Tag: Parenting Challenges

Book Review, Circle of Hope Counseling Services

Dancing with a Porcupine

Brandi C

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Dancing with a Porcupine: Navigating the Challenges of Trauma-Informed Parenting

Raising a child who has experienced trauma can be a complex and emotionally draining journey. In Dancing with a Porcupine by Jennie Owens, she shares her deeply personal story of parenting children from hard places while struggling to maintain her own well-being. The book offers an honest look at the challenges of trauma-informed parenting and the toll it can take on caregivers.

The Realities of Parenting Children from Hard Places

Children who have endured neglect, abuse, or other traumatic experiences often exhibit behaviors that are difficult to manage. They may struggle with trust, emotional regulation, and forming healthy attachments. Owens provides a raw and unfiltered view of what it means to parent a child who, because of past trauma, may resist love and connection in unexpected ways.

Rather than offering easy solutions, Dancing with a Porcupine highlights the reality that trauma healing is a slow and nonlinear process. Owens shares her personal struggles with exhaustion, burnout, and the emotional weight of caring for children with significant needs.

The Importance of Self-Care for Caregivers

One of the book’s most important messages is that caregivers must prioritize their own well-being. Many parents, especially those caring for children with trauma histories, neglect their own physical and mental health in the pursuit of helping their children heal. Owens candidly shares how pushing herself to the limit led to severe health issues, forcing her to rethink what it meant to be a good parent.

The book emphasizes that self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential. Without it, caregivers risk burnout and may become unable to provide the stability and patience their children need. Dancing with a Porcupine encourages caregivers to seek support, set boundaries, and find ways to replenish their emotional reserves.

Learning to Dance Instead of Fight

The title of the book is a powerful metaphor for the experience of trauma-informed parenting. Parenting a child with trauma can feel like dancing with a porcupine—there are moments of closeness, but also times when the child’s defensive behaviors create painful barriers. Owens discusses how shifting perspectives, embracing grace, and allowing space for healing can transform the parenting journey.

Rather than engaging in constant battles, caregivers can learn to adapt, move with their child’s needs, and create an environment where healing can take place at its own pace. Dancing with a Porcupine doesn’t promise a perfect outcome, but it does offer hope and reassurance that even in the hardest moments, progress is possible.

A Must-Read for Trauma-Informed Parents

This book is a must-read for foster parents, adoptive parents, and anyone caring for children with complex trauma histories. Owens’ honesty and vulnerability make it a relatable and invaluable resource for those navigating similar challenges.

Parenting children from hard places is not an easy road, but Dancing with a Porcupine reminds caregivers that they are not alone. By prioritizing self-care, seeking support, and embracing a mindset of flexibility and grace, it is possible to navigate the difficulties of trauma-informed parenting while maintaining hope and resilience.

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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Mental Health for Challenging Kids and Their Parents

Brandi C

mental health and kids

Mental Health for Challenging Kids and Their Parents

Parenting is a journey filled with love, joy, and challenges—especially when raising a child who struggles with mental health or behavioral difficulties. Some days, it feels like a rollercoaster of emotions, and as a parent, you may find yourself exhausted, second-guessing your choices, or simply trying to make it through the day. You are not alone because mental health for challenging kids and their parents is a real thing.

Supporting your child’s mental health doesn’t mean having all the answers. It means creating a foundation that helps them feel safe, supported, and understood. Here are a few key ways to do just that:

1. Keep Everything Simple

When life feels overwhelming, simplicity is key. Kids—especially those with anxiety, ADHD, autism, or other challenges—can struggle with too many choices, complex instructions, or chaotic environments. Break things down into small, manageable steps. Use visual schedules, short and clear directions, and predictable routines to help reduce stress for both you and your child.

2. Allow for Play

Play is a child’s natural language, and it’s also a powerful tool for mental and emotional health. Whether it’s imaginative play, sensory activities, or outdoor exploration, giving kids space to play helps them regulate emotions, process their experiences, and build important coping skills. Even older kids and teens benefit from activities that let them be creative and express themselves.

3. Keep a Routine

Children thrive on routine, especially those with anxiety or behavioral struggles. A consistent daily structure helps create a sense of security and predictability, reducing stress and emotional outbursts. Try to keep wake-up times, meals, and bedtime as consistent as possible. When changes need to happen, prepare your child ahead of time to ease transitions.

4. Watch for Warning Signs

Sometimes, kids express emotional distress in ways that don’t look like sadness. Watch for signs of anxiety, depression, or distress, including:

  • Increased meltdowns or irritability
  • Changes in sleep or eating habits
  • Avoiding activities they used to enjoy
  • Increased aggression or withdrawal
  • Physical complaints (stomachaches, headaches) with no medical explanation

If you notice these warning signs, don’t brush them off. Early intervention matters. Reach out to a therapist, counselor, or pediatrician to get support for your child—and for yourself.

Taking Care of You

Parenting a challenging child takes patience, resilience, and so much love. But it’s important to remember that your mental health matters too. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Find moments to breathe, lean on your support system, and remind yourself that you are doing the best you can.

If you need guidance on parenting strategies, mental health support, or simply a safe space to talk, reach out for a free 15-minute consultation or schedule an appointment today (Kentucky residents). You don’t have to do this alone.

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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Welcome to Holland

Brandi C

Welcome to Holland

Welcome to Holland is a poem that I have always loved.  It is a different way to look at things when life does not go as planned.  We have dealt with Dyslexia, learning disabilities, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Sensorineural Hearing Loss, Generalized Epilepsy, Functional Neurological Disorder, and Opsoclonus Myoclonus Syndrome.

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this:

Planning a Trip to Italy

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

Discovering You are in Holland

“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine, and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved.