would be first on my list. The thought of you makes my blood pressure skyrocket. Why couldn’t you be a normal stepfather? Seriously, why did you have to abuse me? Why me? I was a child. What kind of man likes children?

I wish my mom would have never met you. Honestly, I wish I did not blame myself for what you did. I know I was young, and I know it was not my fault. Its yours. You are the one who abused me not the other way around.

Tell the Truth

I have had a few opportunities to tell you the truth, to say whatever I wanted to you, but I did not. Part of me wishes I would not have been such a coward. I want you to know how much you hurt me. The other part of me knows that it would not matter what I said you would not care. You would enjoy the attention, you always like all the attention being on you.

What I Want to SCREAM

I want to scream at you and tell you that you hurt me. To tell you that you traumatized me. I want to tell you how I cannot even change clothes in the comfort of my own home without feeling uncomfortable or like I am being watched. To yell that you took my childhood and my innocence away from me. That is something I will never get back. I cannot go back and act like a child again. Not all of that is your fault, but a big piece of it is.

I am never a violent person, but I would like to punch you in the face a few good times. I bet that would help me release some of my anger. That sure would make me feel better. I do not understand how you can have like four different types of cancers, and still be alive. I guess that is just how my life goes.

Papa T is Crossing the Line

I heard a phrase today that I had not heard in a long time. A phrase that makes me nauseous. “Daddy T” I never understood why you made us call you that. Mom does not understand why that name makes me uncomfortable, and to be honest I don’t completely understand it myself. All I know is the name makes me physically sick. My sister told me today that you want her daughter to call you “Papa T” And it incited some rage in me.

Yet, That Baby is Safe From You

Luckily that baby lives far away now so you cannot get your hands on her. If she were still around, I can promise you that you would never meet her. I would go to jail before that happened and I would be okay with it. You will never get the satisfaction of her calling you “papa T” which I feel is WAY too close to “Daddy T”

You will never get the satisfaction to take that baby’s innocence away from her, and that brings me just a little bit of you. Your abuse ended with me, and I will do everything in my power to make sure it goes no further.

Working on Forgiveness

I know it does not sound like it, but I truly am trying to forgive you. It is just a slow process. The thing is, I am not forgiving you for you. I am doing this for me. To heal. I am doing it so I can put you in the past and finally move on. To better myself and be the best person I can be. I know in the end you will get what you deserve, and I will not even have to lift a finger.

Related Posts

Tips for Meeting Your Kids’ Needs as they Grow

Ending the Stigma of Mental Illness

My Dearest Brother Z

(1-800) 422-4453