What Would Happen if She Found Out

A note from Brandi:
This guest post is shared with permission and reflects the personal experience and perspective of the writer. It discusses identity, fear of rejection, family dynamics, faith, emotional safety, and the pain of not feeling accepted. It is offered for awareness, encouragement, and education. It is not therapy, clinical advice, crisis care, or a substitute for professional support. If you are in crisis, thinking about suicide, or in immediate danger, call 911, call or text 988, or go to your nearest emergency room. LGBTQ youth and young adults can also connect with The Trevor Project for support.

What Would Happen if She Found Out

That I was more different than she had ever thought

That I was the one thing she couldn’t tolerate

 

Would she kick me out

Or would she hate me

Would she quit loving me

 

I would love to say no

But in reality, the answer is yes

Yes, she would do all three

 

Go To Hell

 

I’ve been told several times growing up that it’s wrong

If you think that way, you go to Hell

If you act that way, you go to Hell

 

So, of course, I didn’t want to admit that I am what I am

I didn’t want anyone to know my preference

Because I myself ignored it, hoping it would go away

 

Yet here I am at the age I am realizing really, for the first time

What I am and which people I like

And I’m worried about her reaction if she were ever to find out.

 

What I Have Been Told

 

Growing up, I’ve been told that she would rather DIE than have a child like me

Well, a child who likes a person of the same gender

I was told that she would rather stay in the dark than be told

 

So I’m going to respect her wishes

And not telling her

I’ll just let her die thinking she had at least one semi-normal child

Sure it’s a lie, but at least she’ll be happy

 

It’s the least I can do

She deserves to be happy

And I deserve to have a standing relationship

with at least one member of my family

The Trevor Project

Guest Post Disclaimer:
Guest posts reflect the personal views and lived experiences of the writer. They do not necessarily represent clinical advice, therapy, crisis care, or the views of Barefoot Faith Journey or Circle of Hope Counseling Services. Blog content is educational and inspirational only and does not create a therapist-client relationship.