Faith Journey

Whatever it Takes, Do It

Whatever it Takes, Do It

Whatever it Takes, Do It

 

Whatever it takes to keep your peace intact…do that.  I am serious.  As hard as it can be Whatever it Takes, Do It.  Peace, according to Webster’s Dictionary means “a state of tranquility or quiet or freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions.”

These two things walk hand in hand for me.  A state of tranquility and freedom from oppressive thoughts or emotions.  The last SEVERAL years have been riddled with chaos, pain, confusion, sadness, and intense oppressive thoughts and emotions.

Scripture

My Scripture reading, for today, was in Philippians 4:8 and it states “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”

Whatever it takes, do it.  Whatever it takes to fix your thoughts on what is true. The definition is “freedom from oppressive thoughts or emotions.”  When our thoughts are on the things of this Earth, they can easily become oppressive.  Yet, God wants us to have freedom in our thoughts.

You can have freedom from your thoughts by capturing those negative emotions and casting them aside and realizing what is truth.  Truth according to the Lord.  This can be hard to do, but it can be done.

Honorable

What is honorable.  So, whatever it takes to be honorable, do it.  Be a person that is that city on a hill, be the salt and light of the world.  When you are in that spot of depression that yields a lack of peace, it consumes all of you.

I almost feel like I am in a barrel and there are times when I cannot even see a pinpoint of light.  The last 2 years have been horrible.  I have no peace.  Well, I am getting it back, but it was gone, like the wind.  I did not do whatever it takes for peace.  It’s almost like I succumbed to the chaos around me.

There was no honor in anything I did because all I did was put down myself and live in self-pity.  There was no self-care, self-acceptance, or self-love.  I let the actions of others dictate how I looked at myself.

What is Right and Pure

Nothing I did was right or pure.  It was derogatory towards myself and my circumstances.  I let a few people control my mind.  Satan used “friends” to destroy my self-confidence.  I’m so thankful the Lord allowed my vision to clear up.

By Him doing that, it allowed me to see people for who they really are.  These are the people that I had to step away from, for my own sanity.  I could not have done what I did without the encouragement of my husband.

He sees me, daily, and he sees through me.  He sees my pain and offers love, support, and occasionally a thought that would lead me to fix the problem.  I am blessed with him, my mom, and my sisters.  Without support, I may not be working towards healing.

Whatever it Takes, Do It

I had to do the unthinkable to begin my peace journey.  There were minor things that I changed, like being off of Facebook.  Facebook is toxic.  It can be a pleasurable space to keep up with family if you can change some settings.

I shut everything down.  There was no one, outside of my friend’s list, that had access to anything.  I deleted all my albums and began a new email address to keep those unsavory wolves in sheep’s clothing away from me.

That is minor compared to the other things I have had to do and am currently doing.  My goal is to achieve peace and retain what joy I have left.  It can be done though it has been the hardest thing of my life.

In The End

Be done.

Not mad, not bothered.

Be done.

Protect your peace at all cost.

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Faith Journey

Setting Boundaries VS Putting Up Walls

Setting Boundaries VS Putting Up Walls

Setting Boundaries VS Putting Up Walls

Setting Boundaries VS Putting Up Wall is something that I struggle with because I, sometimes, live in fear. I am choosing, now, to NOT to live in fear because fear is a liar. Honestly, I am so tired of living under the judgment of others. Let me tell you something, friends, oh my word. I’m fixing to use my words and all of them. My words may not be pretty, but sometimes you have to let it out.

I’m going to have to take a few minutes and watch a Chopped episode. My brain is moving faster than my fingers, and the emotions are strong. Let’s say I am completely and totally over it. A change is coming, and it may take till Jesus returns, but my goodness, I am done!

Let’s Try This Again

I am not a people person. Yet, I’m empathetic (so I’ve been told), and I have the heart to help others. Those people who are unseen. People that other people snub their noses at because they don’t dress/live/act “appropriately.” I’m just saying that those are my people. I see them, I feel them, I understand them.

Their problems, I feel deep within my soul. The look in their eyes can tell a thousand stories, and they want to share that story. They want to be loved, accepted, and NOT judged. I CHOOSE to love, accept, and not pass judgment on them. Honestly, I want to meet them where they are currently at and walk into their world. It is an honor to step into their stories.

Hard Realization

What a hard realization that most people in this world do not think the same way. I just don’t get it. How can you not love and SEE the people around you? The unseen, the less than, the “you are not in my circle, therefore, you do not exist” people.

For the love of all that is holy Jesus’ second greatest commandment is to LOVE OTHERS. Matthew 22: 36-40 clearly states, “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: ‘ Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.’

The Things That Have Happened

I cannot and will not go into detail on the struggles we have had this summer. It has hit me hard that not everyone thinks like this. Love as Jesus says to love. What they want is to steal, kill, and destroy my joy. My joy is my family. They are all I think of and commit to 100% every minute of every day.

For anyone to presume to know what happens in my home shows their narcissistic personality in full bloom. The things that we have been accused of and the mud we have been drug through is astonishing. I thought 2020 couldn’t get worse. It can. Trust me.

So Much Loss and Pain

The loss and pain were completely preventable. Let’s try something radical. If you think something is wrong with a friend or their family, then TALK TO THEM. Ask how you can help them, pray for them with no details, listen to them cry. Clean their house, run an errand, cook a meal. Be the hands and feet of Jesus.

Radical, you think?

Or you could go the other route of gossiping, being deceitful, frightening your children, lie, manipulate. Just because you might have money with your 2.5 kids, .5 pets, driving your nice cars, and your paid-off houses do not mean my family is any less.

We do not deserve the shit you have drug us through. All you see is a tired mama of many kids who “look” normal. What you don’t know is what all we have dealt with and lived through.

Outcome

Well, our outcome has been standing on Exodus 14:14 “The Lord will fight your battle. You have to be quiet.” I was quiet. There were lots of tears, lots of reflection. There was a period of hiding, a valley of severe depression and anxiety, another medical condition for a child due to the STRESS so-called “friends” put us through. Thank you for that, honestly. It’s been the most fun.

We have been redeemed and found innocent. It was proven that we are good loving parents. Honestly, with friends like I have, who needs enemies? We have discovered several of our “friends” are simply wolves in sheep’s clothing. Yet, now we know.

Choices Moving Forward

I will not hide. My children will not hide. We will parent as we have for 25 years until the Lord calls us home. I will not be afraid, and neither will my children. When I get my Spirit-filled feeling about someone, I will trust it. Then I will teach my kids what I have learned. I pray that that type of wisdom and discernment is something the Lord gives them.

Honestly, I knew better with these people, but I wanted to be wrong. I wanted a friend. A person who would listen and love us through it all. What I got was satan reincarnated and the judgy nature of those people. When bad things happen, the first person who physically showed up was my mama, my Oak.

My Oak

This woman. She blew in like a whirlwind. Then, she ironed out all the people in my house and ironed them out. Next, she found me. That hug, I melted into her arm. I felt her love permeate every single molecule of my body.

She gently walked me upstairs, and we both laid down and talked. I cried, and she sat in silence and rubbed my hair like when I was a little girl. She permitted me to wallow for a day, but tomorrow I have to get up and wash my face and face the day. There will be no hiding for her little girl.

She loves me. Unconditionally. She sees me. Truthfully. She knows all that has happened, yet she loves the ones who have hurt her baby so deeply. If I am 1/2 the mama she is when I grow up, my kids will be blessed. I am blessed by her.

A Few True Friends

We discovered those who would stand by us and those who judge us. Prayer warriors surrounded us and kept us safe. We stood before God clean. Our family came out on the other side with no truth coming from the claims and lies.

These people may never answer for what they did on this side of heaven, but rest assured, Jesus has it written in His book. Each of these people will stand before the throne listening to him read their story from beginning to end. They will answer for it.

For Now

I choose self-care. Pet a cat (or 12), bake, eat candy, smile more, block people on social media, keep loving on the “less of these” people, wash my hands, wear a mask, parent my kids, love my husband, and love my God. My enemies cannot hurt me because God goes before me, after me, and stands on each side of me. If you want to get to me or my family, you must go through Him first.

Good luck to ya.

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Guest Blogger

The Reality of my Nightmare

The Reality of my Nightmare

In The Reality of my Nightmare, my guest blogger writes about her interpretation of the trials I have been walking through.  She writes it as if she were me.  I read it the morning of my friends funeral.  She is pretty spot on in all that she said.

The Reality of my Nightmare

Writing this seems like a nightmare

I am waiting to wake up from this nightmare because of how real it feels. But when I open my eyes, it will all go away. No. This nightmare is real. I can’t believe this is happening to me. Why? Why me? What did I do wrong to cause these people to knock on my door? Who has been watching me and observing my every movement?

I am afraid

Afraid to raise my voice even the slightest bit because someone might be watching. Also, I am afraid to take my child to the other room for fear that someone might think I am going to punish them. Afraid to go out in public with my child for fear that someone will judge me the wrong way and call them again. Why me?

Raising Kids

Raising kids is hard, especially 7 of them. They are all so different in so many ways.  Yet, I would not change a single hair on their head because I love them so. I love my kids with every fiber of my being. I would gladly take any strife or burdens off their shoulders.  Honestly, I would put them on my own if it helps them and their future.

My kids are special

Some have mentally challenging issues.  Then, there are others who have some physical issues that need my constant attention. Being a mom is hard. Tiring even. Yet, I am glad God chose these beautiful children to be mine.

I love fiercely and I will do anything in my power to protect them from the world and its temptations. Sometimes, I help others before I think about myself and my needs. I have run myself ragged going in all different directions to help those in need as God calls me to do. Honestly, I try to open myself up to other moms in different clubs and organizations that my kids participate in. I try to help them and converse with them when they need a friend or a shoulder to cry on.

But You

You took care of my child when he played sports on your team.  He became best friends with your kids.  I thought you loved him like one of your own. He stayed at your house and slept over so many nights.  Every time, he had a blast when he came home beaming from ear to ear.  He would tell me all about how fun it is at your house.

Invitation then Betrayal

I invited you into my home which we manage to keep clean amongst the chaos of having multiple children and animals in the house. And yet, you betrayed my trust by calling them. Why? Why me?

You know my child is well-fed.  We give him clothes and things to play with.  Furthermore, we keep him involved in sports. Importantly, we teach him the love of Jesus in everything we do. We fight for him daily because he is different. And that’s okay because I love him so much.

How Would You Feel

You are a mother with kids of your own. How would you feel if someone called them?  They showed up at your doorstep asking to be invited in.  Then ask you probing questions about your home and relationships with your kids? And what if you found out that it was a supposed “friend” who called them on you.

How would you feel?

Betrayed?

Confused?

I should hope so.

Because that is how I felt.

Terrifying Agony

The terrifying agony that my kids could be ripped away from me with no warning. Sadly, the wailing and uncontrollable sobbing happened in my car when I got the call. My heart can’t take it anymore.  I am so tired of having to justify myself to these people. Justify every action that I do and every word that comes out of my mouth.

How would you feel?

Would you demand an explanation from your “friend” and say some nasty things to them in retaliation? Would you constantly be looking over your shoulder to make sure no one was watching you if you ever had to punish your child in public? Or are you one of those parents that let their children run amuck and let them do whatever they want?

Either way, I want you to know that it is understandable if you did not know the family or if you had never been in their home and seen how the family operates. It would be understandable if you didn’t know me or my son at all.

But you did know us.

I was at every game. I talked to you all the time. And yet, you still called them. I thought I could trust you. You have betrayed my trust. But I choose to let God be in control of my situation. I choose to let God be the judge of your actions when you get to Heaven instead of judging you, which I am not called to do.

Honestly, I choose to love like Jesus with skin on and be the city on a hill for you. I choose to let God listen to my sorrowful prayers and collect my tears in a jar. Furthermore, I choose to let God pick me up and comfort me because he knows I am the mom He called me to be. I am not perfect. But God does not call us to be perfect. He calls us to be his disciples and to love our neighbor in his Word.

My house may be messy sometimes and my kids may drive me crazy most days, but in what reality is a house always tidy and the kids always clean and well-behaved? I would love to meet those people and that family.

Haven’t you ever made a mistake as a parent?

Because if you say no that is a bold-faced lie. We fail daily at things but the key is to learn from those mistakes, move on, and leave the past behind us. Those failures are also successes. I have put several of my kids through a full education (and I have homeschooled them for many many years as well).  Two of them have graduated from college, with honors, which is a huge accomplishment.

Mama Pride

One of my kids is married with a baby on the way.  I could not be happier for my sweet child. My smallest child is excelling at things that doctors told us would be impossible.  Yet, with me by his side, he has survived those odds.

The moments of pride I feel for the children that I raised surpasses the moments of sadness that I feel when things like this happen. I choose to find the beauty in the ashes. I will stand tall and not be shaken by people’s opinions of me and my family.

My Choices

So I will also choose to continue to stand by my children and attend every activity, club, and sporting event that they are in. And if you other moms judge me or whisper tall tales about me that are not even true, I will smile and turn the other cheek as God has called me to do. Even if it is the hardest thing I have ever done.

Cruelty of Others

People can be so cruel nowadays and they always look at the plank in someone else’s eye rather than focusing on the speck of dirt that is in their own eye. Words can definitely slice through a person and bring them down when we should be standing together as moms and supporting one another rather than bringing them down and jumping to conclusions by calling the organization before they have the facts straight.

No, we mom’s are not perfect. But we are doing the best we can with the circumstances we are currently in and with the children that the Lord has blessed us with. I will continue to be the city on a hill and shine my light bright for my kids and for you.

And I know deep down in my heart that God will be pleased with my strength and integrity, and when I get to Heaven He will say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” I can not wait for that day to come.

In the meantime

I will continue to be the most amazing mom to my kids and be a faithful spouse to my husband. Showing them the light of God.  Continuing to shield them from the World will be a lifelong journey, but I would not change one thing about it. Not for you and not for any other mom who says a spiteful word towards me.

I will pray for you even though it is painful. Because in my darkest moments is when I cling to Jesus the most, and when my faith is tested, I come out stronger than ever because my Redeemer is with me. No more hiding. No more fear. I will not be afraid.

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