The Dark Days

In this piece, The Dark Days, my guest blogger describes what depression looks like for her.  Yet, she perseveres and powers on.

The Dark Days

I never know when they will come

Always lurking around the corner

Like a lion ready to pounce

 

They come without warning

When I wake, I feel it

The darkness closes in

And I welcome it

 

The darkness is familiar to me

Though it is full of sadness and hurt

Trauma and the like

 

Part 2

But I am not surprised

I know when the time has come

For another dark day to begin

 

Therapy helps

Medication helps

But the dark days are still around

 

 

Brought on by stress or pain

Or sometimes for no reason at all

Those days when all I want to do

Is lying in bed and hiding from the world

 

Part 3

I wonder what made me this way

Why do I have these dark days?

Sometimes I understand

Sometimes I don’t

 

I used to be told

You have everything

How can you have these dark days?

 

It’s all in your head

It isn’t real 

Then why do I feel this way?

 

Part 4

It’s not that I want to feel like this

I didn’t choose this life

I don’t choose the dark days

 

If I had to choose

I would choose light

Happy

Sunshine, rainbows

Sadly, they don’t come that often

 

Part 5

It isn’t my fault that I am this way

That the dark days chose me

I can’t help it

What I can do is try to mitigate the damage

 

Damage control 

I never know when the next dark day will come

But I can take my meds

I can go to therapy

I can talk to the few people I trust

 

Part 6

Maybe

Just maybe

The dark days will go away

I can hope

I can dream

But for now, the dark days are here

 

The dark days don’t define me

They are not who I am

I know who I am

I am confident in who I am

 

Part 7

But on those days, sometimes I forget

It is a talent those days have 

I don’t mean to forget, but sometimes I do

It’s like a fog over my mind

 

A dense, soupy fog

That distorts words

Distorts feelings

Emotions

And people 

 

Part 8

I have to be strong

{I} can’t let the bad days hold me

I can’t let myself down into that pit

The pit where I have spent many a night

 

The pit is where the darkness leads

The darkness can’t take me there

No more

No more

 

Part 9

So I will soldier on

Put on a brave face 

When the darkness comes 

 

Because the darkness can’t take me

Not now

Not ever