Quote by Mary Katherine Backstrom
“I love when somebody says about a woman, ‘Oh, she’s too much. She’s too much for me.” Too much of what? Too much of an opinion? She laughs too loudly? Stands too tall? Takes up too much space? What would be the right amount and not too much? She’d have to be less. That’s what you are saying. You’re saying BE LESS, if she’s too much. You know what I think? I think she should not give a f*ck about what you think about her.” ~ Quote by Mary Katherine Backstrom
All the Feels
Oh, does this give me all the feels inside? I have been told a lot of things throughout my life. I am too loud and opinionated, and I can’t Biblically submit to my husband because I’m too “Type A.” I have been told that no one will ever take me seriously because I ask questions or because my hair is pink (currently purple).
For the last two years, I have been told that I am not a good mom because of those above traits and that I shouldn’t raise my children. I should quiet down, conform, be SMALL, be LESS THAN, fit in, don’t make waves, SHUT UP.
So, that is what I have done. I’ve stayed home. I have shrunk back, slept a lot, eaten a lot, cried, hid, allowed people to walk all over me, spoken to me in ways I would never let them before, and so many other things.
I think it truly hit me when I was getting ready to go on a little day trip to see some family. For the first time, I did my hair and put on makeup. I wore something that covered 95% of my tattoos and looked the part. It was very much something that a woman, my age, would wear, and it didn’t call attention to me at all. I even wore authentic shoes. Then, we arrived, and I sat in a corner and smiled as I should. I spoke when I was told to and quietly filled the smallest space known to man.
The fact that I wore shoes didn’t faze anyone in that room but three people. They commented on it because they expected me to wear something that was me. I said I didn’t want to do that because I wanted not to embarrass anyone. I just wanted to blend.
Words of Love and Wisdom
My sister, her face, she loves me. She asked why you would want to blend in. We wanted you here for who you are and not for any other reason. She loves me for me. All of me. The sparkly, glittery, tattoo-y, purple-haired human that I am.
See, I didn’t want to stand tall. When I draw attention to myself, I tend to get judgemental looks and words from others. Words that cut me down and did not lift me. Actions that forever change the course of my life and not in a good way. I wanted to shrink and be so small yet be there because I love these people and show my support.
Her words have been bouncing around in my head ever since. Then, I heard this quote, and it all began to fall into place. I am NOT too much. I am ALLOWED to take up space. I am BEAUTIFULLY AND WONDERFULLY created. These ADULT BULLIES will not stop me from being who I am. I have allowed them to take up TOO MUCH of my brain space, and enough is enough.
I am going to have purple hair.
I am going to get more tattoos.
I am going to swear occasionally.
I am fluffy.
I am amazing.
I am good.
I am a DAMN GOOD mom.
I am an AMAZING wife.
I am beautiful.
I am creative.
I am feminine.
I am worthy.
I am a child of the King.
For those that are reading this, you are those things as well! Be chunky and wear a crop top if you want. Wear glittery things. Color your hair. Be loud, have opinions, and love those with differing opinions because that is what we are called to do. I have a couple of good friends that are my opposites.
I love that we are! I learn from them, respect them, and love them. Whether you are big, tiny, old, young, middle-aged, atheist, your sexual orientation, or your family dynamics. I love them all. I have no desire to judge any of you because I have been judged for far too long.
My tribe may be the size of the “period” at the end of the sentence, but they are faithful and true. We can have great discussions and not agree, yet we can still love each other. That is because we allow each other to stand tall, be seen, take up space, and be themselves.
ALL. THE. FEELS.