Where I Am With God Right Now
Where I Am With God Right Now. Holding faith when it doesn’t feel steady
If I’m being honest, my faith doesn’t feel neat right now. It’s not wrapped up in certainty or clarity or strong, confident words. It feels quieter than that and sometimes heavier than that.
There are moments where I know God is here. This is not because everything feels okay but because something in me hasn’t let go completely. Then there are moments where I struggle. Where I don’t understand, don’t see what He’s doing and where I wish things looked different or felt different. Honestly, I wish they were different.
I don’t always have the right words. Sometimes my prayers are simple, sometimes they are silent, and sometimes they are just a feeling I carry because I don’t even know how to form the sentence. If I’m really honest, there are moments where I wonder if I’m doing this “right.”
Is my faith strong enough? Do my questions mean something is wrong with me? Does the heaviness I feel say more about me than I want it to? I’m learning something in this season. God is not asking me to perform faith. He is inviting me to bring what is actually true.
This is not the polished version, the strong version, or the version that sounds good out loud. Just… me. Me when I am tired sometimes and confused sometimes. Still believing even when I don’t feel steady and maybe that is what faith looks like right now.
Not certainty but willingness.
Willingness to stay.
Willingness to keep showing up.
Willingness to believe that God is still present, even when I do not feel Him the way I want to.
Because if I look closely, there have been moments (small ones and quiet ones)
A sense of peace that didn’t make logical sense. There has been a pause in the heaviness. A reminder that I am not carrying all of this alone and maybe that’s how He’s meeting me right now. Not in big, overwhelming clarity but in steady, gentle presence.
So this is where I am. I am not perfectly grounded and not completely lost. Somewhere in between, I guess. I am still here, still reaching, and still holding onto the belief that God is holding onto me too.
What I’m Learning
Faith does not have to feel strong to be real. It just has to be honest and right now, honesty looks like showing up exactly as I am. I am trusting that God is not turning away from that.
For Anyone Walking This Too
If your faith feels quieter right now, questioning more than you are certain, or if you are holding onto God with trembling hands instead of steady ones, you are not failing. You are still in it and that matters more than you think.
I want to leave you with something that has helped others walking this same road. When faith feels fragile in the middle of suffering, Corrie ten Boom’s The Hiding Place has a quiet way of steadying it. Her story of holding onto God in unimaginable darkness has stayed with me for years.
Helpful Resource:
I keep a list of books and resources I have personally found meaningful for faith, grief, parenting, boundaries, and hard seasons here: Helpful Resources I Love.
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