Tag: psoriasis

Depression, Medical Issues

Psychogenic Itching

Barefoot Faith Journey

Psychogenic Itching

Psychogenic Itching

 

Psychogenic Itching is a real thing and I didn’t even realize that is what was going on with me until recently. As a therapist, I am constantly learning. I learn through trainings, watching other therapist, from clients, and personal experiences.

A few years ago, I tried EMDR and it was not a great experience, for me. I wanted to get trained in it but I wanted to experience before I got trained. For me, it helps me to help my clients to understand, completely, what I am asking of them if I have already gone through it. Also, I had some things I couldn’t remember and this is what was recommended to me.

EMDR Session One

I had already had the initial screening done, so I skipped that (I had to change from a telehealth therapist to an in person therapist for this) part and moved straight to the tappers. There are several different methods, but the tappers are the ones that I resonated with the most.

For the first session, I was supposed to go to the first and worst memory. I did that, in a dark room, being guided by a therapist, with my eyes closed, and my tappers in hand. That one memory is not what my mind went to…it went to something COMPLETELY different and I began randomly itching during this process.

The process is exhausting, like I went home and slept for 12 straight hours. It is mentally and emotionally exhausting and that is just how my body tends to react after I’ve had intense therapy. This is not unusual, for me, but the itching continued when I got home.

EMDR Session Two

The second session, I started itching when I pulled into the parking lot. Honestly, I didn’t think anything of it. I mean, I have allergies. However, when we started again, I began to take a bit more notice.

As we began this process and I continued to do as I was instructed by the therapist, my mind would take a 360 and I would be entering a realm that I didn’t want to be in, in that moment. Again, I began itching here and there. However, my itching was more intense and it was so often that even the therapist noticed.

At one point, fighting the memories, fighting the exhaustion, fighting my mind, itching like crazy, I threw the tappers to the floor and told her that I was done. This was less than 5 minutes after beginning.

The therapist was shocked that I reacted that way and was just as confused as I was. She was young, fresh in her practice and I’m not the easiest client in the world. She was new to EMDR and I was new plus “therapizing” a therapist is hard.

EMDR Session Three

My itching, for the third session, began driving to the appointment. By the time I got there, I had hives and had welps everywhere. I told my therapist that we were not going to do EMDR but try to figure out what the issue was because this was ridiculous.

She said that she had never encountered anything like my itching before and that she was going to address it with her supervisor before we proceeded any further in EMDR. We process things and talked things through. At the end of the day, by session 4, her supervisor didn’t know and neither did she. I was “out of her scope” and she referred me to someone more seasoned.

That was the end of my EMDR experience. It works for some people. For me, it is not something I will try or something I will get trained in. I have done further research and it is not something I want to pursue.

Psychogenic Itching

Psychogenic Itching, in short, is rare (shocker) and is not diagnosed often and poorly understood by the medical world. It is brought on by psychological distress (OCD, anxiety, depression, stress) that causes the body to have the sensation to itch.

Once you calm down, the itching sensation subsides. Due to the circumstances that you may face that is causing this sensation, there are things that you can do to calm your body down.  A person, in order to calm down, could take their medication, drink cold water, eat a protein, get some exercise, or rest.

There are occasions when I will have hives that are flush to my skin as a physical reaction to stress or anxiety as well. My hives don’t itch. When I get completely stirred up, my whole body will itch, I will feel heat in my chest/face and hives will start emerging, I will get hot, have stomach problems or I will want to just throw up. My psoriasis will also flair up. I currently have patches on my face and all over my legs.

You are Not Crazy

If this happens to you, you are not crazy. You are just going through a hard time. Remember the things you can do to help yourself:

  • cool shower
  • nap
  • drink cold water
  • eat a protein
  • exercise
  • stand in the sun
  • do something relaxing
  • take your medication
  • talk to your counselor, therapist, or medical professional

You are not alone and ou are okay. You are normal. Crappy things happen; we can’t control the actions of others but we can control our actions. Picture you with a hula hoop around you. Whatever you can, comfortably, fit inside your hula hoop is what you can control. If it is outside your hula hoop, walk away. It is not your circus and they are not your monkeys.

 

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Medical Issues

Let’s Talk Hair Loss in Women

Barefoot Faith Journey

Let’s Talk Hair Loss in Women

Let’s Talk Hair Loss in Women can be devastating. Let me rephase that statement. Hair loss in women IS devastating. I don’t care who you are or how confident you are in your own skin. It is what it is. Now, can people adjust, accept, and learn to love themselves. Yes they can! My hair loss is from Psoriasis, which has led to Psoriatic Arthritis.

However, I am not one of those people. I have had a very difficult time adjusting to my hair loss or realizing how bad it was until I made the mistake of taking pictures. That is when it hit me. My husband would sugar coat it and say “it isn’t that bad.” Let me tell you, it was (sometimes still is) that bad. Reality hit when my I finally showed my mom. Her gasp told me how bad it was. She did not do that out of meanness, she was shocked because I cover it well.

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Stigma About Hair Loss in Women

Man, it is HUGE. It is easy to say “just get a wig” but to get a good quality wig, that costs money. At the end of the day, every woman wants a head full of pretty hair. My therapist told me to get extensions that could easily come to $3000/year. I was like “well, I could sell a kidney.” Honestly, that sounds ideal, if I had the money and IF I had the hair to attach the extensions too. I had neither. My head is itching right now typing this all out because it is still so triggering for me, emotionally.

I bought a halo type wig. Well, that is all well and good IF you have the hair to hide the band around. Plus, I looked like Billy Ray Cyrus circa Achy Breaky Heart era. I put Rogaine for women. Waste of time and money. I stopped washing my hair until my hair lady told me I had to wash my scalp at least 1 time per week to help with the natural oils in my hair. For the longest time, I wouldn’t even comb it because it came out in droves.

My depression hit a really low low.

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This was after scraping my head with a metal pick and then scalding my scalp with hot water to stop the itching.
This was after combing my hair one time.
This was after combing my hair one time.

Rallying the Troops

It was to the point that I couldn’t cover it up anymore. In her amazing fashion, she encouraged me. “It will grow back. We will just get you a really good wig. It is okay, you are beautiful.” Encouragement upon encouragement. She then rallied my sisters (one local and one in Georgia) and we set out on a road trip to meet my one sister in Tennessee for a day trip.

We have done this one other time and it wasn’t to go wig shopping. It was just to have a time with all of us girls to eat, fellowship, and watch our mother in her element of junking. This time, there was an intended purpose. Biggest sister was the driver, my Oak was the navigator, I cried a lot, and second big sister did the arrangement of where we would meet.

You can see the plaque. These were ALL over my head.
You can see the plaque. These were ALL over my head.
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This is the plaque that would come out with a wad of hair still attached.

Top This Wigs

My sister found this place called Top This Wigs in Murfreesboro, TN. You book appointments, so it is completely private and quiet, which I needed. We got there, loved on each other and then walked in. The owner was pumping praise and worship because this business was her mission. Her husband had cancer and this is how she wanted to help others. My family immediately started looking and I just stood there, with my hands in my pockets full of shame and sadness.

They all picked a wig for me to try and I sat in the chair. She put the first one on me and I burst into tears. In a moment, I was surrounded by my Oak and my sisters. They cried with me, over me, and prayed. The owner did, as well. Eventually, we got to giggling and started the process all over again.

I found the one that would be my “work” wig because I cannot wear my normal color hair (my hair is usually blond with purple/hot pink highlights). The one I felt my comfortable in was a pretty purple wig, but I couldn’t afford both. Unbeknownst to me, I paid for my “daily” wig with the help of my sister and my Oak. The owner of the store gifted me the one I really wanted because she said she could “see me come to life” in that one.

We all cried…again.

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I had a little bit of hair on the top, the back had not been bothered too much, but the baldness was around the entire crown of my head.

Learning to Love Wigs

I still struggle, occasionally. I have bought some wig grips that help keep it in place. Chiquel has helped with different ways to style, how to use a flat iron on it (if the wig has synthetic fibers), and how to wash it. They are on TikTok, YouTube, FB, and Instagram with a ton of videos! I highly recommend watching them.

My purple wig, I get a ton of compliments. The work wig, I wore at my interview and no one knew it was a wig. During the summer, I wear ponytails a lot because the wigs are too hot. Hot weather + wig + menopause = Angry woman. My hair is growing back, slowly but I know that I have something to fall back on when I need it. I keep them on a wig holder and they scare my kids every time they walk in the bathroom!

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Words of Wisdom

In the end, the support and love from my family has helped me get through this hard time. It is vain, but this is a real sadness for me. My lose their hair and they look hot. Women lose their hair and they look haggard. I hate that I even feel that way, but my feelings are valid and I am moving through these emotions and allowing myself to feel all the things.

Your hair doesn’t define you but you are allowed to feel and not be shamed for those feelings. Those who have never experienced anything like this have lots of great ‘advice.’ In the end, they don’t understand because they have never been there. They are just trying to comfort you. That’s okay but sometimes, you just need to cry and grieve and not to feel bad for being sad that you are losing your hair.

Know you are still beautiful with or without hair, eyebrows, or eyelashes. Let others love you when you don’t feel like it. My village…they are what dreams are made of and I hope each person reading this can have at least 1 person in their village to surround them with love and support.

 

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My Story of Psoriasis and Psoriatic Arthritis

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My Story of Psoriasis and Psoriatic Arthritis

My Story of Psoriasis and Psoriatic Arthritis

My Story of Psoriasis and Psoriatic Arthritis. When I was 14 years old, my grandpa died. That was the first person to pass away that I was close to and it shook me to my core. My body reacted in weird ways to, I am guessing, was the stress of the whole thing. I was extremely sick (physically) and I got these weird places on my shins. They didn’t itch but were raised and covered about 95% of my lower legs. I could shave my legs and the bumps would go down, but it was thick and would raise back up almost immediately.

Then, my hair started falling out in clumps. I would have “knots” on my scalp and chunks would come out, my eyebrows fell out and so did my eyelashes. I was bald, at my temples and my scalp itched something awful. It felt like, well, knots about the size of a pea and sometimes a lima bean. I could take my fingernail and dig it through the knot and still not feel it on my scalp.

That was my new normal. Eventually my hair grew back, my eyebrows, and my eyelashes grew back as well. My legs, however, stayed scaly. There were times when it would get worse on my legs or my knots would get worse, but I just dealt with it. I had so much hair that I would get a headache when I put it in a ponytail. It was super thick.

Over the Years

My legs eventually cleared up and now I don’t have any places on my shins. Occasionally, I would have spots pop up, here and there, but nothing big and my scalp really didn’t itch too bad (I did have excessive dandruff). I did notice my hair was thinning but I chalked that up to postpartum hair loss that never came back.

Whereas, typically, my raised places would stay on my shins, I started getting them on my arms, upper thighs, and even my face and eyelids. I was bumfuzzled because I didn’t know what it was and no one would tell me. There have been many times I have gone to my doctor and asked. One time I did got to the dermatologist, as an adult, and because I didn’t “actively” have anything on me, she blew me off and made me feel stupid. Since they were no help, I would just treat it with Triam Cream until it went away. For my scalp, I did T-Gel and other medicated shampoos.

About 4 Years Ago

My scalp kept getting worse, my places kept popping up everywhere, and now my feet were hurting so bad, I couldn’t hardly stand up. I know…weird but true. My shoulders, hips, fingers, and knees hurt. I can handle pain, as I have a high tolerance for pain, but my feet… It felt like when you get punched in the nose and want to immediately throw up, well that’s how it felt every time I stood up.

I went to a Podiatrist and they gave me a steroid shot in my foot and told me I would be fine. #Liar

Everyday, I pressed on with doing massages, hot water, special shoes, chiropractic care and nothing ever changed. My PCP literally said “I call bullshit on what you are saying.” Those were his exact words, so why continue to tell people something is wrong when no one listens.

For About 6 Months

I got my “places” on my inner thigh and it spread EVERYWHERE! It covered both my thighs, groin, and stomach area. It looked like I had had scalding water poured on me. It was hot, raised, itched a little and was continuing to spread. I did call that same PCP who said that I was fine and it would go away.

#Liar and he is no longer my PCP.

I eventually used alcohol (which burned) to dry it up, calamine, A & D ointment, oats, you name it, I used it. My feet were worse and my scalp felt like fish scales. I because using a comb that was metal to scratch my head till it bled to get the scales off because it itched SO badly. Once I did that, I would go and stand in the hottest shower I could and scalded my scalp to get some relief.

My hairapist tried to help and give me anti-itch/soothing shampoo and conditioner which didn’t help. I got to where I would even wash my hair because A) it hurt B) every time I washed it, WADS would come out C) I thought if I stopped using conditioner and coloring my hair, it would help. #ItDidNotHelp

Eventually I Got an Answer

I got a new PCP who looked at it and said “I have no clue, it looks like white powder and you are losing your hair, but you should be fine.” Then, I went to another PCP and he said “Oh, wow, that’s bad.” Super helpful. I tried to explain the pain that I was in because it stayed in my feet but was migrating to other parts of my body. I couldn’t sleep at night, my head always hurt, my vision was weird, the pain was horrible. The Rheumatologist said that it was all in my head and I was fine. I was “wasting” her time. #HatefulWoman My son-in-law told me if I didn’t do something, he was going to take me and use his words with the PCPs.

Finally, I found a dermatologist, not in my town, that gave me answers. Well, not immediately, but eventually. I drove an hour and 45 minutes to get to this place. I walked in and it is as fluffy as what it appears in that one episode of Grey’s Anatomy. Everyone was very nice and everyone was calm and quiet.

Setting Him Up for Failing

Because I have had such a hard time, I knew this was a waste of my time and I was planning on where I was going to eat for lunch. I met the doctor and he looks 12 years old. In my spirit, I was like “another boob to tell me I am fine.” I was prepared with my list because I was going to verbally diarrhea all the things for the last 36 years years in 15 minutes. Honestly, I just wanted someone to hear me and my story.

That man sat and listened to everything I had to say. He spent so much time just listening. I sobbed. The pain was so intense, I was so tired because I couldn’t sleep, and my scalp was so bad that I would have done anything just to be heard. He told me my labs were not normal and that he was toggling between 2 things with me. Lupus and Psoriatic Arthritis. That actually relieved me in some way. He didn’t do much but listen and took a biopsy of my scalp. He said the results would be back in 14 days and we would have a definitive answer.

36 Years and 14 Days Later

I had an answer! He called and said I 100% had psoriasis. I had to come back in to discuss what this meant and the next step. From that point, I headed back to the town this doctor was in and he asked me a slew of questions. I answered each one and he said that I not only have severe Psoriasis, but I had Psoriatic Arthritis and that is why my feet hurt, my swollen joints, my vision, sleeplessness, and the pain I felt were all attributed to that diagnosis.

Praise God.

He started me on a low does of Methotrexate and within two months, I felt better but still hurt and my scalp was still really bad and my hair loss was at its highest (thanks chemo). I remember him saying “how do you feel.” In that moment, no one had ever asked me that, so I was honest. I told him that I was so much better. He asked if I felt normal and I simply equated that with “is normal like being able to breathe out of both nostrils at the same time?” There was a chuckle coming from him and he said “yes.” I told him no, because I have never been able to breathe out of both nostrils and I didn’t know that was even an option but I was better. He quadrupled my chem.

3 Month Check Up

The chemo made my liver enzymes almost quadruple, so I had to get off of that immediately. He put me on Humira (shot) to take every 2 weeks. Now, I feel better. My feet don’t hurt! However, when I am stressed, I hurt. When I am tired, I hurt. Rainy days, I hurt but it is nothing like before. My scalp is better but he also gave me Clobetasol which is a game changer. It is a steroid liquid I squirt and massage into my scalp. I love that stuff.

On Wednesdays post, I will share some progressive scalp pictures. It isn’t pretty but I want people to know that they can get better and feel better with the right doctor! Do not settle for people telling you that you are fine and it is in your head. Listen to your body. For the most part, I am better. The days I am not…well, I choose to keep on moving and doing. Drink water, rest, do exercises that are easy on your joints (I swim), and take care of yourself. It is okay to do nothing sometimes.

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