Grief does not follow a straight line.
It comes in waves.
Some days, the water feels calm. You breathe easier. You laugh without guilt. You get through the day and think, “Maybe I am doing better.”
Then another wave comes.
A date on the calendar.
A birthday.
A holiday.
A song.
A picture.
A smell.
A place.
A memory.
A random Tuesday.
Suddenly, the grief feels fresh again.
This can make people feel like they are going backwards, but grief waves are not failure. They are part of the process.
Healing does not mean you never feel sadness again. Healing means you begin learning how to survive the waves when they come. It means the waves may still hurt, but they do not always pull you under the same way.
Grief often gets stronger around anniversaries, milestones, holidays, and transitions. These moments remind us not only of what we lost, but of what we wish could still happen.
You may miss the person.
You may miss the way things used to be.
You may miss who you were before the loss.
You may miss the future you thought was coming.
When grief comes in waves, try not to shame yourself for feeling it.
Instead, notice it.
“This is grief.”
“This wave makes sense.”
“This day is tender.”
“My body remembers.”
“I can be gentle with myself today.”
Isaiah 43:2 says, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you.”
It does not say if you pass through waters. It says when. God knew there would be waters. Deep waters. Overwhelming waters. Waters we did not choose and do not know how to cross.
But He also promised His presence.
That does not make grief painless, but it reminds us we are not abandoned in it.
When a grief wave comes, you may need to lower the demands on yourself. You may need to rest. You may need to step outside. You may need to cry. You may need to call someone safe. You may need to write, pray, breathe, walk, or sit quietly.
You may also need to let joy appear without punishing yourself for it.
Grief and joy can exist together. Missing someone does not mean you are not allowed to live. Laughing does not mean you forgot. Moving forward does not mean you left them behind.
It means love is still finding a way to live in you.
The wave may come.
But so can breath.
So can support.
So can peace.
So can God’s nearness.
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