Life or Something Like It

An Apology Without Change is Manipulation

An Apology Without Change is Manipulation

An Apology Without Change is Manipulation

Gracious this is such a reminder of what I live with on a daily basis.  It is so hard when you have such consistent, horrible things to you…and then, the fake apology.  That is exactly what it is.  Fake.

I probably have done that, but I learned to be sincere with my apologies.  When I do something wrong or hurt someone unintentionally, it hurts me so badly.  Today, I asked my realtor a question.  It was a stupid question and her response sort of hurt my feelings.

Granted, I have not slept well in a couple of days.  Hunter has been in the hospital and it is overwhelming.  I was wearing my heart and feelings on my sleeve and I took it personally.  So my response was an immediate apology and promise to not ask such stupid questions.  Then, I cried.

It Was Not Her Fault

Though that is the straw that broke the camel’s back, it was not her doing anything wrong.  I was just emotional.  Yet, this is one isolated instance.  I was not manipulating her and I was sincere in my apology.

Now for my family member, this is a different ball of wax.  This member has many types of diagnoses.  Part of me thinks that this individual cannot help it.  They do something wrong, have a hollow apology and then do the same thing 10 minutes later.

It is almost to the point where I don’t want an apology, I just want this person to leave me the heck alone.  Can we say BOUNDARIES?  I clearly do not have boundaries but they certainly need to be established.

Kids with Reactive Attachment Disorder

They do this quite often.  Manipulation, Confabulation, and Triangulation are what they are good at, in terms of this quote.  According to Webster’s Dictionary, to manipulate means to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one’s own advantage.

Confabulation means to fill in gaps in memory by fabrication.  To “normal” people, this means to lie.  Then triangulation means to form an alliance.  In this type of situation, it is child with one parent against another parent.

It is all exhausting and makes my brain work on overload.  This is what we have lived with for 15 years.  My boundaries had to be firmly placed, though they broke my heart in a million pieces.  I had to take into consideration other family members and myself.

The stress was hurting all of us.

Life is Hard

The Lord did not promise us a walk in a rose garden.  If we had that, or all the answers, we would have no need for Him.  He completes and sustains us even when we are physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted from creating those hard boundaries.

He gives us the wisdom we need, when we seek it, to “speak” to us.  This, for me, is done through intuition, Scripture, other people, and dreams.  I have learned to accept that my family member does not understand what it means not to manipulate and to be sincere in the apology that is made.

It is hard.  Completely and totally.  Maybe one day, the Lord will heal her mind, body, and spirit to where she can function well in the world around.

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What Does Comfortable Mean

What Does Comfortable Mean

What Does “Comfortable” Mean?

What does “comfortable” mean to you? According to Webster’s Dictionary, it means affording or enjoying contentment and security. Okay, so what does “contentment” mean? It means feeling or showing satisfaction with one’s possessions, status, or situation.

That is the world’s view. According to the world, I need to be secure (home, money, job). I need to feel satisfied by my home, money, and career, to have the possessions that I deserve. A sweet little life where it is all wrapped up, with a pretty red ribbon.

Is that the answer? Is that the answer to a good life? Great job, making great money, buying great toys and bigger houses…..2.5 kids, a dog, a cat, and a fish…a manicured yard, well educated/rounded children, and peace wherever you go?

If this is the life that you want….then stop reading and good luck to you! If you want more out of life, more than money can buy, then keep reading on!

God Does NOT Want us to be Comfortable!

He wants us to be up, moving, and going. We need to sincerely pray to Him and ask Him to send us where He is working…then when something comes up, all you have to do is GO. He doesn’t call the equipped, He equips those whom He calls!

My husband and I have lived an exciting life. We married young, had kids young, and we fought, oh so much. He wasn’t walking with the Lord. I was walking very slowly with him. He was saved at an older age, and even though the fruit wasn’t very big. It was there, and it was growing in God’s time, not mine. I learned very quickly that I was not my husband’s personal little Holy Spirit.

We have walked through several fires with little grace and forgiveness. Moreso, we wanted to hurt those who hurt us. We allowed that bitter fruit to penetrate every ounce of our hearts. I’m sure that devastated God. It is so hard to forgive those who have hurt us. Yet, forgiveness is not about giving permission for that person to do what they did to you. It is for our healing.

We’ve Gotten Older

We’ve learned to lean not on our own understanding but to lean on God and remember that His grace is sufficient. We are currently walking through some hot fires….we have lost so much over the last 2 mths. We have lost loved ones, we have lost respect towards some people, we’ve experienced a loss of innocence, and we’ve had our eyes open to many truths. Every day, there seems to be a new thing. One where we are now not saying “God, you aren’t funny,” but we are standing there, shaking our heads, knowing that He is continuing to refine us. As painful as it has been, we have drawn closer as a family unit and as a couple, and we have most definitely drawn closer to our Lord.

I have more peace than I’ve ever had in life. My circumstances have gone from “comfortable” to “chaos.” It seems as if we are standing in the middle of a field, and God is getting us with some pretty good zingers. We are standing strong in His Word, and we are hanging onto His truths and promises. We aren’t trying to independently walk through this world “I do it myself” mode, but we are hanging onto God’s belt loops, and we are following our Daddy through all this muck.

Comfortable, in my Terms

Well, this means an unmanicured yard with weeds and dead plants, everywhere; 4 dogs that shed horrendously…our cats are living in the house, our pigs try to escape. Also, our chickens refuse to lay eggs more days than not; a scary job, making little money, raising 7 children..all with their own needs. Leaving a place that we thought we’d never leave….to go towards the unknown. We are no longer detail-oriented people. We are merely trying to follow where He leads.

If you don’t know the Lord as your personal Saviour….please savor these next steps and pray with a yearning heart.

We ALL deserve death. That’s why Jesus came, to save us from our sins and be the ultimate sacrifice on the cross. Please know the plan of salvation and what my God can do for you, and how He can change your life. He would choose to send His Son to die on the cross for you, alone. What undeserved grace that we have in that death.  

Salvation is Really Simple

Admit that you are lost; Believe that the Lord Jesus Christ came to earth. He came as 100% human and 100% God. Jesus came to die on the cross. He did so with your name on His lips. Confess that you are a sinner, separated from God; Repent, turn away from your sins; Ask God to come into your heart, and you will be saved. Baptism would be next, but baptism does not save you. It is done in the act of obedience to what Jesus did, and it is a public profession of your faith to show the world of your decision.

Please, don’t put off tomorrow what can be done today. Our days are numbered. God has numbered our days. There is nothing you can do to add too or take away from that number. You can take this moment to ask Christ into your heart. Please reduce the number of hell by 1. Secure your mansion, in Heaven.

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