Tag: Self-Expression

Circle of Hope Counseling Services, End the Stigma

Matching Your Emotions With Your Feelings

Brandi C

Matching Your Emotions With Your Feelings

Matching Your Emotions With Your Feelings

Understanding and expressing emotions correctly is an essential skill, but it can be challenging. Have you ever felt sad but expressed anger instead? Or been scared but appeared frustrated? Learning to match your emotions with your feelings—and making sure your facial expressions align—can take practice, but it’s an important step in emotional intelligence.

The Difference Between Emotions and Feelings

Emotions are automatic, physiological responses to situations—like fear, sadness, or joy. Feelings, on the other hand, are the interpretations of those emotions based on our thoughts and experiences. While emotions happen in the body, feelings happen in the mind.

For example, if someone disappoints you, your initial emotional response might be sadness. However, if you don’t process that sadness, it might manifest as frustration or anger. This disconnect between your internal emotions and external expressions can cause confusion for both yourself and those around you.

Why Do We Mask Emotions?

Anger is often referred to as a secondary emotion because it usually stems from underlying feelings of fear, sadness, or hurt. If a person feels threatened, powerless, or vulnerable, their instinctive reaction might be to express anger instead of fear. Similarly, deep sadness might come across as irritability or withdrawal.

This masking happens for several reasons:

  • Social conditioning: We are often taught to hide vulnerability and “toughen up.”
  • Self-protection: Expressing anger can feel safer than showing fear or sadness.
  • Lack of awareness: Many people struggle to identify and process their emotions correctly.

The Role of Facial Expressions

Our facial expressions can sometimes betray our true emotions. Someone who is feeling heartbroken might unintentionally appear indifferent or even irritated. This misalignment can lead to misunderstandings, miscommunication, and even strained relationships.

To develop emotional awareness, try these steps:

  1. Pause and identify your emotions. Ask yourself, “What am I truly feeling right now?”
  2. Acknowledge the root cause. Are you feeling angry because you are actually scared or hurt?
  3. Practice mindfulness and self-reflection. Journaling or talking to a trusted person can help you uncover underlying emotions.
  4. Be intentional with facial expressions. If you’re feeling sad, allow your face to reflect that rather than masking it with frustration.
  5. Communicate openly. Let others know how you feel to prevent misunderstandings.

Final Thoughts

Matching your emotions with your feelings is a journey that requires self-awareness and practice. By taking the time to understand what you’re truly feeling and expressing it appropriately, you can foster better relationships, improve communication, and develop a healthier emotional life. Next time you feel anger bubbling up, take a step back and ask yourself—what’s really going on underneath?

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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Emotional Self-Care Tending to Your Heart and Mind

Brandi C

circle of hope counseling services

Emotional Self-Care: Tending to Your Heart and Mind

Life can be overwhelming, and in the midst of caring for everyone else, we often forget to take care of ourselves—especially when it comes to our emotions. Emotional self-care is just as vital as physical self-care. It helps us process feelings, release stress, and nurture our well-being. If you’re feeling drained, here are some simple yet powerful ways to tend to your emotional health. Emotional Self-Care Tending to Your Heart and Mind is also imperative to your overall health.

1. Watch a Funny Movie

Laughter truly is medicine for the soul. Whether it’s a classic comedy, a stand-up special, or a silly sitcom, laughter releases endorphins—the brain’s natural feel-good chemicals. Give yourself permission to escape reality for a bit and enjoy something lighthearted. Your heart will thank you!

2. Express Your Feelings

Holding in emotions can be exhausting. Whether you prefer journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or creating art, finding an outlet to express your emotions is essential. Suppressed emotions don’t disappear; they just build up. Let them out in a healthy way and lighten your emotional load.

3. Smile More

Even when you don’t feel like it, smiling can shift your mood. Research suggests that the simple act of smiling—yes, even a forced smile—can trick your brain into feeling happier. Try it in the mirror, share a smile with a stranger, or reflect on a joyful memory. Small moments of happiness add up!

4. Cry It Out

Crying is not a sign of weakness—it’s a natural and healthy release. Tears help process deep emotions, reduce stress, and even remove toxins from the body. If you feel the tears coming, let them flow. There’s healing in allowing yourself to fully feel and release what’s weighing on your heart.

5. Prioritize Rest and Relaxation

Sometimes, the best thing you can do for your emotional well-being is simply to rest. Whether it’s getting a good night’s sleep, taking a nap, or just pausing for a moment of stillness, your emotions need downtime too. Rest isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity.

6. Surround Yourself with Positivity

The people and environments we engage with have a profound impact on our emotions. Seek out supportive, uplifting relationships. Engage in activities that bring joy and peace. If something is draining you, it’s okay to set boundaries and protect your emotional energy.

7. Practice Gratitude

Focusing on what we’re thankful for can shift our perspective and elevate our mood. Try keeping a gratitude journal or simply reflecting on three things you’re grateful for each day. Gratitude helps reframe challenges and reminds us of the beauty in our lives.

Your emotions matter. Taking time to nurture your heart and mind is not selfish—it’s necessary. The more you care for yourself emotionally, the better equipped you’ll be to show up for those around you. So, go ahead—laugh, cry, smile, rest, and express yourself freely. You deserve it!

💛 If you’re navigating life’s hard places and need a safe space to heal, grow, or just breathe—Circle of Hope Counseling Services is here for you.

We offer trauma-informed, faith-filled therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

📞 Reach out today to schedule your first session (KY residents only) or learn more: Circle of Hope Counseling Services.

You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Hope starts here.

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Speak Up and Fill the Silence

Brandi C

Speak Up and Fill the Silence

Speak Up and Fill the Silence

 

Speak Up and Fill the Silence is a phrase that I just heard on a television show and it has resonated with me. As I sit here, knowing how silent I have been on my blog, in my workplace, at church, and everywhere else, this phrase hit hard.

Silence, to some, is a sign of weakness. Silence to Jesus is different. In Psalm 62:5 it reads “For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him.” My husband told me, not to long ago, that we have “changed roles” within our marriage. Typically, I am the brazen one and he is the one that stands in the background.

I educated him that day. I simply stated “just because this volcano is dormant and not exploding, all the time, doesn’t mean I’m not rumbling underneath the earth ready to erupt at any moment.” It’s pretty simple, I have just been asleep for the last few years.

However, I’m beginning to wake up. When I look around, instead of seeing black and white, I see glimpses of color. I’m coming back to myself and I am starting to rumble. There are moments when my old self comes forward and other moments when I slip back into slumber.

I was talking to my sister the other day…we would try and talk on Mondays but since I started work, we don’t do that as often. I feel as if we have lost a bit of our connection. There has been so much going on in my world (and hers) that we are keeping our eyes above the waves. We touch base when we have a moment.

When we were chatting and talking about the hard things of life, I quietly told her something I have been thinking on for quite some time. Quietly, I said “I’m thinking about getting a cat and naming it Lucretia.” She bust out laughing and said “my sister is coming back.” We are filling the silence with laughter instead of pain and awkward silence.

So much silence. Silence with the trauma that my family went through for the last 7 years, 4 years, 2 years, and last year. I’ve lost friendships because I’ve been silent and my silence was mistaken for anger. In reality, I’m trying to just continue to inhale in and out. I’ve lost myself, I almost lost my marriage, my sanity, and more.

The other day, at work, I told my boss something that I’ve been hinting around about for a while now. I told her that I was going to get my hair done. She is all about self-care. I then stated that I was going to get some purple in my hair, but it would be underneath and the top layer would cover it. She just looked at me (I can see the rule book going through her head and it states no unnatural hair color). Before she had a chance to speak, I said “listen, I’m losing myself and if you don’t let me be me, I won’t make it.” She smiled and said it sounded great and I should also think about a nose ring (that’d be a no).

I immediately texted my hair-apist and let her know. Then, I’m scheduling my tattoo. I also bought some clothes and sparkly shoes. I’m remembering who I am and what I like. That is usually vastly different than what other people like, but I’m okay with that.

Today, I spoke up, at work. Something was said and I was taking it personally. I was able to look someone in the face and defend my morals and ethics of my job. I did so with respect and clarity. In the past, I would just let this person walk all over me until I realized that I’m not a doormat. I’m an equal and we want the same things in life (work related). We are on the same team. We can either spend our time fighting each other or fighting together.

I don’t know how long it will take me to completely wake up and fill the silence with my words, but I do know that it is slowly happening. I need to take one day at a time or even better, one moment at a time. There are things I’m still figuring out and some areas that are still gray for me because I’m not sure where to step.

My silence has been leading my severe depression for the last 5 years or so. I’m still not out of the woods yet but I’m beginning to hear sounds, see flashes of color, and in the distance what my future holds. I’m about ready to stand up and stand tall and speak.

As I tell my children, grandchildren, and clients “You are strong, brave, kind, and good. Your past does not define you and it does not control your present or your future. Straighten you crown, stand up tall, be heard, and let that storm know that you are no longer afraid because you ARE the storm.”

People. I am the storm. It’s time for me to be heard and to just fill the damn silence.

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Quotes

Quote by Mary Katherine Backstrom

Brandi C

Quote by Mary Katherine Backstrom

Quote by Mary Katherine Backstrom

“I love when somebody says about a woman, ‘Oh, she’s too much.  She’s too much for me.”  Too much of what?  Too much of an opinion?  She laughs too loudly?  Stands too tall?  Takes up too much space?  What would be the right amount and not too much?  She’d have to be less.  That’s what you are saying.  You’re saying BE LESS, if she’s too much.  You know what I think?  I think she should not give a f*ck about what you think about her.”  ~ Quote by Mary Katherine Backstrom

All the Feels

Oh, does this stir up so many emotions inside? Throughout my life, I’ve been told a lot of things. I’ve been called too loud, too opinionated, and told I can’t Biblically submit to my husband because I’m too “Type A.” I’ve been told that no one will ever take me seriously because I ask questions, or because my hair is pink (currently purple).

For the last two years, I’ve been told that I’m not a good mom because of these very traits. That I shouldn’t be raising my children. I’ve been told to quiet down, conform, be small, be less than, fit in, don’t make waves, and shut up.

The weight of those words has been heavy, but I’m learning that they don’t define me. They don’t define my worth, my voice, or my purpose. And neither do they define who I am as a mother.

Shrinking

For a while now, I’ve been shrinking back. Staying home, sleeping too much, eating too much, crying, and hiding. I allowed others to walk all over me, spoke to me in ways I would never have tolerated before, and accepted far more than I should have. I’ve been holding back in so many areas of my life.

But it really hit me when I was getting ready to go on a little day trip to see family. For the first time in a while, I did my hair, put on makeup, and chose an outfit that covered almost all of my tattoos. It was something that felt like it “fit” the expectations of what a woman my age should wear—nothing too attention-grabbing. I even put on a pair of shoes that I thought would be seen as acceptable.

When we arrived, I ended up sitting quietly in a corner, smiling as I was supposed to. I spoke when prompted and tried to take up as little space as possible—physically and emotionally.

The funny thing is, the shoes I wore didn’t faze anyone in that room, except for three people. They commented on them, as if they were surprised by the fact that I wasn’t wearing something that felt truly me. I told them I didn’t want to embarrass anyone and that I just wanted to blend in.

But that moment stayed with me. It reminded me that I was trying to shrink myself, to fit in and avoid standing out. The truth is, I didn’t just want to blend—I wanted to hide. But even when I tried to do so, my authenticity couldn’t be ignored. I realized in that moment: I’m not meant to blend. I’m meant to stand tall and embrace who I truly am.

Words of Love and Wisdom

My sister—her face, her love—it’s undeniable. She looked at me and asked, Why would you want to blend in?

We wanted you here for who you are, not for any other reason.

She loves me for me. All of me. The sparkly, glittery, tattooed, purple-haired human that I am.

But standing tall hasn’t always felt safe. When I draw attention to myself, I get the judgmental looks, the cutting words—the ones that don’t lift but tear down. The actions of others have altered the course of my life in ways I never wanted. So, I tried to shrink and make myself small. I want to be present but unseen and to love my people and support them—without taking up space.

But her words have been bouncing around in my head ever since. Then, I heard this quote, and suddenly, everything began to fall into place:

I am NOT too much.
Space? I am ALLOWED to take up space.
I am BEAUTIFULLY AND WONDERFULLY created.

And these adult bullies—they will not stop me from being who I am. I’ve allowed them to take up too much of my mind, my heart, my confidence. And you know what? Enough is enough.

I Am

Going to have purple hair.

Getting more tattoos.

Going to swear occasionally.

Fluffy.

Amazing.

Enough.

Good.

Great mom.

Excellent Lolli.

AMAZING wife.

Beautiful.

Creative.

Feminine.

Worthy.

I am a child of the King.

Love Yourself

To those reading this—you are all of these things, too! Be bold, be loud, be soft, be quiet—be you. If you want to wear a crop top, do it. Throw on all the glitter, color your hair, have opinions, and love people who see the world differently than you. That’s what we are called to do.

Some of my closest friends are my complete opposites, and guess what? I love that. I learn from them, respect them, and cherish them. No matter your size, age, beliefs, background, or family dynamics—you are worthy of love, and I have no desire to judge you. I’ve felt the weight of judgment far too long myself.

My tribe may be as small as a period at the end of a sentence, but they are faithful and true. We can have deep conversations, disagree, and still love each other fiercely. That’s because we see each other, allow space for one another to exist fully, and celebrate the beauty of being exactly who we are.

Ooooh.

ALL. THE. FEELS.

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