Making Your Marriage a Priority
Making Your Marriage a Priority
Marriage isn’t always a fairy tale. In fact, I remember in our early years, a friend told me that one day, I would write a book. When I asked what I’d write about, she said: “How to hate your husband but stay married.” Ouch. That hit me square between the eyes.
Apparently, we weren’t fooling anyone. My dad once told me I was “too aggressive” and that our marriage wouldn’t last because my husband didn’t fight back—he was “too passive,” a “doormat,” even. Hurtful words, but somehow, they stuck with me. Even my father-in-law used to joke, year after year, “Well, I’ll be damned, you’re still married!” Clearly, belief in our lasting love was not exactly widespread.
And yet… here we are. Together. Stronger. Wiser. Happier. These years have taught me so much, and I want to share some of those lessons with you.
Lesson #1: Don’t Vent to Others
When you’re mad at your spouse, don’t pick up the phone and call someone to rant. The moment of frustration will likely pass, but what you say about your spouse in the heat of the moment can leave a lasting impression on someone else. That bitterness lingers, and it plants seeds of division. Protect your marriage, even when you’re mad.
Lesson #2: Keep Your Parents Out of It
Your parents are your parents—not your best friends or marriage counselors. Sharing marital frustrations with them can complicate your relationship with both your spouse and your family. If you need to talk, consider Jesus, a trusted pastor, or a marriage counselor.
Lesson #3: Don’t Involve Your Kids
Your kids are not your sounding board or your support system. They’re kids. Let them see that marriage isn’t always perfect, but protect them from the weight of grown-up conflict. Teach them to pray for their parents, and model grace, forgiveness, and love—even on the hard days.
Lesson #4: Date Your Spouse
Dating doesn’t require money or babysitters. In our early years, we had neither! So we improvised. The kids got simple dinners and early bedtimes, while we made a pizza and watched a movie together. That became our rhythm, and even now—30 years in—we still do it (though the routine has shifted slightly). These days, we go out twice a month, and it’s been a sweet way to reconnect and remember the why behind our yes.
Lesson #5: Grow Together in Faith
Find a church home where you both can grow. For us, this took time. B didn’t come to know Jesus until seven years into our marriage, so those early years were rough. Now, though we don’t do Bible studies together or sit and pray hand-in-hand, B prays over me every night. That means the world. Loving Jesus together looks different for every couple—and that’s okay.
Lesson #6: Stop Trying to Change Your Spouse
Your spouse’s quirks? They’re likely not going anywhere. It’s not your job to mold your spouse into who you think they should be. That job belongs to God. You focus on your own walk, your own growth, and let the Lord handle the rest. Real transformation doesn’t come through nagging—it comes through grace.
Lesson #7: Dance in the Kitchen
Or under the stars. Or while brushing your teeth. It sounds silly, but it’s one of those little things that make a marriage feel alive. Don’t take yourselves too seriously. Find joy in the ordinary.
Lesson #8: Embrace Intimacy
Intimacy isn’t just about sex (though regular sex is important in marriage, if you’re able). Sometimes that’s not possible for health or other reasons. But intimacy can also look like holding hands, snuggling, forehead kisses, or lingering hugs at night. Communicate. Touch. Connect—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Marriage is hard work, but it’s also sacred work. Make it a priority. Protect it. Nurture it. Fight for it. Laugh, cry, grow, and dance together.
This is a tip from my Lady.
Lesson #9
Pro tip from my husband: Communicate.
Lesson #10
Another pro tip from my husband: Don’t cheat.
He is a man of few words but his words, when spoken, are wise.
If you have anything to add, leave me a comment and I will tack them on!
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